Spaceman
by katesanders422
Summary: After it happened, there weren't just three Potter kids anymore. There was Albus, the quiet one who can't quite deal with anything anymore and then there was Al, the alter. The product of Albus's broken mind. Scorpius was warned to stay away, to not get trapped in the destructive cycle. But sometimes, when you want something bad enough, it's hard not to free fall. Slash
1. Prologue

Prologue

The first time it happened, Albus thought he'd lost his mind.

It was October 4th. Albus remembered because it was Lucy's birthday. He could recall sitting in an unused classroom with his sister and cousins, sharing cake and pumpkin juice. Rose must have asked him thirty times if he was alright. He remembered finally snapping and yelling at her to just _back off _and the next second in seemed, Albus found himself outside under the quidditch stands with a smoking cigarette in his hand and no memory of getting there or how he had managed to get a cigarette.

He wracked his brain trying to remember how he'd gotten there but the memory did not exist. He buried the cigarette in the ground and sprinted all the way back to Gryffindor tower. He ran right into Rose who seemed to have been waiting for him outside the portrait hole. She scolded him for a good ten minutes for running off how he did and how she was still waiting for an apology. Albus stood there, shocked and confused, lost for what to say. Rose mistook his expression for regret and her face softened. She said that maybe she was being a little too _overbearing_. She gave Albus a hug and lead the way into the common room. Albus didn't tell her.

He was fine for a few weeks, trying to forget and convince himself that nothing had happened. A few days before Halloween and Albus had a run in with _Mr Fucking Perfect_. Albus hated Scorpius Malfoy and his pretentious attitude about how he was better then everyone _and knew it _and how he was the King of the whole damn world and didn't want to share the limelight. Scorpius hated Albus and his whole family and how they were everything his family wasn't.

Nothing was different that day except it was. Usually they just yelled at each other, throwing insults back and forth until a teacher would separate them. This time Albus only heard Malfoy's first jab at his family and the next second Albus was on top of Scorpius punching him over and over again. He didn't remember getting there.

Once he realized what he had done Albus scrambled backwards and looked at his hands and at Scorpius Malfoy who was bleeding on the ground and staring up at him in stunned horror. Albus ran, not knowing what else to do.

Two days later and he didn't remember what set him off. All he knew was suddenly he was in the prefect's bathroom with a bottle of hair dye in one hand and his bangs dyed a brilliant shade of red. He stared at himself. He had wanted to dye his hair since the beginning of the summer but he thought he wouldn't actually go through with it. He tossed the bottle and when Rose asked later about the hair he lied and said he'd been thinking hard on it for a few days and had decided to do it today.

In the time leading up to the Christmas break, everything got worse. He would have more strange memory gaps and more people coming up to him and telling him about things he had done without remembering. Girls would come up and thank him and ask if they can hook up again sometime. Albus would lie to them because he had no memory of ever getting with them. People would congratulate him on quidditch games that he wouldn't even remember playing.

And then came Christmas. It got better when he found out. Leading up to him finding out what was happening he began to wonder if he could keep going on like he was. Was he really living anymore. Or was every second going to be spent worrying about what he was going to do next or who he was going to hurt without being able to remember. After December he spent the rest of 6th year figuring out how to handle it. He tried to keep to himself and he even apologized to Scorpius Malfoy. He wanted things to get better. And it did for awhile.

Then August happened.

After it happened, he needed to go back to school. He didn't think he could spend another minute in that house where the memories he remembered and the ones he didn't haunted him so vividly.


	2. The 4th Potter Kid

**Chapter 1: The 4****th**** Potter Kid**

To understand the strangeness of the situation one must first look at the Potter family in relation to the youngest son.

Harry, the patriarch. Head of the auror office and named "most likely to blow something up in the ministry".

Ginny is the renowned quidditch player turned journalist who deserves a medal for all she does for the family.

The eldest, James. He is already the quidditch star just a year out of school.

Lily, the youngest and the only girl. Don't let the perfect smile and the air of innocence fool you. Because she's basically a grade A bitch.

And then there is Albus or Al if you catch him at a certain time. From the outside it would seem that Lily would be the nice one and Albus is the raging asshole.

Albus Potter is 6'5 and is currently the tallest person in all of Hogwarts (he knows, he checked). His considerable lack of muscle and coordination (except on his broom) would generally make people laugh but the rest of him is a whole other deal.

He showed up in 5th year with a wardrobe consisting of black clothes and strange muggle band t-shirts. He had leather bracelets and necklaces and was basically a complete mystery. The next year his ears were pierced and in the winter he showed up to class with dyed red bangs.

Albus was always odd, drifting around on his own and being all mysterious. It was just before the start of 6th year when things went bad. He won't speak about it directly but everyone read it in the paper. After that things got even more strange. Albus tried finding ways to deal with it and it took months to realize that he had already found a way.

Al is charming and seductive and wild. He plays quidditch like he wants to die and writes stories like he wants to live forever. Al doesn't have a care in the world9. He'll say anything he wants to say and there's never been something he wanted that he didn't get.

Albus is quieter. He studies and plays quidditch like it's chess. His mind is so complicated that even he doesn't know how to handle it. He is an existentialist, spending time staring into nothing and thinking about everything. Albus is searching, always searching, for something, something that makes his life extraordinary.

Albus and Al are not the same person. They look the same and like the same music and both enjoy licorice wands to a point where it could actually be considered an addiction

but they are not one person.

~O-O~

Harry and Ginny were both there to drop them off this year. Last year Harry was busy being superman overseas somewhere so Ginny had to do it alone.

Today, Ginny was busy fussing over Lily.

"You've got everything?"

"Yes, _mum_."

"You'll make sure to take care of your brother?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Merlin, he's not _dying _for god's sake."

She let her parents hug her one last time before she rushed off. Then all eyes were on him.

"Ready to go, Albus?" Ginny said confidently though her eyes betrayed her.

"Al," Al corrected.

"Oh. Right, okay."

Ginny bent down and pretended to fiddle with Al's bags. When she stood her face was dry but her hands were wet.

Harry swooped in like he always did. "You'll be alright, Al? You can come home anytime if you need to."

Al rolled his eyes and sighed very loudly. "God, you people really need to lighten up. No wonder Albus is such a pansy. He can't even off himself properly."

He felt bad when he saw his parents' faces. He hugged them and apologized and left before he could fuck it up any more.

After shoving his bags into the compartments under the train, Al went in to find his cousins. They were presumably in the same one he had graffitied at the end of last year claiming it to be theirs. Oops.

The compartment was nearly full with his relatives. There was Rose, Lucy, Louis, Hugo and Roxanne. The others had already graduated which made _Albus _quite lonely sometimes. Lily was off somewhere with her popular friends, too cool to hang out with her family.

"Oh, Albus!" said Hugo looking up. "Play me at chess, the others won't."

Al flopped down on his seat and grinned widely. "No can do. _Albus_ isn't here right now."

It was small but Al didn't miss it. Everyone in the compartment froze for a moment before pretending like nothing happened.

"Wonderful, Al," said Rose sarcastically. "What craziness are you gonna put us through _this _train ride. More graffiti?"

"Trivial," said Al. "Actually Gloria Feldman was giving me sex eyes on the platform so I'm gonna go see if I can fuck her in the toilets or something."

Al winked at an appalled Lucy and skipped out of the compartment, ignoring Rose who was angrily calling out after him.

Al strolled casually through the train, peering into every compartment. He walked right into Cale Harrison without even noticing. Cale is a Slytherin but he's one of the nicer ones. And his brother happens to be Albus's best friend.

"Shit, sorry," said Cale. "Didn't see you."

Al leaned in very close to his face and touched his cheek with his hand.

"Didn't you?" he whispered seductively. And then he brushed by without another word.

Cale stood frozen in the hall long after Albus Potter had left. He had no idea what had just happened. When he finally remembered how to walk he was called out by none other than Rose Weasley when he passed her compartment.

"Hey, Cale!" she said happily. "Good summer?"

Cale turned to her very slowly. Rose's eyebrows disappeared under her fringe.

"You okay there?"

"Your cousin in about the weirdest person I have ever met," was all Cale managed to say before he moved on.

"Shit," said Louis.

Somewhere down the train, Al was shagging Gloria Feldman in an empty compartment. The door was locked but neither had cast a silencing charm because they both had massive ego's and, if you're asking Rose, unfortunate reputations.

When they were done and had redressed, Gloria pecked Al on the cheek and said, "Find me again sometime, ya?" Then she bit her lip in a very suggestive way and left the compartment.

Al let out a low whistle and sat down on the floor to tie up his all black converse. He looked at himself in the reflection on the compartment door and wondered for the hundredth time what he would look like with a lip ring. His only hesitation came from the fact that it would probably be harder to make out with one.

When Al stood up a strange look crossed his face. He closed his eyes and when he opened them he looked around as if he were lost. He smelled the collar of his jacket to find that it smelled like perfume.

"Aw, crap."

He left the compartment and made the slow trek back to his family. When he got there, Rose looked all ready to yell at him but she caught sight of the look on her cousin's face and her expression softened.

"Hey, Albus," she said.

Albus sat down heavily in his seat and buried his face in his hands. "How bad was it," he moaned.

"Not… not too bad," lied Hugo.

"Except for the part where you went off to bang Gloria Feldman," said Roxanne quietly.

"Also you did something to Cale," said Rose. "He came in here and was all weirded out."

"Perfect," said Albus flatly. "Just great."

"You're not going to be able to hide it, Albus," said Rose in her motherly voice. "Last year wasn't as bad because even you didn't know what was happening. Now that Al's here people are gonna know something is wrong."

"Ya, I know."

Rose pursed her lips and stopped herself from saying anything else.

Hugo looked around as if making sure the conversation was done before he leaned towards Albus and said, "So wanna play me at chess now?"

Albus smiled and said yes. They played for the whole train ride and Albus was glad for a bit of normalcy in his life.

Er, lives.


	3. Adventure Time

**Chapter 2: Adventure time with Al the psycho and Finn the drug-addict**

Albus could hear the feast going on in the Great Hall and he wanted nothing more than to be in there enjoying it too but instead he was outside in the hall, freezing his ass off while waiting for the headmaster. He already knew what he was going to say. _Try to keep in control, don't hurt anyone, don't use it as an excuse to get out of assignments blah blah blah. _Albus had already heard it all.

The door to the side room Albus was waiting beside flew open and Albus picked himself up off the wall and straightened his robes. However it was Rose who walked out. She mouthed _heads meeting _at her cousin before striding off for the Great Hall, her Head Girl badge shining on her robes. Albus didn't have to wait long to find out who the Head Boy was. He strutted out arrogantly from the room and walked right by Albus like he was King.

"You have got to be kidding me," said Albus flatly.

Scorpius Malfoy turned around in mock surprise.

"Oh, didn't see you there, Potter. Wow, you blend in _so_ well with the wall."

Albus flipped him off. "I cannot _believe_ you were made Head Boy."

"Jealous you weren't good enough?"

"Oh, I'm crazy, I know why I didn't get the badge," said Albus. "I just can't believe the Headmaster was stupid enough to pick you."

"Thank you, Mr. Potter," said a quiet voice behind the boys. Albus spun around.

"Oops."

"You may leave, Mr. Malfoy," said the headmaster. "Potter." He beckoned Albus into the room. Albus, still blushing, went in but not before sending Malfoy a very angry look.

The meeting went exactly how Albus expected it. The staff knew, the students wouldn't unless Albus changed his mind and Albus could go about his life normally unless something happened that would put other students in danger. _What about putting myself in danger_, Albus thought. That night in August swam through Albus's mind and his hands began to shake. He shook his head and focused on his breathing like one of his million shrinks had told him to do. When the meeting was over and Albus was free to leave he found that he no longer had any appetite.

~O-O~

Later that night, Scorpius had never been more thankful to get into bed then he was right then. He collapsed on top of the covers fully clothed and didn't ever want to move again. He buried his face into his pillow and the next second someone was wrapping him up in his blankets like a burrito and pushing him off his bed.

"CALE!" Scorpius yelled, trying to detangle himself. His arms were pinned to his sides and he ended up just wiggling on the floor. Scorpius huffed as Cale sat on him.

"You are the worst best friend ever," said Scorpius flatly.

"And you love me," said Cale. "Well, now that I've got you attention let's go get drunk and do something stupid."

Scorpius rolled his eyes and managed to knock Cale off of him. "No. Mate, you know I don't do that and it's the first night back. We have lessons tomorrow."

Cale now looked pissed off. "Merlin, I don't even know why I bother! You never have fun, Mr. _Perfect_."

"I am _not_ perfect," said Scorpius.

"Oh?"

Scorpius managed to get out of the blankets and he sat up. "And don't call people perfect. It's makes them think about all their flaws when you do and that makes people sad."

Cale had the audacity to laugh at that. He got up and crossed the 7th year Slytherin dorm room and collapsed onto his bed.

"Christ, mate. If _you're_ not perfect then there's absolutely no hope for the rest of us."

Scorpius wanted to reply but he didn't want to make a big deal of it in front of the rest of his dorm mates. So he got into bed and turned off his light, trying not to think about all his flaws that he didn't ever let anyone see.

~O-O~

Albus woke up the next morning much earlier than he needed to. Al would have slept in till the bell and then showed up 20 minutes late in wrinkled robes and a cup of coffee in his hand like he owned the place. Albus liked the mornings. He read a chapter in the muggle novel he was reading and had a long shower before any of his dorm mates could use up the hot water. He tried to tame his hair (though quickly gave up) and brushed his teeth, all the while wondering what he would look like with a lip ring.

He left for breakfast when the rest of the boys were beginning to stir. In the Great Hall he was one of the first few to get there and he had already finished his 3rd cup of tea by the time the hall was mostly full.

He was reading another chapter in his book when Cale Harrison appeared behind him.

"Seen my much less good looking twin brother?" he asked, stealing Albus's tea cup that was half way to his lips and drinking the rest. He had never had any boundaries.

"He should be here soon," said Albus taking his cup back. He noticed Scorpius standing back behind his friend. Cale and Albus were friends purely because of Finn Harrison. But this didn't stop Albus and Scorpius from always jumping down each other's throats.

"Er, sorry about yesterday, Cale," Albus said, suddenly remembering what Rose had said. "I was being a little…" He made a very non-descriptive hand gesture and didn't say anything else.

"No worries," said Cale slowly, though maybe there were worries because Albus was acting incredibly strange. Yesterday he'd been all… confident and sexual almost and now he was reading a detective book called _Sherlock Holmes _and drinking earl grey tea.

"Hello, best friend!" called someone obnoxiously, running to Albus and giving him a very enthusiastic high five that was only half-heartedly returned.

"Hello, Finn," said Albus, pouring himself more tea.

The boy named Finn turned to Cale. "Hello, have we met before? You look awfully familiar."

Cale laughed and lightly slapped him in the face. "What is wrong with you today?! You're much crazier than usual."

"Albus had this whole bottle of pills that I stole and I took a few so I'm pretty much hiiiiigh as a kite right now."

Albus paled and said, "You did WHAT!" at the same time Cale said, "Great, my brother's a drug-addict."

With one last friendly slap Cale grabbed Scorpius's arm and pulled him back over to the Slytherin table. No one saw Albus bow his head and close his eyes.

Rose and Hugo showed up then and Rose said, "You look like you've been slapped, Finn."

"I have," said Finn grinning brightly. "Cale of course."

Al snapped his head up and laughed very loudly. "Cause you're high on prescription drugs, you idiot. And on the first day of school, no less!"

Finn grinned. "Sweet! Al's back. I didn't want to go get properly high on my own. Shall we?"

Al nodded vigorously and stood up, downing the rest of his tea. He then pulled a face and coughed violently.

"Christ, I hate earl grey. Where's the coffee?"

At this point Rose had had enough because she stood up, grabbed Al's collar and said, "Don't you dare fucking do this, Al. It's the first day. Let Albus just go to class."

Al's face fell and he looked down at the floor. "You're right. You're so right. I should just act like that boring twat and be annoying and predictable for the rest of my life!" Al grinned like a damn Cheshire cat. "Which probably wouldn't be too long, am I right? Did you hear what Albus tried to do in August? Baaaad boy."

Rose was crying now. She sat back down and stared up at her cousin who wasn't really her cousin anymore. Al felt a little bad for what he had said but quickly brushed it off and walked away with Finn.

"Might have been too much, mate," said Finn.

"Whatever."

The boys left the hall and went outside to their usual spot behind the greenhouse. Finn lit a joint and passed it to Al. Al knew Albus wouldn't be too happy about this but he didn't really fucking care anymore.

Since _it _hadhappened, the real Albus hadn't been ready to talk about it and he was glad that he had always been a little strange. Because now that there were two of him _everything_ was strange.

Last year had been a bad year. Albus didn't understand what was happening to him. Why there would be gaps in his memory and why he would be told he did strange things without really remembering. After Christmas he was diagnosed and found out that this was a coping mechanism for what had gone on. His mind was trying to protect itself from what had happened so it made Al, someone to escape to.

Al took one last hit and tried to stop thinking. He wasn't the thinker. He passed the joint back to Finn and closed his eyes.

Albus opened them. He shook his head a few times and when the strange foggy feeling didn't go away he realized that Al had gotten them high.

"Oh, fuck."

~O-O~

Albus slipped quietly into Arithmancy and found his seat next to Rose. Finn had gone off to Ancient Runes.

Rose looked incredibly pissed but sighed when she saw the look on Albus's face.

"You can't go through a whole year like this, Albus," she hissed. "Go back on your meds."

"Ya, that's a great idea," whispered Albus. "I should definitely go back to being the brain dead depressed zombie but hey, at least I didn't transition!"

Rose ran a hand through her hair. "Merlin, you're right. I don't know what to do. So what meds did Finn steal this morning?"

"The anti-depressants," Albus muttered.

Rose didn't ask any more questions after that.

~O-O~

That night the Potter/Weasley clan had their first camp out of the year in the room of requirement. They made the room into an outdoor beach, complete with marshmallow sticks (they had to bring their own marshmallows of course) and a bonfire. Al didn't make an appearance even once and for the first night in a long while Albus could remember what it was like to be normal.


	4. Horrowshow

**Chapter 3: Horrorshow**

It was Thursday and Albus was feeling strangely pleased with himself. The week was almost done and he hadn't caused too many problems yet. He was on his way to his last lesson, transfiguration, when Scorpius Malfoy chose that moment to ruin everything.

Albus saw him leaning casually against the wall with his wand tucked behind his ear and his hands in his pockets. He smirked when he saw Albus and walked over, falling in step beside him.

"Shoelaces are untied, Potter," said Scorpius. "Gonna have to take points from Gryffindor for that."

"Go fuck a tree," said Albus, willing himself not to get riled up. Scorpius Malfoy would not ruin this for him.

"Foul language," smirked Scorpius. "That'll cost you."

"Go bother someone else, please."

Scorpius got a sick satisfaction seeing Albus's face get redder and redder.

"You know," began Scorpius, "one of these days Gryffindor is just going to kick you out for being such a useless embarrassment. I'm impressed that they've put up with you for this long-"

Albus abruptly turned around and half walked, half ran back the way they came. Scorpius stopped and watched him go, laughing at how much of a fucking pussy Albus Potter was. He thought briefly about how Albus never used to back down from a fight but brushed it off and forgot about it.

~O-O~

Rose waited nervously in transfiguration for Albus to show. Class had already begun and he was late. Usually when this happened it wasn't Albus who showed up.

Before she could get too worried, her cousin slipped into his seat beside her.

"Where the _hell_ have you been!" she hissed, punching him in the shoulder.

He turned to her and winked. "Bumped into Gloria Feldman if you know what I mean."

Rose felt like breaking something. Watching her cousin destroy himself from the inside was the most painful thing she's ever had to do but knowing she can't do anything about it is even worse.

"What happened, Al," Rose whispered, glancing up at the professor to make sure he was busy. "What set you off?"

Al shrugged in an attempt to be nonchalant but it didn't fool Rose.

"Malfoy was being a dick as per usual," he muttered. He absentmindedly rubbed his left forearm.

"Don't let him get to you," Rose said gently though in her mind she was imagining all the pleasant ways she would violently kill Malfoy later. "Stay away from him. He'll only make it harder for you."

Al didn't answer. He fell silent and became rather moody for the rest of the lesson. In the last ten minutes, the class was given a quick, multiple-choice pop quiz. Al tried to focus for Albus's sake but all he could think of was Malfoy's cold drawl telling him what he already thinks about.

_Useless embarrassment._

Al looked back at the test but everything was messed up. He felt like he was going insane.

_You are a massively fucked up person with split personalities and is probably too unstable to live in normal society. You should:_

_Hang yourself_

_Drown yourself_

_Jump off Hogwarts_

_Cut your arm again. You did it once. Common, do it again. No one will miss you. Rose hates having to deal with you. Scorpius Malfoy had it right. You are useless to this world. An embarrassment to Harry Potter. Do it. _Do it_. _

The tension snapped and Albus squeezed his eyes shut and tried to stop himself from having a panic attack. When he opened his eyes he realized that he had accidentally cut himself with his quill. He looked around to see if anyone had noticed but everyone seemed too busy with their quizzes. He peeked at Rose but she oblivious to anything other than her test.

Albus quickly wiped the blood from his hand on the inside of his robes and looked at his test. It seemed like during his fit he had, instead of circling the answers, drawn himself riding on top of a unicorn that was viciously stomping on Scorpius Malfoy's face. He would have laughed if the situation hadn't been so screwed up.

He was about to try and figure out what to do when the bell rang and the professor asked for everyone to hand in their tests.

"Shall I hand in yours too, Al?" said Rose, standing up and holding out her hand. Albus panicked. Finally, as to not look suspicious, he rolled it up and handed it over. By the time Rose got back to the table, her cousin was gone.

~O-O~

Albus spent the evening sitting in the shower still fully clothed with his hands grasping at the back of his neck as sobs wracked his body. Scorpius Malfoy spent the evening trying to heal the cut on his face from where Rose Weasley had abruptly walked up to him after dinner and punched him, warning him to stay away from her cousin. For the first time, Scorpius felt bad. Rose had never fought Albus's battle before because she had never needed to. The only reason she would now is because Albus cannot fight his own anymore.

~O-O~

The next morning Albus was called down to the transfiguration office. Professor Healy yelled at him for a good twenty minutes, telling him that his drawing had been inappropriate and rude. He told Albus that he knew his disorder was complicated and hard to deal with sometimes but that this should not happen. He gave Albus detention and told him that he was walking a thin line.

Albus was pissed off when he got to defense against the dark arts. He had missed breakfast to get detention, he had forgotten his DADA notebook in the common room and was promptly yelled at in front of the class and Gloria Feldman kept trying to catch Albus's eye from where she sat with her Hufflepuff friends. Albus felt like puking and could not believe that Al could actually like her.

When class ended, Albus was so high strung that anything could set him off right now. Finn waited for him outside DADA to go to Herbology and he picked up on Albus's mood.

"Shit, Albus, are you okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned. He then paused. "Al?"

"No," said Albus curtly.

They turned the corner and descended the stone steps to the grounds. Finn waved at his brother who was waiting outside Greenhouse 7. Gryffindor had Herbology with the Slytherins. The two Gryffindor's walked towards Cale and Albus didn't notice Scorpius with him until he stepped forward and glared at Albus.

"Oi, Potter!" he sneered. "Keep your crazy cousin away from me."

Albus could see the half healed cut on his cheek. Albus smirked.

"Let a girl beat you up, Malfoy?"

Malfoy frowned and took a step closer to Albus. "Let a girl fight your battles, Potter?"

Albus snapped. He closed the gap between him and Malfoy and punched him, _hard_. The cut on Scorpius's face reopened but Albus didn't care, punching him again and splitting his lip. Scorpius shook of his surprise and grabbed Albus by his neck, pushing him head first into the greenhouse wall. Blood dripped down the side of Albus's face but he just lunged at Malfoy, wrapping one hand around his shirt, raising his fist and-

"BOYS!"

All heads snapped over to where Professor Longbottom stood by the greenhouse door.

"What's going on here?" he demanded though it was clear he already knew.

Albus and Scorpius shared a quick look.

"We were just-" began Scorpius.

"Sharing an intimate moment," finished Albus. He let go of Scorpius's shirt and wrapped his arm casually around Scorpius's shoulders instead. Scorpius plastered a very fake smile on his face and wound his arm around Albus's waist. Professor Longbottom looked at the pair long and hard before he grunted and went back into the greenhouse.

The moment he was gone, Cale and Finn both burst out laughing while Albus and Scorpius dropped their arms and stepped away from each other. Albus snickered in spite of himself and wiped the blood from his face.

Scorpius licked his split lip and looked at Albus. "Intimate moment? Really?"

"Shut up. Worked didn't it."

Professor Longbottom then called them into the greenhouse. Albus went in and sat with Finn. Scorpius sat with Cale. And that was the most civil they had ever been with each other.

~O-O~

Scorpius and Cale were in the boys' toilets while everyone was at dinner. Cale was sitting on the window ledge, smoking a joint, while Scorpius was at the mirror trying to heal his face.

"Christ, he doesn't look strong but he punches hard," winced Scorpius, wiping blood from his lip. "Fuck, this hurts…"

Cale snorted. "Suck it up, Princess."

"We've never actually fought before," Scorpius thought out loud, more to himself than to Cale. "Other than that absolutely mental time last year when he went out of his mind. It's strange. Usually he's just all punk-rock-mysterious and glares at me a lot. Oh wait, there was that time he bitch slapped me after quidditch."

"Now _that _was funny."

Cale jumped off the window ledge and offered the joint to Scorpius. "Want a hit? Tastes like blueberries."

Scorpius thought about it for the briefest of seconds. He hated being who he had to be all the time. Sometimes he just wanted to yell _"fuck it!" _and smoke and drink and be with whomever he wanted.

But he couldn't. It wouldn't be worth what his dad would do to him.

"Naw, I'm cool," said Scorpius. Cale rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. I'm going to dinner. Coming?"

Scorpius shook his head. "I have to go see Professor Healy. My father wanted me to talk with him about my Exceeds Expectations on my Transfiguration quiz."

"Fuckin' hell, Scor. You gotta tell your dad to fuck off," said Cale, flushing the end of his joint. "You're 17. Just do what you want to do."

Scorpius watched Cale leave, his eyebrows furrowing with Cale's words ringing in his ears. He looked in the mirror at himself, the boy he barely even knew.

He was perfect. Everything was exactly as it should be and Scorpius wanted nothing more for it to not be so. He did _everything_ right. But to who was it right to? To Scorpius? Or to his father.

Scorpius thought of Albus Potter. They were, in a way, the same. Their father's were famous though they were at different ends of fame. As their kids they had something to uphold. And yet look at Albus Potter. The minute school ends for the day he swaps his robes for ripped jeans and concert shirts. His ears are pierced and his bangs are fucking red for god's sake.

_He did it_, thought Scorpius as he left the bathroom.

_Can't I?_

Scorpius felt depressed as he walked down the empty halls towards the Transfiguration wing. He didn't know what he wanted. He didn't know what he would do in the future. He really had no clue about anything and above everything else, he felt lost.

He felt even shittier in his meeting. He had expected Professor Healy to go through his quiz and tell him his mistakes. Instead he asked Scorpius about his father and the true reason he was here. Scorpius felt like he was talking to Cale again.

"You don't have to get Outstanding in everything and you don't have to follow everything your father says. Just do what _you_ want," was what Healy left him with. Scorpius felt like crying.

He left the room quickly after that and hurried off down the hall, wanting to be up in his dormitory where he could hate himself alone. He stopped when he heard someone singing quietly inside a transfiguration classroom.

Scorpius stopped and walked slowly towards the only lit classroom. He listened.

_You know that I was hoping that I could leave this star-crossed world behind._

The voice sounded subdued. Sad. Scorpius would know that voice anywhere.

_And that was the turning point. That was one lonely night._

Scorpius peeked around the door. Albus Potter was standing on top of a desk, cleaning the tops of the bookshelves that lined the edge of the room.

_Well now I'm back at home and I'm looking forward to this life I live. You know it's gonna haunt me._

Scorpius wanted to run in the opposite direction. He felt like he was trespassing on something he definitely wasn't supposed to see. Because this wasn't the Albus Potter everyone saw.

_And you know I'm fine but I hear those voices at night. Sometimes they justify my claim._

Albus's voice was slow and sad, like he'd held the weight of the world on his shoulder for too long and he was finally giving up.

_The Spaceman says, "Everybody look down." Its all in your mind._

Albus had taken off his black robes to clean and he had pushed back the sleeves on his white button-up shirt. Scorpius's eyes found the thick bandage that was wrapped around Albus's left forearm.

Scorpius felt horrified and uncomfortable and wanted nothing more than to forget that he had ever seen that. He tried to convince himself that it was just an innocent accident but he knew that would be wrong. _Hoping that I could leave this star-crossed world behind._

Scorpius abruptly turned around and walked back the way he came. He wanted to forget but he knew he wouldn't. He grabbed at his wrist that was hidden under his watch. He knew now that him and Albus Potter had more in common than just their fathers.


	5. Islands

**Chapter 4: Islands**

Although Albus was the best on the team, he hadn't been made quidditch captain for obvious reasons. Finn had gotten the title. Sometimes Albus thought that the rest of the team were a little confused by the appointment considering Finn was always going to Albus for tips and plays and because they were both chasers it was easy to see who was more skilled and scored more.

But then the team would remember that some days Albus would be all serious and stick to the plays and the next day he would be bat shit crazy, flying all over the place and nearly jumping off his broom to catch the quaffle. Everyone knew that Albus was unpredictable and basically a little mental but that was as far as Albus was willing to tell them.

They had their first practice on Sunday. It went well and Albus was pleased when he touched down on the ground and found that he was still himself. In the changeroom, the team was talking about next weeks opening match of the season, Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff.

"Hufflepuff is gonna suck," said Sam. "Taylor and Robb graduated last year."

"They still have their keeper, though," said Finn. "He's probably the best keeper at Hogwarts. Sorry, Phil."

"Fuck you."

Sam laughed. "Well, at least we have Albus to go all mental on them and try to jump on their brooms like last year."

Albus bit his lip and tried to ignore it. He looked up and could see Finn sending him a warning glance.

"Not funny," Albus said.

"Aw, common," said Sam, enjoying winding him up. "You were the one who did it. We're just joking, Al."

Albus whipped around. "Do _not_ call me that."

Now Sam looked confused.

"Mate, I thought that was your-"

Albus didn't hear him finish. He could already feel it happening as he ran out of the changeroom. Once outside, Al slowed his pace and strolled casually back to the castle. He looked up at the sky. He wanted a cigarette.

Al walked through the mostly empty castle. It was about an hour to curfew and most people were already back in their dorms. Walking by the library Al saw Rose and Hugo studying in the corner. Al smiled somewhat sadistically before he put on Albus's usual somber face and walked up to them. Rose saw him first.

"Hey, Albus," she said. "How was practice?"

"Fine," said Al in the non committal way that Albus usually spoke in. "Al tried to be a dick as per usual but I shut him out."

Rose looked surprised. "Good for you, Albus. Getting control."

"Thanks, Rosie," said Al. "So what are you guys doing?"

"I'm helping Hugo with potions."

"Can I see?"

Rose handed over Hugo's homework and, taking a lighter out of his pocket, Al set it on fire. He held up the burning page and looked at the hilarious expressions on his cousins' faces.

"God, your faces are priceless," said Al, grinning.

"Fuck off, Al," growled Rose. Al pretended to look appalled.

"What! But Rosie, I'm your favorite cousin, aren't I?!"

"Albus is, you're not. Common Hugo."

Pulling her brother to his feet, Rose stormed away, sending one last look of pure hatred at Al. Al waved at her sarcastically. When he turned back around, Scorpius Malfoy was walking out from a row of bookshelves with his nose buried in a book.

"Malfoy!" Al called arrogantly. "Excellent, you're here right on time."

Scorpius looked up in complete confusion. "Uh, what? I didn't say I'd be here…"

Al laughed and jumped to his feet. He stretched and sauntered over to Scorpius.

"Wanna go get wasted or something?" he asked. Scorpius's eyebrows furrowed.

"Why the fuck are you asking me? We are not friends, Potter. And also I don't get drunk or do any of that stuff."

Al flipped his red bangs out of his eyes and stared at Scorpius seductively, his eyes dark and full of trouble.

"Don't you?" he whispered. "I think there is a lot that we don't know about you. You look like Mr. Perfect with the grades and the hair but I think you are full of dark secrets. Isn't that right."

By now Albus was right up in front of Scorpius.

Scorpius couldn't believe this was happening. Albus Potter was acting very weird and he had just said what Scorpius thought no one knew.

"How did you-" he began. Al grinned sinisterly.

"I can see it everywhere. You're not perfect. You're a ticking time bomb, counting down the seconds until you lose it. And I want front row seats when you do."

Al backed up and smiled sweetly. "So wanna have sex in the restricted session?"

"_What_?" Scorpius choked out in disbelief. This conversation had not gone _at all_ how he thought it would.

"No?" said Al. "Alright, next time then."

And then he winked and left Scorpius standing there with his mouth hanging open.

Out in the hall Al shuddered like he had suddenly become very cold and he put a hand on the wall to steady himself. Albus then shook his head and ran off down the corridor until he was as far away as possible from the library. When he knew he was far enough away he collapsed onto the ground, back against the wall.

That had never happened before. Usually when he came down from being Al he wouldn't remember anything. But that time something was different. It was like Albus had been co-conscious, like he had been a spectator while Al had put on that little show.

Normally Albus would have been happy about this and that hopefully this was progress. But right now all he could think about was how he had literally just asked Scorpius Malfoy if he wanted to have sex. With him. Who is also a man.

Fuck.

~O-O~

Scorpius walked slowly back to the Slytherin common room, only moving automatically because his mind was going absolutely crazy. Once back at the dorm he collapsed on his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," said Cale from across the room.

Scorpius sat up very fast. "What the _hell_ is wrong with Albus Potter."

Cale laughed. "No idea. Although he was super weird to me on the train."

"Okay because he just offered to have sex with me in the library."

Cale sat up at record speed, his transfiguration notes flying across the room.

"NO FUCKING WAY."

Scorpius shushed him even though the rest of their dorm mates were still downstairs in the common room.

"Shut the fuck up! He wasn't like in his right mind though. At least I don't think he was. He wasn't like normal, annoying, thinking Potter. He was like… crazy, wild, hormonal Potter."

Cale apparently found this hilarious. He rolled onto his back and laughed until he accidentally smacked his forehead into his bedpost.

"You two don't even like each other," thought Cale, rubbing his forehead. He then started laughing again. "Maybe all this time he's secretly wanted to have sex with you. Oh wait, not so secretly, eh?"

Scorpius flipped him off and began to get ready for bed. When he was finally in bed, Scorpius couldn't turn off his brain. All he could think about was Albus and what he had said about him and how he had called Scorpius a time bomb waiting to go off. Because Scorpius knew he wasn't Mr. Perfect.

Maybe he was a fucking Atomic Bomb.

~O-O~

Albus slept in longer than usual. Rose and Finn were already eating breakfast when he got down.

"The weirdest thing happened last night," he said as he sat down. "It was a good thing though. Well, kind of."

Finn looked up but Rose ignored him.

"Rose?"

She raised her head slowly and stared at him, completely unamused.

"Albus. I don't know how much more of this I can take. One minute you're my best friend and the next you're lighting my brother's homework on fire."

Albus ran a hand through his hair. "Fuck, did I really do that?"

"No," said Rose. "Al did. You're not the same person and I hate him."

She cut Albus off before he could say anything and left without another word. Albus looked at Finn.

"So what happened?" Finn asked.

"Al made an appearance after practice," said Albus. "I don't remember setting Hugo's homework on fire but I do remember Al coming on to Scorpius Malfoy."

Finn burst out laughing and it was several minutes before he could calm down enough to talk.

"Well, I guess this is a step forward, yeah?" he said. "You can be like… half conscious or whatever. That's good, right?"

"Ya, great, now I just have to avoid Scorpius Malfoy for the rest of my life." Albus looked down the hall to where Rose had left. "She knows that I don't want to be like this right? That I can't help it?"

"She knows, Albus," said Finn. "It's just hard to deal with but she will always be there for you even when she hates you."

He smiled nicely and left too, leaving Albus alone at the table.

~O-O~

Cale and Scorpius made their way to potions, the first class of the day and one of the classes he shares with Albus.

"Fuck, it's eating me alive. I've decided to just talk to him about it," said Scorpius as they turned down a hall in the dungeons. "Can't be that bad, right?"

"Dunno," said Cale. "Maybe he'll try to get into your pants again."

"Shut up."

Once in potions, Cale and Scorpius sat at their usual table and Scorpius waited for Albus to come in. Rose and Finn came in but Albus was not with them.

"Where the _hell_ is he?"

"Alright, calm down, mate," said Cale. "Your boyfriend's just late, it's fine." Scorpius punched him.

When class began and the Professor was already telling them about their assignment for the day it was clear that Albus was not coming. They were made to divide up into pairs for the day so Scorpius told Cale to work with his brother while Scorpius would work with Rose.

"What! No way," said Cale. "I want Rose."

Scorpius rolled his eyes. "It's fine, everyone knows you're the one who's in love with her. And apparently I already have a boyfriend, remember?"

Scorpius winked at Cale's bright red face and went over to Finn, albeit throwing him out of his seat and taking it instead.

"I'm your partner today," Scorpius stated to Rose. She looked at him like she knew he was up to something but said nothing.

They had barely started the assignment when Scorpius grew impatient.

"Alright, what the fuck is up with your cousin," he blurted out.

Rose rubbed her eyes. "Everything."

"Care to, umm, elaborate?"

Rose turned and faced him squarely. "One thing you have to know it that I love Albus, forever and always." Scorpius nodded unsurely. "But you're not family so my advice is to stay clear. Like literally don't talk to him ever because I can guarantee he'll fuck you over, again and again."

"What the hell is wrong with him, Weasley," said Scorpius seriously.

"Why do you care?" she spat.

Scorpius realized he didn't really have an answer. Rose just kept shaking her head but couldn't say anything else because the Professor was walking towards their table.


	6. Black Hole Sun

**Chapter 5: Black Hole Sun**

Things started to get bad again. After Albus had found out what was happening to him, he got better because knowing that you're not going crazy for no reason is the best feeling in the world. Albus had thought he was doing alright up until August. When he woke up in the hospital with his mum screaming on the ground and his dad gripping his hand much too tight, he vowed that he would never let himself get that bad again.

_But it's not a choice, is it?_

_No._

_Of course it's not._

Al started coming around more and more. Sometimes he would be around for days before Albus came back. No one seemed to notice or care. Albus Potter was odd, everyone knew that. Albus Potter always had strange mood swings, everyone knew that too.

Rose and Finn knew better. Rose watched Al be loud and obnoxious, always sneaking away with that vile Gloria Feldman. This was not her cousin.

Finn knew it was happening but he pretended it wasn't. He liked Al being around even if he would never admit it. It gave him someone to fuck shit up with, to get drunk with or to have someone to share a joint with before class. Albus would sometimes wonder if Finn liked Al better than him. And that did not help anything.

~O-O~

Albus stumbled back towards Gryffindor tower. He knew he should feel confused and angry but he just felt exhausted.

He mumbled the password to the portrait with zero enthusiasm and walked dejectedly into the common room. He collapsed onto the couch in front of the fire and had a brilliant vision of the couch turning into a black hole and eating him.

Rose got up from the chair she'd been studying on and sat down in front of Albus.

"You okay?" she asked. She always knew. Finn wandered over from the boy's staircase with a bag of licorice wands in his hand and sat down beside Rose.

"Something… happened," said Albus.

"When is something not happening to you?" laughed Finn. Rose muttered something that sounded like _insensitive twat_ under her breath and looked back at Albus.

"What did Al do," she said seriously. "Is he going around and shagging any girl he sees again?"

"Change _any girl _to_ anyone_ and yes, he is," muttered Albus, burying his face in his hands.

Finn and Rose gaped at each other.

"Wait, are you trying to-" started Finn. "Did Al... I mean… are you saying that… is Al-"

"I just had sex with a dude," said Albus.

Rose said "Who was it?" at the same time Finn screamed, "HOLY SHIT!" and collapsed onto the ground laughing hysterically. Rose eventually joined in when the initial shock wore off and even Albus laughed, though his was more in a _oh-god-I'm-so-fucked_ kind of way.

"My god, and I thought you couldn't surprise me anymore, Albus," said Rose shaking her head. She was grinning though.

Finn gave his best friend a licorice wand and through his laughs said, "Soooo who was the lucky guy!"

"His name was Nathan," said Albus. "Ravenclaw, sixth year."

Finn still couldn't stop laughing. "So… Al is bisexual now? What about you?"

Albus groaned and buried his face into the sofa. "No. Maybe. I don't know. Fuck, please can we just forget it?"

Albus could practically feel the faces Rose and Finn were giving each other. Finally Finn went off to finish his transfiguration homework leaving Albus and his cousin alone. Rose was quiet for so long that Albus thought she has snuck away from him until she was burying her face in his neck and hugging him tightly, whispering in his ear, "Know that I'll always love you no matter what."

She kissed his cheek and was gone by the time Albus rolled over and searched for her. When he realized that she had left Albus sunk back into the couch and rubbed his forehead.

_So Al is bisexual_, Albus thought. _Where does that leave me?_

To that, Albus did not have an answer.

~O-O~

Rose woke up the next morning feeling hopeful for the day. Usually she woke up with a sense of apprehension for what dreadful things Al would cause during the day but today she felt good. Albus had been in good spirits last night and his confession made Rose think that it might hopefully ground Albus for a bit and maybe she could get a few good days without seeing _Al_.

She got dressed and went to breakfast where Albus was already waiting for her. He was smiling and funny and above all, he was happy. Rose hadn't seen Albus be truly happy since before _it_ happened. Albus made sure Rose's cup of coffee was always full and she had a feeling that Albus was trying to make up for all the shit he'd put her through recently. There was an unspoken thing between them all breakfast and when it was over and Albus left for Care of Magical Creature while Rose went to Muggle Studies, Rose finally felt that maybe, if she was lucky, things could be better.

But she didn't know that Albus never made it to Care of Magical Creatures. Instead he had a sudden panic attack in an empty classroom and when he came out, Albus had gone and Al was back.

At dinner Rose waited for him but he never showed. She panicked for a moment but made herself calm down, convincing herself that he was just held up with a professor or that he was sending a letter home to his parents. She went up to the dormitory after dinner and refused to freak herself out. She pulled out her potions homework and worked on it, all the while thinking about Albus's lingering absence.

At 10:30 in was the heads' turn to do their patrolling of the hallways. She met Scorpius Malfoy at the Great Hall and they divided up floors. If Rose hadn't been so caught up with Albus she might have noticed the bags under Scorpius's eyes and the way his voice was flat and dead.

Rose had the top four floors while Scorpius had the other three plus the dungeons. Everything was quiet and Rose found it quite boring. Although she would never admit it even having Malfoy with her would have been welcome.

Her watch was almost over when she heard voices coming from somewhere down the fifth floor corridor. Rose rolled her eyes, picturing idiot second years thinking there were the rulers of the world sneaking out past curfew. She rounded the corner ready to yell at whoever it was but did not expect to see what she saw in the slightest; Albus – er, Al pushed up against the wall and being kissed furiously by a burly Ravenclaw boy with swoopy brown hair and amazing muscles.

Seeing this had not been on Rose's plan for the evening.

"Al," groaned Rose. "It's past curfew. You and your… friend should be back in your dormitories."

Al and the boy, who Rose assumed to be Nathan, broke apart and stepped away from each other. Al looked surprised. Nathan looked horrified.

"Come on, Rosie," said Al, regaining his arrogant composure. "It's 10:30, we were just hanging out."

Rose actually laughed at that. "Yes. _Hanging out_. That's what that looked like. Just go back to your dorms. It's late and I'm tired."

Nathan looked about ready to bolt but Al was not to be scared that easily. He walked over to Nathan and wound his fingers with the Ravenclaw's. "Sorry, Rose," he said. "There's an empty classroom over there that I really want to make use of so why don't you run along and read or whatever the fuck it is you do."

"Al-"

"Rosiiie, common," Al whined. He left Nathan and walked over to where Rose was standing. He leaned down and whispered so that only Rose could hear him. "I just want to have a little bit of fun before Albus offs us. Help me out here. As a man's dying wish."

He kissed Rose's cheek and went back to where Nathan was standing. He grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the empty classroom. At the door Al Potter turned back and winked at Rose, mouthing, _don't wait up_.

Rose stared at the door Al had gone through long after it had closed. It was happening again. Just when she thought things were going to be better she was reminded that it wasn't going to get better. That it was nevergoing to get better. It wasn't even happening to her and yet Rose felt like it was. Albus was the one with multiple personalities and yet Rose was the one who worried every second of every god damn day for his life. And tonight, she was done. Done worrying. Just done. She ran off in the opposite direction until she was in the kitchens, forcing the house elves to give her the biggest bottle of Firewhisky they had.

~O-O~

Scorpius finished his rounds at 11:30 and went to the entrance hall to wait for Weasley so that they could talk about some head duty crap and the Halloween dance that Scorpius hated. _Masquerade, really?_

He stood outside the entrance hall and waited for 5 minutes. Then he sat down and waited another 5. When he had waited yet another 10 minutes he became worried. He didn't like to feel worried for a goddamn Weasley but this was _Rose Weasley, _Miss punctual. He waited another 5 minutes before he decided to do a quick sweep of the school for her. If his best friend wasn't totally in love with her he probably wouldn't have bothered.

After 20 minutes of looking he found her in the trophy room, crying quietly and holding a rather large bottle of Firewhisky. Half of it was gone and unless she had poured most of it onto the ground, she must have been wasted.

Scorpius hovered awkwardly at the edge of the room before he cleared his throat and edged forward very slowly. She didn't even move. Scorpius sighed internally and knelt down in front of her.

"Are you okay?" Scorpius asked quietly. Rose Weasley sniffed and took another sip of the alcohol, cringing at the burning taste.

"It's nearly midnight on a school night and I'm very drunk," said Rose in a surprisingly clear voice considering how much she had drunk. "Of course I'm not okay."

Scorpius wasn't sure what to do. When Cale was hammered Scorpius would carry him to bed and put a glass of water on his bedside table for when he woke up. But this was _Rose Weasley_. He had no idea what to do.

"I just love him so much, you know?" said Rose. "But sometimes I don't know if it's enough."

Scorpius took the bottle from her hands and put it on the floor. He had long ago stopped being curious. He put a hand under Rose's chin and lifted her face up.

"It's Albus isn't it," said Scorpius. It wasn't a question.

"I just feel so guilty all the time," whispered Rose. Tears were leaking out of her eyes and yet she stared at Scorpius defiantly. "It's not his fault and yet I get _so_ mad at him all the time. He can't help it but everything Al does makes me want to kill something. I always know what to do. I'm fuckin' Rose Weasley. I'm the top of everything and yet I can't make my best friend be happy. And that's the most important thing there is right now."

Scorpius didn't know what to say. He watched Rose shake with sobs in front of him until she finally collapsed into his arms and kept saying _I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do_ over and over again.

Scorpius picked her up and carried her all the way up to the seventh floor. He doesn't like Gryffindor, he doesn't like the Potter/Weasley clan and yet he felt like he needed to do this. He helped Rose into the portrait hole but before she went in she took Scorpius's hand and, smelling like Firewhisky, she told him that all she wanted was for Albus to be happy. When she was gone and Scorpius was left alone, he realized for the first time that the Albus Potter the world sees cannot be the real Albus Potter.


	7. Heart Out

**Chapter 6: Heart Out**

When Albus woke up in a cold, dark classroom with Nathan the sixth year Ravenclaw pressed up against him, he knew he'd messed up. When he saw Rose at breakfast drinking coffee like it was liquid gold and hiding an obvious hangover he knew that whatever his _other half_ had done was really bad. If he wasn't feeling shitty enough it wasn't anything compared to what he felt after he talked to Finn. Finn had raced up to him when he was leaving for Charms and asked him if he wanted to get high before the lesson. Albus said no (he hated the way it made his head feel like air and made his mouth taste like he'd been chewing on cement) and he saw the look on Finn's face before it was masked by an indifferent look.

Albus stopped walking and grabbed his best friend by the arm. "Al would have said yes, wouldn't he."

Finn shrugged. "I dunno, maybe."

"No, you do know," said Albus. "Al would have said yes and now you're disappointed. Do you- do you like Al better than me?"

"What! No, of course not, Albus. That's ridiculous," said Finn. Albus could always tell when Finn was lying.

"Screw you," Albus whispered, backing away from his friend. "I know you love getting high before class and getting drunk every night so have fun with Al. I won't be seeing you around, Finn."

Albus turned and walked away. Finn called him back but Albus did not turn around.

~O-O~

Weeks past. September ended and October began, bringing with it colder weather and pumpkin scones at breakfast. Scorpius was studying in the library one Sunday afternoon with Cale and Finn, noticing for the first time that Finn was spending more time with his twin brother than he was with Albus who was supposed to be his best friend.

Looking at the other side of the library, Scorpius saw Rose Weasley studying with her brother and a kid with extremely white blonde hair whose name he did not know. At the table behind her, Albus Potter was studying alone.

Scorpius waited until Cale went off to find a book he need for his History of Magic essay before he leaned over to Finn and asked, "Why is Po- Albus studying over there alone? I thought you two were best friends."

Finn looked over at Albus but quickly looked back down at the paper he was writing.

"We had a falling out," admitted Finn. He looked proud and haughty but Scorpius could tell that he was upset.

"What happened," Scorpius asked quietly.

"Albus thought I was using him for- well, just using him," said Finn. He scratched out something on his essay much too angrily. "And maybe I was," he added almost too quietly for Scorpius to hear.

Scorpius looked over at Albus. He looked terrible and a few weeks ago Scorpius probably would have made a joke about it and laughed at him. Now he didn't know what to think. He watched Albus Potter look over at Rose Weasley for awhile until he looked back down at his paper and kept writing. Cale came back and sat down beside Scorpius.

Meanwhile Albus Potter had no one.

~O-O~

Scorpius pushed Albus Potter from his mind. He had quidditch and studies to worry about and Albus Potter's potential insanity had absolutely nothing to do with him.

It was a week away from the Halloween dance when Scorpius finally spoke to Albus again. The prefects and heads were having a meeting about the Halloween dance. They still wanted to go with masquerade but Scorpius wanted nothing more than to do ANYTHING ELSE. He left halfway through the meeting on the pretext that he had to go to the toilets and he just never came back. Instead he walked around the castle, admiring how nice it was when there were no loud first years running around and ugly, bright sunlight coming in through the windows. Now it was dark and quiet. Moonlight lit up the hall and for the first time it actually looked like a castle to Scorpius.

He went to the Astronomy wing to use one the abandoned balconies to get some air. It was cold and windy

and Scorpius was not alone.

Albus Potter was sitting at the edge of the platform with his back against the railing looking up at the pitch-black night sky. Scorpius tried to sneak back out without Potter noticing him but it was too late. Albus looked over and gave Scorpius a quick once over. Scorpius noticed that his eyes were a bit unfocused and that he had a bottle of Firewhisky in one hand and in the other, a lit cigarette was smoldering.

"Uh, sorry," said Scorpius awkwardly. "I'm gonna… go."

"I hate cigarettes," said Albus abruptly. "I hate them. They taste really bad and the smoke makes my eyes sting and they make my clothes smell terrible. I only smoke them because of the feeling they give me."

Scorpius stared at him. "Umm, okay?"

Albus waved his hand drunkenly. "Sit. Common sit down, I have something to tell you."

Scorpius sat down slowly on the other side of the balcony, as far away from Albus as he could get. But it was a small balcony.

"I'm sorry," said Albus.

"For what?"

"For everything. I've always had this feeling like we could have been really good friends if we'd tried back in first year. We could have been good together but _god forbid _we break the lockstep of what society expects from us. So I'm sorry Malfoy. I'm sorry that I convinced myself to hate you when you're probably really awesome."

"Wait, what?" said Scorpius, completely taken aback. "What just happened?!"

Albus Potter grinned bigger than he'd done in what felt like years.

"So what about you," he said. "What's your story."

"What do you mean?" Scorpius was completely blown away with how Albus was acting.

"It's nearly midnight. No one comes out here, onto this balcony, at this time of night unless they're fucked so I ask again. What's your story, Malfoy?"

Scorpius didn't say anything for a moment and then all in one breath he said, "I hate who I am every single day because I don't think this is who I want to be but it's who I need to be because of my father and sometimes I just want to be rebel and do the things that I actually want to do but I don't know if I can or if I will ever be able to because of my father's overwhelming presence that's always shadowing my life."

Albus looked surprised that he had actually shared all that. Then he smiled and said, "Ticking time bomb."

"Honestly, I see three possible outcomes for my life," said Scorpius. He began ticking them off his fingers. "I'll play the good boy for my father for the rest of my life and probably become a raging alcoholic behind closed doors, I'll snap so bad one day that I'll go completely off the deep end and become a drug addicted prostitute with tattoos and piercings everywhere and dyed red hair." He sent Albus a smirk. "Or the last option. I finally just give up and kill myself."

Albus let out a low whistle. "Well, shit. I think you deserve a drink for that."

He held out the bottle of Firewhisky. Scorpius hesitated.

"I've never been drunk before."

"Well if you don't want to kill yourself or become a drug addicted prostitute you should probably start drinking now."

It was a joke but it broke the tension and got Scorpius to laugh and take the bottle. He raised it to his lips and took a sip. The alcohol burned as it dripped down his throat but Scorpius found that in a strange way it was a good kind of burn. He took another sip and then another. Albus watched him with amusement, finally telling him to slow down a bit after his 5th drink. Scorpius handed the bottle back to Albus and licked his lips. The two fell into silence and after a few minutes, Scorpius began to feel a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach that went right to his head. He looked over at Albus and grinned. Albus giggled and shook his head. He took a half empty pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

"Wanna knock another first off your list?"

Scorpius hesitated for the briefest of seconds before he stood up a bit shakily and walked over to Albus. He sat down in front of him and enjoyed the foggy feeling in his head.

Albus took out a cigarette from the pack. He lit it and took a drag, blowing smoke into the air. Then he took the cigarette from his mouth and placed it between Scorpius's lips.

"Breathe in," he said. Scorpius did as he was told, never breaking eye contact with Albus. Then he took the cigarette from his mouth and quickly passed it to Albus before breaking out into a painful coughing fit. Albus burst out laughing.

"Hey, not bad!" he said. "You lasted longer than me on my first cigarette."

Albus took another drag while Scorpius took another shot. Then they switched. Neither of them said anything but there was really nothing to say.

A while later (neither of them were quite sure how long they'd been out there for) Scorpius said to Albus that they probably should start getting back. He laughed at how slurred his voice sounded out loud. He laughed even harder when he stood up and realized just how shaky he was.

"Merlin, you are drunk," mused Albus, standing up too. He was also drunk but the difference was he had done this before and apparently Scorpius was a serious lightweight.

Albus half walked, half dragged Scorpius down to the dungeons. Scorpius could not stop laughing at just how much he was going to regret this tomorrow. Albus giggled.

"Next time I have to get you high," he said. "Now _that_ would be funny."

When they were finally at the entrance to the Slytherin common room and Scorpius had told the wall the password (Albus would forget it by morning), Scorpius turned to Albus and, swaying a bit, said, "Thank you, Albus Potter. Thank you for corrupting me. And I do mean that in a good way."

Albus grinned. "Good. I'm glad."

"I have to ask something," said Scorpius. "Uh, what's wrong with you?" He swore and face palmed. "Sorry, that was tactless. Umm… what's wrong with you?"

Albus stepped away and looked down at the floor.

"Maybe that's a story for another night."

Then he smiled, waved at the Slytherin and left without looking back.

~O-O~

Scorpius didn't remember getting into bed, let alone entering the common room. He woke up the next morning when Cale pulled back the curtains and sunlight lit up the room. Scorpius felt like someone had turned on a 10 000 watt light bulb right in his face.

"Oh god, oh god," he said. "Turn it off, it hurts."

"What the hell is wrong with you," said Cale from somewhere across the room. To Scorpius it sounded like he was screaming.

When he didn't answer Cale walked over and looked at him.

"Holy shit Scor, are you- are you hungover?"

"No," muttered Scorpius, "I think I'm still drunk."

Cale gaped at him. "I've been trying to get you drunk for… I don't know how long! Who the hell got you drunk!?"

Scorpius just groaned.

"Fine, fine. I'll ask you after you have coffee coursing through your veins."

Twenty minutes later and Scorpius was in the Great Hall drinking coffee out of a straw. As Cale waited patiently for Scorpius to rejoin the land of the living, Finn came over from the Gryffindor table.

"Why the flipping fuck are you drinking that with a straw?" he asked, sitting down beside his brother.

"Mr. Perfect went out and got drunk last night," said Cale.

"Ha, nice one!" he yelled. "Finally, mate!"

"You're too loud," moaned Scorpius.

Finn snorted. "Alright, alright. So who'd you get drunk with? Cale always has wicked hangovers and he seems fine so who was it?"

"It was Albus Potter," said Scorpius.

Cale made an incredulous noise at the back of his throat and looked shocked and somewhat impressed. Finn's mouth fell open and his hand spasmed so bad that he knocked over an entire pitcher of pumpkin juice but made no effort to clean it up.

"Wait," he said seriously. "Who _exactly_ did you get drunk with."

Scorpius's eyes narrowed. "I just told you, Albus Potter."

Finn paled. "No, I mean- shit. Alright, how was he acting?"

"I don't really understand what you mean," said Scorpius. "He was like me, needing a break and escaping to the astronomy balcony. He was also smoking a cigarette." Finn's expression changed. "But- okay, I remember now. He told me how he hated cigarettes and only liked them for the feeling they give him."

Cale said, "Masochist!" at the same time Finn jumped up and ran off towards the Gryffindor table without another word.

Cale and Scorpius shared a look.

"What the hell's up with him?" said Scorpius.

"No idea."

~O-O~

Finn sat down opposite Albus at the table. Albus didn't even bother looking up.

"I'm still mad at you."

"I know, I know," said Finn. "I just… I need to know that you're okay. Because I know for a fact that Al is the lonely drinker. The fucking borderline alcoholic. You, _Albus_, you have never been that person."

"Fuck off," muttered Albus.

"You're fucked, Albus," said Finn, standing up. "I messed up but you need me. We both know that even if you won't admit it."

Finn left, leaving Albus to watch Scorpius Malfoy drink coffee from a straw.

~O-O~

There were three reasons that Scorpius didn't want the Halloween dance to be masquerade.

It was incredibly cliché.

He would definitely end up dancing with someone he didn't like but wouldn't be able to tell who it was because they all would be wearing masks.

Absolutely nothing good ever came from school dances. Ever.

Scorpius was pouting as he waited by the doors to the Great Hall on Halloween night. Rose Weasley was standing opposite him.

"Stop pouting," she said.

"I'm not pouting," said Scorpius.

"Liar," said Finn who just happened to walk by at that moment. Rose smirked at Scorpius and he flipped her off.

The heads duty was to welcome people into the hall while the prefects inside would make sure the rest went smoothly. The dance started at 9 and by 9:20 Scorpius was bored out of his mind. Rose remained professional the whole time but Scorpius could tell she was dying too.

Scorpius watched all the different people go in. He barely even recognized half of them and that was before they even put their masquerade masks on. Cale eventually came and stood by Scorpius for a while to keep him company.

"Came stag, I see," said Scorpius.

"I'm a lone wolf," said Cale. "Or a lone werewolf to be more magically correct."

He sent Rose a quick sideways glance before entering the Great Hall. Scorpius stared after him before turning to Rose and saying, "If you don't dance with him at least once tonight I will kill you."

Rose blushed a brilliant shade of pink and left on the pretext of checking the drinks table. Once she was gone Scorpius waited five more minutes before he gave up. He pulled out a mask from the box behind the door and left the safety of his post.

The Great Hall was almost unrecognizable. The candles that normally lined the room were gone. The only light now was coming from the massive stage where a band called _The Expecto Patronums_ were playing. The room was loud and the lights were seizure-inducing and if Scorpius didn't have head boy duties to uphold, he thought, he definitely would not be here right now.

He waited by the edge of the snacks table, not wanted to join the fray but also being unable to leave. He saw Finn dancing with his brother and then with a pretty Hufflepuff. Later he saw Cale pulling Rose Weasley by the hand into the throng of people and Scorpius felt incredibly happy and proud of him.

An hour later and Scorpius was dying to leave. All he wanted to do was get back to the Slytherin dorm and be once again in the safety of his bed but he couldn't… unless he told Rose. So he did what he had to. Pushing hot, drunken bodies to the side, Scorpius tried to find his co-head but it was nearly impossible in the sea of people. A slow song started and everyone began moving into pairs which made things even more confusing. He was about to leave when suddenly someone was grabbing his hands and spinning him around.

"Hide me, Louis!" the boy hissed, pressing his body right up against Scorpius's and ducking his head. Scorpius took a moment to process what the hell was going on. He looked down at the person but he couldn't tell who it was because of his mask and the strobe lights.

"Fuck, she's over there!" the person hissed, whipping Scorpius around and shielding himself from someone. "Christ I can't believe Al likes her."

"Umm…" was all Scorpius could manage.

"Thanks, Louis," said the boy. "I just really- HOLY SHIT."

He had looked up.

Scorpius Malfoy looked down in shock and found Albus Potter gaping at him.

"Oh, crap," said Albus. "Oh, crap. You look exactly like Louis from the back, you have the exact same hair color!"

Scorpius didn't have any words to ease the situation so he just let go of Albus Potter's hands and made to step away. Albus almost let him do it until he suddenly let out a strangled yell and swore, grabbing Scorpius's hands again and crouching slightly behind him.

"_Fuck fuck fuck_," he said. "Gloria's right there, fuckin' hell."

Scorpius followed his gaze. Gloria Feldman, in a very revealing dress, was craning her neck over the crowd, searching. Albus ducked lower, burying his face into Scorpius's neck. Scorpius was dumbstruck, unable to believe this was _actually happening._

"Thanks for not, umm, punching me in the face," muttered Albus. Scorpius shrugged.

"I'm so bored and I hate my life so much right now that you could be trying to get into my pants again and I wouldn't care."

"Aw, shit," said Albus. "I apologize for that. Sometimes I get… really weird."

"Yeah, that's a definite understatement."

Scorpius could feel Albus's face heat up against his neck. Enjoying the moment, Scorpius grinned and started dancing so that they wouldn't look out of place.

"I thought you were dating Gloria," mused Scorpius. "At least that's what I heard. Or what she's telling everyone."

Albus groaned. "Wizard god, she's the worst. I can't believe he- I mean, me, I, myself had ever liked her."

Scorpius looked over at Gloria who was now dancing with a guy a few couples away.

"Oh, look, she's dancing with somebody." Scorpius looked closer. "I think it's… Nathan, sixth year from Ravenclaw."

Albus looked like he'd been shot.

"You've got to be kidding me! Oh my god, this is my nightmare. This is my fucking nightmare!"

"What the hell is going on?".

"Fuck. This night can't get any worse," he said, shaking his head. Then he looked up at Scorpius. "Not to mention awkward."

"It could be more awkward," grinned Scorpius. He was enjoying Albus's pain far too much.

"How."

"I could mention how soft your hands are and how perfectly they fit with mine and how great you look in your dress robes-"

"OKAY, OKAY!" yelled Albus, red-faced, though his voiced was mostly drowned out by the music. "Alright, I get the picture!"

It was a few minutes before Scorpius could stop laughing. When he finally did stop laughing he noticed that Gloria and Nathan were much further away.

"They're far away now, by the way," he said. "If you sneak out backwards you'll be safe."

"Oh," said Albus. "Oh, right yeah."

Before Albus let go of Scorpius's hands he blushed and said, "Thanks, Malfoy. You didn't have to help me but I'm glad you were having such a horrible night that even camouflage dancing with me was alright."

"Sure, okay," said Scorpius.

There was a slight uncomfortable pause before Albus dropped his arms and turned away.

"I owe you one!" he called over his shoulder. "And also you're a terrible dancer!"

The crowd shifted and Scorpius lost Albus in the mix. He stared after him for awhile feeling confused and pleased at the same time until Cale suddenly appeared in front of him looking tired and overheated but incredibly excited.

"Dude," he said. "I just slow danced with Rose Weasley. This is the best day of my entire life. What's wrong with your face?"

Scorpius shook his head. "Uh, nothing. Weird night. Tell Rose I'm leaving."

Scorpius left the dance floor the way Albus had gone but the strange Potter boy had already disappeared.


	8. Can't Stand Me Now

**Chapter 7: Can't Stand Me Now**

November was a strange month for Hogwarts castle.

It started with Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy camouflage dancing on Halloween and ended with Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy engaged in a violent fistfight on the first floor staircase in front of everyone.

Finn and Albus made up a few days after Halloween. Finn apologized again and while Al likes to do more of the reckless things that he likes, Albus is his best friend. Albus just hugged him and said that he needed him.

A few days later and Scorpius was studying in the library with Finn and Cale. Finn suddenly looked up and hailed someone over. Albus Potter walked over and stood awkwardly behind the empty chair at the table. Scorpius realized that Albus was waiting for his permission to sit so he just shrugged and Albus took the seat opposite him.

"What's up, crazy?" said Cale happily. He then swore much too loudly when Finn stepped harshly on his foot under the table.

Albus snickered. "It's fine, Finn. Though it's soon not gonna be fine for you, Cale."

The four of them watched Ms. Rey the librarian march up to the table, grab Cale by his hoodie and drag him out of the library. The moment they were gone Finn burst out laughing and started riffling through his brother's bag which had been forgotten.

"Merlin, what an idiot. Ooh, candy."

Finn pulled out a box of _Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans_ and handed them out. He went first.

"Eugh, mayonnaise," he said, coughing.

Albus gagged on his. "Oh god, hairball."

"Mmm, vanilla," said Scorpius.

Albus kicked him under the table and Finn whipped the candy box at his face. Scorpius laughed, throwing the box back and kicking Albus right back under the table.

That was the first time Scorpius and Albus hung out civilly together.

The next time was in potions. They had been paired up for the lesson, which normally would have caused mass destruction, but today they just looked at each other and nodded.

Albus got the ingredients while Scorpius heated up the cauldron. They divided up the steps and got to work only saying the bare minimum. Scorpius wanted to at least have some sort of a conversation but he didn't want to be the first one to say something. Albus really didn't like the silence so he waited for Scorpius to be the first one to talk.

Thirty minutes later and it was still dead silent. It was broken when Scorpius went to throw in the Keuning Roots and Albus grabbed his wrist.

"HOLD UP," he said. "Are those the Roots?"

"Yeah?"

"You gotta core them first," said Albus, taking them from Scorpius and grabbing the knife. Scorpius flipped through the potions book.

"What? It doesn't say that in here."

"Tip HP taught me," said Albus. He caught the look on Scorpius's face. "That was weird. I don't know why I just called him that."

Albus cored the first root, taking out the deep purple centre. Scorpius watched Albus's hands, noticing for the first time that he was left-handed. He looked at Albus's long, pale fingers.

"Piano," Scorpius blurted out. Albus looked up.

"What?"

"Uh, sorry," muttered Scorpius, horrified. "Umm, sometimes I, uh, do this thing where I predict what instrument people play by their hands."

"Oh," said Albus. He looked down at his hands. "I did play piano actually. I haven't though since- well, not since awhile now."

The way he said it, all nonchalant and offhanded, told Scorpius something wasn't right. But Scorpius knew what he meant. He had read it in the Prophet when the story came out, everyone had.

To bypass the moment, Albus handed Scorpius the knife and went to get more ingredients that they didn't need. Trusting Albus (something Scorpius never thought he'd do), Scorpius finished maiming the Roots and threw them into the cauldron. The green color of their potion that would have gotten them an Exceeds Expectations turned neon green, the exact shade in the book. Scorpius left potions with an O and a strange new take on Albus Potter.

~O-O~

There were five moments that led up to the fallout.

The first one happened on the first Saturday of November. Scorpius was in the library, trying to find a very specific book for his Herbology essay. As he was weaving through the aisles trying to find the Toxic Herbology section, what he found instead was Albus Potter sitting cross-legged on a chair eating licorice wands. He looked up when he heard Scorpius coming and they both nodded before Scorpius went on. When Scorpius came back the same way, struggling to carry a massive tome that seemed to be shedding dirt, he noticed something different about Albus. Now he was lounging on the chair with his legs dangling off the end and an arrogant smirk on his face. He had his wand out and was pointing it at the book he had been reading earlier so that it had a fistfight with another book in midair. When he saw Scorpius he grinned and winked and yelled, "MALFOY" before tossing him a licorice wand. Scorpius caught it though barely, as he was still wrestling with the heavy book. He wasn't sure what to think of that after he had left, other than maybe Albus wasn't just a prick after all.

The next happened a few days later. Albus and Finn had been studying in the Great Hall when Cale decided that he absolutely needed to see his brother at that moment. He dragged Scorpius along with him to sit and awkwardly and wait for him. Albus had all his books spread out on the table. He seemed to be studying every subject at the same time.

Something was sticking out of Albus's Transfiguration book and Scorpius realized that it was their first quiz. He slipped it out, hoping to see that he has beat Albus's grade. He took one look at it and burst out laughing.

"Holy shit! Is that me!" he asked, pointed at the figure that was being violently murdered by a unicorn. Albus looked up, paled, grabbed the paper back and then blushed furiously.

"No," he said much too fast.

Scorpius roared with laugher. "Can I keep that? Seriously, I didn't know you could draw, that's really very good. Can I pin that above my bed?"

To Scorpius's surprise, Albus actually handed over the picture. That night Scorpius did actually pin it above his bed. He wasn't really sure why but waking up to a picture of Albus Potter astride a unicorn that was fantastically killing him made his day infinitely better.

The third time happened after Albus had been absent for a record 7 days. Al was even crazier than usual, spending most of the time high or drunk or mysteriously missing at the same time Nathan the Ravenclaw was. Rose had given up, Finn had stopped getting high with him because even he was worried and even Al himself wasn't happy.

While everyone was at dinner, Al snuck off, unable to ignore Rose's constant overbearing stare anymore. He grabbed his bag and left, ignoring his friends calling out after him. He had meant to go back to the common room and curl up in front of the fireplace and stare into the flames for hours like he'd been doing for the past week but instead he went the other way, down the steps until he was striding across grounds towards the quidditch pitch.

It was dark, but still light enough to see. It was also quite cloudy for the time of day and Al thought that it was probably going to rain.

He climbed the stairs to the stands and sat down at the very top. He opened his bag and took out a stack of papers stuffed haphazardly in a folder. The outside of the folder said _ASSIGNMENTS_.

That is actually a total lie. The folder was filled with Al's stories. He wrote all the time because writing was his escape. Albus escapes to Al and Al escapes to the worlds he creates in his mind. Because things are better there. They could be how he wanted and no one got to decide for him how things happened.

Al took a quill and ink from his cloak pocket and wrote from where he had left off. It was a short story he'd been working on for awhile. The main character was to be killed in the end.

After awhile Al looked up and noticed that he was not alone. Someone was flying around the pitch. Al watched the figure shoot the quaffle through the centre hoop before flying after it and catching it before it hit the ground. Al squinted at the figure as they flew back into the stadium. The emerald robes and silver hair were unmistakable.

It was another twenty minutes before Scorpius noticed Al. He flew over to the stands and hovered above him.

"What are _you_ doing here, Potter?" he asked suspiciously. "Not spying are you?"

Al looked up from his papers. "Nope, just developing hypothermia."

Scorpius landed next to him. "Seriously, what are you doing?"

He snatched the paper out of Al's hand. Al jumped up looking ready to punch him in the face but then he sat back down like he just didn't care anymore.

Scorpius read the first few lines of Al's story. His eyebrows disappeared under his fringe. He didn't know Potter wrote stories. It was actually pretty good.

Scorpius handed it back. "Wow, umm, not bad."

"Thanks."

"How does it end?"

"The boy kills himself.

"My, how cheery," said Scorpius.

Scorpius looked up as it began to rain. He missed how Al shuddered and closed his eyes.

"We should go back in," said Scorpius. He looked down at Albus and noticed that strange look on his face. "You okay?"

Albus looked up startled. "What? Oh, yeah."

Albus packed up his things and tucked them away in his bag. Scorpius watched him.

They walked back to the castle together in silence. The rain came down harder and the wind picked up. Albus and Scorpius huddled together automatically. Once they were back in the school Albus took off without a word to Scorpius. Scorpius stood frozen, watching Albus until he was out of sight. Part of him felt somewhat pleased that he'd been able to break through Potter's mysterious shell and read his story, something Scorpius was sure not many other people could say. The other part was complete confusion and strangely enough, worry.

~O-O~

It wasn't even a week later when Scorpius stood outside Defense Against the Dark Arts and watched as Albus sprinted the length of the hallway…

and right to him. He stopped in front of Scorpius and bent over, gasping for breath. Scorpius waited patiently.

"I've just been talking to Finn about quidditch," wheezed Albus. He took a couple more breaths. "You _need _to beat Ravenclaw in the next match or else I'll die. I will literally die."

Scorpius smirked. "Right. I remember how Ravenclaw creamed you in your last match how _embarrassing_."

"Shut up," growled Albus. "Just… please. I will literally do anything. Just flatten them and I will owe you big time."

Scorpius rolled his eyes and walked into class. He was surprised when Albus followed him in.

"You already owe me one from Halloween, Potter. Remember?"

"Fuck. Okay so now I just owe you a really big one okay?" said Albus.

"Ha, that's what she said," said Scorpius, sitting down at his desk beside Cale who looked up curiously.

Albus looked shocked and pleased by that. "I did not think I would ever hear you-"

That's when the Professor came in and loudly reminded Albus that he did not have Defense Against the Dark Arts that period. Albus ran out but not before pointing at Scorpius and sending him a very poignant look. When he was gone and the lesson had started, Cale pushed a note over to Scorpius's side of the desk.

_You two are so cute together._

Scorpius calmly folded up the note and then violently shoved it down the back of Cale's shirt. He squealed loudly enough for everyone to look round at them. Scorpius just smiled like nothing was out of the ordinary.

Three days later and Scorpius was sitting on his broom as the sea of green and red fans screamed and cheered. Slytherin had won which meant Gryffindor was back in first place and Ravenclaw had been bumped back to third. Slytherin was now in second place which would have made him happy but something else was on his mind.

He had scored thirty-seven times in the game. He had never scored that much. Really the only thing this time that had been different was Albus Potter asking him to win. Scorpius didn't have to, if anything he should have played terribly and let Ravenclaw win so that Gryffindor wouldn't be first like they _always are_. Instead Scorpius did exactly what Gryffindor wanted. And why did he do that?

Because Potter asked him to.

Scorpius flew down, not really sure what this meant. He had a strange feeling like he was missing something.

The moment he touched down on the ground he saw Albus sprinting for him. Scorpius barely had time to look surprised before Albus was enveloping him a bone-crushing hug. Scorpius nearly fell over from the sheer excitement of Albus's hug giving.

"Christ, Potter," said Scorpius, "it's as if you just won the game."

Albus pulled back but kept his arm around Scorpius's shoulder. He was grinning like the damn Cheshire Cat.

"I DID!" he yelled. "Thirty-seven points, Scorpius! THIRTY-SEVEN!"

Scorpius grinned back and wondered if Albus's mood was infectious.

There was a party that night in the Slytherin common room. For the first time in Hogwarts history there were Gryffindor's invited into the Slytherin common room. The Gryffindor's were celebrating being back in first and the Slytherin's were celebrating their win.

The first half of the night, Scorpius was happy that the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's could actually get along. The second half of the night was basically a complete blur. Scorpius got very very drunk from all the shots Cale seemed to be pouring down his throat. Scorpius figured this was Cale's revenge for not getting drunk with him his first time. Scorpius knew he would regret this in the morning but tonight he didn't care.

Tonight he wasn't Scorpius Malfoy. Tonight he was just a boy, a drunk happy mess who played flip cup and beer pong and let a Gryffindor girl kiss him and who danced with Albus Potter under the lights. Scorpius had never felt so alive and Albus Potter's eyes had never been so green and for the first time Scorpius understood what it meant to be alive.

~O-O~

The next morning, Scorpius expected to spend the whole day in bed with the worst headache imaginable and praying for death. Instead he woke up early, dressed and went down to the Great Hall to get a rather large cup of coffee. He found he had no hangover.

He took his coffee up to the Owlery where he sat on one of the window ledges. He held his coffee but forgot to drink it.

Everything made sense now. Scorpius considered himself smart but it had taken him so long to realize it that he felt like a complete idiot.

It explained everything. Why a part of Scorpius was near constantly worried for Albus Potter and whatever the hell he was going through. Why he'd spent six years hating him and suddenly they were _best friends_. Why after saying no to Cale for years he agreed to get drunk after Albus asked him once. It explained everything and yet now Scorpius felt even more lost.

Scorpius fancied Albus Potter.


	9. All These Things I've Done

**Chapter 8: All These Things I've Done**

Scorpius never wanted to see Albus Potter again. That was his big solution.

All the progress he'd made in the last few weeks were gone in a second. He had started to break away from who his father wanted him to be and become who _he_ wanted to be and now life just had to come back and punch him in the face.

Isn't that how it always seems to happen? Everything looks like it's going great and then suddenly you realize that you really like the way Albus Potter smiles at you and you begin to wonder what his tongue would feel like in your mouth?

_Yeah, so _that_ happened. _

Scorpius left the Owlery with his new and obviously foolproof plan in his mind: _Operation avoid Albus Potter at all cost or else suffer imminent death. _

Scorpius walked down the stairs, barely looking where he was going or apparently looking out for who he was about to walk into.

"Not drinking that out of a straw this time I see," said Albus Potter smiling that damn smile like he didn't have a care in world.

Scorpius looked up at the ceiling and yelled, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YA?!"

And then, without saying anything to the very confused Potter, Scorpius brushed past him and ran off to breakfast like a small child.

~O-O~

Scorpius threw himself down in his seat across from Cale at the Slytherin table. Cale's head was down and he was obviously not as hangover-free as Scorpius was. For the moment, Scorpius didn't give a shit about that.

"You know," he said, "I've finally figured out the meaning of life. It's a trick question. There is none. Life sucks and fucks you over again and again until you _fucking die._"

Cale looked up. "Finally figured it out, have you?"

"I- what?"

Cale laughed and then groaned because it made his head hurt. "God, I've known since _day one _of fifth year it was going to happen. It was just a matter of time."

Scorpius shook his head. "Wait, what are you talking about?"

Cale was done beating around the bush. "The fact that how one day you and Potter with be holding hands and jumping each other's bones every chance you get."

Cale, ever casual about everything, said it loudly like it wasn't a secret, causing a few fifth years to look over.

Scorpius gripped his cup so tight that he wasn't sure which would break first, the cup or his sanity. He tried to say something but only strange sounds were coming from his mouth.

"Ya, okay, you need to leave before you have an aneurysm," said Cale. He pulled Scorpius to his feet and dragged him out of the Great Hall.

"Where do you want to go, Scor."

"Let's go to the quidditch pitch," deadpanned Scorpius distractedly. "Then I can jump off the stands and end my pathetic and unsatisfying life."

Cale rolled his eyes. "Merlin, you are such a drama queen. So you have the hots for Potter, big deal. He's fit and nice and totally gay as the fourth of July so what's the problem?"

"What's the PROBLEM?" Scorpius was shouting now. "THE PROBLEM IS THAT I WAS ALREADY NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR DRACO MALFOY AND NOW THIS! I HAD JUST STARTED TO FEEL _REAL _AND NOW I'M FUCKING BACK TO WHERE I STARTED, CALE. DO YOU GET IT NOW?"

Scorpius was fuming as he glared at Cale. Cale looked around to make sure no one was close enough to hear Scorpius say things he would regret when he calmed down. A couple second years were coming up from the dungeons so Cale pulled Scorpius up the main staircase.

"Maybe you could just-" Cale began. Scorpius didn't want to hear anything he suggested.

"No," he spat. "Just no. For once Cale, shut the hell up."

The boys kept walking only to walk right into Albus and Finn. Scorpius looked like he'd been shot while Cale looked surprised.

"I apologize for calling you a drama queen, Scor," he said. "Your life really does suck apparently."

Finn looked lost. "Uhh, what's up?"

Albus was looking at Scorpius. "Sorry about this morning," he said unsurely. "I'm not sure what I did but you seemed really… upset."

And then he made the fatal mistake of touching Scorpius's arm in a way he probably thought was reassuring.

And that's when Scorpius Malfoy lost his mind.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME, POTTER," he hissed, yanking his arm away. "WE ARE _NOT _FRIENDS."

Finn looked absolutely speechless. Cale buried his face in his hands and said, "Oh, shit."

Albus was shocked and appalled and then suddenly he was angrier than he had ever been.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!" he yelled back. "WHAT DID I DO TO PISS YOU OFF SO BAD?"

"You didn't need to do anything," Scorpius spat. "You're a Potter and I'm a Malfoy and that's all there will ever fucking be."

Scorpius was so mad he didn't notice Albus shudder and close his eyes, nor did he notice the strange look in them when his green eyes opened again. Finn noticed.

"Oh, this is not good," he said.

Al stepped closer to Scorpius, something Scorpius was not expecting. He tried to look confident and stone cold but his eyes betrayed him.

"What's the matter, Princess," Al asked in a deep voice. "Didn't like how we danced together last night? Didn't like how I had my hands on your waist and you were practically begging me to-"

Scorpius punched Al so hard in the face that Al stumbled backwards and crashed to the floor. He stood up faster than Scorpius thought possible and punched Scorpius in the jaw, smashing his face against the stone wall. People on the stairs stopped walking to look.

Scorpius shook off the dizzy feeling and side tackled Al into the side of the staircase. Al twisted and Scorpius's arm got caught in the rail. There was a sickening crack as Scorpius shoulder dislocated. Several people screamed. Scorpius, nearly blind with pain, stood and with his left hand punched Al who fell backward and cracked his head against the wall. He crumpled to the floor, blood pouring from his forehead and didn't move again.

Scorpius fell to his knees as his vision swam. He could see people running forward but he wasn't sure who they were. He grasped at his dislocated arm before slipping sideways into nothing.

~O-O~

Albus woke up in the hospital with a splitting headache and a strange coconut taste in his mouth. He couldn't remember why he was in the hospital wing which either meant he had been obliviated (unlikely) or Al had made an appearance (bingo).

He lifted a heavy arm that felt like lead and touched the thick piece of gauze that was taped to his forehead. He groaned which was almost immediately reciprocated from the bed next to him.

Scorpius Malfoy was lying only a few feet from Albus. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was biting his lip like he was trying not to cry out. Scorpius's eyes eventually opened and he took much less time to absorb things and look over at Albus.

"I'm sorry," said Albus before Scorpius got the chance to say anything. He couldn't remember what happened but if Al was involved than it was definitely bad.

Scorpius looked away. He sighed and rubbed his shoulder.

"No," he muttered. "I flipped out, it wasn't you."

Albus didn't want to ask what had happened but he made an educated guess of what Al did.

"Maybe we tried too fast," said Albus quietly. Scorpius's eyes flickered back to him. "I thought that maybe we could stop being stubborn and become friends but maybe we should have slowed down."

Scorpius stared at Albus Potter open mouthed, not even bothering to look normal. Frankly, he was amazed. Amazed at how maybe Albus Potter wasn't just a crazy... sociopath.

Scorpius sat up, ignoring the throbbing pain in his shoulder. He remembered why they were here, why he had freaked, but for right now he didn't care.

"Maybe I was just using you," he murmured. "I became your friend and let you corrupt me to fulfill my need to be reckless and defy my father."

The second Scorpius said it he knew it was a lie. He had actually liked the little bit of time where Albus Potter had been his friend.

Albus looked at him, calculating. "Maybe you were just a distraction for me, from everything." He paused. "From myself."

Their conversation died off. The silence in the room was nearly deafening but neither could find anything to stay. Albus thought about the small yet somehow significant difference of having Scorpius as a friend, even just for a little bit, had meant. Scorpius thought about the weird feeling at the pit of his stomach that he knew wouldn't go away by starting a fistfight in the hall.

After a long while of staring at the ceiling Scorpius licked his lips and said, "Do you taste coconut?"

Albus tried not grin. Even if they couldn't be friends, Albus was glad that Scorpius would at least be nice to him. Because spending six years jumping down each others throats gets old after awhile and Albus likes change.

Not that his life needed to be shaken up any more.

~O-O~

For the next 72 hours, Scorpius ignored Albus entirely. Albus was disappointed but he managed to convince himself that it didn't matter. Cale tried to talk to Scorpius about it but he always got the same _back off _look that Scorpius was famous for.

After the first three days Scorpius could no longer ignore Albus, mainly because they were put into joint detention for the rest of term to "work out their issues". Scorpius thought it was a little ridiculous. Him and Albus had physically fought in the halls and now they were going to be in detention alone together? Did the professors not see how horribly that could end?

The first detention was passed in silence. They sorted books by hand in the library and didn't speak to each other. Albus would steal little side glances at Scorpius but every time he did, Scorpius would be pointedly looking anywhere else.

It wasn't until their fourth detention did they talk. They were in the trophy room, cleaning without magic. Scorpius was trying to fix a broken clasp on a trophy cabinet when Albus suddenly burst out laughing and said, "Oh man, you gotta come see this."

Scorpius went over, his curiosity getting the better of him. Albus was looking at the wall where Scorpius could see were hundreds of messages written on the stone.

"What the hell?" he said.

"Look at this one," said Albus, pointing at one message in particular. Scorpius leaned in.

_Draco Malfoy is a wanker_

_Sincerely, everybody._

That was the funniest thing Scorpius had ever seen. He saw the look on Albus's face like he was suddenly worried that Scorpius would get pissed about this. He had obviously forgotten how much Scorpius loathed his father.

"That's absolutely brilliant," he breathed, scanning the rest. "Bloody hell, this must have been here for awhile."

He saw ones that were there even from before his parents or Albus's were at school. He saw one that said _Harry Potter has a massive dick _which he pointed out to Albus. Albus thought it was funny but still punched him in the arm for it.

Scorpius took a quick look around the room and thought that they'd done enough work for one night. He sat down in front of the wall with his back leaning against a large cabinet and read what other people had written.

Scorpius could have looked at the writings for hours. For some reason, looking at peoples' signatures or confessions from years ago made him think that maybe his problems weren't that bad. That someday, his problems will be nothing more than scratchings on a wall.

He had almost forgotten that Albus was in the room with him until Albus was absentmindedly passing him a licorice wand while chewing on his own. Scorpius accepted it without a word and permitted himself a moment to watch Albus lean casually against a stone pillar to read the wall. He could have been a model.

_A model for licorice wands._

~O-O~

Three more detentions and the trophy room was finished. They moved on to the history of magic classroom that desperately needed cleaning. Just because Binns was dead and didn't have to breathe did not mean that the rest of the people in the class didn't.

Albus was lying underneath one of the tables on his back, holding a piece of metal and trying to scrape off the pieces of gum that were stuck to the underside of the table. Scorpius was crouched on a window ledge, trying to remove the curtains so that they could be cleaned which Scorpius assumed hadn't been done since Binns had fucking DIED.

Every few seconds or so, Scorpius's eyes would dart over to Albus. He still got a weird feeling at the pit of his stomach every time he looked at him. At the beginning of detention (two and a half bloody hours ago) Scorpius had just decided that he was just going to bury what he thought about Albus and never let it surface again and just be cool with him. Even if he wouldn't admit it out loud, he liked having Albus as company.

"Ow, _fuck_," Albus muttered suddenly.

Scorpius peeked over at him and saw Albus clutching his left arm. Not knowing that Scorpius was watching him, Albus pushed up his shirtsleeve until the white bandage poked out at the end. He brushed his hand over it and winced suddenly. Scorpius looked away and busied himself with the curtains, not wanting Albus to know he'd seen.

It could have just been an accident. Quidditch collision maybe or swordfight with Finn because according to Cale they do some weird shit sometimes. But Scorpius knew somehow that is wasn't anything like that. He'd seen Albus in some of his strange near manic periods. He'd seen sad, depressed Albus smoking cigarettes and drinking alone. He knew it wasn't an accident.

And that made Scorpius like him even more.

~O-O~

Scorpius was already at detention when Albus showed up. It took Scorpius all of two seconds to realize that something was wrong. Albus's hair was sticking up everywhere, he was dressed all in black and he looked like he wanted to punch something. Or many things. Or everything possible.

Albus walked right past Scorpius without so much as a look. He picked up the long handled broom and stood on top of table and went to work cleaning the cobwebs from the ceiling. Scorpius stared at him, wide-eyed and shocked, before grabbing another broom to start on the floor.

Albus lasted about ten minutes. He was leaning against a bookshelf to get the far corner of the room when he slipped and he smacked his left arm against the top shelf.

"OW HOLY FUCKING FUCK," he shouted angrily. "Fuckin-!"

He punched the bookshelf in retaliation and then gripped his left arm that was throbbing. He must have forgotten that Scorpius was in the room because he pulled back his sleeve and began unraveling the bandage that was now spotted with blood.

Scorpius watched in horror as Albus took the bandage off completely and threw it across the room. He was huffing in pain and anger but all Scorpius could see was the long red gash that ran all the way down Albus's forearm.

"Oh... _god_," Scorpius whispered before he could stop himself. Albus rounded on him.

"_What_!" he spat. "Sorry I'm not fucking perfect, you fucking-"

Albus grunted in pain and pulled out his wand. For one terrifying second Scorpius thought he was going to hex him but instead he pointed it at his own arm that had started to bleed. He muttered something under his breath and a silvery mist erupted from the tip of his wand. It wrapped itself around his arm and Albus's face turned white with pain. When the mist disappeared, the gash had stopped bleeding but it was red and puckered and looked painful as hell.

"Fuckin' Rose," Albus grumbled. He waved his wand and a fresh bandage appeared. "Thinks she knows _goddamn _everything." He put on a bad falsetto voice and imitated his cousin. "_I'm fucking Rose Weasley, I fucking know everything. I understand the world completely and think my cousin should too. I can just snap my fingers and he should be okay again and he should smile more!_ FUCK."

Albus cursed again as he rewrapped his arm. When he was done he sat down on the floor and looked up at Scorpius. His expression was unexpectantly soft and calm.

"Wow," he said. "I'm sorry for... Not sure why I just did that."

"You tried to kill yourself," Scorpius said. "Was it in the summer? Shouldn't it have stopped bleeding by now? Why won't it close? Don't kill yourself, please." He clamped his mouth shut, feeling like a complete prat.

Albus grimaced. "It _should _have closed by now," he said, "if I hadn't charmed it so that it couldn't like an _idiot_."

Scorpius bowed his head and scratched uncomfortably at the back of his neck. "God. If this were a story the reader would be overcome with overwhelming angst."

Albus snorted and actually cracked a smile. "Too bad this isn't a story."

"Yeah, too bad," said Scorpius, swallowing hard, "because if it were I would pull back my sleeve and take off my watch and show you that were not all that different, you and I."

Albus's face was unreadable. Before he could change his mind, Scorpius reached down and undid his watch. He flashed the inside of his wrist to Albus, all the while remembering that he had never shown anyone that before, not even Cale. Albus looked at it for a moment before he met Scorpius's eyes and said, "Guess we make a pretty fucked up pair."

Scorpius found himself trying to suppress a smile. "You can say that again."

"Guess we make a pretty fucked-"

"Shut up."

Albus laughed and Scorpius realized that Albus had gone from angry and upset to laughing in a few minutes and Scorpius knew that it was all because of him.

~O-O~

A few days later the boys had another detention. Except this time Al showed up.

Scorpius arrived first. He sat down cross-legged atop one of the tables and used a toothbrush to clean out the years of grime from the wood. He looked up when he heard the door fly open and close again, and for Al to stride across the room like he owned the place.

"So I've been thinking," he started.

"That's definitely not a good idea," said Scorpius. Al flipped him off.

"What I was _going_ to say wasthat I'd given you your first cigarette and gotten you drunk for the first time so I was thinking to myself, why not go for the trifecta?"

Scorpius watched as Albus pulled out a joint from his shirt pocket.

"You can't be serious," said Scorpius. Al winked mischievously. "Seriously!? Mate, what if a professor comes by! What if-"

"Oh, blah blah black sheep," Al interrupted. "They won't come. Will you do it with me? Do you trust me?"

Scorpius thought about it for a moment before realizing that he'd already decided. Because he knew that he could never deny Albus Potter anything.

"Fine, fine," he muttered. "Whatever."

Al grinned like this was the best news he has ever heard. He climbed onto the same table that Scorpius was on and sat the same way so that their knees were touching. Al pulled a lighter out of his pocket. He lit the joint and placed it between his lips. Scorpius briefly wondered why he used a muggle lighter and not his wand. Al breathed in but kept the smoke in his mouth. He took the joint from his mouth and breathed the smoke into his lungs.

"That's how you do it," he said, passing the joint to Scorpius.

Scorpius took it and felt how it made him feel holding it between his fingers. Against what the parents say, it did make him feel cool. _Older_. He felt like someone who had his life together and was... dignified as strange as that sounds. Scorpius grinned slightly before he brought the joint to his lips and took a drag.

It didn't taste anything like cigarettes. It was harsh and painful but Scorpius did not cough. He took another hit and passed it to Al.

"Alright then," was all he said.

Al grinned. "God, you're so cute."

He took a drag and cleared his throat before passing it back to Scorpius. They continued this for a few minutes in silence until all that was left was the burning stub. Al extinguished it by pinching it between his thumb and forefinger. If it burned him, Al didn't show it.

"How do you feel?" Al asked.

"No different."

Scorpius could tell that Al was trying not to smile. "Okay. We'll wait. Let's get back to cleaning."

Albus hopped off the table and went off to start organizing the bookshelf. Scorpius shrugged to no one in particular and went back to cleaning the toothbrush with his table.

Wait no.

Shit.

"Albus," said Scorpius.

"Yes," said Al.

"Ya, I'm definitely high."

"Good."

There was a quiet moment before both boys burst out laughing. Scorpius wasn't really sure what was funny and yet he could not stop laughing.

Al sat down on the ground and leant back against the bookshelf he'd been working at.

"Never in a million year would I have imagined this," he said. "Getting high with _Scorpius Malfoy_. Unbelievable."

Scorpius grinned and said, "I'm glad you succeeded in roping me in for your trifecta." He laughed. "_Trifecta_ sounds really weird right now. _Trifecta trifecta trifecta._"

"Alright, Alright," said Al, "it's only nine o'clock, don't give yourself a heart attack." Al's eyes then grew comically wide. "Oh shit. I said I'd meet Nathan tonight at nine."

"Ha, are you shagging that Ravenclaw?" asked Scorpius. He was joking.

"Yup," said Al.

Scorpius's jaw dropped. "I- oh my god, really? You're serious?"

"Yup," said Al again. "Though it's pretty fucked now. He's really into me and I _do not _like him at all."

Scorpius could see exactly what he meant by that. Even though Al was high Scorpius could not believe that he had just opened up to him like that. _Does this mean that we're friends?_

"Yes," said Al, grinning. Scorpius didn't remember saying that out loud. He looked at Al and burst out laughing at the sight of his stupid grinning face. Though Scorpius knew he couldn't just forget his little crush, he realized that he liked Potter's friendship more than he cared for his own torn feelings.

A little while later, Scorpius found himself back in the halls of Hogwarts having finished detention with Al Potter standing by his side. Scorpius was staring at the ceiling but he could feel Al's eyes on him.

"I'm really sorry for fighting you that day," said Scorpius suddenly. "I am a highly unstable person and apparently you just... set me off I guess. Not your fault though," Scorpius added quickly.

He peeked down at Al to see him giving him a wide grin.

"Here," he said, grabbing Scorpius's shoulders and pushing him down. "You can make it up to me."

And that is how stoned Scorpius Malfoy gave stoned Al Potter a piggyback through the castle in the middle of the night.

**Author's note!**

**I hope that you all like the story so far. Next chapter will be out soon**

**Uh, don't forget to review! Because reviews are awesome**

**Stay shiny **


	10. So Far (It's Alright)

**Chapter 9: So Far (It's Alright)**

The Christmas holidays were a week away and Albus was counting down the days on his Doctor Who calendar. He wanted to be at home with his parents, in his own bed and most importantly away from Scorpius Malfoy whose presence in his life was confusing him a way he couldn't even begin to understand. Albus had been co-conscious twice when he was Al. Once when he was trying to get sex out of Scorpius (oh dear god) and their last detention together. It was obvious to him that the only thing in common between the two incidents was Malfoy. None of it made sense and Albus just wanted to be home.

On the other side of the castle, Scorpius Malfoy was wishing the exact opposite. Before that morning he had been pleased to be going home to see his parents and his cat and sleep in his own massive bed with no teenage boys walking about all night. And then at breakfast he'd received a letter from his father telling Scorpius that Astoria and himself were going to Hawaii or someplace of the sort and that Scorpius should "use this time to see friends" and to "take this opportunity to have some liberty".

In other words you're on your own, kid.

Scorpius sulked for the rest of the day and wouldn't come out of his dorm. Cale had to physically drag him out of bed the next day to watch Gryffindor cream Hufflepuff on the pitch.

Scorpius found the game very... interesting. The first half of the game Albus was calculating and careful, staying in formation with the other chasers and _not being mental._ The second half, Scorpius thought, it was as if Albus was still in the changeroom and some random person was now playing for him. This Albus was all over the place; unsafely diving towards people (even his own team mates) and not following plays at all. It should have been a wreck and yet Albus scored even more this half than the first. Scorpius watched in awe as the game ended and Hufflepuff flew off in defeat. He watched Albus stand up on his broom and bow arrogantly to the crowd. He also watched him fall off his broom and hit the ground spectacularly but thankfully he wasn't that high.

Every day, Scorpius seemed to understand Albus Potter a little bit less.

~O-O~

It was Friday night before the Christmas holidays. The train would leave early the next morning so Scorpius was in the library trying to finish as much homework as possible so that he wouldn't have to do it over the break.

_Not that it would matter_, Scorpius thought bitterly, _I could just do it when my parents leave me alone at the house so they can vacation in paradise where they didn't invite me_.

Scorpius scratched out his transfiguration essay with an inordinate amount of repressed anger. He eventually realized that he had no idea what he was writing about so he pushed back his chair and made his way through the towering bookshelves to find something that would help him.

He paused just before the transfiguration section. Then he backed up to the previous row where Al Potter was five feet above ground climbing a bookshelf. Scorpius stared at him until Al looked over and said, "Oh, please, you've seen me do weirder things."

"Okay?" said Scorpius. "What are you doing?"

"You'll have to come up to find out," Al challenged. He then pulled himself over the top of the bookshelf and disappeared. Scorpius stared after him, wondering how he had ignored this strange, exciting boy for six years.

Al was lying down and watching Scorpius, a wide grin on his face, when Scorpius reached the top of the opposite bookshelf. Scorpius stared back until he brought his legs up and lay down. He realized that up here, lying down like they were, no one could see them.

"So what now," Scorpius asked almost immediately. He never had any patience.

"Listen," said Al. And then he closed his eyes and said no more.

Scorpius realized quickly that Albus Potter was a boy who was very easily amused. When the first group of gossiping first year girls arrived between the shelves, Albus was already grinning and he probably had no idea who the girls were talking about or truly cared who had snogged who behind the greenhouse.

The next group Scorpius thought was far more interesting. A group of Slytherin third-years were plotting easily the worst prank Scorpius had ever heard on some Gryffindor's. Their prank was so complicated and had so many holes that Scorpius almost blew their cover because he was silently laughing so hard.

There was a ten minute gap after they had left where it seemed the library was empty. Al closed his eyes and seemed to take a nap, content to wait.

Scorpius watched Al, taking in every inch of him. How his bangs were too long and fell into his eyes. The way his fingers wouldn't stop twitching and tapping against the shelf. Scorpius could see a cartilage piercing on his right ear and he couldn't remember if he'd seen it before.

Things got interesting a few minutes later when two Hufflepuff fifth-year boys stumbled into sight and began furiously making out. Scorpius stared at them completely astounded while Al silently laughed so hard he had to grip the edges of the shelf to keep from rolling off.

When the boys were kissed-out and had left, Al sat up and wiped his eyes saying, "Merlin, that was the best it's ever been.

Scorpius sat up too. "Is this was you do all the time? Spy on people and learn everyone's secrets _from above_?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Christ, you're mental. You and the library are a weird mix, mate. At the beginning of the year you asked me for sex in here."

And then Al grinned a smile that said _I am very deranged_ and he jumped over to Scorpius's bookshelf. Scorpius had time to push himself up onto his forearms before Al Potter was leaning over him with his face dangerously close to his. Scorpius meant to shove him off but all he could do was stare into Al's eyes and resist the urge to reach out a hand and touch him.

"The offer still stands you know," whispered Al, leaning even closer until all Scorpius could see was _Al Al Al._

Scorpius must have closed his eyes because he became suddenly aware of the empty space around him. When he opened his eyes, he was very much alone and any trace of Al Potter was gone.

~O-O~

Scorpius and Albus spent the first few days of the holidays alone. Scorpius spent the time wandering his empty mansion, sleeping in the attic because it had the best view and trying not to go out of his mind. Albus spent it in his bedroom with the lights off and music playing on the stereo day and night. He had been so excited to come home but now that he was here he wanted to be anywhere else. He realized he didn't like the quiet of the house. He loved his family but he didn't like hearing them around him.

Because every time he did he remembered how much of a burden he is to them.

On Christmas morning Scorpius woke up to four present at the end of his bed. One was from Cale that turned out to be a book of gay pornography which Scorpius intended to burn. The other three were from his parents. He received a white collared shirt (the same one as he'd gotten last year), a calendar of the Montrose Magpies (a team that Scorpius didn't even support anymore) and a black, leather bound journal of all things.

For the rest of the day, Scorpius sat cross-legged on the piano bench, trying to remember how to play before he ate Christmas dinner alone at the dining room table. He set three places and wished he were surrounded by people.

Albus had another Christmas dinner at the Burrow. Everyone was there and Albus had never felt more claustrophobic in his life. There weren't enough seats at the table so Albus had to sit on the kitchen counter with his plate on his lap. He was grateful for his family, of course he was, but at that moment he wanted nothing more than to be alone.

_But he's never truly alone is he Al. _

~O-O~

Scorpius wanted to wait a few days after Christmas before he called Cale. He only lasted till the next morning.

Cale picked up on the third ring and to Scorpius is sounded like he was still asleep.

"Do you have any idea what time it is," Cale growled after Scorpius had said a near hysterical greeting.

"Yeah, early, whatever," said Scorpius very fast. "So can we hang out today? I'm pretty much losing my mind over here."

Scorpius could hear someone laugh in the background and then Finn was inviting himself and Cale over. Scorpius just laughed maniacally and told them to come over as soon as they could.

On his end, Cale put down the phone and it almost immediately began ringing again. Finn picked it up. It was Albus and he asked if Finn was busy. Cale grinned evilly and, stealing the phone from his brother, told Albus to meet at theirs because they were goingto_ go out for the day_. He didn't tell him where.

Twenty minutes later and Albus was walking through Wiltshire with Cale and Finn. He was so glad to be out of his house that he didn't even care where they were headed. When Finn asked Cale how far they were Albus finally asked where they were going. Cale and Finn shared a look where they were both trying hard not to laugh before Cale said, "Scor's place."

And then a huge mansion loomed up in front of them and Albus swore.

"Great," he said flatly. "This won't be awkward at all for everyone."

Finn threw his arm around his friend while Cale led the way up to the house.

Scorpius was waiting in the dining room, impatiently tapping his fingers against the table. He wondered if this was what it felt like to quit cigarettes or stop doing... cocaine or something like that. Then he thought that that was ridiculous and that Cale and Finn needed to get there very soon because he was most definitely losing it. The brass knocker sounded throughout the house and Scorpius ran for the door in a very childlike way only to feel like he'd been roundhouse kicked in the face when he opened the door to see Cale and Finn grinning at him like they had en evil secret and Albus fucking Potter smiling sheepishly from behind them.

"Uhh-" was basically all that Scorpius could manage to say.

"Oh, get over it," said Cale, clapping Scorpius on the shoulder and moving past him into the house. "It could be worse."

Finn snorted and ruffled Scorpius's hair as he strolled into the house like he owned it which left Albus and Scorpius to stare at each extremely uncomfortably.

"They didn't tell me where we were going," said Albus automatically in somewhat of a robot voice. "I can... like, leave if you don't want me at your house."

Scorpius just stared at him in a way that Albus would later call his "owl face".

"What's taking you idiots so long!" yelled Cale from somewhere behind them. "Stop eye-fucking each other and get in here!"

Scorpius willed himself not to blush but when that failed miserably he let Albus Potter into his home and prayed for an asteroid to crash into his house and kill him instantly so he wouldn't have to live through whatever was to happen that afternoon.

~O-O~

Two things became quickly apparent to Scorpius.

One, that Edward was a vampire- No shit, wrong book.

That Cale Harrison was the fucking devil.

And two. That Cale had most definitely told Finn about his small, tiny, minuscule crush on Albus Potter.

Finn asked Scorpius if he would give them a tour of his house which seemed innocent enough until Cale and Finn would run up ahead every five seconds, leaving Albus and Scorpius to walk beside each other in horrible silence.

At first he thought he was just being paranoid and that Cale would never tell his secret to anyone but he knew he wasn't going crazy when Finn tried to lock him and Albus in his own bedroom. He stopped him in time and luckily Albus was too embarrassed about the whole situation that he didn't even notice. He also didn't notice Scorpius smack both of them in the face which he was glad for so he wouldn't have to explain himself.

When the tour was over and the four of them were back in the entrance hall (Finn's cheek was bright red and Cale eye was just a little bit swollen), Scorpius came to the sudden realization that his brain couldn't come up with a single thing to do and basically he just wanted to curl up on the floor and die.

Rationally, he knew him and Potter should be okay. They knew extremely personal stuff about each other and had actually hung out socially a few times and laughed together like normal teenagers (though admittedly under the influence of drugs or alcohol) but this seemed...

different. Albus seemed different. He was quiet and awkward and not in one of his _wild_ moods. Scorpius felt way out of his depth.

"So... what do we do now," said Scorpius, breaking the excruciating silence.

Albus looked ready to shoot himself. Cale and Finn seemed comfortable like they always goddamn are. Finally Cale said, "God, we all need to lighten up."

And then Albus seemed to brighten a little bit because he slipped off the bag from his shoulders that Scorpius hadn't even noticed before and said, "So it's a good thing I brought this then." And then he took out a full bottle of Firewhisky and Scorpius had never liked him more than he did at that moment. None of them apparently cared that is was only 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

"I love you, Albus Potter," said Cale. "Finn, you and Scor go to the living room and prepare, Albus- come get glasses with me."

The way he said it (not to mention the evil grin that accompanied it) made Albus quite terrified. Albus followed him anyways after giving the bottle to Finn and purposefully avoiding Scorpius's gaze because for some reason he felt awkward to the max with him today.

He followed Cale into the kitchen only to be cornered between the counter and the fridge.

"I know your secret," Cale whispered cryptically like he was a black op.

"Ow _fuck, _there's a espresso machine pressing into my back, Cale."

"Oh, sorry." Cale took a step back. " So Finn told me about Al, mate."

Albus felt like he had been doused in cold water. He felt infinitely better when Cale pulled him into a hug and said, "I'm so sorry. You are too nice a person for something like that to have happened to you and please don't be mad at Finn for telling me. Also it explains so much, you crazy motherfucker."

Then he pulled back and grabbed Albus by the shoulders, staring right into his eyes.

"Some are born great," he said. "Some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. Wow, that was pretty good, I totally just made that up."

Albus snorted, grabbed four brandy glasses from the cabinet and pushed _Shakespeare _towards the living room.

"Wow, a true poet. Just don't be thrusting anything on me."

~O-O~

When Cale had told Finn and Scorpius to "prepare", to Finn that meant assemble all the seat cushions and pillows on the floor in a fort-like structure. When Albus came into the living room all he saw was Finn lounged across several cushions in front of the fireplace and Scorpius Malfoy perched ever so delicately on a throw pillow and it was the greatest sight Albus had ever seen. He was so pleased in fact that he didn't even think about it before he was sitting down beside Scorpius Malfoy and handing him a glass.

He gave out the rest (missing the look of near hyperventilation on Scorpius's face when he leaned across him to reach Cale) and Finn poured them all a shot.

"Wait, we need to toast to something," said Cale.

"Fuck, you and your toasting..." mumbled Finn.

"Shut the fuck up. Okay. To... destroying our livers," said Cale.

"To being an only child," said Finn.

"To sanity!" said Albus.

"To deserting parents," said Scorpius.

And then glasses were raised and all the boys downed their shots which was immediately followed by coughing and horribly pained expressions.

The Firewhisky was passed around again and an hour later the bottle was nearly empty and the boys were quite intoxicated. Now, Scorpius was sitting upside down on the cushion-less couch with his legs hanging off the back. Cale was sitting on the ground beside him, poking his wand at his own hair to make his bangs grow shorter and longer. Finn was... actually Finn was nowhere to be found something Cale said he does a lot when he's drunk. Albus was on the floor, sipping his something-th drink (he'd lost track a while ago). He had a content smile on his face, something quite rare, and his eyes were trained on the upside-down boy.

"I'm so glad that Christmas is fuckin' done," moaned Cale. "I probably had the worst Christmas of ever."

"_No_."

Albus and Scorpius spoke the word at the same time. They stared down each other until Scorpius flipped over and said, "No way could yours have been worse, Potter."

Finn strolled back in then, carrying crisps and licorice wands. He looked between Albus and Scorpius curiously and sat down. Albus crossed his arms and tried to blink away the blurriness of the Firewhisky.

"There's not even the _slightest_ of chances that you had a worse Christmas, Malfoy."

"Oh yeah?" Scorpius challenged. "My parents left for a vacation without even inviting me, leaving me to spend Christmas alone in this big empty house."

Cale felt bad for thinking his Christmas had been bad. In truth he'd only thought it had been bad because there had been so many people staying at his house that he'd had to share a room with Finn. So he grimaced in understanding for Scorpius and didn't say anything else.

Finn, meanwhile, was looking at Albus. Albus was looking down at his hands.

"Everything was going- _perfectly_," said Albus. "Until Christmas dinner when my sad fucked up little brain told me that my family wouldn't miss me if I were gone." Albus's eyes flickered up to meet Scorpius's. "Then Al came in, stood up and told everyone what I tried to do in August."

"Oh, Albus," Finn murmured, horrified.

Albus laughed darkly. "As if that wasn't bad enough Al then told them that they're all sadists for letting me keep on living when I'm in so much pain. He said that me being a masochist makes everything that much worse and that we should all _drink for Albus's last Christmas_! When I came back I almost killed myself right there."

A stunned silence followed Albus's speech. Then Finn let out a tirade of swear words and all but forced the rest of the Firewhisky down Albus's throat. Cale looked horrified but Albus just laughed because oddly, it was exactly what he wanted.

When Cale had recovered he asked Albus if he thought Al would make an appearance tonight. Albus was spared from answering when an emotional Finn suddenly burst into furious tears and apologized again for having thought for a bit that he enjoyed Al's company more that Albus's.

"S'alright," said Albus with a shrug that was supposed to seem like he didn't care but in reality he cared quite a bit. "Al is... wild and fun and more like you, Finn, than I ever was or will be."

Finn sniffed and rubbed his face harshly on the sleeve of his sweater. Cale looked at Albus sadly like he wished he had a great solution to the problem but knew he would never find one.

Scorpius just stared.

Albus tipped the last of the Firewhisky into his glass and downed it. He wiped his mouth and said in a low, gruff voice, "Sometimes _I_ even like Al better. He's _fun_ and even though he told my entire family about how I tried to kill myself at least he wasn't the one who did it." Albus brought the bottle to his lips and tipped it upside down, drinking the last few drops. "I mean, other than the cigarettes and the potential drinking problem Al is fucking great."

There was a brief uncomfortable silence that followed Albus's confession but the boys were spared from talking about it when Albus shuddered and closed his eyes with that same strange look crossing his face. Cale sat up straighter and Finn looked instantly wide awake.

Al cracked his neck and opened his eyes, a mad grin spreading across his face.

"Lads," he said with a wink.

Cale began laughing in that drunken hysterical way. Finn chuckled lightly and said, "This is gonna get ugly."

Meanwhile Scorpius sat there on the couch staring at all three of them in turn without the slightest clue as to what the flying fuck was going on.

Cale's head suddenly snapped up, his face alight with excitement. "Holy shit I just realized! That time you were really sexual with me on the train! That was you, not Albus, wasn't it?!"

He didn't even wait for an answer. He just burst out laughing and then said, "And with Scorpius in the library that time!" Scorpius was brought out of his thoughts at the mention of his name. "That was all you!"

Al winked and opened his mouth to say something but Cale was on a roll.

"Wait so, is Al gay?"

Al shrugged. "Dunno. Sometimes I like girls and," he looked directly at Scorpius, "sometimes I like guys."

Al laughed to himself while Finn and Cale shared a look. Scorpius just sat there, drunk and stunned.

"Wow, I'm hurt, Al," said Finn, leaning back casually on his hands. "You've hit on Cale _and_ Scorpius but not me. Ouch, mate."

No one was emotionally ready for what Al did. He grinned suggestively at his best friend before he crawled over to him, took his face in between his hands and kissed him right on the mouth. Cale gaped at the pair of them as Al worked his mouth over Finn's. Scorpius might have done something but as Al was kissing Finn he was looking over his shoulder- right at Scorpius. The blond boy wondered if he was just so drunk that he was hallucinating. Or he had passed out, that was a good explanation too.

After a solid thirty seconds of snogging, Finn pushed Al off and scrubbed at his lips.

"Great, now I can cross off kissing a boy from my bucket list." He said it like he was annoyed but he was grinning. Finally Scorpius shook his head and leaned forward into the conversation.

"Oh, I just remembered," he said. "Yeah, I have _no idea _what's going on."

Al, Finn and Cale looked at each before bursting out in identical laughs. Al quickly calmed down and while the other two were still laughing he looked directly at Scorpius and said, "I am not Albus Potter."

Finn filled in the rest and when he was done, Scorpius's view on the middle Potter child was completely backwards. He didn't even know this kind of thing happened or that wizarding medicines couldn't fix it. He realized that everyone else was staring at him, waiting for his reaction. Al appeared at ease but Scorpius could see in his eyes that he was worried, like he needed Scorpius to be okay with this. Scorpius couldn't figure out why he would care but for right now that didn't matter.

Scorpius cleared his throat.

"Well shit," he said. "Makes my daddy issues look like a paper cut."

The twins laughed but Scorpius was only looking at Al. A smile pulled at his lips when he saw the look of relief on Al's face. Scorpius still couldn't figure out why Al had been worried but he decided he didn't care. So he smiled back and went off to steal more liquor from his parents' cellar.


	11. This Is What Makes Us

**Chapter 10: This Is What Makes Us**

Scorpius thought about Albus Potter and Al Potter for the rest of the holidays. The whole situation felt weird to him. They had spent five year at odds with each other, spent last year completely ignoring the other, had a rough start to this year and then suddenly Scorpius is waking up on his living room floor with a raging hangover and Albus Potter asleep beside him. Not to mention with the knowledge of Albus's big secret drilled into his brain.

_How did this happen. Why was he, _aMalfoy for fuck's sake_, trusted with this?_

_Why why why._

Two years ago and he would have told everyone Albus's secret so that Albus could be publically shamed and outcasted. Now all he cared about was helping him and making sure he doesn't try what he did in August again. He can't believe it but he realizes that he honestly cares for the Potter boy.

Weird.

He was hoping to see Albus on the train back to Hogwarts at the end of the break so that they could talk (though he wouldn't have a clue where to even start in that conversation) but he couldn't find him. Later that night when he had unpacked his things and was heading up with Cale to the Great Hall for dinner he saw Finn walking up ahead but he was alone. He was so focused as to where Albus could be that he didn't see him sneak up beside him until Albus was latching onto his arm and pulling him across the hall into a room that turned out to be a tiny broom closet.

The room was pitch black and Scorpius couldn't see a thing. He wanted to light his wand but Albus didn't light his either so he wasn't sure what the protocol was in this situation and he was also definitely over thinking this and he should definitely shut up.

A voice in the dark cleared their throat and said, "Sorry for, uh, kidnapping you. I tried to catch you on the train but I couldn't find you."

"Okay," said Scorpius an octave higher than usual. He was glad for the darkness because his face was beat red at the thought of being alone in a broom cupboard with Albus.

"I just wanted to, umm, _fuck_ why are we in the dark..." There was a rustling sound and then Albus was holding up his lighted wand. His eyes were glassy and Scorpius realized that he had a kind of excited-nervous energy about him but he couldn't quite figure it out.

"So I've realized recently that you're actually a pretty chill bloke," Albus started in one breath. It sounded a bit scripted like he'd practiced which made Scorpius's heart beat really, _really_ fast.

"So you know about the whole _Nathan _situation and now about this and I'm fairly certain you wouldn't be a big enough prick to tell people but I just want to make sure you know not to say anything. Especially about the Al thing."

Albus looked at Scorpius expectantly, waiting for his answer. Scorpius, meanwhile was blanking, thinking only about how Albus was taller than him and how he was sure Albus could here his heartbeat and how they were very much alone in this cupboard. When he realized that Albus was waiting for an answer Scorpius shook his head and said, "Yes, of course. I won't tell anyone. I promise."

Albus seemed satisfied because he lowered his wand that Scorpius hadn't even noticed had raised a bit. Albus grinned a bit awkwardly.

"So we're cool, yea?"

"You have a spider on your face," said Scorpius stupidly.

Albus reached up calmly (Scorpius would have definitely screamed like a child) and plucked the spider from his cheek. Then he smiled and flicked the spider into Scorpius's face. Albus then bolted from the cupboard and ran laughing all the way to the Great Hall, the sound of Scorpius yelling and banging about the closet ringing in his ears.

~O-O~

Scorpius jerked awake the next working in that sudden hysterical way that one may experience after a horrific nightmare. In Scorpius's case it wasn't so much a nightmare as a dream that he wished he didn't want.

In the dream, Scorpius was alone on the highest tower of Hogwarts. It was summer because the lake had melted and the trees were full and green and yet the air felt cold like something had taken all the heat from the world.

And then Albus was there, his skin warm and tan as his hands reaching for Scorpius. Their skin touched and Scorpius felt his body heat right down to his toes. Scorpius looked into his eyes, the brightest green he had ever seen, for what could have been five minutes or five hours or five years. And then Albus's hands found Scorpius's cheeks and they were kissing and even when Scorpius woke up he could still feel Albus's lips on his. He sat up slowly and stared out the window, wishing that he hadn't dreamed that. He knew that him and Albus could never actually be together, he wasn't an idiot. He wished there was a switch that he could just flip and he would forget about how he felt but that was ridiculous and didn't exist. He ran his hands roughly through his hair before he got up to have a shower and forget about stupid Potter and his stupid attractiveness and his stupid green eyes.

~O-O~

Finn watched Albus put on his school robes in amusement. Albus's trousers were on backwards and his shirt was buttoned wrong so that one end was longer than the other. He debated whether or not he should let him walk out of the dormitory like that.

In the end Finn just smirked and said, "Having some difficulties there, mate?"

Albus looked down, cursed, and tried to fix himself before they were late for breakfast.

"Anything on your mind?" Finn asked. He was hoping for a love confession for Scorpius but he knew it was too early for that. He was 95% sure that Albus hadn't even realized it yet.

"It was alright him to trust, right?" Albus asked quietly. His fingers slipped over the fastenings on his shirt. "Or was telling him the worst thing imaginable."

"He may be a Malfoy," said Finn, leading the way out of the dormitory, "but he does have a heart. He won't betray you."

"Who won't betray you, Albus?" asked Rose, appearing at the bottom of the girls' staircase. "What did I miss?"

Finn and Albus exchanged a look.

"It's nothing, Rose," said Albus. "Weird thing happened with Cale, is all."

Rose could tell that Albus wasn't telling her the truth. She pursed her lips in a very Aunt Hermione kind of way and left the boys without another word.

Rose was pissed off but did feel like she had every right to be. She had been there for Albus after it had happened and now it seemed like he had forgotten her and all she'd done for him. Rose was the one who got Albus to calm down after what he'd done on Christmas. She'd thought that maybe things would get better for the two of them but nothing had changed.

Albus was lost in his own mind. Drowning in his own sadness with no chance of being saved.

Rose kept trying to help him but there's only so many times she can be pushed away before she had to give up.

~O-O~

Morning classes past quickly for Albus. Usually when his thoughts were overflowing things will crawl until he is sure time itself had stopped just to torture him but today things were different. He met Finn after Arithmancy and the two walked together towards the Great Hall for lunch. Albus made for the Gryffindor table but Finn stopped him saying, "Do you think we should, after all...?"

He trailed off but Albus followed his gaze. He was looking over to where Cale and Scorpius were sitting at the Slytherin table. Albus debated it for a moment in his head before he said, "I suppose," and followed Finn to the table. Scorpius looked up and his eyes met Albus's.

"Can we sit with you?" Finn asked his brother. Albus did not take his eyes off Scorpius.

"Sure," said Cale, budging up to make room.

Finn stepped up onto the table and crossed it to the other side, sitting opposite his brother. Albus sat down slowly in front of Scorpius. Their knees were touching but neither made any attempt to remedy this. Finn and Cale started up a conversation about the summer holidays and other random things that made Albus wonder if there were just making shit up so that he and Scorpius could talk.

"So," Scorpius said. He tried to think of something to say, failed and took an extra big gulp of orange juice, choking on it.

Albus swore. "Didn't _used_ to be this awkward..."

They fell until silence again, Albus looking anywhere but at the boy in front of him and Scorpius trying to will his face into not being so red. As a last resort he reached into his pocket and pulled out a new bag of licorice wands, stuck one in his mouth and offered the bag to Albus. Albus took a few and after that there were no more quiet moments. At one point Scorpius looked over to see both Cale and Finn wink at him at the exact same time. He was fucking grateful that Albus did not see that.

~O-O~

The last class of the day was charms which Gryffindor and Slytherin have together. Today, Cale, Finn, Albus and Scorpius sat together at the back of the class. They were working on complicated non-verbal spells. Cale seemed to napping with the hood of his cloak over his eyes. Finn was chatting up a few Slytherin girls which left Albus and Scorpius to talk quietly with each other.

"It's Lily's birthday in a few days," said Albus. "Turning _sixteen."_

"What are you getting her," asked Scorpius distractedly, flicking his wand and making Cale's right shoelace sway in the air.

"Not a clue. James was always good at getting her stuff. Lily and I... we're not that close actually."

Something strange in his voice made Scorpius look up. "Did you used to be? Sorry," he added quickly as an after thought. It sounded a bit less rude in his head.

Albus waved his wand and Cale's left shoelace shot up into the air and began battling the right one.

"She was the most traumatized of everyone to find out about me," said Albus. "At first she wouldn't believe I even had _DID_. She kept saying that it was just mood swings and that we all have multiple personalities to an extent."

"That's horrible," said Scorpius quietly before he could stop himself.

"She just didn't... get it for the longest time. Even now she can barely look at me and oh great! I'm crying in charms!"

Rubbing his eyes Albus looked around and said, quite dramatically, "Hold me, Finn!"

Scorpius felt a familiar roar of jealousy watching Finn hug Albus. Even though it was unrealistic, Scorpius wished that Albus had asked him for a hug.

When class ended twenty minutes later, Albus asked the others if after dinner they should all go to the library to study and hang out. With identical evil grins in Scorpius's direction the twins told Albus that they have charms club to get to that evening. Finn then followed it up saying that Albus and Scorpius should still go study together. Scorpius could tell that Albus felt awkward about it but he shrugged and agreed anyway, turning to Scorpius as if to say _can't back down now_.

The boys walked to dinner but ate separately. Cale sat down beside Scorpius and watched him eat at such an alarming speed he couldn't tell if he was just really hungry or was trying to make himself sick.

"Trying to up your stamina for Albus?" Cale asked.

Scorpius, appearing not to have even heard him, stopped shoveling food into his mouth long enough to say, "I'm fucked for our study date, aren't I."

Cale nodded. "Yeah, pretty much, mate." Scorpius picked up his goblet of pumpkin juice and drank half of it in one go, his eyes fixed across the hall at the back of a certain black head.

Albus, meanwhile, wasn't eating a thing. He had chosen the side of the table that faces away from the Slytherin's so he could stare wide-eyed at the wall and not show Scorpius that tonight was going to be a disaster.

"Stop it, mate. You look bloody terrifying," smirked Finn. "Unless you've had an aneurysm and can't move your facial muscles in which case I am very sorry."

"I'm right fucked for tonight aren't I," said Albus flatly.

Finn just winked.

A half hour later, Cale and Finn left Albus and Scorpius in the charms corridor, leaving them to walk to the library at the other end of the third floor alone. The short walk felt like ages. They talked mostly about the ministry party that was coming up that. As the children of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, they were both being forced to attend.

They were almost at the library when Professor Healy stopped them.

"Potter I was wondering if I could have a word," he said, his face devoid of emotion. His eyes flickered to Scorpius. "Malfoy will you give us a moment."

"Okay," said Scorpius unsurely. He kept on walking but stopped and looked back when he reached the library.

Albus looked strange. His hands were clenched tight against his sides and his jaw was twitching. Professor Healy was talking fast and strong, using his hands a lot to emphasize and either he was blind or an idiot but he wasn't backing down even though Albus's eyes were beginning to shine. But he did not cry. No.

It was worse.

Scorpius's eyes narrowed as he watched Albus shudder and shut his eyes for the briefest of seconds. He never would have known before but now he knows what to look for.

Professor Healy left shortly after. Al didn't immediately move. He waited, staring intently at the floor, before he finally shoved his hands into his pockets, sighed loudly and made his way over to Scorpius.

"Shall we?" he said casually, strolling right past Scorpius into the library as if nothing had happened.

"Seriously?" said Scorpius, hurrying to catch up. "That's it, that's all I get?"

"Dunno what you're talking about," muttered Al, scanning the room for an empty table. "Fuck, all the tables are full."

"There's always empty ones near the back now don't change the subject, you prat," hissed Scorpius.

Al glanced over at Scorpius, a grin on his face that seemed so wrong in the situation. "Don't worry your pretty face," he said. "Happens all the time and I'm here now so just forget it."

Scorpius chewed on the inside of his cheek and decided not to say anything else until they were alone. They managed to find a table and a large couch at the back of the Divination section. Al, ever proper, kicked off his shoes and undid the top few buttons on his shirt before flopping down onto the couch. When he noticed Scorpius staring at him he rolled his eyes and moved over so that Scorpius could sit. Reluctantly Scorpius sat, loosening his tie a bit. Al watched him.

The first twenty minutes were spent in near perfect silence. Scorpius knew they were meant to study _together_ but now that Al was here he felt like everything was backwards. He peeked over at Al once and he looked really absorbed into his Herbology work but when Scorpius looked again he realized Al was drawing a massive Hungarian Horntail right in the middle of his or rather Albus's notes. Scorpius kept his mouth shut.

Considering Al's track record Scorpius was rather impressed at how long Al stayed focused, disregarding the fact that he was drawing and not actually doing any work. It was nearly an hour by the time Al threw down his quill and sighed loudly and obnoxiously. Scorpius wished he'd waited just a few more minutes to give up because he had only two inches to go for his potions essay.

"Maybe if you tried to actually do some _work_," muttered Scorpius.

Al didn't answer. Scorpius kept writing and was quite pleased with himself when he finished off the last word. He did a quick look over and, satisfied, he looked up smiling only to find Al looking at him strangely. His eyes were quite dark, like he was up to something.

"What," Scorpius said flatly.

"I'm bored," said Al, oddly breathless.

"Okay, sure. You've got quidditch in half an hour though so we should probably-"

Scorpius stopped talking because Al Potter was crawling across the couch towards him with a wicked smile until he was on top of Scorpius, with his hands on either side of his head keeping him trapped, leaning in. Scorpius came to his senses a second before Al's lips could meet his and he weakly pushed a hand against his chest.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" he squeaked out. His heart was hammering against his chest and he was sure Al could hear it.

"What?" said Al evilly, like absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary. "Told you, I'm bored."

He leaned in again, closing his eyes. Their lips briefly touched.

Then Scorpius was pushing Al harshly in the chest until they were both back on opposite sides of the couch.

"What the _fuck_, mate!" Scorpius stammered. His face was a bright shade of pink and his eyes were wide open.

Al, cool as ever, smirked and said, "Common, Scor, I see the way you look at me. Albus may be blind but I'm not."

Scorpius gaped at him.

"Nothing to say?" Al teased. He stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. "Thought so."

He walked off, his fingers trailing across Scorpius's shoulder as he went. He paused at the end of the aisle only to turn back and wink.

Scorpius stared at the empty spot where Al had been, not quite sure what to do. Eventually he stood and mechanically packed his things back into his bag. When he was done he realized that Al had accidentally forgotten his ruined Herbology notes. He picked it up and realized that Al had not left it by accident at all.

The picture was a Hungarian Horntail, right down to the last detail. Except there was a small figure riding the dragon who was unmistakably Scorpius.

And he was naked.

Feeling embarrassed, mad and somewhat flattered Scorpius left the library with the drawing shoved deep in his bag where no one would ever fucking see it.

**Author's note**

**If you're looking for a similar Albus/Scorpius fic to read while I update this one I have a completed one on my profile! It's chaptered and a lot like this one in the sense that it's funny but also angsty. Don't forget to review!**


	12. Awake

**Chapter 11: Awake**

Scorpius came face to face with the only upside to Albus's condition the next day when Albus nodded to him politely at breakfast, having no memory whatsoever of what his other half had done. Scorpius waved back automatically feeling like the end of the entire fucking world had just been avoided.

"Your face looks weird," said Cale, from somewhere to his left. "Did Albus make out with it properly enough last night?"

"Oh, he tried," said Scorpius casually. He peeked over at Cale whose mouth had fallen open. "Except it wasn't Albus if you know what I mean."

"Now that's fucked up," whispered Cale.

Scorpius sighed loudly and rested his head on his hands. He was tired. And not just because he spent half the night staring at the ceiling in shock and horror.

Scorpius was exhausted. It was hard to be him every second of every day, especially when he's not really being him.

Finn wandered over a few minutes later. He tossed Cale a letter from their parents and turned to Scorpius.

"You look like shit."

Cale perked up. "Albus became Al on their study date and tried to stick his tongue down ol' Scor's throat."

Finn blinked. "Now that's fucked up."

Scorpius snorted in that _I'm much too tired to care _sort of way. Then he stood up and said a quick goodbye to the twins before heading off for Potions. He wanted to get there early so he could get a seat in the far back corner of the room where it's dark and secluded and where he could just nap through the lesson. He reached the class just as the first bell rang. He sat and was only alone for a few minutes before Albus Potter took the seat next to him.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday," he said. Scorpius blanched, thinking Albus had suddenly remembered everything Aldone. "I thought us studying together could make us better mates or whatever but I guess that's hard to do when I miss out on everything."

Scorpius could breathe again. _He didn't remember. _He turned to look at Albus who said, "I hope Al was okay. Manageable more like."

"Oh, yes yes, he was fine," said Scorpius in the most unbelievable voice. Albus stared at him a little longer than necessary but turned away without saying anything. The rest of the class began to file in. The twins came and sat together and Scorpius thought that Albus would go join them. Instead he stayed and started taking out his cauldron and books for the lesson. Mildly surprised, Scorpius got out his own things, trying to stop the enormous grin that wanted to take over his entire face.

"Oh!" said Albus suddenly, looking back over at Scorpius. "I almost forgot. I've lost my Herbology notes from yesterday. Do you know where they could be?"

Scorpius burst out laughing. "Yes, but I don't think you'll want them back." He did not elaborate further.

They were working in partners again today. Without even talking about it, Albus and Scorpius paired up. For Scorpius it was actually a relief to work with someone like Albus. Whenever Scorpius worked with Cale, Cale would always try to micromanage and wouldn't tell Scorpius what ingredients he had already used or what stirring pattern he had already done. Scorpius couldn't even remember the last time they'd made a potion correctly.

Working with Albus was perfect. Scorpius did all the work while Albus stayed out of the way, copying Scorpius's Herbology homework under the desk. Midway through the lesson Albus apologized for not helping.

"Are you kidding?" said Scorpius. "Two micro-managers should never be partners so this works out really well. Be my partner every time, will you?"

He said it in a half joking way but Albus still blushed and looked back down at his notes. Scorpius watched him for awhile, a smug smile pulling at his lips.

When class finished Albus gave Scorpius back his notes and quickly left the room before Scorpius could say anything. He wondered if he had done something wrong.

"Where the bloody hell was Albus running off to so quick?" said Finn, wandering over with Cale in tow.

"No idea," shrugged Scorpius, packing up his Potions and Herbology things. "We were getting along alright all lesson."

"Do you think he hopped off the bus?" whispered Finn. Scorpius and Cale shared a look.

"Did he... what?"

"Well, okay," started Finn, "so yesterday I got pretty high, right-"

"That's a surprise," muttered Cale.

"-and I was thinking about Albus-"

"Ooh, wanky," said Scorpius, grinning.

"Shut it! Okay, so I was thinking about Albus's name and how it's Al-BUS. So then I thought that whenever Albus becomes _Al_ he just loses the _bus_ part of his name. So basically, he's just _stepping off the bus_. See what I mean?"

"No," said Scorpius and Cale together.

They left the classroom where they found Albus jogging back down the hallway towards them.

"Where did you go off to then?" said Cale.

"I had to go for a wee." Albus looked at the three of them suspiciously.

"Oh," said Finn. Then he leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, "so you didn't step off the bus?"

Cale and Scorpius roared with laughed.

~O-O~

Scorpius showed up to the head's meeting with a bag of Cauldron Cakes. Rose showed up with a clipboard, quill and about thirty pages of notes.

Rose took one look at him and said, "You did bring all your notes right?"

"Of course," said Scorpius. He paused, then tapped his temple. "They're all up here."

Rose growled, her face going as red as her hair.

"Alright, alright I'm sorry!" shouted Scorpius, side stepping away from her. "Merlin's pants, keep your knickers on!"

Rose snarled something uncharacteristically rude before shoving Scorpius into the classroom they were supposed to be working in. Rose sat down and took out her notes, diving right into one of her hour-long speeches about rules and events and Hogsmeade trips and incompetent prefects. Scorpius sat back and ate Cauldron Cakes, waiting for her to take a breath. Except it didn't seem like she ever needed one.

"I got the approval for another school event," Rose was saying, now on page _twenty-four _of her notes. "We did masquerade so I don't want to do another dance. I was thinking of waiting for the weather to get warmer and do something outside on the grounds- Malfoy, are you paying attention!?"

Scorpius jumped in his chair where he'd been bored out of his mind, counting the panes of glass on the windows.

"No, sorry I wasn't," he said honestly.

"Whatever," said Rose, shuffling her papers. She looked more tired than ever. "I already have it all planned out so I don't really care about your approval. Now for the next Hogsmeade trip I- OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE."

Rose had pulled out another piece of parchment only to find a large drawing of the giant squid being attacked by a creature that looked half robotronic, half dragon. It was quite well drawn and Scorpius couldn't help but laugh.

Rose, on the other hand, smacked her head down on the table and muttered, "Fuck you, Al. Fuck you."

Scorpius stopped laughing. He looked at Rose, like _really_ looked. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail like she couldn't bother with it anymore. There were prominent bags under her eyes and she looked paler than Scorpius remembered.

"Rose, I... I know everything."

He wasn't sure what made him say it. Probably should have just kept his mouth shut. He expected Rose to freak out and start crying but instead she grumbled, "Oh yes, I'm _Scorpius Malfoy _and I know bloody fucking everything."

She didn't get it.

"No. Rose," he said softly. "I mean- I mean I know about Albus... and Al."

Rose sat up slowly and turned to face him. She looked shocked and sad but most of all beaten.

"He told you?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. Well, kind of. The twins tricked him into coming to my house over the holidays and Al made an appearance and it sort of came out."

"I'm sorry," she said. "You're surprisingly a nice guy and I'm sorry you got caught up in this."

"You don't have to apologize for him."

"I do. It's not his fault so he never will. So I'll keep doing it for him."

Scorpius sat back in his chair and watched her. Rubbing her tired eyes Rose sat up on the table with her feet resting on her chair.

"I probably look like shit, right?" she asked with a small smile.

"Yes, you do."

"I've been sneaking into the library most nights," she murmured. Stifling a yawn she continued. "I'm trying to find if there's a magical way, _any way, _to help Albus get better."

"And?" But Scorpius already knew the answer.

"Nothing," she said. "The pills make him brain dead and being off the pills makes him transition. There is nothing out there that can help him. The only thing that could help him is himself."

"I don't understand," said Scorpius, eyebrows furrowing. He sat up on the desk beside Rose, desperate to hear.

"He has to come to terms with what happened to him," said Rose, her eyes shining with tears she wouldn't let fall. "He has to get better himself and find his own happiness."

"You don't think he can do it," Scorpius noted.

"It's not a battle if you can't win. I believe Albus has already convinced himself that he will never get better. He has stopped fighting."

~O-O~

With their head's duties abandoned, Rose and Scorpius ended up lying on the floor in the dark sharing Scorpius's leftover Cauldron Cakes.

"I did tell you to stay away from him," said Rose, feeling slightly better after her third cake. "Remember? Before Christmas?"

"Yeah, but I never listen to you Weasley's."

Rose punched him in the arm and Scorpius grinned. He realized that behind the grades and the glare, Rose is actually pretty cool. Scorpius felt much lighter that he could talk to Rose about Albus in a serious was. With the twins it's always a big joke, though he knows they care.

"I don't know why you and Albus are friends," Rose said after a long silence, "but maybe this could be a good thing. Never in a million years could I have thought that you would help him so who knows. In my last ditch effort to help him maybe it's you." Then she sat up on one arm and sent him an evil look. "But if I'm wrong and you hurt him I'll fucking kill you."

"I believe you," said Scorpius seriously.

"That reminds me," said Rose, standing up and getting ready to leave. "Help keep Gloria Feldman away from Al. She's vile and manipulative and I _know_ she's not good for his mental state. Help me keep them apart, okay?"

"Okay."

Satisfied, Rose opened the door and held it for Scorpius. They walked together towards the staircase where Scorpius would go down and Rose would go up. They stopped at the stairs and faced each other.

"Thank you," said Rose. "I never would have expected it but you, Scorpius Malfoy, are a good guy. And I hope you know what you're getting into."

Scorpius grinned and started down the stairs. "You know me, I like to live dangerously." Rose rolled her eyes and started up the stairs. Scorpius called her back.

"Oi, Rose, by the way!" She poked her head over the railing. "Cale is madly in love with you."

Rose's mouth fell open and Scorpius hadn't felt that good in a long while.

~O-O~

Scorpius felt slightly guilty the next day as he watched Gloria Feldman waiting outside Albus's Transfiguration class. He felt like he had a hidden motive for keeping Gloria away from Albus. True, she is evil and mean but also true is that Scorpius wants Albus all to himself. He debated this back and forth in his head for about ten seconds before he marched over to where Gloria was standing and stopped right in front of her.

"I think you'd better move along now, Feldman," he spat. He wanted to play it nice but the second he was in front of her he realized just how much he didn't like her.

One of Gloria's heavily penciled eyebrows rose ever so delicately. She sized Scorpius up and smirked in an ego bruising way that Scorpius ignored.

"I'm waiting for someone," she said coily.

"No, you're not," said Scorpius. "Time to move along."

Gloria chewed on her lip but apparently decided it wasn't worth it. She backed up, still looking at Scorpius. Then she licked her lips, turned away and winked at him over her shoulder in a manner that was supposed to be endearing but really just made Scorpius want to puke.

He turned to leave only to come face to face with Finn who had the biggest grin on his face that Scorpius had ever seen.

Scorpius paled. "No it- it wasn't what it looked like!"

"Oh my wizard god, you are so in love with him."

"No I was just-"

But Finn wasn't hearing it.

"Keeping Gloria away so you can have him all to yourself. Cheeky, possessive bastard." He laughed loudly and as he walked past he slapped Scorpius's ass.

Scorpius sat down right there on the ground and buried his bright pink face in his hands. _Tonight_, he thought, _tonight I need alcohol._

~O-O~

Scorpius needed two things that night; one was Firewhisky but that was easy enough. Cale always has a nice stock. The second thing he needed was Albus.

It was weird and didn't make sense and the whole reason for this outing was about how he felt towards the Potter boy but that didn't matter. Scorpius wanted him with him tonight. After dinner when most people were heading back to the common room, Scorpius was walking around the castle with his rucksack and the Firewhisky looking for Albus. He found him in the Great Hall having finished a chess match with Hugo. His eyes were closed, his head resting on his hands. He looked tired, either too tired to drink or in desperate need to drink.

Scorpius sat down opposite him at the Gryffindor table.

"I've got an entire bottle of Firewhisky in my bag and was wondering if you'd like to get properly wasted tonight," was Scorpius's opening line.

Albus didn't say anything at first, his head still resting on his hands. Then, completely stone face, said, "What's the weather like for tonight?"

"Uh warm I think?"

Albus's eyes snapped open and he was instantly excited. "Meet me in the Entrance Hall at ten."

And then he was gone.

~O-O~

Scorpius was five minutes early. He wasn't sure what Albus had planned or how they were going to do it. Curfew was at ten. If Scorpius was caught he could say if was a Head Boy thing. If Albus was caught...

Scorpius looked around for any sign of Albus only to find him standing a foot in front of him.

"What the fuck?! Where did you come from? I didn't see you!"

"Of course you didn't," said Albus, grinning. He held up a silvery cloak in his hand. "Ready to go?"

"Go... where?"

"Outside of course."

"We can't be outside, it's past curfew."

Albus was beaming. "God, you're cute when you're confused. Common."

And then he threw the invisibility cloak around both of them and led the way out to the cold, deserted grounds.

~O-O~

They walked for a few minutes in silence until the Black Lake spread out in front of them, shining brightly against everything else. Without speaking they sat down beside each other at the tree by the water. For a long while, they passed the Firewhisky back and forth.

This time was different Scorpius realized. That night on the balcony had been about firsts and liberty. This time was about...

Scorpius had no idea what it was about. But it was different and Scorpius liked it.

They talked about nothing really and yet by the time they had finished half the bottle Scorpius realized a few things about Albus Potter.

What he cared for most in the world was his family and loyalty. That even though him and Lily weren't exactly getting along right now he would still do anything for her. But the one that got Scorpius the most was the existentialist mind that Albus tries so hard to hide. He believed that all life needs a meaning, a purpose.

In his drunken state, Albus told Scorpius that if the day comes that he realizes his life will always be pointless then that day will be his last.

When Albus admitted that Scorpius had never liked him more than in that moment.

"Don't ever do that, okay?" he murmured. "Please. Just... stay."

Albus looked up at him, his gaze blurry and unfocused.

"Will you study with me?" he asked suddenly. "After dinner?"

Surprised as he was, Scorpius nodded.

And then Albus smiled, a real smile that Scorpius felt like he hadn't seen in a long time. Scorpius grinned back and found his gaze shift down to Albus's lips. Across the lake, the sun crept over the mountains, bathing the still water in sunlight. Scorpius wanted to kiss Albus. And for one moment he thought Albus was going to kiss him back. Albus leaned forward only to fall onto Scorpius's shoulder fast asleep. Scorpius watched him for a moment before falling asleep himself, his head resting on Albus's.

They woke up the next morning after lessons had begun. As they walked back to the castle Albus asked Scorpius if he was serious about trying the whole studying thing again.

"I promise this time I'll actually be there," he said, grinning crookedly.

Scorpius forced himself to laugh even though to him he couldn't see what was funny. He supposed that after living this way for as long as Albus had there comes a point where if there is no more humor then there is no more life. So Scorpius agreed and they went their separate ways to their dormitories.

Albus was in a very good mood for the rest of the day. It was a strange thought for him, realizing that Scorpius Malfoy was one of his friends. He wasn't sure why but he was actually excited to study with him that night.

He made Rose stick by him all day to keep him in a good mood so that he wouldn't miss it tonight. He didn't exactly tell Rose why for fear of all her nagging questions but Rose seemed okay not to know.

At dinner, Albus was jumpy, tapping his spoon against the table. He didn't notice he was spraying the girl who was sitting beside him with soup until she had a nice splatter going on on the back of her jumper. Albus turned beat red and stared at his plate until Finn sat down opposite him. Albus looked up and watched Finn's eyes slip from him to the girl. He laughed.

"You devil." He took the spoon from Albus. "Heard you have a hot date tonight."

"It's not a date," mumbled Albus.

"Is so, he likes you."

Albus rolled his eyes, not believing him for a second. Finn watched him with his evil crooked smile but Albus ignored him as he was busy looking around for Scorpius. When he couldn't find him he realized he must have already left for the library.

He looked then for Rose to walk him to the library before remembering that she had left dinner early to do homework.

"Finn, walk me to the library."

Finn gave him a weird look. "No. Wait, why?"

"I need you to make sure I make it there. That _I_ make it there."

Finn grinned that diabolical smile again. "Okay, but you have to ask again and say that you're going to a _daaaaaaate_!"

"Fine. Finley dear, please walk me to my date."

"No. Say it like you mean it."

Knowing he would never get out of here, Albus did.

Of course that would be the moment the girl beside him would look over in alarm.

To diffuse the tension Albus shouted, "YOU HAVE SOUP ON YOUR SHIRT."

And then he grabbed Finn and booked it out of there.

~O-O~

Albus almost made it.

He made it inside the library this time and breathed out a sigh of relief for accomplishing just getting there. He started to make his way to where Scorpius had told him to go only to be interrupted by fucking Nathan the sixth year Ravenclaw.

"Shit," said Albus.

"Oh god," said Finn.

"How _fucking_ could you," said Nathan.

Albus and Finn shared a look. Nathan's lip quivered and if Albus wasn't mistaken, it looked as if he were about to cry.

"You've been avoided me for _weeks_!" hissed Nathan,"and now you show up at the library, _OUR _hook up spot, with someone _else_!?"

Finn looked at him really weird. "Mate, you know we're best friends right?"

Nathan appeared to not have heard him.

"I thought we really had something!" he shouted. Now he was really crying. "You told me you liked me!"

Albus awkwardly scratched his head. "Uh, did I? I don't really –uh, remember that... um, fuck. I'm really bad at confrontation."

"You are a horrible person!" he said. "You were broken when I found you and I helped you find your way and this is the thanks I get? Go fuck yourself, Al. You will never find happiness because you are evil and dead inside and you will be alone forever, you coldhearted _asshole_."

He stormed off after that. Finn waited until he was gone before he snorted.

"Jesus, that all he got? That was so cheesy, am I right? Albus?"

But Albus was not the one standing there.

Finn pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. "Seriously? He was just being a prick, you can't let that kind of stuff get through to you."

Al yawned as if he was bored. "What the fuck do you know? You can leave now, I've got a hot man waiting for me."

He winked and Finn grimaced.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, I think Scorpius would prefer to postpone it to tomorrow night instead of having to endure another date with _you_."

"Ouch," said Al. "You wound me."

Then he turned and left, weaving his way through the tables until he disappeared between the towering shelves.

Finn watched him go.

~O-O~

Scorpius heard him before he saw him. He felt that tiny flicker of fear and excitement in the pit of his stomach.

It took him less then a second to figure out that it was not Albus in front of him. Lately he'd been able to tell the difference much easier.

It was all about the eyes. Al's eyes are a bright green with that shine that made you suspicious of something he may have done. Albus's eyes are a darker, forest green.

A sad green.

Scorpius moved his bag onto the ground so that Al could sit on the couch with him. He had an overwhelming sense of Déjà Vu but Al (as always) looked calm and oblivious.

"Today, I am going to do actual work," Al announced.

"Good for you," said Scorpius, amused.

"No Horntails this time."

"Alright, cool."

Scorpius got out his quill and inkbottle and searched his bag for a fresh piece of parchment. He found one and looked up only to find Al staring at him weirdly.

"What."

"I'm not going to get any work done today," he said.

"Wait, what?! You just said you would!"

Al's eyes were a whole new shade of green. "I forgot about my ultimate distraction."

"What?"

"Ultimate destruction."

"What the _hell_ are you talking about?"

Al was suddenly on Scorpius's side of the couch, one hand behind his neck, the other on his waist.

"What are you-"

This time when Al leaned in, Scorpius didn't push him away.


	13. Haunt

**Chapter 12: Haunt**

Scorpius wasn't sure what was different this time, why he didn't push him away. Last time he stopped Al because although they look alike he is not Albus.

Now Scorpius found himself pinned down on that couch, kissing Al back. With his eyes closed it felt wrong because it _was_ Albus and yet it wasn't. But when he opened his eyes and saw only black hair and red fringe it was the boy he wanted.

So he closed his eyes and wrapped an arm around Al's shoulders and kissed him furiously, because this was as close as Scorpius believed he would ever get to Albus.

Scorpius lost track of time for all he was seeing were stars. Finally Al leaned back and grinned down at Scorpius.

"I have been waiting far too long for that I hope you know," he said.

"Oh, shut up," breathed Scorpius because he could think of nothing else to say.

Al leaned back in but he paused just over Scorpius's lips.

"I know you like Albus and not me," he whispered. Scorpius's gaze moved from his lips to his eyes. "But I don't care. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I just want you."

As Al kissed him again Scorpius realized what was different this time.

It was the eyes. Al's passion in the moment had rendered his eyes a darker shade, a shade closer to Albus's. Now he looked exactly as Albus does, something Scorpius remembered solely as he kissed Al back.

After what felt like a very long time Al pulled back and said, "You have quidditch to get to."

"Yes," said Scorpius, though he wasn't sure how he was going to handle practice at a time like this.

He noticed Al had a long smudge of ink on his cheek. Scorpius poked it.

"Oh ya, I knocked over your ink bottle. My bad." Scorpius looked down and realized that his hand as well as most of his forearm was colored in black.

They packed up their things in silence. Scorpius felt a bit dumbstruck and every time he let himself peek over at Al all he saw was a blinding grin on his face.

They left together, weaving through the bookshelves. Every time they passed a student Scorpius got a painful jolt in his stomach like he was caught. At the edge of the shelves, just out of sight, Scorpius paused because he was unsure of how to... leave. Al, always calm with an answer for everything, giggled quietly and leaned down. He kissed him once more and then swept out of the library, not a care in the world. As Scorpius left he received many strange looks. At first he was paranoid that someone had seen but then he remembered he had ink all over his person.

~O-O~

Al clambered into the Gryffindor common room with such a big grin his jaw was going numb. He noticed Finn sitting in the far side of the room, already looking at him.

"You look chipper," Finn said as Al walked over to him.

"It was spectacular," breathed Al, lying on the ground face up to the ceiling. "Better than I ever could have expected."

"What, studying?"

"No, making out."

Finn's jaw dropped.

"Al, you didn't."

When Al just kept on grinning Finn groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Al, you are so stupid sometimes. You don't even like him."

"What's it matter? He's fit and he fancies Albus so he's in."

"Have you thought about what Albus will think when he finds out?"

Al's smile went from big to evil. "He never has to know, mate. It's brilliant."

"You're an idiot."

Al stood up and literally skipped off to the boys' stairwell. When he was out of sight Finn sulked off in the opposite direction towards the portrait hole.

~O-O~

In the Slytherin common room Cale was trying to coax Scorpius out of his spot in front of the fireplace where he'd been lying for nearly half an hour not saying a word. Quidditch had been cancelled because of the weather which was good because Scorpius was near catatonic right now.

"Just tell me what you fucking did, mate, this is freaking me out."

Scorpius just whimpered in return.

"Did you kill someone?"

No answer.

"Mate if you killed someone tell me right now so we can hide the body."

Nothing.

"It wasn't someone I knew was it? Oh god, did you kill Finn?"

Scorpius groaned and turned his head to face his friend.

"No, I did not kill Finn."

"Oh good, glad to hear I'm still alive," said Finn appearing out of nowhere and sitting on the floor near Scorpius.

"Where in the blazes did you come from?" asked Cale, bewildered.

"The door. Obviously."

" How did you know the password?"

"I waited for a first year to come out then I punched him in the face and made him get me inside."

Cale and Scorpius shared a look, unsure whether he was being truthful or if he was just mental.

"So," said Finn conversationally. "How was making out with Al?"

Scorpius sat up so fast it was as if he apparated. Cale choked and had to cough violently before he could yell, "WHY DIDN'T YOU BLOODY TELL ME."

"What the fuck was I supposed to say?" hissed Scorpius, gesturing maniacally with his hands to tell him to keep his voice down. "'Yeah, studying was great, Al's a really chill guy and I managed to finish my essay before he stuck his fucking tongue down my throat!'"

The twins stared.

Finally Cale leaned forward and said, "So let me get this straight. Or gay I suppose. You fancy Albus."

"Yes," mumbled Scorpius.

"But you don't like Al."

"No."

"And yet you just let Al make out with you."

"Yes."

"And tomorrow you're going to see Albus and Albus isn't going to have any idea about any of this."

"Pretty much."

Silence.

"What are you going to do the next time you see Al?" asked Finn.

Scorpius lay back down on the floor.

"I have no fucking idea."

~O-O~

Albus sat at his desk the next morning having the strangest charms lesson he had ever attended. The class was loud and chaotic as it was a study period. Albus was sitting on one side of the table while Scorpius, Cale and Finn were sitting on the other side.

Scorpius had his face on the desk and hadn't looked up since class began

Finn was sitting quite still while looking at a single spot on the ceiling.

And Cale was staring wide eyed directly at Albus. He had not blinked in over fifteen minutes.

"Alright," started Albus. "So I'm pretty sure something weird happened yesterday."

No one moved.

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that it was Al who has made you all... mental."

Scorpius twitched. Albus focused on him.

"How was studying last night."

"You- er, Al didn't make out- I mean, make it in the end," Scorpius said much too quickly.

"So what did he do then?" Albus turned to his best friend. "Finn?"

"I have to go to the toilets," said Finn and he dashed out of the classroom.

Albus glared at Cale now. Cale opened his mouth, having no clue what to say though, but was abruptly called away by the professor.

"Thank you, wizard God," Cale whispered at the ceiling before he too ran off.

And then it was only Albus and Scorpius.

"So," said Albus.

"I have to go to the toilets too," said Scorpius standing up. Albus lunged forward and grabbed his arm. Keeping a firm hold on him Albus clambered over top of the table until he was sitting beside Scorpius.

"Just... tell me." He ran a hand through his hair. He looked panicked. "What did I do."

Scorpius looked at him and Albus stared right back.

"Just promise me I didn't hurt anyone."

"You didn't," said Scorpius. "He didn't."

Albus looked away and Scorpius realized that that as the first time he'd ever heard Albus refer to Al as _himself_.

"Albus you can't take the blame for what he does. He's not you. You must know that, right?"

"Yeah, right. Cool," muttered Albus. He was not listening.

The bell rang and Albus stood up abruptly.

"Common," he said, gathering his things. "I can't concentrate now. Let's cut class and smoke cigarettes and pray that Al doesn't show up."

~O-O~

That night Scorpius sat on the wet grass, waiting for the rest of his team to show up for their rescheduled practice. He felt tired and sad and oddly just wanted to have a bath in the prefects' bathroom and possibly never leave.

Cale sat down beside him and together they watched the rest of the team pile onto the field. _They all looked happy and carefree_, Scorpius thought, _and meanwhile I'm here stuck in this fucking nightmare._

"I need you to tell me what to do," Scorpius said to Cale, not looking at him.

"I can't, mate. It's all you." He pulled Scorpius to his feet and made him look at him. "Just be careful, alright? If this backfires and Albus finds out I don't want to see either of you get hurt. Just... don't be with Al because it's easier. I hope you know what you're doing."

"I'm Scorpius Malfoy. I always know what I'm doing, remember."

Cale leaned back and smirked a bit, all seriousness gone. "If I'm being honest though, I do prefer you with Albus." He winked. "Also you _reek _of cigarettes."

~O-O~

Scorpius stood in the dark, empty showers long after everyone else had gone. He had had a horrible practice, literally the worst one he'd ever had. None of his teammates seemed angry with him though, which he was grateful for. When he finally called practice, Chelsea, one of the team's beaters told him not to worry and that everyone has bad days.

"It happens to all of us," she had said.

_Really? _Scorpius had wanted to say. _Does the guy you like have dissociative identity disorder and you let his alter make out with you and you have no idea how to go about this so that he won't hate you if he finds out?_

"Okay," was all he really said to her.

When the water finally began to run cold Scorpius dressed in jeans and a zip up hoodie because he had forgotten to bring a real shirt.

He stuffed his hands deep into his pockets as he made the trek back to the castle. It was cold and dark and his teeth were chattering by the time he made it into the Entrance Hall. He made for the staircase down to the dungeon but movement on the first floor stairs made him look up.

Al Potter was standing casually on the landing looking down at Scorpius. Scorpius knew it was Al because Albus never looked at him like that. His eyes were dark and he wore his signature crooked grin that made you know he was up to something.

"Hey," said Al, cocking his head to one side.

"Uh, hi," Scorpius said much too quickly.

"What are you doing right now?"

"Umm, probably going to bed."

Scorpius stared at Al, unable to believe this was really happening.

Al took a single step down the stairs.

"Want to hold off on that for a bit?"

This was it. The moment Cale had been talking about. The moment where Scorpius had to choose between what he should do and what was easy. He looked towards the dungeon stairs where it would only take nine steps for him to disappear towards the Slytherin common room. He should get into bed and fall asleep, pushing everything about Al away because Al isn't even the one he likes. He _knew_ he should do that.

Scorpius made the mistake of glancing back up at where Al was standing. Whether on purpose or by accident because they share the same body, Al was grinning the way Albus does. And for one fleeting moment, Scorpius thought that it was Albus up there waiting for him. _Wanting him_.

But it wasn't. He knew that.

And yet Scorpius still turned away from the dungeon and walked up the main staircase to where Al was holding out his hand.


	14. Party on, Scor Party on, Al

**Chapter 13: Party on, Scor. Party on, Al**

Finn was amused, Albus was oblivious, Cale was pissed off, Scorpius was guilty and Al was smug as fuck.

~O-O~

Finn was already awake why Albus rolled over and groaned from his side of the room. Peeking over _Witch Weekly _("I only read it to know how to get girls, I swear"), Finn watched Albus swing his legs over the side of his bed and stare at the wall with a blank expression on his face.

"What's up," said Finn.

"What- _the fuck _happened last night?" he said, his voice rough and gravelly.

"I dunno, you were gone for ages though," Finn lied, smirking.

He knew exactly where he'd been- hooking up with Mr. Malfoy in the divination room. According to Al it had the comfiest cushions.

Finn knew about last night because on the way back to the dormitory after his near nightly trip to the kitchens for crisps and the muggle drink _Mountain Dew _(he wasn't sure how the house elves managed to get _Mountain Dew_ into the castle or why they had it in the first place) he had run into Scorpius in the divination wing. Scorpius looked crazy- his hair was sticking straight up on one side and all the buttons on his shirt were one hole off. His eyes were absolutely mental and when he saw Finn he froze and said, nearly in hysterics, "I can't help it, mate. He just has this hold on me, you know?" And then he ran off down the hall before Finn could tell him that he really didn't care whether or not he was getting _friendly _with Al.

When Albus finally managed to get out of bed, he stumbled over to the full length mirror beside the bathroom door. Wearing only boxers he gasped when he saw the bruises all over his torso.

"What the FUCK is THAT?" he yelled, touching the hickeys individually like he could tap them and they would go away.

"Hmm, what now?" said Finn coyly, not looking up from his magazine but not reading it either.

Albus whipped around and shouted, "WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO LAST NIGHT? OR A BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE _WHO_ DID HE DO?"

Finn lied and said he had no idea and it was the most unconvincing thing he had ever told because he was trying very hard not to laugh. Albus must have been so preoccupied because he was barely listening. He turned back to the mirror and examined the marks.

"You know," said Finn after awhile, "the ones on your neck kinda look like a _constellation_."

Albus punched him in the face.

If he understood what Finn had been hinting at he didn't say anything.

~O-O~

When Cale woke up for the third time that week to find Scor's bed empty, he realized that he should have told Scor what to do when he had asked. Cale thought Scorpius was smart enough to know exactly what to do: Tell Al to back off and simply wait for Albus to come out (no pun intended) of his oblivious hibernation so that they can run off into the sunset together or whatever.

Instead Scorpius was digging himself deeper and deeper into this hole where, once Albus found out the truth (which was one hundred percent inevitable), he and Albus's chances of being together would be ruined.

As Cale stared at Scorpius's perfectly made bed, he started to wonder if this went further than Scorpius believing that the only way he could be with Albus was if he got with Al.

Scorpius was self-destructive when things got bad. Scorpius thought Cale didn't know why he always wore a watch on his wrist but of course Cale knew. He can read Scorpius better than Scorpius knows himself sometimes. Scorpius is always saying that he's never good enough for his father. Cale thought that maybe he just wasn't good enough for himself.

And maybe that's what was happening now. He doesn't believe that Albus will ever like him so he decides to set himself up for failure so that when Albus rejects him it's because of what he's done with Al and not because Albus doesn't like him.

It was pretty fucked up and Cale hoped that he was very, very wrong.

~O-O~

In Transfiguration, Scorpius received a note from Al. Scorpius was rather impressed that Al had managed to send it from Defense Against the Dark Arts on the third floor all the way down to the first floor without it being confiscated. The note said;

**Nice day out.**

**Astronomy balcony, after dinner.**

**Bring Licorice Wands.**

**And you can, you know, stay too.**

**Al**

When Scorpius got back to his dorm the next morning he found the journal his parents had given to him for Christmas and for the first time, he made an entry. Because he wanted to remember.

~O-O~

_He was waiting for me, exactly where he said he'd be. Stretched out on the stone floor in a black t-shirt and ripped jeans- he had never looked more at peace. The sun was setting, flashing off his sunglasses, and he was reading a book called _On The Road_. I sat opposite him but he didn't look up until he had finished the page. Pulling out the package of Licorice Wands from my pocket I tossed it to him and he sent one back for me. Then he put his book to the side and watched me for a long while. He didn't smile, he didn't speak. He just stared. _

_Finally, when the sun had almost gone, he came over and lay down beside me with his head in my lap. He lit a cigarette, passed it to me and said _ask me what you want to ask.

Are you happy, _was what I said._

Are you? _he whispered. _Is anybody?

I don't know. I hope so.

_After that Al went unusually quiet. He kept biting his lip and switching the smoke from hand to hand. I peeled apart one of the Licorice Wands just for something to do until all that was left were skinny red ropes of sugar. _

_As I rolled one between my fingers Al suddenly reached out and grabbed my hand. _

It's an illusion. It's all an illusion- everything.

What is, _I asked._

All that we see. Nothing is real. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it still make a sound? Sure it does, but it still doesn't matter. That's life. It doesn't matter if we make a sound or not because in the end we're all going to die. Nothing matters and everything is pointless, Scorpius Malfoy. Including you, including me. Including all of us.

Have you always been a pessimistic cynic? _I said._

_At that point Al sat up and faced me. His hand was still holding mine. _

Has loving Albus taught you nothing? We are all part of a pointless life but Albus is actually living it. His own mind is destroying him from the inside and he's losing the fight too fast.

_I didn't like him talking like that. _Is there any way to not feel like that? _I felt cold. Al's hand was on my thigh._

No, _he said, _not if you already feel it.

How can you live with it?

You don't. _Al's sadistic grin lit up his skeletal face. _Most of us will cross over before we should.

_Then he lay back down and handed me his book. Lighting up again he said_,read to me.

_I did, starting where he'd ended. At the end of the chapter I stopped and watched him for a moment. And for the first time I was afraid._

_Afraid that tomorrow or someday soon I would wake up in a world where Albus Potter and Al Potter do not exist anymore. _

~O-O~

When Scorpius had woken up the next morning, Albus and Al were both still alive. Scorpius knew because he'd woken up on the balcony with him where they'd accidentally fallen asleep. Scorpius watched Al for a moment, listening to his steady breathing and the way his chest rose and fell.

Looking out at the pinkening sky, Scorpius couldn't remember the last time he'd felt that terrible. Everything, every single word Al had said the night before, had been dark and depressing

and the truth.

Scorpius had run a hand through his hair and rubbed his tired eyes. _Why Scor, why? Why do you put up with Al and all his god-playing bullshit when it just fucking brings you down?_

And then Al had rolled over in his sleep and faced Scorpius and suddenly everything was different. Because when Al slept he lost all arrogance, all immorality. Now, like that, he was Albus, Scorpius's Albus.

Scorpius had known then that he loved him and that he would do anything to make him happy again. 

~O-O~

A week later in the last stretch of February, Scorpius found himself in smart black dress robes inside the Ministry of Magic. It was the annual _Celebration, Commemoration, Rememberation _Party as Scorpius liked to call it. Basically it was a convention for all the important people to say thank god our side won.

Scorpius leaned casually against the westway wall, away from the band and most of the people. He had a glass of something in his hand. Scotch, maybe. It was dark and strong so he didn't really care.

The party had started over two hours ago and Scorpius was tremendously bored. He looked around for his parents and saw them by the snack table talking to people he didn't know. He looked away quickly so that they wouldn't see.

He spotted Albus's parents on the other side of the room surrounded by many more people then his own parents. Harry Potter was wearing a deep burgundy party jacket that looked a bit odd but then again Harry Potter can do pretty much anything he wants.

While still staring, Harry eventually looked over and caught Scorpius's gaze. Scorpius paled and felt immediately uncomfortable but Harry just smiled and actually waved at him. Scorpius waved back politely, wondering if Harry knew that he was friends with his son.

The back part of Scorpius's brain then whispered _I wonder if he knows you're fucking his son. _

Scorpius snickered into his drink, wondering if he was drunker than he thought. He was snapped out of it when someone appeared behind him and said, "Laughing all by yourself?"

Scorpius whipped around to find a man he'd never seen before smirking at him. He was young but still older with wavy blond hair and straight teeth and sky blue eyes.

"I've been meaning to talk to you," said the man, flashing Scorpius a brilliant, perfect smile. He stuck out his hand. "Everett Masterson."

"Okay." Scorpius shook his hand reluctantly.

Either ignorant or ignoring Scorpius's obvious hesitancy, Everett placed a hand on Scorpius's shoulder. Scorpius resisted the urge to shake it off.

"I just wanted to say that I know how hard it was on your family after the war," he said in a slightly condescending voice. "But since then your father had done great things for the new world."

"Okay," said Scorpius.

"You must be very proud of him."

"Okay."

Everett's eyes bore into Scorpius's and his hand lingered a moment too long. Either ignorant or ignoring Everett's obvious interest, Scorpius made a lame excuse about getting another drink and left. As nice as his comment was (sincere or not), Scorpius was in no mood to talk about his family.

At the drink table, Scorpius poured himself a rather large glass of something even stronger than the last one. He took a long sip and turned around to find Lily Potter right up in his face. She looked livid and the first thing out of Scorpius's mouth was, "I didn't do it."

Lily scoffed. "Shut the hell up. Common, I want to be inconspicuous. Let's dance."

She slammed his glass onto the table and dragged him onto the dance floor, taking his hands in hers and leading him in a slow, swaying dance.

Scorpius's first thought was that she was into him and had a very aggressive way of showing it. He didn't think she would take it well if he said, _I'm very sorry but I believe I'm already shagging your brother._

Instead Lily said, "What the fuck are you playing at?"

"Er, what are you on about?"

Lily hit him. "I'm talking about Albus. Why are you trying you be friends with him."

Scorpius sighed. He was tired. "I'm not _trying_, Lily."

Lily fumed for a moment before she calmed herself down and growled, "He'll only hurt you, you know. I'm only looking out for you. I'm his family, his blood. _You_ have a choice."

_I don't fucking have a choice anymore either_ was what Scorpius wanted to say.

"He's a good person, Lily. Can you really not see that?"

Lily softened. She looked distant.

"I love Albus," she said. "I do. But I don't know how to handle him at his worst."

"Neither do I, but that won't stop me from trying." Lily's eyes grew wide. "I know everything, Lily. I know about the disorder, about Al. I know."

Lily stopped dancing. She stared at Scorpius in shocked silence until James Potter of all people stepped in.

"Go find Albus, he's missing," James said coldly to Lily. "It's my turn here."

Lily stepped back and disappeared into the crowd and to Scorpius's amazement James took his hands and picked up where him and Lily had left off.

"Okay, what's happening," Scorpius whispered. James ignored that.

"I heard you've been hanging around with Albus. Lily told me earlier." James did not look pleased _at all_.

"You're a bit too late, Potter," said Scorpius rather defensively. "Lily already gave me the speech."

When James scoffed and rolled his eyes it reminded Scorpius so much of Al that for a second he forgot who he was talking to.

"Lily's blind," said James. "She doesn't see things, not the way I do. I saw you looking at him, Malfoy. You were watching him as if he were the only one in the room."

Scorpius paled but James ploughed on.

"I'm going to say this nicely and I'm going to say it once- _stay the fuck away from my brother_. He doesn't need _you_, another complication, in his life right now."

Scorpius was pissed. He shoved James backwards and took a step away from him.

"Have you asked what he wants? What's best for him?" Scorpius stared directly at James. "Have you asked what's best for Al?"

James was only frozen for a moment before he recovered and said, "All the more reason for you to leave him alone."

Then he sighed. He rubbed his eyes and passed a hand through his hair exactly the way Albus did.

"Now if you'll excuse me," he said. "One of the Potter kids has to make a speech and since Lily is stage fright and Albus is crazy it looks like it's me." He turned to leave but as he did the crowd suddenly went quiet as someone stepped onto the stage.

It was Albus.

James looked back and shared a horrified look with Scorpius. On the stage Albus cleared his throat and smiled nervously. The glass of Firewhisky in his hand shook slightly.

"Hi," he began, his voice only trembling a little bit. "I'm Albus Potter. Some of you may know my father, Harry." The crowd laughed.

He cleared his throat again. "In the 50's there was a group of revolutionary poets who would be known as Beat Poets in a Beat Generation. They started something called _A New Vision_, a change in the world of writers and poets and how we think.

"After our war twenty-six years ago this spring, we adopted the term A New Vision. A new vision for a better world for the magical community."

The entire room was silent.

"It's not easy, finding your footing after a war. The battlefields still stand and the graves haven't yet grown over. But we're trying." Albus took a sip of his drink and bowed his head. When he spoke again he didn't look up.

"Two summers ago I was forcibly held in a new age prison. I had never seen a Death Eater before or even knew they still existed really until then." James reached out and grabbed onto Scorpius's arm. His lip was trembling and Scorpius was suddenly terrified.

Albus went on. "One day I spent fourteen hours under the Cruciatus curse. I know because the sun was rising when it started and setting when it ended. That day I thought I was going to die but I didn't because Harry Potter saved me. This party is called _The New Age Ball_ but really it should have been called _Thank the Fucking Lord we have Harry Potter on Our Side_."

Albus alone laughed at that.

"Anyway," he said, raising his glass. "To A New Age. To _A New Vision_."

He downed his glass in one sip and stepped off the stage.

~O-O~

It took Scorpius a few minutes to come down and realize the party had started again. Albus had disappeared and Scorpius could feel James's gaze on him. He turned and James whispered, "Oh god. Oh _god_."

Gripping James's arm in a way that was hopefully reassuring, Scorpius let go and weaved his way through the crowd, looking for Albus.

Something was wrong.

Scorpius should have known where he'd be because on the way in he'd seen the way to get to the outdoor patio. Considering it was freezing outside, the balcony would be disserted.

Albus was leaning on the railing that gave way to a beautiful (and magically created) waterfall forest. He was holding another full glass of whatever he had been drinking and he seemed to be staring at it like he couldn't remember what it was.

"That was quite a scene you just caused," began Scorpius conversationally, leaning arms crossed against one of the stone pillars. "You surprise me. You do have a heart, Al."

The dark haired boy stiffened. He turned his head to the side and Al's eyes met Scorpius.

"A New Vision?" Scorpius asked. "It hasn't even been a week since I read _On The Road _to you on that balcony."

Al's eyes were huge.

"At Christmas you told your entire family that Albus tried to kill himself. Today, in the face of your own horror, you made a traumatic yet powerful speech that reassured all of us in what we believe in. You surprise me."

Al took a step forward. "I don't want to hurt people anymore."

"I know," said Scorpius, reaching forward and touching Al's shoulders. "Though maybe next time don't mention having been put under the Cruciatus Curse for an entire day if you don't want to hurt people."

Al's arms circled Scorpius's skinny waist and they hugged for a very long time. Feeling Al eventually pull back, Scorpius opened his eyes only to feel Al kissing him. The initial feeling of doing something wrong still made his breathing stop but he's finding that he really just doesn't care anymore.


	15. UnScorpiusTitled

**Chapter 14: UnScorpiusTitled**

Practice had already finished but Cale and Scorpius were sitting on their brooms, high above everyone else, staring at each other.

"So let me get this straight," said Cale slowly. "Al told Albus's secret back story to a room full of people and you praised him for it."

"Pretty muuuch," said Scorpius.

"And then what did you do?"

"I snogged him senseless to be honest."

Cale didn't comment on that. "And you haven't seen Al since." Scorpius shook his head. "Or Albus?" Scorpius shook his head again.

"Fuck," said Cale, brushing wet bangs off his forehead. "You're in way too deep man."

"I know.

_I know_

~O-O~

Scorpius tapped his pen against his thigh, staring at Albus without even trying to hide it. They were at the back of the library on that same couch that Al and Scorpius had made out on not two weeks before. Albus scratched out his Defense essay with a tired but content smile on his face, having no idea about the kiss or the war going on in Scorpius's mind.

It had only been two days since the ministry party but Scorpius couldn't get his mind off of it. In class all he could think about was Albus trapped inside some terrifying cellar with no light and no hope. When he goes to bed he sees Albus lying on the floor as Death Eater's walk around him. He sees Albus gradually lose hope that anyone is going to save him.

Albus eventually looked up and saw Scorpius looking at him. His expression went from confusion to concern and he said, "Is everything okay?"

"Are we ever gonna talk about it," Scorpius asked quietly. Albus eyes grew wide.

"Wh-what?"

"Are we going to talk about what you said at the party. I know James told you. " Albus said nothing so Scorpius went on.

"Are we going to talk about how you told everybody the true story of what happened that summer? We all saw it in the papers that you'd somehow gotten involved in something terrible but no one knew what really happened. Until now I guess."

He waited for Albus to say something, _anything_, but Albus just bowed his head like he was ashamed. Scorpius waited but didn't get what he expected because when Albus raised his head it wasn't Albus anymore.

Al grinned. Scorpius felt the tug of anger and pain right behind his heart.

"_No_," he said.

He left Al there along with all of his things. Al called out something after him but Scorpius was too gone to even hear what he said.

He wound his way through the school barely looking where he was going. He ended up in a deserted, unrecognizable hallway. It could have been the first floor or the seventh Scorpius didn't have any idea. He lay down on the ground and stared up at the black stone ceiling, not caring that the floor was probably dirty and that his hair would probably be a whole other color after this.

All he could think about Albus. How he'd pushed him to transitioning. How it was his fault, _all his fault. _He knew now more than ever that there was something else he didn't know, something that Albus wouldn't tell him. Maybe hadn't told _anyone_.

The one thing that was still killing him from the inside.

~O-O~

In potions the next day the class was divided up into pairs. Scorpius ended up with Finn which was pretty good considering some of the wankers in the class.

Finn was pretty stoned when he came into class so for the first twenty minutes he just kind of sat there and stared at the wall. Scorpius started on the potion alone but couldn't really pay attention because Albus and his Gryffindor partner were in his line of sight.

They hadn't talked to each other or even seen each other since the library. For some reason all Scorpius could think of as he watched Albus measure out purple liquid in a vial was how he knew what it felt like to kiss him, what he looked like naked. And yet Albus didn't know that Scorpius knew and that to Scorpius was really fucked up.

"Does Albus know that I like him?" Scorpius asked Finn quietly.

Finn finally looked away from the wall and said, "I would never tell him, I promise."

"You did try to lock us in my own bedroom one time so forgive me if I don't believe you."

"That's just me playin'."

Scorpius threw him a look of disgust. "Never say that again."

Finn smirked and turned back to the wall. Scorpius looked back at Albus.

"Is there any chance that he could ever like me? Not Al but, Albus?"

Finn shrugged and said, "Honestly, I don't know. Cale thinks so but I really have no idea. He's pretty insecure about relationships and shit and he's really _really_ messed up so it's hard to know anything these days."

Rubbing his eyes Finn managed to tear himself away from the wall.

"I get why you're doing all this, Scor. Cale doesn't really understand but I do. It's pretty fucked up and that's probably why I get it because I'm pretty messed up too. But what it all comes down to is that I think Albus actually needs you. He's more screwed up than the both of us put together and I believe you can both help each other to, I don't know, _find the people you were always meant to be_."

"Before everything got bad," murmured Scorpius. "Back to the good old days."

Finn swooped over and grabbed Scorpius's face between both hands.

"No," he said. "Fuck the past. There are no good old days. _These _are the good old days."

He released Scorpius's face and leaned back in his chair, letting out a huge breath.

"Man, I just talked a lot. Didn't even know I knew that many words."

Scorpius chuckled, but only half-heartedly. "God, you're stoned."

Turning back to the potion, Scorpius's eyes wandered back over to Albus. There was something a little too stiff and odd about Albus's posture that made Scorpius wonder if Albus had been watching him.

~O-O~

By the end of the day Scorpius was so tired that all he wanted to do was curl up in his sock drawer and sleep for days. The rest of his dorm mates were in the common room playing exploding snap so he knew it would be quiet.

The dorm room was quite cold when Scorpius walked in. The fireplace in the corner of the room was still lit so Scorpius was curious as to why it was so god damn frosty in there. He walked over to his corner of the room to put down his bag only to see that the window beside his bed was open which would explain the near arctic weather in there. He closed the window and made to sit down on his bed but before he could he saw a letter on top of his green duvet. There was nothing written on the front but it made Scorpius think that somebody must have magicked the window open and either sent an owl up with the letter or levitated it up themselves.

Until the room warmed up again, Scorpius settled himself under the covers in his bed and opened the letter. It was scrawled and in one large paragraph but Scorpius knew what it meant.

_Scorpius._

_I'm not really sure why I'm writing this to you. As I am doing so I can't help but think that it's stupid but I fear that if I don't tell you now then I never will. The real reason I'm writing this letter is because Al wrote you one. I found it hidden beneath his weird muggle porn collection. It was addressed to you. It's gone now but I'm not sure if he ever gave it to you- we both know how shit he is with emotions. But then again so am I. Al wouldn't even exist if I were. So here it is. The truth. What no one knows other than Al, my father and myself. At the ministry party Al told everyone the main points from what James told me later. I wasn't just taken by bad people and held captive until the great Harry Potter came to rescue me. That's what my dad told the ministry. That's what I told him to say. That's what everyone knows- my family and Finn too. They don't know that I spent eight days trapped in a basement under near constant infliction of the Cruciatus Curse. They barely fed me. The only water I got were the drops that ran down the walls. I am still trying to piece together what really happened there. I was lucid the first two days. After that I barely remember anything. On the last day they didn't come and I thought they had finally left me there to die. I was already dead though. My heart was still beating but I wasn't alive anymore. It was dark, Scorpius. The kind of dark that seeps into your bones until you can't remember what your sister looks like or even your own name. I woke up in the hospital a week later. The healers hadn't been sure if I would ever wake up and if I did would I even be human anymore. Sometimes I still wish that I hadn't woken up. I lost everything in those eight days. I was trapped. Who I was before, the person I'd been, was lost and Al, my dark side, was irreversibly found. I am losing hope, Scor. Hope that one day I can be whole again and that it won't be as bad as it is now. I don't even know for sure if that's a possibility for people like me, but either way the chance is slipping away. And I can't stop it from happening._

There was no signature at the bottom which made Scorpius think that Albus was too scared to sign it, like it would make everything terrible in his life seem infinitely more real.

Scorpius held the letter to his chest and cried, cried for Albus, for himself, for this fucking stupid world they live in. He was on his feet in a split second. He tore off his watch and threw it across the room where it smashed. He held up his wrist and stared at his own horror.

It was all a fucking joke. Everything. Albus Potter is- _was_ a good person and this is what the world has done to him. The world, Scorpius realized, is not a good place to live. And as he left the dormitory, bare wrist, bare heart, he wondered if anyone is still living anymore.

~O-O~

He didn't know where he was going. He only hoped that if he walked far enough maybe things could be better.

He stared at every face that he past. They all looked happy and free and treading water in this wasteland while Scorpius was fucking drowning. None of them had realized yet what the true face of life looked like. Most probably wouldn't and Scorpius envied them so bad he wanted to scare them- scare them so that he won't feel so alone. It's a terrible burden, Scorpius thought. One that could be softened if everyone shared in it.

On the second floor a pair of rough hands grabbed Scorpius from the darkness and pulled him into a broom cupboard. It was Al of course. His eyes were dark and shining and his mouth was twisted into a near sadistic grin. Looking at him, Scorpius forgot everything- for the first time the inner war Scorpius always had with himself when it came to Albus and Al was quieted to a point where Scorpius could barely hear it.

Scorpius's hands grabbed Al's waist, nails digging into his skin. Al seemed surprised but he said nothing. With his hands Scorpius pushed Al against the back wall, enjoying the look of pain that flashed across Al's face. He kissed him.

It was rough and hard and there was absolutely nothing romantic about it. Al's hands were pulling at Scorpius's hair and although he wasn't used to this dominant Scorpius, it felt amazing.

Before long, Scorpius had his hands under Al's legs, hiking him up until Al had to wrap his legs around Scorpius's waist. Al giggled slightly and pulled back, beaming at Scorpius.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" he asked, amused. "Not that I'm complaining or anything."

"I realized that you're right, Al," said Scorpius, his voice much lower than usual. "About life. About the unfairness of it all. I get it now. We're fucked, all of us. So why not give in to what I like."

Al grinned a blinding smile and even though the position they were in was difficult he still managed to pull out two white pills from his pocket.

"Everything that makes us feel alive kills us," he said, as if he were quoting it from somewhere. He took one pill and offered the other one to Scorpius. Scorpius waited for rational part of his brain to wake up and yell at him but it never did. Keeping his eyes on Al the whole time, Scorpius finally gave in to him and to this new Scorpius. Al watched him take it then he grinned, grabbed Scorpius's hands and pulled him from the cupboard.

~O-O~

Scorpius didn't know where they were going until they were there. His brain seemed to be moving too fast but at the same time too slow to keep up with Al.

The astronomy balcony was empty as it always was. Scorpius didn't realize until now that it was storming- rain, sleet and snow were coming down hard and the freezing wind was howling to a point that Scorpius could barely hear himself think. Al raised his wand to put up protective charms but Scorpius stopped him.

"No," he said. "I want to feel everything."

He kissed him again and despite how everything was wrong Scorpius had never felt a place where be belonged more. His brain was alight from the drugs coursing through his veins and it was as if Al was a fucking angel because he was all pale skin and dark hair. His eyes where red and there was a darkness in them.

"Are you okay," Scorpius asked against his lips.

Al blinked slowly and smiled, drugged out and crooked.

"Never better, love." He leaned down to kiss him and Scorpius didn't say anything else for a long time.

~O-O~

The storm was still raging as the time past midnight but Scorpius felt hot. He lay on the stone floor, propped up on his elbows. Al was standing at the rail wearing only his trousers and smoking a cigarette. His body was shuddering but all he could see was Scorpius.

"Are you okay," Scorpius asked again. His was still high but he was finding it easier to see through the fog. Al looked strange.

"Let's do it," he said.

"Do what." Scorpius was afraid of the way his eyes shifted. Al grinned and threw his half finished cigarette over the edge.

"Jump," he said. "Right now. We could jump together."

Scorpius sat up straighter. "Wh-what?"

Al was excited now. "Think about it. We could jump right now with no one to stop us and find our freedom from pain. We could be together forever."

Scorpius wanted to tell him he was mad. That this was crazy and that he was just high and should back away from the edge. But Scorpius couldn't find anything to say. Al yanked on his t-shirt and pulled Scorpius to his feet. He was beyond excited, the kind of excitement that is infectious.

"Right now, Scor," he said. "Just us two. How it should be."

Scorpius looked off the edge at what seemed to lead to oblivion. It was perfect. Simple, really. For a moment he could feel it, what it would feel like to feel _nothing _anymore. _A dark paradise_. And then Al pulled Scorpius a step closer to the rail and Scorpius finally woke up.

"Wait, what the fuck are we doing, Al?!" Scorpius shouted, ripping away from Al's grip. Al's expression was near manic.

"It's perfect," he said. "Don't you see."

"No, I don't fucking see! This is fucking crazy, get away from the edge!"

Instead of backing away, Al lifted himself onto the railing. He hooked his feet around two stone supports keeping up the rail and leaned back. He let go of his hands and Scorpius's heart jumped into his throat.

"Don't you fucking do it. Don't you _fucking _dare."

Al seemed to enjoy Scorpius's panic- he was getting off on it. He leaned back farther until Scorpius started screaming. Al watched him fall to the floor and grab his hair in his fists. He was screaming things that Al couldn't quite concentrate on and his drug-blown eyes were crying.

Al didn't like Scorpius the way that Scorpius likes Albus. He likes Scor for his body and willingness but seeing him this way made Al feel something he's not used to- uncertainty. He unhooked his legs from the rail to go to him- but he forgot his hands weren't holding on. He screamed and suddenly Scorpius was there, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him into his chest. Al let out another strangled yell. He closed his eyes and Albus was back, shaking and breathing too hard. He looked around at the balcony and where he was sitting and at Scorpius's tear stained and terrified face. He started sobbing before he really knew what was happening, burying his face in Scorpius's shoulder. Scorpius lifted him off the rail and carried him to the castle wall, far away from the edge. Albus broke down in his arms, crying and screaming though not at himself but rather at the world.

Scorpius couldn't think of anything to say. He held him and cried with him and realized that even if the rest of the world is sickening, there is something worth living for.

_Albus._


	16. The Darkness of Mere Being

**Chapter 15: The Darkness of Mere Being **

All of the seventh years had had the meeting the year before but the career meeting they were having now was just to check in. Scorpius was the first of them to go in. He sat in the chair opposite the head of Slytherin, Professor Lehnsherr, and tried to suppress all the negative things about the sordid future he wanted to say.

"Last year you told me you wanted to become a member of the department of magical law enforcement," said the professor. "Is that still the plan?"

"No. I don't know," said Scorpius unhelpfully.

Truth is, Scorpius had no ideas about the future anymore. He almost laughed at how comical this whole thing is compared to what it was like last year. The last time he'd done this he'd been serious about it all, having already planned out his future and really (albeit naively) believing that he would get what he wanted. Now he's not sure about anything at all.

"Look, Professor," said Scorpius. "My entire outlook on everything has changed since last year and I don't really expect you to understand. I can't think about my future in the sense of _what am I going to do _anymore. All I can think about now is if I'm going to be alive and if I'm going to be happy. Because if this year has taught me anything is that that's the only thing that matters. Do you understand what I'm getting at?"

Professor Lehnsherr stared at him for a second before saying, "I'm just going to write _no change_, okay?"

Scorpius smirked. "Alrighty then."

He left the room and saw Cale sitting on the floor down the hall waiting for his turn.

"I just talked to Finn," he said when Scorpius walked up. "Party in the Gryffindor common room tonight, we're invited."

"What's the occasion?"

"Do we need to have an occasion to get fucked up?"

In Cale's meeting he told Professor Lehnsherr that he wanted to be a professional muggle basketball player.

"You want to be a what?"

"A basketball player," said Cale seriously.

"How tall are you?"

"Five foot six, sir."

The Professor stared at him for a long time, trying to decide if he was joking or not. In the end he wrote _undecided_ on the paper and prayed for an early retirement.

Meanwhile Ms Juspeczyk, the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher, was interviewing the Gryffindor's. All day she had been thinking about Albus Potter's meeting.

He came in quietly, sitting down expectantly. Watching him she wondered about him and what it was really like.

"Hello, Albus," she greeted. Albus acknowledged her with a smile. "Here I have written that last year you wanted to be either a quidditch player like your brother or an auror like you father."

"Yes," said Albus.

"Is that still what you want?"

Albus tilted his head to the side and said, "Of all the people who come in here and tell you what they _want_, how many of them actually achieve it?"

Professor Juspeczyk didn't know what to say. In truth most of the people who had sat where Albus was sitting had chosen very different paths than the ones they had spoke of in here.

"That's what I thought," said Albus. "We're kids. We have no idea what we want. And the people who think they do are just deluded. We're lost in this sea of craziness and most of us go _mental_ before what we want becomes reality."

Juspeczyk's eyes were massive.

"I know what you're thinking," said Albus, standing up to leave. "Poor Albus Potter has no idea what he has to look forward to in the future. And you know something? You're right. Because the future to me looks like shit."

Finn was waiting for Albus outside the room.

"Did you spout some shite about the hopelessness of the future?" he asked Albus, grinning from ear to ear.

"Yup."

"There's a good man."

And then it was Finn's turn.

"So do you still want to be a Daily Prophet journalist?" he was asked.

"Naw, that's bullshit," Finn said to her.

Juspeczyk blinked. "What?"

"We're goddamn _wizards_!" he said. "We can do goddamn magic! Why would any of us want a job that muggles can do! A journalist, really?"

"I don't-" said Juspeczyk.

"It's cool, Professor J," Finn said, cutting her off. He stood up. "We were given these gifts for a reason and I don't want to waste them."

Finn left, all the while wondering if she could tell just how high he was.

~O-O~

Scorpius was tired at the end of the day but he still got dressed and ready for the party nonetheless. It was already past curfew when him and Cale snuck out of the Slytherin common room. They didn't see anyone on their way up to the seventh floor. Outside of the Gryffindor dormitory everything was quiet and even when they told the portrait the password and it swung open, everything was still silent. Only when they passed from the small hallway and into the common room could they finally hear the party.

It was near deafening. The Arctic Monkeys were playing on the stereo at such a level that Scorpius was sure he would be deaf by morning.

The first thing Scorpius saw was a shirtless Finn dancing on top of one of the tables. His pupils were so big that Scorpius actually laughed, wondering if he could even think coherently around the amount of drugs in his system. Cale swore colorfully and went off to get his twin down from the table before he embarrassed himself. Scorpius meanwhile searched the room for Albus but it was Rose who found him first.

"What are you doing here," she asked amused, a bottle of something clutched in her hand. "I thought this was a Gryffindor party."

"Cale and I are honorary Gryffindor's tonight."

Rose snorted. "On whose authority?"

"Mine," said Scorpius grinning. Rose turned to smile at him. Her face was rosy and relaxed and she looked happy. He liked this Rose. The Rose that screams about homework and tears her hair out around exam time is terrifying.

"Albus was looking for you earlier," Rose said, snatching two shots of Firewhisky from someone walking by. She handed one to Scorpius. "He seemed to really be missing you."

"Did he now?" Scorpius was rather pleased by this.

Rose took her shot, grimaced and then turned to Scorpius. "Are you having sex with him?"

Scorpius's shot froze halfway to his mouth. He gaped at Rose.

"Wi- with Albus?" he stammered.

"Yes."

"No," Scorpius answered uncomfortably. "No, I'm not having sex with Albus."

His stomach twisted like it always would when someone didn't like the thought of him being with Albus. But Rose surprised him.

"Too bad," she said. "Seeing you two hang out... you would be good together."

Scorpius downed his shot for some confidence. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

She was about to say something else when Cale suddenly appeared out of nowhere and asked, completely red in the face, if Rose would dance with him. She looked at Scorpius, mouth open, like he would tell her what to do. Scorpius grinned and urged her on. He watched them go, slowly realizing that basically his only two close friends had left him alone at this party. He was only by himself for a few seconds before Albus sidled up beside him and handed him a smoking joint.

"Finally," he said. "I've been waiting for them to do something for _years_."

Scorpius couldn't think of anything to say so he just grinned and between the two of them they finished the joint in a few minutes. Scorpius could feel the high creeping up on him. He could also feel Albus's gaze on him like it was as heavy and as obvious as machine gun fire.

"Can I show you something," Albus asked in a quiet voice. He sounded nervous but Scorpius couldn't imagine why.

What he wanted to show Scorpius turned out to be the way to get up on to the window ledge above the common room. It was all very confusing. You had to climb on top of the fireplace mantel, jump over to the portrait of Godric Gryffindor, climb to the top of it and then use the metal rod that held up the curtains to swing over to the window ledge. The ledge was wide enough to be comfortable for two people but small enough that Albus's and Scorpius's legs were touching. Albus pulled out a cigarette and they shared that one too.

"How did your meeting go?" Albus asked, leaning back contently against the stone wall.

"Terribly," said Scorpius. He fiddled with Albus's shoelace on the shoe that was pressed up against his thigh.

"Did you talk about how stupid the whole concept of the future is since you've met Al?"

Scorpius nodded and laughed. "I probably freaked Lehnsherr out for life with my depressing, _searching for happiness_ speech."

"Couldn't have been worse than mine from what Finn told me," said Albus. "I went in first, no problem. Then Al barged in two hours later and started screaming cynical, angsty shit about the whole world being one big joke. Then he pretended to be The Comedian from _Watchmen_ and things got _really_ weird."

Scorpius laughed. He realized that his hand was now on Albus's shin but he didn't try to move it.

"What happened to the American Dream?" he said, grinning.

"Are you kidding?" said Albus. "It came true. You're lookin' at it."

They looked at each other for a long time, longer than normal. Scorpius selfishly wanted Albus to turn transition into Al so that he could kiss him senseless right now. Albus stared because he couldn't quite figure out the mystery of the boy in front of him.

All around, Scorpius could hear the sounds of his classmates and friends letting go, just living. Up here, above it all, he realized that no matter how much you want to you can't escape the future.

"If you were to go back to Juspeczyk," he said, "what would you really say to her."

"I would say," Albus started, "that it's really hard to plan your future when you don't believe you have one."

Forgetting everything, Scorpius leaned forward to kiss him full on the mouth but was interrupted before he could by Finn, appearing out of nowhere below them on the ground to demand that they play strip beer pong with him and Cale while (according to him) all the babes will "watch and drool".

Albus was immediately game; squeezing Scorpius leg because it was the closest thing he could reach he jumped off the ledge. He landed professionally and looked back up at Scorpius whose addled mind was making it seem as if the jump were 70 feet high rather than seven.

"Common," said Albus. "I'll catch you."

"That's an even worse idea."

In the end Scorpius had to latch onto the edge and lower himself to the ground rather than jump. Cale couldn't stop laughing and although Albus said it was cute, it didn't stop Scorpius from being beat read and feeling like he had a fever of a million and one degrees.

Everything was better once they started playing. Albus and Scorpius started out strong. Soon Cale was down to just his undershirt and jeans and Finn was in his t-shirt and underwear.

They fell apart soon after that. Before long both of them were down to their last piece of clothing.

Scorpius was wearing his X-Men boxers that said _MUTANT EQUALITY NOW _on the ass. Albus was wearing tight black boxer briefs that left little to the imagination. He was laughing hysterically while Scorpius was trying hard not to goddamn hyperventilate at the sight of Albus is such tiny shorts.

Scorpius managed to clinch the game before he had to take everything off. Everyone was cheering and screaming and then suddenly Cale was dragging Rose out of the crowd and kissing her in front of everybody.

Albus watched Rose, grinning madly. Scorpius watched Albus, wondering if he'd ever seen him so happy. He was glad that the room was full of people because if it wasn't he didn't know if he would be able to resist a half naked Albus standing perfect and happy, the way Scorpius wanted him always to be.

Cale and Rose disappeared out the portrait hole (followed by many catcalls) and the party restarted. Albus looked at Scorpius and jerked his head over to a now vacant couch. They sat down together. Scorpius spread his legs out lengthwise and Albus was so drunk that he sat perpendicular to him, his legs hanging over Scorpius's. Both of them were still in their underwear.

"Finally, am I right?" said Albus. "It was painful watching them be so obsessed with each and not doing anything about it."

Scorpius blushed a bit, applying it to his own situation.

"I know," he said. "I tried to hurry Rose up about it because I never thought Cale would grow a pair and do it but I guess I was wrong."

Albus peaked at Scorpius and the two of them burst out laughing. Scorpius looked down at Albus's lips. It was getting harder and harder not to kiss them.

"Thanks for hanging out with me tonight," said Albus, almost breathlessly. "God knows where Finn has fucked off to now."

Scorpius was barely listening. Again, the dark part of him wanted Albus to transition just so that he could kiss the hell out of him. But Albus just unconsciously licked his lips which made Scorpius lean forward, unable to stop himself.

"This party was supposed to be about celebrating us choosing our careers," said Albus. "I guess realizing the future doesn't exist is also a pretty good reason to get highly inebriated."

And then Albus promptly passed out on Scorpius's bare shoulder. Smiling, Scorpius rested his head on top of Albus's and fell asleep just as quickly.

~O-O~

The first things Scorpius was aware of the next morning was the horrible taste in his mouth, the unbelievable headache he had and the fact that he was alone on the couch. He sat up, looking around for the missing Albus but almost immediately lay back down because that small movement had made his head feel like it was about to explode.

Five minutes later he tried sitting up again with a lot more success. He surveyed the absolute carnage that surrounded him.

There were people lying everywhere, from the floor to the bookshelves to human pileups on the chairs and couches. The room itself was a mess, bottles and cigarette stubs all over the floor and so many stains that the carpet had taken on a new color. Scorpius realized that he was still wearing only his boxers (his clothes were nowhere to be found) and that someone had drawn in ink on his chest a massive detailed diagram of all the Hogwarts bathrooms. Scorpius licked his thumb and tried to rub off the ink but it seemed to be quite resistant.

A noise near the portrait hole made Scorpius look up. A moment later Albus stumbled into view precariously holding three coffees. It seemed he had borrowed random clothes from the room because he was wearing baggy jeans that ended halfway down his shins and an excessively tight faded yellow t-shirt that showed off part of his stomach. That mixed with his obvious hangover face made him look like Ewan McGregor from _Trainspotting_.

Scorpius watched Albus tiptoe over the bodies strewn across the floor until he found Finn lying curled up on the bottom step of the dorm staircase. Finn was sporting a horrendous drawn on handlebar moustache that Scorpius couldn't help but snort at. Albus heard and looked over, grinning. He left one of the coffee cups beside Finn's head and then made his way over to Scorpius, sitting down beside him and giving him one of the coffees. Surprised, Scorpius took it and stuttered out a thank you. He tasted it and it was perfect, a bit of cream and enough sugar to kill someone.

"How did you know how I liked my coffee?" Scorpius asked, astonished.

"I didn't" said Albus. "I just took into account your love for Licorice Wands that rivals even mine and assumed you would like a spectacular amount of sugar in everything."

Scorpius was rather touched.

They lapsed into silence, or perhaps hangover comas. At one point Hugo Weasley woke up from his spot under a couch, looked at Albus and rasped, "Where's my coffee?"

"_Shh_, go back to sleep," said Albus. Hugo grunted, rolled over and was snoring again within seconds.

"Nice one," said Scorpius. He looked over. Albus was looking at him funny. "What?"

"I- I'm sorry," Albus muttered, running a hand through his wild hair. "I've always sort of known since you found out but hearing you talk about what you said in the career meeting made me realize just how bad I fucked up."

"What are you talking about?"

"I changed you Scorpius," said Albus. His eyes were quite sad. "Actually... I think I ruined you, mate."

Scorpius tried to step in but Albus just shook his head.

"You weren't perfect before me, we both know that. But knowing me has shown you an even darker side to yourself and I'll never forgive myself for doing that to you."

Scorpius realized they were still in a room full of sleeping people but he didn't care.

"You didn't ruin me, Albus," he said. "It's not like _you_ made the world bad. It was already bad. All you did was show that to me. You opened my eyes to the truth I guess."

That didn't help Albus feel better at all.

"I still-"

"Don't," Scorpius cut in. "Don't feel bad. I don't regret becoming friends with you. Do you?"

"No," said Albus. He felt like it was selfish to say so but he said it anyway.

Scorpius nudged his leg and said, "That outfit is terrible."

"Yes, yes it is."

They grinned stupidly at each other for a bit before Scorpius got up to go back to his dorm for a much needed shower and clothing. He paused at the edge of the room and looked back at Albus.

"We're losing the battle, Scor," Albus said.

"Doesn't matter," said Scorpius, "as long as we win the war."

As Scorpius left he couldn't help the tiny bit of hope he felt. At their last heads' meeting Rose had said that Albus has stopped fighting. Thinking to himself as he walked mostly naked through the castle, Scorpius couldn't help but think that maybe that wasn't the truth.

**Author's note: Sorry, it's a bit of a shit chapter. More filler than anything. It's gonna pick up a bit soon though! Thanks for reading and don't forget to review!**


	17. The Centre of the World

**Chapter 16: The Centre of the World**

"You know what I don't get?" began Scorpius, taping the ash from his cigarette onto the floor.

"Advanced human transfiguration?" said Albus.

"Fuck off, that was one test. No, what I don't get is why only sometimes you are co-conscious with Al. What triggers it?"

"I don't know," Albus partially lied. At this point the only common factor in all five times he'd been co-conscious was Scorpius. He didn't know what that meant. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Scorpius partially lied. The last time Scorpius had spent the night with Al in the room of requirement he'd woken up at five in the morning, panicking, thinking about the day (if and when it came) where Albus would be a spectator to Al's and Scorpius's - _adventures_.

"Where's Finn?" Scorpius eventually asked to break the silence.

"_Gold Infinity_." He looking a bit conflicted. "Cale?"

"Where do you think," said Scorpius, grinning evilly and looking up at Albus suggestively.

"Oi! She's my cousin, you dickhead!"

Albus reached out and tried to slap him but Scorpius was too quick. He dodged out of the way and stood up. He stretched for a moment before reaching out a hand and saying, "Common. Lunch is almost over and you can't be late for potions again because Al's been late three times this week already."

Albus grunted and used Scorpius's outstretched hand to pull himself up. Scorpius let go fairly quickly. He didn't want Albus to catch on to the amount of times he'd been finding innocent ways to touch him.

The walk to Potions was quiet but that was okay. They didn't even need to talk about it anymore when they sat beside each other. Recently, everything had sort of worked out for everyone.

Cale and Rose were dating now so they always shared a table. Albus was happy for them even if seeing them together made him want to punch something. Not just because seeing someone suck his cousin's face was a bit gross but more seeing them together all cute and perfect and feeding each food at dinner was EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL. Scorpius loved them together because a) Cale had loved her for so long and it was such a relief for him to finally stop pining after her and do something about and b) having Cale being otherwise occupied (by Rose's face) gave Scorpius more opportunities to be with Albus.

It all worked out very nicely that the introduction of _Gold Infinity _happened at this time. _Gold Infinity _was the newest obsession of the castle. It was a "harmless" drug that caused intense moods and according to Finn it was the best thing since porn. It made your eyes shift to a strange gold shade (hence the name) which made it quite easy to tell who was high on it. When Finn walked into class, his legs moving at a spectacularly slow pace, wearing sunglasses, Scorpius and Albus shared a pointed look.

Finn sat in front of them and then almost immediately turned around and said, "Hey. Do these sunglasses make me look fly?"

"Very fly," said Scorpius.

"Super fly," said Albus.

Finn gave them a sloppy thumbs up before bowing his head and promptly falling asleep.

"Tosser," whispered Albus.

Scorpius grinned.

"So what do you reckon?" Albus said after a moment.

"About what?"

"'Bout _Gold Infinity_."

Scorpius thought about it for a second.

"I don't know to be honest. Bit reckless, innit?"

Albus made the face he always makes when he thinks about Al's influence on him.

"Isn't that how we do things nowadays?"

_Yeah, guess it is._

~O-O~

Albus showed up at the end of the Slytherin's practice. Scorpius saw him first, waiting by the edge of the pitch with his broom and long sleeve _Rolling Stones _shirt. He was smoking but that wasn't the main thing Scorpius noticed.

"Alright, practice is over!" called Scorpius to his team. "Get the fuck off my pitch."

"You heard the man!" yelled Chelsea. "His boyfriend's here so we'd better piss off before the snog fest begins!"

"He's not my boyfriend, fuck off!" shouted Scorpius which did not help his case at all. Chelsea flew off after the team in the end but not before making very... sexual gestures.

Scorpius hovered at about fifty feet, waiting for Albus to finish his cigarette. When he was done he buried it in the dirt with the toe of his boot before mounting his broom and flying up to meet Scorpius.

"Alright, mate?" said Albus.

"You dyed your hair back, I see," Scorpius said with a jerk of his head.

"Yea," said Albus softly, carding his fingers through his now black fringe. "The red was growing a bit old to be honest."

They fell into a bit of an awkward silence. Scorpius wanted to ask why Albus had come here but lately he's found it's best to just let Albus do whatever he wants and not ask. Questions stress him out too much.

"How's Cale?" Albus finally asked. "I barely see Rose anymore and when I do they're always together."

"Nauseating. When he comes back to the dorms at night I can practically see hearts in his eyes and two nights ago I had to stun him just so I could go to sleep because he wouldn't shut up."

Albus snorted. "At least they're happy though. Everyone knows Cale's been in love with her since like second year."

Scorpius heard bitterness in his voice.

"Do you not like them together? Or do you just not like that you can't see Rose as much as before."

Albus sighed in that _I'm very tired of this world _kind of way and closed his eyes, tilting his face up to the setting sun.

"Neither really," he says. "I just... have trouble understanding relationships."

"In what way?"

He had to really think about it for a moment. "Relationships seem pointless and more bothersome then they're worth to be honest. Being faithful to one person isn't the problem- don't get me wrong on that. I wouldn't be that kind of guy in a relationship. Just having somebody always there and having to tell them everything and the concept of-" he used air quotes, "- _alone time_ doesn't exist anymore. It's not worth it, the whole thing."

"Is that all of it," Scorpius asked quietly. He could always tell when Albus was holding something back.

Albus looked back at him, the dying sun reflecting off his newly darkened hair.

"I'm too fucked up, Scorpius. I don't want to... bring anyone down."

Scorpius wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay even if it was a lie but instead he licked his suddenly dry lips and said, "What if you found someone who gets it. Someone who really understands. Maybe... someone who's pretty fucked up too."

Scorpius could feel his cheeks burn because subtlety had never been his strong point. Apparently being _aware_ wasn't one of Albus's qualities because he just shrugged his shoulders and mumbled things that were not very optimistic.

"I was just going to fly around and practice for a bit," Albus said finally. He pulled a snitch out from his pocket. "You don't have to stay."

"Yeah, I think I'll head in," said Scorpius. "I'm feeling pretty tired."

In fact, Scorpius was exhausted. He felt like everything that had been going on since the beginning of this messed up year was catching up to him and he wasn't sure if he wanted to sleep indefinitely or take enough drugs to render him semi-comatose for the next millennia.

After a quick shower in the now empty changeroom, Scorpius headed back up to the castle alone. He peeked over his shoulder while crossing the grass and watched Albus fly around for a few minutes. He really was good and Scorpius thought that if they had been in the same house their quidditch team would have been unbeatable.

The remaining walk to the castle felt extra long and almost colder than it was before. The only thought running through Scorpius's already cluttered mind was what Albus had said which was a) sad to think that Albus thought no one would ever love him because his mental health isn't all in order and b) that Scorpius would almost definitely never get to date him because he doesn't like the concept of relationships.

Scorpius was sad, pissed off, hormonal and so freezing fucking cold that he wasn't watching where he was going. He passed through a side passage in the vague direction of the Slytherin dorms only to basically storm right into a helpless sixth year Hufflepuff. He was very short and skinny and promptly fell over onto his back, brought down by the weight of all the books crammed into his bag.

He hit the ground with a dull _thunk _when his head smacked against the stone.

"Jesus Christ are you okay!" Scorpius yelled though really it was more of a squeal.

The guy groaned and said, "My name's not Jesus."

Scorpius swore a bit more then leaned down, yanking the guy to hit feet which was probably a bad idea it he was concussed. Dr Scorpius checked the back of his head to see if it was bleeding.

"Well, it's not bleeding so I'm fairly sure you won't die," Scorpius said in a terrible attempt to lighten the mood. The boy didn't say anything and Scorpius was worried that he'd passed out or something until he saw the look on his face and realized their position.

They where standing chest to chest and Scorpius's face was very close to the boy's own alarmed one. One of Scorpius's hands was on the side of the boys face keeping him still while the other was basically tangled in his hair. Scorpius watched _not Jesus' _eyes flicker down to his lips and then back up so fast it was almost like it never happened. Scorpius took a giant step back.

"Right," he said, coughing awkwardly. "Umm, you should be fine. If you want to be sure I could, uh, take you to the hospital wing. But I'm sure you're okay. Quite sure."

Scorpius was rambling. He couldn't remember the last time he'd sounded like such an idiot. Shaking his head slightly, the boy looked up at Scorpius and said, "Jeez, where's the fire, officer?"

"Sorry," Scorpius said sincerely, wishing he could just melt into the floor. "I'm quite... all over the place right now. I'm really sorry."

The boy smiled, his eyes shifted like he had just realized Scorpius was there. "Chill," he said. "I should be fine. I guess you'll just have to take me to Hogsmeade next weekend to make it up to me."

"I... what?"

"Hogsmeade, next weekend," he said. Scorpius couldn't believe this was happening.

"Did you just... ask me out?"

The boy tilted his head to the side and grinned crookedly. "And maybe you should keep me up all night tonight to make sure I don't die in my sleep if I have a concussion. That's a real thing, I saw it on _Grey's Anatomy_. "

Scorpius was sure this was all a dream or an elaborate prank by Finn because his sense of humor is really fucked. There was simply no way he would crash into a guy nearly breaking his head, have this guy ask him out and then ask him to _keep him up all night _because if that isn't a euphemism for sex then Scorpius doesn't know what is. But then again...

"You a relationship kind of guy or keep it casual?" Scorpius asked bluntly.

"I just asked you to keep me company for the night, what do you think," said the boy.

"Alright," said Scorpius. "Common then."

Part of Scorpius couldn't believe he was doing this. A year ago the mere thought of doing something like this would have been so ridiculous and yet since meeting Al and seeing the world through his eyes it all seems very straight forward. Albus (as usual) swam briefly through his mind but then Scorpius thought about what Albus had said not twenty minutes ago. He felt like he was coming to the point where one has to finally throw their hands up and say I GIVE UP.

As Scorpius led the boy to his and Al's favorite unused classroom he couldn't help that feeling of adrenaline coursing though his veins. He couldn't remember when doing bad things started to make him feel alive but really he just didn't care anymore.

~O-O~

The sun was just coming up when Scorpius kicked _not Jesus _awake. Class was to start in forty minutes and Scorpius wanted time to shower and rethink his life.

"Oi!" he half shouted. "We have class to get to, mate. Wake up."

As he said it Scorpius realized that he still didn't know the guy's goddamn name.

The boy sat up slowly, stretched, grinned and then said, "I can't believe I shagged Scorpius Malfoy."

Scorpius looked away, red faced, trying to the find the boy's t-shirt. Scorpius too often forgot that he was "popular". It felt a bit weird to think of and though he felt bad that the boy knew his name and Scorpius didn't know his, he still felt rather flattered. On the way out of the classroom Scorpius grabbed the boy by his shirt, checked the hall to see if anyone was there and when there wasn't he turned and kissed him. Scorpius slipped away after that, the same feeling of adrenaline pounding through his body.

~O-O~

Albus had spent the night lying on a bench in the Gryffindor quidditch changeroom. It was cold and not very comfortable but last night he'd been in such a terrible mood that all he'd wanted to do was curl up somewhere no one would find him and stare at the wall for hours.

Most days he could convince himself that he's okay, that what he has won't ruin his whole life. He thought that transitioning to Al a few times a week isn't that bad and that Al's never done anything _permanently _damaging.

But then Albus will remember the little things like what it once felt like to be happy or what it could feel like to have someone in his life who loved him and who would do anything for him. Talking with Scorpius he knows now more than ever that he can never truly have that as long as he has Al in his life. He would never let somebody into his life like that only to make them deal with his dark side.

On the way back to the dorm he thought about Finn and Cale and Rose and fuck, even Scorpius Malfoy now. He felt bad for all of them. It was fucking selfish letting them into his life when he's like this.

He mumbled the password to the portrait and the first thing he saw in the common room was Rose and Cale madly kissing on the couch- happy, normal and in love.

And in one second Albus was gone.

Rose looked up and said, blushing, "Oh, hey Albus."

"Fuck off," spat Al.

He stalked past them, ignoring Rose calling out after him and Cale's offended expression. His dorm was empty as classes were starting in a few minutes. He took out his retro tape player that already had the _Sex Pistols _loaded up. Sitting down he pulled out his notebooks that he never let anyone read (except for that one weird time with Scorpius) and cranked up the volume of his tape. With his quill he scratched out the last paragraph he written because he'd thought of a better, more realistic ending.

A grand finale where everyone ends up alone and unhappy because in the end that's all we have.

~O-O~

Albus never showed up for charms. Scorpius waited for him, eyes flickering to the door every five seconds, but he never came.

~O-O~

After dinner Scorpius walked around the castle looking for a quiet place to read. The library was crowded and there seemed to be an Exploding Snap tournament going on in the Slytherin common room. He'd seen Rose and Cale sneak up to his dormitory so he was not going to go anywhere near that.

He found a quiet spot on the seventh floor. It wasn't very comfortable since it was a stone window seat that was hard and cold but it was quiet and the only thing he could hear was his own breathing. He wanted to be alone and he didn't want anyone to bother him for-

He looked up at the sound of footsteps, ready to tell someone off but it was Albus. No, wait... it was-

"Hey," said Al, unusually quiet. He sat down opposite Scorpius on the seat and folded his legs. Scorpius thought that he looked dead on his feet.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"No, but when am I ever."

He was fiddling unconsciously with his shoelace so Scorpius reached over and stilled his hand.

"What do you think about relationships?" Scorpius asked. Since he'd asked Albus, he thought he might as well ask Al too.

"I don't do boyfriends or girlfriends if that's what you mean," Al said. "You know that better than anyone."

"But what do you think about relationships in general?" Scorpius tried instead.

"I don't think someone can really answer that," Al said. "It's a spectrum. It all depends on the person you like. You could spend your whole life hating relationships and then one day you meet the right one, the game changer, and suddenly you're ready to let someone into your life like that. Sometimes you just don't know what you want until you see it."

Scorpius was blown away. "Holy hell," he choked out. "That was incredibly wise for someone who spends most of their time on drugs."

"Now stop talking and let me kiss your fucking face."

"And we're back."

Al grinned and leaned over, kissing Scorpius uncharacteristically gently. They kissed for awhile until Al pulled back abruptly and said, "Who the fuck gave you that?!"

He was pointing at the giant hickey on Scorpius's neck. Turning bright red, Scorpius slapped a hand over the mark and said, "Fuckin' hell, I don't even know his name."

Al laughed a genuine carefree laugh that made Scorpius think of better days.

"You dirty bastard," Al said against Scorpius's mouth. He kissed him again and they forgot about the rest of the world.


	18. Tightrope

**Chapter 17: Tightrope**

Scorpius was really glad that no one was around to see him right now.

He was sporting black jeans and black converse and he had stolen Cale's vintage black _Weird Sisters_ t-shirt because Scorpius didn't have any black shirts. It was well past midnight and Scorpius should have been done his rounds forty minutes ago but he was feeling much too _metal _to go back to the dormitory.

That morning Al had leant him his retro tape player and one of his mixed tapes that was called "Al's Fuck You Tunes (For When You Want To Kill Something!)". After dinner he'd spent an hour lying in bed listening to it. When it was time to go on patrol he'd felt so wickedly badass that he decked himself in black and swaggered through the school still listening to the tape.

He was finishing up on the seventh floor. The player was in his hand and he was singing along to his favorite song.

"TOOK THE PATH TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN. YOU WALK FOREVER JUST TO MEET ME AT THE RESERVOIR. OUTTA LUCK OUTTA MONEY. TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF MEET ME AT THE RESERVOIR."

He air drummed along and wondered what his father would say if he could see him now. It felt quite freeing to not care at all anymore.

When the song was over Scorpius played it again. He was at the _take your clothes off _part when there was a noise and someone said, '_Psst_, Scor!"

Scorpius whipped around in alarm to see Albus poking his head out from one of Al's favorite disused classrooms. Scorpius ripped out the headphones, incredibly humiliated only to be further embarrassed when Albus stepped out into the hall wearing nothing but tight black boxers.

"Please tell me you didn't hear any of that," said Scorpius.

"About you wanting to take my clothes off? No, I didn't hear anything," Albus said, winking.

He walked out into the hall and shivered slightly, wrapping his arms around himself. Scorpius waited for him to say something but Albus offered no explanation whatsoever.

Scorpius dramatically waved his hands. "Hello! Got anything to tell me maybe?!"

"Oh yea," said Albus. "Woke up ten minutes ago alone on the floor with no clothes and a horrible taste of _Al_ in my mouth."

"Know who it was?" Scorpius asked lightly, trying to ignore the raging inferno of jealousy that made him want to fight a bear.

"Dunno. Here, tell me if I smell like perfume or not."

Albus walked forward until he was basically chest to chest with Scorpius. Scorpius's heart was hammering almost painfully against his ribcage as he leaned forward, pressing his nose to Albus's hair. He smelled like strawberries and coconut (his shampoo) but there was a strange vanilla scent that definitely was not his.

"Girl," said Scorpius, leaning back and trying to will his face to cool down.

"Ah," said Albus. It pleased Scorpius that he didn't seem thrilled about any of this.

That feeling was squashed when Albus looked back at him and, smirking, said, "Is there a reason you're dressed exactly like me right now?"

Scorpius blushed right to his hairline.

"Umm, well Al leant me his tape player and it's really, uh, loud and punk rock so I felt like I had to... dress the part."

Albus smiled and laughed the carefree, easy laugh that Scorpius loved and wished he heard more. Lately, it seems like there's not many laughs these days.

Albus sighed and said, "It's a pity that it was a girl." Scorpius whipped his head around to look at him. "Recently I've been waking up and smelling this amazing guy on me. Reminded me a bit of you actually."

Scorpius felt like he may die but luckily they were interrupted by someone walking down the hallway towards them. Scorpius was instantly terrified because Albus and him were in a rather compromising situation but as the person got closer Scorpius realized that it was just Louis Weasley.

Louis's eyebrows quirked a bit as he took in the two boys.

"Nice to see you and your scrawny half naked body, Albus," he said. "And Scorpius, always nice to see you dressed exactly like Albus?"

"Don't ask," said Scorpius.

"Why are you out so late?" Albus said.

"Hospital wing." Louis pointed at the gauze patch on his neck. "I got into a rather violent chess match with Hugo and he ended up jamming his king into my neck."

"Jesus, that's rather harsh for Hugo," said Albus, half amused, half concerned.

"I think Dominique and Hugo's crazy friend with the hand tattoo's and the buzzcut, you know the one? Well, I think they slipped some _Gold Infinity _into his drink when he wasn't looking."

Scorpius let out a low whistle. "Wow, don't tell Rose that."

"Don't tell Rose what?" said someone coming up behind them. Cale and Rose strolled into the group, hand in hand. Rose was looking pointedly at Scorpius.

"Don't tell me what, Malfoy?"

Louis tells her because Rose would never have let it go.

"I'm not mad," said Rose calmly. "On a completely unrelated note does anyone know the best way to hide a body and not get caught?"

"Alright slow down," said Cale. "First things first." He turned to Albus. "Dude, why are you not wearing any trousers."

Albus blushes and scratches his head awkwardly. Cale's eyes narrow and his gaze shifts to Scorpius. Scorpius realizes too late.

"Oh Scor, did you finally tell Albus you're in love with him?" Scorpius's jaw fell open and no one said a word.

Cale looked back and forth between Albus and Scorpius and then said, "No? Too soon? Alright, just kidding then."

He said it so casually that everyone seemed to believe him. Scorpius realized he'd stopped breathing so he took as big a breath as he could without being too obvious.

"So," said Louis. "I'm not particularly tired."

Everyone kind of shrugged. Rose said, "The Room of Requirement is just around the corner."

They all agreed and Louis lead the way. Cale gave his hoodie to Albus so that he wouldn't be _as_ naked. Scorpius fell into step beside Rose.

"I'm a bit surprised at you Rose. I never thought you'd be sneaking around at night like this."

"I could say the same thing about you," she said cheekily.

Cale appeared between them and threw his arms over both their shoulders.

"It's all me," he said. "My magnificent presence has drastically improved both your lives."

Scorpius laughed lightly and looked over his shoulder at Albus. Albus winked and mouthed _wanker_. Scorpius grinned back at him.

~O-O~

Louis is the one who chooses the room that turns out to be either a weird mistake or a pleasant surprise. He made the room into some weird 70's apartment with a hammock and an abundance of lava lamps. There were weird beds that were sunken into the floor and Scorpius prayed that they were not waterbeds. _Angie_ by the Rolling Stones was playing softly on the vintage radio which Albus seemed very excited about. Louis was quite pleased while everyone else just kind of looked at him like he'd been confunded.

"This is some groovy shit, man," said Louis is a horrendous American accent. "Righteous." Cale hit him upside the head.

They all sat around one of the floor beds. Cale and Louis started talking about the Quidditch league and the upcoming game between the Falmouth Falcons and Pride of Portree. Rose and Albus started talking about the Easter holidays and whether or not they would be going home for the four day break. Scorpius was content just leaning back and listening. Mainly he watched Albus talk and smile and be happy.

The mood shifted when Louis looked over at Albus and said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Paul Dalton in my year has it out for you because apparently you slept with his girlfriend Karen sometime last week."

Albus's eyebrows knit together. "I didn't sleep with her."

"Well, not _you_," said Louis, waving his hand. "It was during that two day block where you were gone and Al was-"

Louis stopped abruptly, his eyes flicked over to Scorpius. Albus patted Scorpius knee.

"It's okay, Lou," he said. "Scorpius knows."

Louis was only stunned for a moment. Then he looked directly at Scorpius and said in a terrifying cult-like voice, "_You're one of us now_."

Cale and Rose started chanting _One of us!_ while Albus just smiled. Louis pulled Scorpius into a hug which caught Scorpius off guard. Louis pressed his lips to Scorpius's ear so that no one could hear him.

"Help us save him."

He pulled back and was instantly all smiley and happy again. Scorpius recovered himself and forced a grin onto his face. Albus suddenly jumped forward and glared playfully at Louis.

"Hey!" he yelled. "If anyone gets to _awkward hug_ Scorpius, it's me."

He wrapped Scorpius in his arms and although Scorpius tried to stop himself he couldn't help but melt into Albus's body. Over Albus's shoulder Scorpius could see Rose and Louis share a small hopeful glance.

At four in the morning everyone was pretty much too tired to function. Louis took the lone hammock as well as the biggest blanket because he's a douche. Rose and Cale shared one of the beds which left Albus and Scorpius to take the other one.

There was only one small blanket thanks to Louis so Albus and Scorpius had to kip under it together. For some reason the room was freezing cold so Scorpius spent the first ten minutes shivering and hugging his arms, trying to keep in any body heat he had. After another ten minutes Scorpius felt Albus shift beside him.

"You awake?" he whispered.

"Yeah."

"Are you as cold as I am?"

"Yes-ss." Scorpius's teeth chattered together.

There was a pause before Albus cleared his throat slightly and said, "Do you want to spoon."

Scorpius flipped over and stared at Albus's shining green eyes in the otherwise pitch black room.

"Excuse me."

Albus actually giggled which was basically the most adorable thing Scorpius had ever heard. Albus moved over and after Scorpius went through the initial _holy shit this is actually happening _phase he flipped back over so that Albus could tuck in behind him. Albus jumped when his feet touched Scorpius's.

"Jesus, you're freezing!" he hissed into Scorpius's neck.

"I have bad circulation," Scorpius mumbled into his pillow. Suddenly he felt almost too hot.

Albus moved around a bit more until he found the most comfortable spot. He laid his head on the same pillow as Scorpius and after a moment of hesitation he rested his arm around Scorpius's waist.

"You know what I just remembered?" Scorpius said.

"What?"

"You're still not wearing any trousers."

Albus snickered. "Well, maybe you should take yours off so we'll be even."

Scorpius elbowed him.

"_Prat_."

**Author's Note**

**Reservoir by PUP**

**Also this was the funniest chapter to write**


	19. Modern Love

**Author's note**

**I imagine this chapter as a weird montage to David Bowie's **_**Modern Love**_**.**

**Chapter 18: Modern Love**

It was snowing outside as they waited to go to Hogsmeade. It was already mid March and although he liked winter, Scorpius wished that they were passed the snowing point.

He shoved his cold hands into his pockets and took a quick look at Al.

Al seemed more prepared for the weather than Scorpius was. He was wearing his usual long black coat and fingerless gloves. He had a navy blue hat on and a very frayed Gryffindor scarf. When Scorpius had asked why it was so frayed Al had looked him dead in the eye and said, "I use it to strangle my victims."

Scorpius tried to warm up his fingers around the cigarette he was holding. He took a drag and passed it to Al.

"I can't believe it snowed four inches last night," Scorpius complained. "This isn't fucking Canada."

"Stop whining," said Al, leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes. With the cigarette in his lips he looked like a punk rock wizard James Dean.

"You can't tell me you like this white wasteland," said Scorpius. He bent down and made a handful of snow into a snowball. "If you say yesI will shove this down your coat."

Al smirked. "If you're cold we can skip Hogsmeade and I can warm you up another way."

Blushing, Scorpius started tossing the snowball into the air, all the while grumbling about Al and being _inconspicuous_. Al was putting out the cigarette with his foot and getting ready to leave when someone laughed and said, "Wow, you waited for our date, Scor!"

Scorpius turned, froze and was subsequently hit in the face by his own snowball.

It was _not Jesus_.

Grinning, _not Jesus_ walked over to Scorpius and brushed snow from his hair before delicately pecking his lips and saying something cheeky. Scorpius didn't hear it at all because he was too busy having an aneurysm.

Al was standing off to the side. His jaw had fallen open and his expression was a mix between intense excitement and disbelief. _Not Jesus_ noticed him after a moment and waved at him, completely relaxed.

"Oh. My. God," said Al finally. "Is this who gave you the hickey?! Holy fuckin hell, this is the best day of my life."

_Not Jesus_ grinned and extended his hand to Al. "Nice to meet you, Albus Potter. I'm Brennan."

Al grinned and shook his hand way too enthusiastically. "Al," he corrected. "Please, walk with us."

And then they walked away together, talking animatedly about Scorpius in a way that Scorpius never wanted anyone to overhear.

~O-O~

The odd trio went to _Honeydukes_ first. Scorpius hung back a bit from the other two because they kept whispering and giggling to each other and every once in a while they would peek over their shoulders at Scorpius with the same evil grins on their faces.

Al ended up buying three cauldron cakes. Behind the shop he took something from a bag in his pocket and put one in every cake. Scorpius took one when Al offered. He held it, knowing he shouldn't. He looked over at Brennan but he was grinning having already finished his. Al ate his in one bite before he noticed Scorpius's hesitation. He stepped up to him and leaned down so that his lips were only an inch away from Scorpius's.

"Do you trust me?" he whispered. Scorpius couldn't move. Al licked his lips gently and pressed them to Scorpius's. Scorpius could taste something strangely bitter in his mouth. When they pulled back Scorpius didn't hesitate again.

~O-O~

Scorpius wished he could say his afternoon was terrible after that- that Al had ruined the day and that the whole time he'd been panicking and terrified of everything. But that wasn't how it was.

Because drugs are amazing.

They went to the _Hog's Head_ after because they know the bartender doesn't care about who's 18 and who's not. Brennan bought everyone a shot of Firewhisky. Scorpius took his, very much aware of Brennan's hand on his thigh. He watched Brennan drink his and when the shot glass was back on the table Scorpius leaned over and kissed him right on the mouth. When he looked over at Al, Al had a wicked smile on his face like he was up to something.

They left after another round of Firewhisky. Scorpius's hand was in Al's and Brennan was pressed right up against him. Al pulled them both into _Gladrags_ even though none of them needed clothes. Scorpius was glad to get out of the cold and also to get away from the two dragons that were playing cards on top of _Zonko's_ who'd both been watching him.

"Did you guys see those dragons," whispered Scorpius clinging to Al as he stumbled over his own feet. Everything felt weird. Al and Brennan shared a look and then Al leaned down in front of Scorpius's face.

"It's okay, baby," he said. "It's all okay."

The shop was busy, far busier than normal. Scorpius guessed that other people had had the same idea- to escape the cold

and to stay away from the dragons.

Scorpius moved into the shop, leaving Al and Brennan behind him. As he walked, people on all sides said hi to him. He said hi back and even waved but he didn't recognize a single one. He was preoccupied with how the colors of the clothes were blurring together and bleeding into the walls and ceiling and floor. He passed his fingers through the clothes on either side. They felt like water and he could feel every single fiber and in that moment he decided never to do drugs again. He had never felt more alive than he did right at that moment but doing it this way was not what he wanted.

So Scorpius was going to make the best of it today.

He went back to the front of the store where Brennan and Al where waiting for him. They seemed to be holding hands but without realizing it. Al saw him first and he smirked, that signature smirk that looks like he knows a secret about you without you yourself knowing what it is. Brennan's smile was blinding, his perfect white teeth literally lighting up the room. Scorpius had lived his whole life in his father's shadow, trying to live up to what he wanted. It's taken Scorpius until now to realize that what he wants and what his father wants are so entirely different that it's almost funny. Scorpius wants to just live, to be happy and, if possible, get Albus Potter to be with him while he takes on the world. Now he's looking at two people who like him and in this moment, who want him.

He took them both by the hand and tugged them into the changeroom at the back corner of the shop. People could have seen but Scorpius really didn't care. He kissed Al on the mouth when they were out of sight. Brennan's lips were on his neck and Scorpius felt like he was on fire.

"Keep me safe," Scorpius whispered to Al against his lips. One of Scorpius's hands was tangled in his hair, the other clutching Brennan's shirt. "Save me from the world. And protect me from the dragon's outside."

Brennan pulled back and laughed lightly. "What?"

But Al understood. "I will," he said. "I won't ever leave you. I promise."

They left after awhile. Scorpius's vision was swimming and he was sure he was swaying but Brennan and Al both had firm holds on his hands. He wasn't sure how or why but somehow he was suddenly in front of the Shrieking Shack, his hands grasping at the railing like if he let go he would fall into oblivion.

"What are we doing here?" Scorpius asked. He thought it sounded better than saying _how did we get here_.

Brennan laughed. "Dunno, mate. You were the one who insisted we come here."

Scorpius looked around. Al as leaning against the fence, a cigarette hanging form his lips. His eyes were dark and penetrating and Scorpius found he couldn't look away.

"We could have a threesome in the house," Al said delicately, dark smoke curling up to the sky.

"There's a thought," said Brennan. But Scorpius could see he was kidding. At least he hoped he was because now was not the time.

Scorpius was finally coming down from his high as they walked back to the village. Brennan had to leave because he had a makeup transfiguration test to do which Scorpius thought was very irresponsible that he'd just done drugs. He kissed Scorpius before he left and then stared long and hard at Al, like he was trying to silently communicate something with him. Scorpius felt a twinge of jealousy and he wondered if it would be silly to grab Al by the arm and yell something childish like _He's mine, get your own!_

But Al didn't return the look and Brennan walked off, waving once more over his shoulder. Scorpius and Al took the back streets in the vague direction of _The Three Broomsticks_. Al, almost naturally, slipped his hand into Scorpius's again.

"He was nice."

Scorpius looked at him to see if he was being sarcastic but he seemed genuine.

"Yeah, he's cool."

"Do you want to date him?"

Scorpius quirked an eyebrow and looked up at Al but he was looking stubbornly ahead and did not meet his eyes.

"No, I do not want to _date _him. Why, would you be jealous?"

"More like I don't want to share you," said Al, immediately back to his cocky, arrogant self.

He pulled Scorpius into an alleyway, just off from the main drag. Pinning Scorpius to the side of the building, Al got very close to Scorpius's mouth.

"I don't want you to get busy with anyone else," he murmured right against Scorpius's lips. "I want you all to myself, whenever I want."

Scorpius knew that that should turn him off, that Al's one-sided possessiveness was egocentric and unfair but all Scorpius could think of was kissing him.

So he did.

They kissed long enough for the sky to begin to darken and for it to start snowing again. They broke apart when they heard someone clearing their throat from somewhere close by but nearer to the main street. It was Cale and Finn. Cale looked a bit disappointed, like he was disapproving of the scene. Finn meanwhile was fist pumping and laughing like this was the greatest thing ever. Al grinned at them. Scorpius blushed and stared, slightly embarrassed at the snow-covered ground.

This scene was exactly how it should have been. In an alternate world Cale would be looking at them, grinning from ear to ear like a proud parent. Finn would probably be doing the exact same thing.

The biggest difference though was that in that world, there would be no Al. In that world, Scorpius would get to be with Albus and they could be happy together.

But happy endings don't exist in the real world.

The four of them started back towards the castle. It was still snowing and the temperature had dropped well below what it had been. Al held Scorpius's hand the whole way.

They had just past through the gates when a voice from behind them yelled, "Albus!"

Al didn't turn around. It was the easiest way to show _who_ was here.

"Al," the voice called again. Al stopped and turned.

It was Hugo, running towards them. He wasn't wearing a jacket and his cheeks were pink from the cold. Behind him, a few yards away, was Teddy Lupin of all people.

Hugo almost tripped when he got near Al. Al caught him but instead up standing up Hugo sunk to the ground.

"Where's- where's Rose," he stuttered.

"I don't know," said Al, his eyebrows pinched together. He looked up at Teddy. "What's happened?"

Teddy just shook his head.

Scorpius watched as Al held Hugo in his arms. It was the first time Scorpius had seen Al be gentle and _kind _for once. Seeing him like this, Scorpius thought of Albus.

Albus Potter is very much broken and Scorpius doesn't know if he can ever be put back together again. He is someone who bears more pain than anyone ever should. Someone who has carried the pain far longer than anyone else could. And the pain never ends.

_There are no happy endings._


	20. Atlas

**Chapter 19: Atlas**

Scorpius hadn't seen Albus since. Actually he hadn't really seen anyone since. Hugo and Al had left to find Rose and the others while Teddy had stayed behind. He thought that even though him and Scorpius weren't close, as second cousins he felt like Scorpius would want to know.

Arthur Weasley had died that morning. His heart, which hadn't been good the last few years, had stopped beating. He was 74 years old.

Teddy had been visiting the Potters when Ron had apparated over. Harry and Ginny left with Ron for the burrow while Teddy went to Hogsmeade. It was chance that he'd apparated three feet from Hugo. By that afternoon all the Potters and the Weasleys had flooed out of the Headmaster's office to Ron and Hermione's house where everyone was meeting. They had left on Saturday and had not returned all weekend.

Scorpius wished he could have seen Al once more before he'd left. Everyone thought that Al was strong and immune to things like this. Scorpius knew better than anyone that Al was just as fucked up, just as insecure as Albus. For two years Al hadn't let anyone in.

Except for Scorpius.

The funeral was going to be on Monday morning at a wizard church near Shell Cottage. It was the same church where Fred was buried.

Scorpius didn't go for dinner Sunday night. Cale had been moody all weekend because it was the first time him and Rose had spent more than ten minutes apart. He hadn't gone to the Great Hall for food all weekend (he was living off of leftover cauldron cakes from Christmas) and Scorpius didn't want to spent another meal sitting alone at the Slytherin table pretending he had friends.

By 10 o'clock he was too hungry to survive till morning. He made his way to the kitchens and on the way back he saw something that usually wouldn't have been weird but tonight something was wrong.

Finn was sitting on one of the high windowsills, high enough that Scorpius didn't know how he could have gotten up there with being like... an eagle animagus.

He looked pretty much like he always did- swaying slightly, highly unstable and with eyes just closed enough to know that he was trashed. Except this time his eyes were dark black, something that only happens if you've had too much _gold infinity_.

"Y'alright there, mate?" called Scorpius, his hands on his hips. He tried not to look like a pissed off mother but _common_. Finn looked down slowly, like he wasn't sure who Scorpius was or what was happening.

"Do I look alright?" asked Finn with a surprising amount of calm.

"Can you come down please," said Scorpius. "You look fucked out of your mind and with everything that's happened I don't think Albus could handle it if his best friend died."

"I don't think I'm his best friend anymore." He mumbled it and Scorpius wasn't quite sure what he'd said. Before he could ask Finn smiled slightly and said, "You care so much about people."

"What?"

Finn swung his legs over the ledge and leaned down. "You are cynical and more fucked up than you let on but you still care so much about people. I can tell that you're scared I'm gonna fall off this ledge and impale my face on the ground. I can also tell that if you could you would take Albus's disorder for yourself so he could be okay. It's you fatal flaw, mate. You can't save everybody."

Scorpius blinked hard. "I- I know that. I- do. I know I can't make him better."

"Well, you're doing a better job than me." Scorpius looked up. "Albus is going to ask you to go to the funeral with him."

"What?"

"I talked to him this morning in Hogsmeade."

Scorpius's heart tugged. Albus had been _close_. Close enough that Scorpius could have seen him. He was jealous that Finn saw him but only for a moment until he remembered what Finn had said.

"Why does he want me?"

"'_There's something about him that makes me calm, Finn- I don't know how to explain it_.' That's what he told me."

And then Finn laughed. He laughed like a broken man with no way of knowing which way he was going.

"And I'm not even mad at Albus for not choosing me or even mad at you for that matter. I'm mad at myself. I've been best friends with him since we were 11 and I can't make him better, not like you can apparently."

Despite what he'd said, to Scorpius he sounded bitter.

"I've failed, Scorpius," he said. "You're supposed to protect the people you love most but I can't break through to him. Now it's only you. You have to do it or he'll die. We both know this."

He turned back to the window and Scorpius knew he wouldn't get anything more out of him.

~O-O~

Albus was waiting for him outside the Slytherin common room. His face was pale and sunken like he hadn't eaten in days and he was wearing a maroon sweater that was so big for him he was practically drowning in it. Scorpius walked up to him and without pausing he wrapped him up in his arms and hugged him. He tried to think back if they'd ever hugged before but he couldn't form an image. Albus hugged him back after a moment. He buried his face in Scorpius's neck. He smelled like cigarettes and the sea.

"Are you okay."

They both knew what Scorpius was really asking.

"Yea, I'm alright."

Scorpius hadn't realized how much he'd missed his voice. He leaned back and waited for Albus to speak first.

"I'm... gonna ask you something weird," he said. "I just... I really need you on this one."

"Okay."

Albus asked him, exactly how Finn said he would. He seemed a bit flustered when he said it and looked down like he was embarrassed to ask for help.

Scorpius wanted to tell him it was okay. That is was alright to break down and that it was okay to not feel as strong alone. Naturally, all Scorpius could manage was, "Yea, Of course."

Albus stepped away and sniffed a little bit. He sent Scorpius a small watery smile and said, "Shell cottage. Tomorrow at ten. Service starts at eleven."

With one more look he turned and walked away, his hands tucked into his massive sweater. Scorpius watched him until he turned the corner and was gone.

~O-O~

Scorpius's alarm went off at 9:30. He flailed around for a moment, realizing he had slept through most of Transfiguration only to remember that he wasn't going. He hadn't asked Professor Lehnsherr for permission but he'd told Cale to tell him so he hoped it would be okay. Not that he really cared.

He dressed quickly in dress pants and his white collared school shirt. The tie and the black jacket he'd had to borrow from Cale because apparently Cale had packed clothes for every possible scenario.

Scorpius regretted not wearing gloves as he made the walk from the castle to the border of the grounds. The wind was bitter and it tore at Scorpius's cloak. As he apparated he hoped it would be warmer in Cornwall.

He appeared on a sandy farm road with cattle on one side of the path and a field of sea lavender on the other. Rose Weasley was standing less then five from him with an expression that clearly said just how close Scorpius had been to apparating on top of her.

"Oh," said Scorpius.

"Hi," said Rose. She frowned slightly. "What are you doing here?"

Scorpius studied her for a moment. The bags under her eyes that are always present at exam time were here now and her face looked gaunt. Her normally unruly curly hair was straightened and pulled back into a tight bun that made her look like a ballerina. Her black clothes looked so foreign on her body.

"Albus asked me to come," Scorpius finally murmured. For a moment he thought Rose would turn him away, saying that he didn't belong or even deserve to be here which was true. But she didn't. Instead she grabbed his hand and nodded.

"Albus is already there," she said. "Maybe go up to the cottage first. I think Louis needs help."

Scorpius translated that to _let Albus be with family for awhile_, which he understood.

Louis was outside the cottage with an unlit cigarette between his lips and a matchbook in his hands. He took the cigarette out of his mouth when he saw Scorpius.

"Hey," he said, not as stunned as Rose had been. "I don't smoke. I just... thought it would set the mood."

"Don't start," said Scorpius seriously. He resisted the urge to take the cigarette and smoke it for himself. "Wanna go?"

Louis smiled and nodded. Scorpius was glad he didn't pry and ask why Scorpius was here.

They walked in silence. The countryside was gorgeous and on other circumstances Scorpius could have enjoyed it. The weather was holding out and though it wasn't sunny, the overcast helped Scorpius feel a bit better.

They reached the church. Pausing, Louis turned around and faced Scorpius.

"I'm... really glad Albus invited you," he said. "I've never seen him more at peace then when he's with you." He looked at the ground. "I can't explain it. You have- a hold on him that's strange but... nice. He needs that."

He left then but not before giving Scorpius a well meaning hug. Scorpius appreciated it. Sometimes it's nice knowing that, despite being different, you are accepted.

People were milling about the entrance hall of the church. Scorpius saw all of the Potter's except for the one he actually wanted to find. James caught him looking around. He stared at Scorpius for a long time before he moved and disappeared through the crowd.

Scorpius left the main hall. If it were Al he would know instantly where to find him- on a balcony or outside on the highest part or the building. Albus wasn't so predictable.

He eventually found him in a side room, just off from where the service was going to be held. Albus was staring at himself in the mirror, fiddling with his already perfect tie. He saw Scorpius in the reflection and his fingers stilled.

"You came," he said.

"Of course I did. You asked me too."

Albus forced himself to smile.

"I'm glad it's you here today," Scorpius said quietly. "I didn't know who I would find."

Albus turned around and stared at Scorpius sadly. "I wouldn't miss this."

He looked okay for a moment until suddenly he wasn't. He stumbled backwards until he half sat, half leaned on the table that was there. His face was buried in his hands and he made no sound. Scorpius didn't know what was happening- if he was transitioning or something worse. After a moment Albus took a shaky breath and said, "It's so fucking unfair."

He lifted his head. His red-rimmed eyes made his pale face even worse.

"Everything fell to _shit _when I got fucked up. Nothing was the same again. Everyone looks at me like I'm this freak or this fucking time bomb that's going to either lash out or kill someone- probably me. Everyone tiptoes around me now, too afraid to even talk to me with the risk of me transitioning.

"And now look what's happened! My grandfather is fucking dead and everyone looks at me, waiting for Al to jump out. I'm weak, I know that. I just- I need things to be okay. I can't seem to catch a fucking break and I can't hold up the fucking sky forever."

Scorpius was at his side in an instant. He felt like this was a good excuse to put his arm around Albus but he didn't.

"There was one good thing that happened this year," said Scorpius. "One shining light." Albus looked up at him. "We became friends. And since I am a god, a vision, the best thing that's ever happened to this world-"

Albus elbowed him in the ribs and cracked a small smile. They stayed that way until Victoire Weasley came into the room telling them that it was now 11 o'clock and Albus was needed.

~O-O~

This whole time Scorpius had imagined this scene sitting beside Albus, sending him glances to show him that he was there and making sure to sit right up beside him so that he wouldn't feel alone.

But that couldn't happen. Because Scorpius wasn't family and worst of all he was a _Malfoy_. The back row was exactly where he belonged.

Everyone stood when the family came it. First came Arthur Weasley's kids and their spouses along with Teddy Lupin. The next generation came behind them. Albus was at the very back. He was holding Lily's hand and his expression showed nothing.

When it was over there was a reception held in the basement. Scorpius leaned against the back wall with a glass of scotch in his hand because he was trying to look not as uncomfortable as he felt. He knew that Albus wanted him there but now that he was here he felt like he was... intruding.

He couldn't see Albus or Louis or pretty much anyone he knew. Finishing his drink Scorpius wondered if anyone he didn't know would think even _less _of him if he slipped out now. He only made it three feet when Harry Potter of all people sidled up beside him and handed him and peanut butter and jam sandwich of all things.

"Thought you might be hungry," said Harry. "All of the food here is really weird with French names that are highly intimidating."

Scorpius took a bite and didn't realize how starving he was. He had wolfed down half of it before he looked up and said, "Uh, thank you Harry Potter for the sandwich."

Harry grabbed two drinks of something from the table behind him and handed one to Scorpius.

"You don't have to feel uncomfortable being here," he said, reading Scorpius's mind. "You're not unwelcome."

Scorpius looked sadly into his drink like maybe it would give him some insight. "I'm not?"

"Albus told me he invited you. And especially now Albus need as many people in his corner as he can get. I can't lose him, Scorpius. I won't."

He was gone before Scorpius could do anything embarrassing like hug him.

And then Albus was there wearing his coat with a backpack slung over his shoulder.

"I need some fresh," he said. "I've got wine and a full carton of cigarettes. Will you come with me?"

"Cigarettes? I thought you wanted fresh air."

Albus gave him an evil look along with his coat that Scorpius hadn't realized he was carrying. They left through the back door so no one would ask them any questions.

~O-O~

"Are your parents going to be mad at me for stealing you away?" Scorpius asked as they made their way towards the ocean. The temperature had dropped but it was still nice.

"No," said Albus. "I asked mum before we left. I think my parents get scared when I bottle up my emotions too much. I bet if I asked them for a month long vacation from school to freaking _Hawaii _they would book me a hotel room for the next day."

"Sounds fun," said Scorpius. "Only if I get to come of course. I need to work on my tan."

"You say that like you already have a tan. Mate, you are whiter than Nearly-Headless Nick."

"Fuck off."

They trudged through the beach to a spot that Albus used to go to when he was a kid. There was a divot in the sand that faced the sea.

"We're gonna get sand inside places you _don't _want sand," whined Scorpius.

Albus opened his bag and pulled out a red wool blanket.

"My god, you've lured me to a picnic."

"Shut the hell up." If Scorpius wasn't mistaken, Albus was blushing.

They sat there together for hours, sharing the bottles of wine back and forth. By 4 in the afternoon they were trashed. Scorpius was lying on his back with his eyes closed so that the world would stop spinning. Albus was lying nearly perpendicular to him, his head on Scorpius's chest.

"We should go swimming," slurred Albus.

"That's a terrible idea."

"Or is it the greatest-"

"No, you're an idiot."

Albus giggled. "Damn, I just really wanted to see you naked." He paused. "Why did your heart just speed up there?"

"I'm probably having a heart attack."

"Nooooo!" Albus rolled over so that his face was now pressed into Scorpius's neck. "No, don't die, Scor!"

"I won't," said Scorpius suddenly quiet. He resisted the urge to card his hand through Albus's hair but then through his drunken state realized he was already doing it.

His hand stilled just as Albus made a content sigh.

"No, don't stop," he mumbled into Scorpius's shirt.

So Scorpius kept doing it and for awhile they enjoyed the moment in silence. Eventually, Scorpius said softly, "I'm really sorry about everything that's happened, Albus. You are a great person, the best really, and although no one should have to go through what you're going through it should not be you."

He thought back to what Finn had said and he realized that Finn had been right- if he could, he would take all of Albus's pain for himself.

Scorpius hand stopped moving as he fell fast asleep. He missed how Albus's eyebrows pinched together and the way his heart sped up and how his face had become redder than their blanket.


	21. Me

Chapter 20: Me

_Al_.

~O-O~

We were in the library. Cale kept telling me to _do his fucking work_ but it was early, the fireplace was warm and Scorpius was here so there was pretty much no way I was going to get anything done.

I could feel Cale's eyes on me still so I stuck my foot up under his shirt. He squealed and tried to wiggle out of the way but he forgot about my abnormally long legs.

"Give it up, man, you can't escape me," I said. Cale settled down scowling with my legs in his lap. I wished Finn were here and not off somewhere probably fucked out of his mind. At least Finn could take a fucking joke.

After a few more minutes Cale got bored of me trying to undo his belt with my feet and he left. I don't think Scorpius even noticed. His head was bent over his paper and he was scribbling fast like if he stopped for one second all the words in his head would disappear. I watched him for awhile until he said, "Don't you have work to do." He lifted is head. "Your eyes are burning a whole in my skull."

I rolled my eye and groaned. "I'm bored. Charms sucks. Wanna make out?"

Scorpius glared at me. "No. _I_-" He pointed at himself. "-have work to finish and _you_-"he pointed at me,"-have work to start."

I whined for a solid 45 seconds until Scorpius said, "Fine, you know what. If you write 6 inches of the essay I will reward you."

I hummed. "I like the sound of that."

"It needs to be good too, no bullshit. I'm gonna read it beforehand."

I rolled my eyes. Scorpius went back to work. After a few minutes I realized it couldn't hurt to write a few things down. After a few lines I became distracted by the pale skin of Scorpius's neck. I wanted nothing more than to suck a bruise into his skin- no. I wanted to scratch him. Break his skin.

Mark him as mine.

I wrote 20 more line in the span of four minutes and shoved it towards him without even reading it over. What was wrong with me? I just did godforsaken _homework _to get a little face time with Scorpius.

Scor's eyes flicked over the page, moving side to side as he read it at an impressive speed. He looked up.

"Very nice," was all he said. He stood and made his way over to me. He sat on my lap, one leg on either side.

"Ready for your reward?" I couldn't even answer.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. His arms were around my shoulders and my hands were on his waist. He tasted like peppermint toothpaste and raspberry lip chap and for a few minutes I felt more alive than I'd felt in awhile.

And then he pulled away and said, "Anther eight inches please."

This time I laughed. Scorpius Malfoy, despite his foibles, was perfect to me.

~O-O~

I must have fallen asleep on that library couch because suddenly Scorpius was gone and it was nearly 1 in the afternoon. I packed up my things, noticing that my essay was finished with the last 5 inches done in another's handwriting. I grinned.

I made my way slowly up to the Gryffindor common room. I had class in an hour but there was no way I was going to go.

Walking by boy's toilets I didn't even know existed I heard a terrible sound coming from inside. Someone was being violently murdered, I was so sure of it.

I poked my head in through the door, expecting blood and carnage. Instead I found Finn, bent over the toilet puking his guts out.

"Jesus, mate, pull it together," I said, leaning down beside him and making sure he was conscious enough to not be near death. I transfigured the soap dish into a glass tumbler and filled it with water from the sink. Most of it ended up on the front of Finn's t-shirt but it woke him up enough to open his eyes.

"Please dear god tell me you're still drunk from last night and you didn't wake up this morning and think, '_hey! I'm gonna get wasted before lunch is even over_!'"

Finn laughed slowly and sarcastically. He threw up again and managed to say, "C'mon, Ally. I have more class then that." He threw up immediately.

"Promise to never call me Ally again I will help you up to the dorm right now to sleep it off." Finn mumbled a promise. We left the bathroom but apparently to him _helped _meant _carry_. We were almost back at the dorm when he high-fived my face with his skinny flailing noodle arm.

"Ally," he said. "No, shit, sorry. Al. I have an Ancient Runes test today. If I miss it I'm fucked."

It was hard to take him seriously when his head was flopping against my shoulder. I told him to go to sleep and that I would figure it out.

And by _I _I of course mean Scorpius.

I found him in his dorm room reading a massive tome, humming to himself. He was stretched out on his back with his legs up against the wall. His long, pale fingers were folding the corner of the page he was on back and forth and it was all very distracting. He eventually looked over and said, "how the bloody hell did you get into the Slytherin common room?" at the same time I yelled, "HOT DAMN, SON."

He blinked at me. "What?"

"Never mind. Do you know anyone who could get me Polyjuice potion? Like right now?"

Scorpius sat up straight and walked over to where I was. "Do you think that just because I'm a Slytherin I can get you any illegal substances you want?"

Pause. "Well, can you?"

After a moment Scorpius smirked in the most sinister way I have ever seen. It was the first time he truly looked like a Slytherin.

"Ask Elle, 6th year," he said. "Should be in the common room. Always wears violently red lipstick."

I thanked him and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. He moved his head at the last second so I caught his lips instead.

"Cheeky fucker," I murmured. I could practically hear him grinning as I wound my way back down the staircase.

In the common room there was only one girl with red lipstick. She was playing Exploding Snap against a Slytherin boy while several more watched. I was momentarily taken aback by this girl. Her skirt was very short and her shirt was tied at the middle so you could see some of her midriff. Her high heels made her half a foot taller than all the boys and I could not believe that I hadn't been with her yet.

I walked up to the table and waited. She placed another card on the table and without looking up she said, "How can I help you, Albus Potter."

"Al," I said. "I'm actually looking for something that I was told you might have."

She finally looked up, possibly to judge if I was serious or not. Her eyes were deep and her face was pale and she reminded me of Scorpius. But I would take him over her any day.

"Who did you talk to?" she asked.

"Scorpius Malfoy."

She raised a delicate eyebrow. Without looking away from me she said, "If you'll excuse me, boys."

She lead the way to the girls dormitory. With her heels she was exactly the same height as me.

Her sixth year dorm was a lot cleaner than my dorm had been in sixth year. Finn is a human hurricane and anything he touches gets ruined and displaced in a five foot radius. Girls are a hell of a lot cleaner. And their room smelled like candy canes which was a few months late but was still amazing.

"So what was it you were looking for," Elle called from the other side of the room. She was pulling out a case from under her bed. Her ass was pointed right at me and I wondered if that was on purpose.

"Polyjuice potion," I said. "Weird request but I can't think of anything else at this point."

She sat on her bed with an empty flask in her hand and a larger bottle in the other. "This isn't going to be used for cheating in lessons is it?"

"It one hundred percent will be."

"Ah, good."

I chuckled and she winked at me. As she was pouring some into the flask she asked, conversationally, "So what's the deal on Malfoy? I can't really get a read on him. I always thought we'd get with each other. _Really_ fit, he is."

"He's gay," I blurted out. "Just like... _really_ gay."

She sighed, looking quite disappointed. Very understandable.

"12 Sickels," she said. I only had a Galleon on me so I told her to keep the change. She smirked a little bit.

"So this test you're cheating on. Does it start... right now or... do you have a bit of free time?"

I grinned. "Not for another hour, love."

~O-O~

The hardest part of the whole thing was not laughing as I took the test. After I'd stolen some of Finn's hair from where he was still passed out on his bed in the dorm I strolled into Ancient Runes with the biggest grin on my face. Nobody looked at me weird, probably because at least seventy five percent of the shit Finn does is bat shit crazy and everybody knows it.

Professor _Somethingsomething_ handed out the test. I was very close to writing my name at the top of the page but caught myself. I laughed silently for a good five minutes at that one. I signed the paper _His Royal Highness Finley Gordan Harrison_. I had no idea what his middle name was so I just made it up.

The test was hard. Obviously, considering I'd never taken a single Ancient Runes course in my life. I wasn't even sure why Finn was taking it because it looked terrible. I bullshitted every question and was done in half an hour. The Professor gave me a very weird look when I handed in the paper. I saluted him and left the room before he could question my ridiculous answers.

I stopped into my favorite loo on the 3rd floor to have a cigarette. It has the biggest window to smoke out of.

It was on the way out that I caught sight of myself in the mirror.

I stared. Finn looked back at me but it wasn't exactly Finn. It wasn't me either. I don't know what exactly what was looking at me.

I started to shake. My breathing picked up. I could feel my heart hammering against my rib cage. This was wrong. It was all fucking wrong.

This isn't Finn. Or Albus. This is AL. THIS IS YOU AL. _THIS IT YOUR FUCKING BODY. _

I pulled my hand back and punched the mirror as hard as I could. The wall broke all of my knuckles. The shattered glass sliced my skin. Drops of blood spotted the white sink and floor.

I fell to my knees, cradling my hand into my shirt. I screamed for what felt like hours until the pain went down. When it did I could feel my heart slow down and my breathing come back. I fixed the break with my wand but I left the scratches.

_I am okay. This is my body- not Finn's, not Albus's. This is my pain. Albus is weak, I wouldn't be here if he wasn't. One day he'll break beyond repair and then it will just be me._

And then I will never be gone.


	22. Jilted Lovers, Broken Hearts

**Chapter 21: Jilted Lovers, Broken Hearts**

Scorpius was lying on the floor, which his arm over his eyes, groaning dramatically. Rose was sitting on her chair, pelting him with bits of paper.

"Get up, we're not even halfway done," she snapped. Though even she was tired.

"I don't want to," Scorpius mumbled. "Let's pick something better. Watching a film outside is stupid."

"No, it's not. Everyone loves a good movie."

"Spring _just _started, Rose. It's still gonna be cold outside. Let's do something inside, like another dance."

"You're an idiot. It'll be great."

Scorpius stared at the blackness of his sweater over his eyes. They'd been in the library for over an hour planning that last school event of the year. Rose wanted to watch a movie outside under the stars. Scorpius just wanted the year to be goddamn over.

After a few moments Scorpius heard movement and the sound of a chair being scrapped back. He lifted his head.

"Hey, where do you think you're going? We have to submit the proposal tomorrow!"

"I'm going to bed," Rose said, standing at the door. "You can write it up tonight since I've done every other head duty this whole year while you've been absolutely useless." And for good measure she slammed the door on her way out.

Scorpius stared back up at the ceiling.

"Shit."

~O-O~

Albus crept through the castle in the dark. He wasn't really sure why he was _creeping _considering he was wearing the cloak but it felt pretty badass.

The doors to the library were locked this late like they always were. What was never locked however was the tiny window above the divination section. Albus had been using it since he'd found it in sixth year. He'd go in late at night mainly to escape Rose. At the beginning of all the bad Rose would check on him every five freaking minutes. He knew she only did it because she cared but some nights it was far too annoying.

The window wasn't high and he dropped down easily onto the stone floor. The sound echoed in the silent room. Albus made his way to the spot him and Scorpius always study at, only to find Scorpius waiting for him with his fists ready.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" they both said at the same time.

"I thought you were a burglar," said Scorpius.

"This is _Hogwarts_ are you mental? And why do you look like you're ready to punch me?"

"In case I needed to fight you."

"You realize you're a wizard right? That you have a wand?"

Scorpius deflated. "Shut up, it's late." He turned and walked back to their couch. Albus followed, laughing his head off.

"God you dollophead!"

"Shut. It."

Albus settled in opposite Scorpius. "So, why are you here?"

"Planning out the last school event. We need to hand in the proposal to the headmaster tomorrow." Albus looked around. "Rose isn't here. She was pissed that I wasn't doing any of the work so she abandoned me."

"Ooh, that's bad. You fucked up, man."

Scorpius punched him in the arm. Albus grinned. He took his bag off his shoulder and started riffling through it, pulling out parchment and textbooks. Scorpius kept on watching him. He wondered if Albus had just been flirting with him.

Scorpius cleared his throat and shook his head of ridiculous thoughts. "So, why are _you _here?"

"I'm buried under homework." Albus bent his head as his face heated up. He looked almost... embarrassed. "I umm- sometimes it's hard to get work done, what with uh-"

"What with you frequently being taken over by a disrespectful asshole who doesn't give a damn about you or homework?"

Albus ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, pretty much."

He buried his nose in _Defense: The Dark Side Volume III _and fell silent. Scorpius on the other hand, forgot about his work. He'd never thought of this.

Albus was a good student. He cared about his homework and he cared about his grades. Scorpius could see it now. He could see Albus working on an assignment only to _wake up _a few days later with the assignment due but not done because Al doesn't _do _homework.

Everyone had noticed how tired Albus looked lately. Rose had mentioned to him. Cale, Mr. Unobservant himself, had noticed and even the Potions professor had asked Scorpius about it. Scorpius understood now.

"When was the last time you got a full night's sleep," Scorpius asked quietly. Albus didn't look up or say anything.

Scorpius sighed. "You're gonna run yourself into the ground, mate. Today, tomorrow, the next day. You can't stop it from happening."

Albus grunted and tightened the grip on his book. Scorpius reached over, placing his hand over Albus's.

"No more tonight, Albus." He pried the book from Albus's hands. "Please, you need to sleep."

"I can't," Albus said, reaching for the book. "This is due tomorrow morning at nine. I was gonna do it earlier but..."

"I know. It's okay. I'm going to do the essay for you."

Albus looked at him. His eyes were shining. "What about your proposal?"

Scorpius waved his hand. "Not important. Now get the fuck to sleep before I knock you out with my wand."

Albus settled down on the couch and closed his eyes. "Good, I'm glad you remembered you're a wizard for once."

He fell asleep almost instantly with a small smile on his face.

Scorpius pushed his proposal to the side and pulled all off Albus's work towards him. He started the essay and found that it wasn't too horrible. Maybe doing homework for _him_ makes it all worth it.

~O-O~

Albus woke up to the smell of coffee and cinnamon toast. He sat up. Scorpius was sitting beside him on the couch holding out a plate of toast and a mug of steaming coffee. Albus noted that he had dark circles under his eyes but he looked quite pleased with himself.

"Thanks," Albus said, taking the plate and the mug. He downed half the coffee in one massive gulp. "You got your proposal done, right? I'd feel bad if you didn't."

"Finished it, handed it in and I even had time to rewrite your essay in handwriting more comparable to yours." He showed it to Albus.

"Is this really what you think my handwriting looks like? It looks like a blind hippogriff wrote it while drunk out of his mind."

"Don't bring it up. The drinking is ruining his home life."

Albus laughed. He brushed hair out of his face and stifled a yawn.

"I can't thank you enough for last night," he said. "I was reaching my insanity quota. Any longer and I probably would have freaked out and punched a baby."

Scorpius gave him a weird look. "Anyways," he said, "It's 8:40 and _you_ need to get to class. Common, I'll walk you."

They grabbed their bags. Albus slipped his comically written essay into his bag. He thought about briefly reading it over in case the Professor asked him about it but he was way too done with everything at the moment to care enough.

"So what is the proposed school event you and Rose decided on?" Albus asked as they left the library. "If you say it's another dance I'll kill you, right here right now."

"Outdoor movie," said Scorpius. "Think muggle drive-in theatre."

Albus shrugged. "Sounds pretty good. What movies did you get?"

"_Mission Impossible 3_ and _High School Musical_." They stopped in front of the Defense classroom. Albus stared at Scorpius.

"I cannot tell if you're joking or not."

"Guess you'll just have to show up to find out." Gaining a weird sense of confidence, Scorpius winked and sauntered off in the opposite direction.

He could feel Albus's eyes on him all the way down the corridor.

~O-O~

About 500 students showed up for the outdoor movie. Rose, always logical, suggested they put a charm over the area to keep everyone warm. Scorpius, the funone, said that that completely defeated the purpose of having the thing outside and offered instead to give out blankets to sit on and to keep warm in.

Rose looked impressed. "Very romantic of you, Malfoy," she said. "Got a lucky lady in mind to cuddle with?"

She strolled away to make sure the screen was being set up right. Scorpius stood rooted in the same spot for awhile, blushing all the way to his hairline.

Scorpius walked around during the first movie. He was... _nervous_. Rose and him had planned an event before but every year the heads do a dance. This was the first time anyone had done something like this. If people didn't like it then Scorpius would be the worst head boy ever.

He wandered around the west side of the crowd. He saw Albus sharing a large blanket with Finn and Cale. Cale was shoveling popcorn into his mouth. Finn had his arm around Albus and Albus's head was on Finn's shoulder. Scorpius's jaw twitched as he glared at Finn. His gaze shifted over to Albus. After a moment, Albus looked over. He smiled and raised his hand. Scorpius waved back.

The first movie finished and as Rose set up the next one, Scorpius wound his way through the groups of people to find the boys. Cale saw him first. He shifted to the side to make room beside him for Scorpius, then thought better of it. He pulled Finn closer to him making space for Scorpius right beside Albus.

"Seems to be going pretty good," Albus said, grinning as Scorpius sat down. "I've seen more people make out than I can count."

"Wonderful. So everyone is reeeally watching the movie, eh?"

"Ah, now that High School Musical is starting _well_..."

Scorpius bumped him with his shoulder.

The movie started. Scorpius had never seen it but Albus had. He swore it was just because of Lily but Scorpius could see through him.

When the first song started, Scorpius found out something terrible.

"Oh my god. Is this the _sing-a-long _version?!"

Albus sang along to every word. After that song people started going up to the front and performing the songs live. Albus found it very entertaining and went off to get popcorn and another blanket.

He didn't come back for a long time.

The movie was half over and Albus was nowhere in sight.

"Where the fuck would he have gone?" hissed Scorpius to Cale and Finn. Cale ignored him but Finn looked over.

"Don't worry about it, mate. He can take care of-" He trailed off, looking at something over Scorpius's shoulder. "Never mind, I take that back."

Scorpius looked back. Al winked at him and sunk to the ground, throwing the blanket in his arms over both of them.

"Miss me?" he said.

Scorpius wanted to avoid a scene in public. "What happened to the popcorn," he muttered, hugging his knees into his chest. Suddenly the night didn't seem as fun.

"They ran out. Brought you an Acid Pop instead." He gave Scorpius one of the violently green candies. Scorpius stared at it for a moment.

"You didn't put actual Acid on this, did you? I don't think the headmaster would like it if his headboy was tripping on LSD at his own event."

"Can't say," said Al. He slipped his hand under Scorpius's leg and wound his finger's with Scorpius's.

"So, wanna make out?" was Al's next brilliant line.

"You're joking."

"I never joke." He pulled the blanket up over their heads so it was more of a tent now. "I didn't just bring the blanket to keep warm."

He leaned in. Scorpius knew people in front could still see if they turned around. He knew Cale would notice and get pissed. He knew that if Rose happened to see she would skin him alive. But that didn't stop Scorpius from leaning in to meet him. Al's lips were chapped but then again that's how Scorpius's expected his felt like.

Scorpius kissed him back as some sad ballad played on the screen in front of them. Al was wrong is so many ways but Scorpius still _wanted _him somehow. It wasn't like the way he wanted Albus. He didn't want to be with Al forever. He just wanted him in the moment.

Scorpius gripped his hand tighter and swiped his tongue on Al's top lip. Al grinned into the kiss and opened his mouth slightly. They stopped abruptly when Cale hit Scorpius on the back of the head and said, "Hey, there are kids watching. Keep it PG."

Scorpius flipped him off. He looked back over at Al who had an evil look on his face.

"What," said Scorpius.

"Common," Al whispered. "We're up."

Scorpius would never remember much of what happened next. He hoped that Al did slip something into his Acid Pop and that he didn't actually perform a love song with Al in front of half the school.

Everyone cheered when Al and Scorpius made it to the front. Al took the guys part. His singing voice was pretty terrible but no one cared. Scorpius had to look at the screen for the words but the volume was high enough to drown him out and Al helped him fill in the gaps.

Halfway through Scorpius caught sight of Rose standing off to the side. She gave him a double thumbs up as if to say _you look great making yourself look like an idiot_.

The song ended and the noise from the crowd was almost deafening. Then the noise changed and it took Scorpius a second to realize they were chanting for them to kiss.

Scorpius's mouth fell open. He caught sight of Finn, roaring with laughter. Cale was beside him, his expression neutral.

But then Scorpius caught sight of Al and he realized just how little it all mattered. He gave Al the tiniest of nods and then Al's hands were on his cheeks and they were kissing in front of everyone.

It didn't last long. Scorpius backed up and burst out laughing. Al faced the crowd and took a massive bow. He then walked over to Scorpius and whispered in his ear, "Wanna get out of here?"

Scorpius grinned and nodded. They left the front casually, waving haphazardly, and waited for people to forget about them and turn back to the movie. They backed up slowly until Al suddenly turned around and booked it in the direction of the castle. Scorpius sprinted after him, laughing his head off.

Cale watched them leave.

"Let them go," Finn murmured to his brother. "Whatever, it's harmless."

"For now," said Cale. He looked back over his shoulder but the two boys were gone. "Don't forget. Albus still doesn't know anything."

~O-O~

Scorpius woke up the next morning with two questions burned into his mind:

What set Albus off last night to transition and

What the fuck Scorpius was going to say to Albus when people would inevitably tell him about how he had made out with Scorpius. AND since he wouldn't remember it, why Scorpius had agreed to make out with Al.

A less important question was where the fuck he was. After being with Al like this for about three months now Scorpius was used to waking up in weird places. It was still pitch black outside and the room was dark. Al was lying face down beside him. His bare back rose and fell as he breathed. His back was full of scratch marks that Scorpius grimaced at. The hickeys on his neck got Scorpius out of bed to look for his clothes. Every other morning this happened he always felt uneasy. But today something was off.

He slipped his hoodie over his head and sat down to tie his converse. He peeked over at Al and was surprised to see that his eyes were open and that he was watching him.

"Oh, hey," said Scorpius. For some reason he felt _awkward_. It hung heavily and obviously in the air. "I was just gonna head out. Should I wait for you?"

Al uncharacteristically hesitated. "No, you go." He said it so quietly that Scorpius almost didn't hear him.

"You okay?"

Al couldn't take his eyes off of him. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'll see you later alright?"

Scorpius felt like he was being dismissed. He grabbed his coat off the chair by the door and left without looking back.

The boy on the floor watched him go. His hands started to shake like they always did before he had a panic attack. He scrambled to his feet which was a mistake because he had forgotten for a moment that he was naked.

He wrapped himself back up in the blanket and crashed down to his knees. His hands gripped at his hair, his teeth tore at his lips as he bit down the screams that were building up in his throat.

Because it was not Al who had woken up that morning.

It was Albus.


	23. Palace of Bone

**Chapter 22: Palace of Bone**

It took Albus a very long time to leave the room of requirement that morning. He couldn't remember what happened but in some strange way he could _feel it_. He could feel how Scorpius had felt being with him. The scratch marks on his back burned as he imagined Scorpius marking him. If he closed his eyes he could feel Scorpius's lips on his neck and his hands on his waist.

Albus picked up the lamp beside the bed and hurled it at the wall where it smashed. The base didn't break so he grabbed it off the floor and threw it again. This time it shattered.

Albus hoped the room was sound proof because he sunk to his knees and screamed. It was fucked. Everything was _fucked_.

And it was all his fault.

Albus wanted to talk to someone. He couldn't bear to tell Rose, not yet at least. Cale would be an asshole about it and Finn? He would probably think it was hilarious and not be any help at all.

So Albus stood up and wiped his face on the sleeve of his t-shirt. He bundled his shoes, coat and sweater into his arms and left the room. He walked through the halls of the unforgiving castle with shame and self-hate pressing down on all sides. He hadn't felt this way in a long time.

Not since August.

~O-O~

Scorpius spent his Sunday drifting between homework and sleep. He felt apathetic, his brain functioning too slowly. He dreaded school tomorrow. He didn't want to face Albus when Albus found out that he had kissed Al in front of the school. He didn't realize just how bad it was until now. _Albus_ wasn't the one who had kissed another boy in front of the school and yet it was Albus who was going to take the heat for it. He would have to pretend it _was _him so that no one would find out about Al. Scorpius basically forced Albus out of a closet that he wasn't even in.

Scorpius squeezed his eyes together and buried deeper into his bed. For this, he would never forgive himself.

He wondered where he'd put his watch. He hadn't been wearing it recently. Now, for the first time in a long while, Scorpius feared he may need it again.

~O-O~

On the way down to breakfast on Monday morning, Finn was waiting for Albus in the common room.

"_Finally_, Jesus where have you been!" Finn yelled, jumping off the couch and falling into step beside Albus.

"I've been in bed," Albus said softly. He felt a bit weird, like he was about to get a cold. He felt chilled but his face was hot to the touch. He'd also stayed in his room for nearly 24 hours straight without a single bit of food. If he hugged himself he could feel his ribs poking at his skin.

"Huh," said Finn, distractedly, leading the way down the stairs. "I guess with your curtains up I can't tell if you're in there or not..."

He trailed off like he forgot what he was saying. Albus could always tell when he wanted to say something typically outrageous or illegal and didn't know how Albus would react.

"What is it, Finn," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. He realized he probably should have showered.

"So I need to tell you something before you see... anybody so that you don't give away... everything by mistake."

Albus's first thought was that Scorpius had said something to him. He was terrified about what would come next but was taken off guard by what Finn ended up saying.

"Al showed up at the movie night and performed a duet with Scorpius in front of everybody and they ended up kissing in front of the crowd. So- yeah, everyone saw."

Albus stopped walking. Absolutely nothing made sense to him.

"Common, mate," Finn said after a few minutes of waiting for Albus's head to stop exploding. "You're looking hella skinny, let's eat. And also it's best to just get it out of the way."

He pulled his friend down the last few stairs and into the Great Hall. Albus somewhat expected every single head to turn his way the moment he walked in and for everyone to laugh at him and never speak to him again. Instead, nobody really cared. As Finn lead Albus to the Gryffindor table a group of Ravenclaws looked at him and giggled. A fourth year Gryffindor girl who was holding hands with another girl smiled at him like he was the sun. As he sat down, a Hufflepuff wolf-whistled and gave him a thumbs up.

"Don't act so weird," whispered Finn. "If you act weird everyone will know you feel weird about it. Act natural and no one will give a shit."

"I don't care about them," Albus said, piling food onto his plate. "I just... what happens when I see Scorpius?"

"You don't have to wait long to see him," said a voice above them. Albus looked up. Scorpius was standing on the other side of the table. He was smiling sheepishly down at Albus. He looked calm but Albus could see the insanity raging in his eyes.

Scorpius settled himself down at the Gryffindor table, squeezing in between two second years who looked half pissed half intimidated. Scorpius ignored both of them.

Finn pulled out his Charms textbook and started reading which was uncharacteristically polite. Scorpius meanwhile stared at Albus like he wasn't sure if Albus wanted to start. Albus noticed almost immediately that Scorpius was wearing his watch again. He hoped it was just because he missed not knowing the time.

"So Finn told you, then," Scorpius started. "I- I'm really sorry. I know it's a really weird thing to hear. And because it happened in front of everyone, for that I'm especially sorry."

Albus listened but by the end he realized he really didn't care. It didn't matter to him that Scorpius had kissed Al as a joke because the crowd wanted them to. It didn't matter than they'd done it in front of the school and thus everyone now thought that it was Albus who did it. None of that mattered. What mattered was what happened _after_.

"It's okay, Scor," said Albus. "It doesn't matter and nobody really cares." Scorpius still looked guilty. "Look, I'll put it this way. If it had been me and not Al up there, I still would have kissed you."

Relief washed over Scorpius's face. He buried his face in his hands like he'd just been told he'd been cured of cancer.

Albus looked at him, almost sadly. He could see a red bruise peeking out over the top of Scorpius's shirt. Albus's stomach twisted as he realized that it was his own lips that had made that mark. Here was Scorpius, one of his best friends, sitting in front of him both with marks on their bodies from spending the night together.

And Albus couldn't remember one second of it.

That part was the most frustrating. This was a significant thing that happened between them and Albus wasn't even there for it. _Does this mean that Scorpius is gay? _Albus realized that that doesn't even matter. All that matters right now is that Scorpius thinks that Albus doesn't know.

Part of Albus wanted to tell him what he knows right there in the Great Hall so they could talk about it. The other part of him wanted to die with this secret.

Instead Albus said, "Pass the coffee, please," and tried to forget everything that happened- even if just for a minute.

~O-O~

Two days later and Albus was losing his mind. He needed to do something or his mind would snap. Scorpius had a free period before dinner that day. Albus had Transfiguration but he was not going to go.

Albus dressed in his most _Al-like_ outfit: black jeans, black Vans and a black t-shirt advertising some metal band Albus didn't like. He messed up his hair to look like the post-sex style that Al likes to portray.

He left the dormitory for the 3rd floor where Scorpius would be finishing class. On the 5th floor some girl Albus had never seen did a double take and then smiled suggestively.

"Hey, Al," she said biting her lip in a way that made Albus want to puke. "You busy tonight?"

Albus didn't even stop walking. "_Piss off_."

On the 3rd floor he stopped at the top of the stairs and sat down. He chewed on his lip and tapped his fingers impatiently on his knee. He almost chickened out when suddenly Scorpius came out of a side passage and walked in the other direction of the deserted corridor.

Before he could stop himself Albus called his name loudly.

Scorpius turned and looked curiously at Albus. "Hey, Al," he said evenly.

Albus jumped off the stairs and moved like a storm cloud toward the other boy.

Scorpius looked confused. "What are you-"

Albus crushed his lips to Scorpius's. Scorpius let out a small squeak of surprise. Keeping them attached at the lips Albus dragged Scorpius back to the side passage Scorpius had come out of. Once hidden in the shadows Albus pushed Scorpius against the wall. He dug his nails into the skin on Scorpius's waist and kissed him roughly, keeping his eyes shut tight. The shock eventually wore off on Scorpius. He wrapped his arms around Albus's neck and brought him in closer until there was no space between them. He detached his lips from Albus's and kissed his way down Albus's neck, sucking a bruise over the fading one he'd already given him. Albus let him do it. He stared up at the ceiling, tears pricking at his eyes.

He's not sure what he would have done next if the group of Hufflepuff's hadn't walked into the hallway, talking and laughing loud enough for Scorpius to pull back and look out at the hall where the noise was coming from.

"I'd better go," he said. He turned back to Albus and smiled crookedly. "I don't know what's gotten into you, Al. If you're not busy, find me later."

He slipped away before Albus could say anything. Once he was sure Scorpius was gone Albus slid down the wall onto the floor and burst into tears.

~O-O~

Rose was studying alone on the couch by the fire, the first time in days she'd been away from Cale. It was late, nearly one, but she wasn't ready to call it a night yet. She told herself it was because she was so close to finishing her assignment but really she was waiting for Albus who hadn't been seen since lunch. She was used to him being gone for strange amounts of time but for some reason tonight she couldn't shake it off.

He stumbled into the common room at quarter to two. Rose thought it was Al at first because he was wearing Al's clothes but then she saw his face.

"Oh my god, Albus," she said, running to him. "What happened, are you alright?"

Albus looked like he was going to say _fine_, like he always does even when he's not, but then he changed his mind and shook his head, his bottom lip trembling.

"Can we go talk somewhere? I... really need to tell someone."

"Yes, anything." She abandoned her books right where they were and pulled Albus by the hand out into the hallway. She lead the way to the room of requirement where she made it into the living room of the burrow, a place she knew was calming and familiar. He looked terrible Rose noticed. His hair was a mess like he'd pulled at it for hours and his eyes were red like he'd been crying.

She said nothing as Albus told her everything. By the end he was digging his nails so hard into his palms that a drop of blood dripped down his finger and dropped onto the carpet. Rose fixed it in a second with her wand but the damage was done. Rose could see now-

this was killing him.

"You could... try talking to him," Rose said softly which clashed with the incredibly violent things she was planning in her head for Scorpius. "Maybe there's something else to the story that you don't know."

Albus sat down on the couch and bowed his head. "I just... don't understand. I thought we were friends but now it looks like everything is a lie. I don't get it. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," said Rose quickly. She sat beside him and put her arm around his shoulders. "You did _nothing_ wrong. Scorpius is just an asshole who thought he could get away with something as fucked up and as cruel as this."

For some reason Albus wanted to tell her not to talk about him that way. There was no good explanation for why Scorpius had done this that Albus could think of but Albus didn't think of Scorpius as _cruel_.

There was one thing he couldn't shake though.

"Remember a few months ago when I thought Finn liked Al more than he liked me?" Albus said quietly. "What if it's true, Rose? What if Al _is_ better than me? He has more fun, he- he gets the guy. I have nothing on him. I'm just this fucked up downer who ruins everything."

Rose blinked and she felt like it was August all over again. She felt like she was back in that hospital room waiting for Albus to wake up, praying that he _would _wake up.

Albus's shoulders shook as he started crying. Rose held him tightly.

_She was going to fucking kill Scorpius Malfoy._

~O-O~

Scorpius was on his way back from the library when Rose found him. He could hear something stomping up behind him that sounded like a crazed bear. He looked over his shoulder and was immediately met with a fist to the face, ripping the skin. He fell onto the floor, his left cheek on fire. His fingertips came back bloody when he touched the cut.

"Classroom. _Now_," said a voice. Scorpius didn't even have time to process before someone was grabbing his shirt and dragging him across the hallway and into an empty classroom. The door closed and locked. Scorpius looked up.

"_Rose_?!" he said but almost immediately regretted speaking because it made his face hurt ten times more.

"You're fucking dead, Malfoy," she spat. She curled her hands into fists as her eyes filled with tears. And then she was yelling.

"I TRUSTED YOU! I TOLD ALBUS YOU WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH BUT HE CONVINCED ME YOU WERE. I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN. I LET IT GO BECAUSE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE HELPING HIM, YOU BACKSTABBING LIAR."

Scorpius was still on the ground. Rose ran at him and kicked him in the chest. He curled up around himself and cried out in pain. He saw stars and bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. He felt like a coward.

Rose seemed to come back to herself because she stumbled backwards and sat down hard on a desk. She looked at Scorpius sadly, tears now pouring down her face. "How could you do it," she said. "How could you betray him like that."

Scorpius sat up and leaned back against the wall. He wiped blood from his mouth and cheek onto his sleeve. "Rose, _please_. I would never do anything to hurt him. What- what are you talking about."

"Oh, you don't know?" Rose said falsely, voice rising again. "Then how do you explain Albus waking up Sunday morning in the astronomy classroom with you beside him BECAUSE YOU HAD SLEPT WITH AL."

Scorpius felt his world, everything he'd built up, crumble around him. _He knows_.

"Oh god," he whispered. "Oh god."

"Yeah, that's right," Rose said harshly. "And today when Al_ stole you away_ it wasn't Al. It was _Albus_, seeing for himself if you really are the fucked up prick he now knows you to be. So it's over, we're done here. You are never to talk to him again."

She was almost at the door when Scorpius called her back.

"Please," he said. "Just... let me explain, _please_."

Rose shook her head. She was yelling again before Scorpius could say another word.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP SAVE HIM, NOT FUCK HIM WHEN HE'S NOT HIMSELF. YOU ARE A FUCKING TERRIBLE PERSON AND YOU WILL NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN."

She was halfway out the door when Scorpius said, "I'm in love with him, Rose. Albus, not Al."

She froze, her back to him. She turned slowly, her expression a mixture of sadness and pity.

"I've been in love with him for months now," Scorpius murmured . "I... I never thought anything would come of it. I never thought I could get with Albus and then Al was there and he was _available_ and _enthusiastic _and I... fuck, I don't know, Rose. I don't know what you want me to say."

He bent his head and sobbed quietly. He waited for Rose to leave and never speak to him again. He thought about seeing Albus tomorrow. He thought that if Albus were to look at him with disgust he would not be able to live with himself.

He looked up when he felt Rose's hands on his cheeks, lifting his face up.

"Oh, Scorpius," she said. She pulled him into her arms and they stayed that way for a long time.

Finally Rose pulled back. "You love Albus but you don't think he'll ever love you back," she said, her thumb sweeping away the tears from Scorpius's face. "This way, now that he knows, if he rejects you it's not because he doesn't love you back. It'll be because of you and Al."

Scorpius laughed lightly and wiped away the parts Rose missed. "Now I see why you and Cale are good together. He said the exact same thing."

Rose's face fell. "He _knew_?"

Scorpius wanted to avoid more screaming. "No, no! Don't be mad at him! Al told Finn and then Finn told Cale. I made them promise they wouldn't tell anyone." Rose didn't look any happier. "It wasn't his secret to tell, Rose."

She exhaled slowly. "Yes, I suppose so." She helped Scorpius to his feet. "Find him, talk to him. He confused, Scorpius. You need to set this straight."

"I know, I know."

"Just know that if he gets worse because of this I'll kill you."

Scorpius stared wide-eyed at her. "I one hundred percent believe you."

Rose left first. Scorpius took a deep, shuddering breath and followed her out. She went left, back to Gryffindor Tower. Scorpius went to find Albus.

~O-O~

Albus was on their balcony. He was smoking a cigarette and leaning over the railing with his forearms resting on top. Scorpius walked over and stood beside him in silence for what could have been five minutes or five years.

"I see you and Al as two completely different people," Scorpius finally said. "You are perfect and wonderful and way too good to bear so much pain and Al is... a _total _wanker. But he's..."

"But he's-" Albus prompted but he'd turned to look at Scorpius and caught sight of him. "Holy hell, what the fuck happened to you?!"

Albus was talking to him. Scorpius could breathe a little easier.

"Rose got to me," he said. "Dear wizard god she can be so violent when she wants to be."

They grinned stupidly at each other before Albus remembered and his smile faded. Scorpius looked at the floor.

"I never meant to hurt you Albus. Al is... charming when he wants to be. I don't know exactly what Rose told you but I don't think she knows everything." Scorpius could feel his eyes brim with fresh tears. "It wasn't just Saturday night. Al and I have been... well, meeting up since January. I'm so sorry."

Albus stared at him. He didn't know what to say. He looked down at the forgotten cigarette between his fingers and realized that it had burned almost all the way down to the filter without being ashed. He threw it off the balcony.

"You know," he said, "you and I are the ones who see it the clearest. That Al and I are almost totally separate people. Lily can't really understand it at all. Finn, Cale and even Rose see us as different people but people who overlap more than we actually do. Only you see us as how we really are. This proves that." He stepped forward, touching Scorpius's arm.

"I'm not mad," he said. "I mean, I was but I can see why now. There was no way you could have resisted him considering the only thing we share is how we look and I'm super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot."

He smiled at Scorpius, hoping to break through. The corners of Scorpius's mouth lifted but only for a moment.

"Hey, it's okay, Scor. We're okay."

Scorpius shook his head. "I can't forgive myself for what I did to you. Rose she- she said..." He wrung his hands together and looked at Albus for the first time in minutes. "I need you to know that I don't like Al how I like you. You are one of my best friends and Al is just an easy distraction from my life. You, Albus, are not a distraction. I never meant to hurt you. I can't lose you."

His plan after that was simply to leave and give Albus some space. He didn't even make it half a foot before Albus had his arms around him. After a moment, Scorpius hugged him back.

Five minutes later they were leaning over the railing sharing Albus's last cigarette. Scorpius thought of something.

"Rose said that when Al found me today it was actually you trying to understand." Albus didn't say anything. Scorpius failed to stop himself from smiling. "So basically you made out with me."

For a moment Scorpius thought he'd gone too far but then Albus cracked a smile and said, "I'm just trying to get even."

"And what exactly are you trying to match me in?"

"Well, you _have_ seen me naked."

Scorpius's face turned so red that Albus laughed for almost five minutes straight.


	24. Forgive and Forget (you)

**HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO THIS STORY! **

**Chapter 23: Forgive and Forget (you)**

"You want me to _what_?!"

Albus looked at Scorpius with an amused smile. "You heard me. I want you to stay at mine for Easter Holidays."

Scorpius stuttered for a few moments before finally saying, "After what _just _happened?!"

Albus waved his hand haphazardly. "Doesn't matter. I know coming to the Potter house may be intimidating but would I be right in guessing that you were not extended an invitation to go home to Wiltshire for the break?"

Scorpius grumbled a no.

Albus looked smug. "Come to mine," he said, standing and packing his things for Transfiguration. "I want you to be there."

Scorpius couldn't remember a time when he'd ever said no to Albus.

~O-O~

Scorpius had gotten very good at telling whether it was Albus or Al.

It was Thursday, the day before Scorpius was going to board the train back to London to then travel to _Harry Potter's house_. It all seemed surreal. Scorpius half expected to wake up from this very strange dream.

On his way to DADA he could see Al up ahead, walking towards him. There was a girl tucked under his arm and in his free hand was a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Al was only a few feet away when he finally noticed Scorpius. He grinned and winked.

"Will I see you tonight?" he called with a flick of his head in Scorpius's direction. They passed each other.

"No," Scorpius said flatly. He did not look back over his shoulder.

Since ithad happened, Scorpius hadn't seen Al. Seeing him now for the first time made him almost sick.

~O-O~

On Friday morning Scorpius met Albus at the Entrance Hall. Scorpius only had a backpack with a few spare clothes, his toothbrush and a book. Albus had a backpack, a rather large bag slung over one shoulder and another bag he was carrying in his hand.

"Merlin, it's only four days, Albus," said Scorpius with a laugh.

"I like to be prepared for everything," he huffed. Scorpius took the bag from his hand.

"You're an idiot."

They walked in silence to the station. It wasn't awkward but it wasn't exactly 100% comfortable either. Scorpius was rather relieved when Rose and Cale waved them over. The couple led the way into the train to find a compartment. Scorpius noticed they were holding hands. It was such a simple gesture, something Scorpius found himself desperately wishing for.

Albus came up beside him. "I hope the trolley comes by earlier," he said. "I ran out of Liquorice wands on _Monday_. I swear I'm dying. Oh, Rose found a compartment."

His fingertips trailed over Scorpius's hand in what was probably meant to be in a helpful guiding sort of way. He squeezed Scorpius's palm and lead him in the direction of the compartment before letting go. Scorpius waited outside for a few moments to compose himself before following Albus into the compartment. Scorpius almost walked right back out.

Albus had settled into one of the seats by the window. Rose's black cat, named Steven, was already curled up on his lap. Albus looked like he didn't quite know what to do with him.

Rose sat opposite him holding hands with Cale. Finn was beside his brother. All three of them were staring quite uncomfortably at the guy sitting on the other side beside Hugo.

Scorpius had never seen him before but taking in his buzzcut and tribal hand tattoo's he assumed it was the guy who had drugged Hugo with _Gold Infinity _that had led to Louis being stabbed in the neck during their chess match.

"Oh no, now there's no room for Scorpius," Rose said, looking pointedly at Hugo as if to say _get rid of your weird friend!_

"It's okay," said Albus, shifting Steven from both thighs to one. "Scorpius can sit on my lap too."

Scorpius didn't want to piss off Rose, be mean to this bloke who _may _be a good guy or sit on Albus's lap which could only lead to disaster or an uncontrollable one sided make out session. So Scorpius sat on the floor in front of the window. After a minute Steven jumped down from Albus and settled himself on Scorpius. Albus laughed lightly and sent Scorpius a carefree, lopsided smile and it was the most amazing thing Scorpius had seen all day.

~O-O~

The first few hours were largely uneventful. Finn tried to smoke out of the window like he always does and Rose stopped him like she always does. Hugo's friend, who Scorpius found out was named Luke, spent a long while flicking a lighter on and off. He stared at Scorpius while he did it which was rather unsettling. In Scorpius's eyes Hugo was a very straight arrowperson and how he got a best friend with multiple tattoo's at the age of sixteen and a reputation for dealing the hard drugs was beyond him. Scorpius tried to ignore him by letting Steven play with his watch.

After while Finn went off, probably to find a place to get high. Rose and Cale left not long after under the pretense of doing rounds but everyone knew they were just going to find a place to make out.

An awkward silence settled over the compartment before there was the unmistakable sound of the food trolley coming down the hallway. Albus and Hugo shot out of their seats faster than Scorpius could believe leaving only Scorpius and Luke.

Scorpius tried to block him out and focus on Steven who was now attacking his shoelace. He could feel Luke staring at him. After a few minutes Scorpius couldn't stand it anymore.

"Can I help you with something?" he snapped, eyes narrowing. Luke didn't even flinch.

"You're really weird," he said bluntly, cocking his head to the side. Scorpius thought that was rather rich coming from him.

"You're popular," he went on. "Everyone knows who you are but you don't seem to have many friends."

"Excuse you."

"What's that on you wrist?"

Scorpius looked down and realized he had forgotten to put back on his watch.

"Nothing," he muttered, flipping his hand over and pressing his palm to his jeans. "It's nothing."

Luke now had an almost sadistic smile on his face.

"What's wrong with Albus?" he asked, eyes glinting. Scorpius's head snapped up. "He's really fucked up, isn't he. One day he's quiet and sad and the next day he's a raging, psychotic asshole. So what is it? Bipolar?"

Scorpius was on his feet in a second. His hand curled around Luke's t-shirt, almost ripping the fabric. He slammed the boy against the wall, all rational thoughts gone from his mind.

"Don't talk about things you don't understand," Scorpius snarled. "Albus is a better man than you'll ever be and you know nothing about his life or what he's going through. So _fuck_ _off_."

Luke looked surprised but not intimidated. He smirked and pulled himself from Scorpius's grip.

"Interesting," he said.

He straightened his clothes and slipped out of the compartment, leaving Scorpius alone.

When Albus and Hugo came back, Scorpius was lying on one of the benches with his arm over his eyes. Hugo asked where Luke had gone. Albus asked is Scorpius was okay. Scorpius ignored both of them and spent the last hour of the ride staring at the crook of his elbow.

~O-O~

Scorpius helped Albus carry his bags like he'd done before. They said goodbye to the others and made their way to the main street.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Albus asked softly as they waited to cross the street.

"No."

Albus dropped it and led them to a side street where a black BMW was parked.

"James dropped it off for us," Albus said, catching Scorpius's incredulous look. Even though Scorpius was a Malfoy, the richest of the rich, it was the nicest car he'd ever been in.

"Do you know how to drive this?" Scorpius asked as they got in and Albus fumbled for the keys in the glove box. "We could just apparate."

"Apparating is boring, this way's more fun," he said, jamming the keys into the ignition. He paused. "Wait, do you not know how to drive?"

Scorpius shook his head.

"Jesus. Alright, Sunday I'm teaching you." Scorpius had to bite down on his lip to keep his fondfrom showing.

Albus pulled out of the spot and drove rather maniacally through the streets, weaving between cars like a psycho.

"I thought you said you knew how to drive!" Scorpius yelled, holding onto the armrests for dear life.

Albus chuckled. "This way's more fun."

The trip should have taken 40 minutes. Albus pulled into the Potter's driveway in 19.

"Whew, new personal best," said Albus.

"I goddamn hate you," whispered Scorpius.

Albus giggled and ruffled Scorpius's hair. He reached into the back seat and pulled out all of the bags. At the front door he waited for Scorpius to stumble out of the car and trip his way up the steps.

"My god you are funny sometimes," Albus laughed, more to himself than to Scorpius.

Inside the house was nothing like Scorpius had imagined. He'd pictured white walls and glistening linoleum. He's assumed that _Harry Potter_, the savior of the world, would live in the swankiest place imaginable.

But this place was warm and cozy and you would never guess the most famous man in the world lived here. Instead you'd see a family and a father who cared about them more than anything else.

Albus threw their things to the bottom of the staircase and took off his shoes. Scorpius was too distracted by the photos that covered the walls. There were a few pictures of Harry and Ginny looking more in love than any couple Scorpius had ever seen. But mostly the pictures were of the kids.

There was James waiting on the platform for his first years at Hogwarts and then at his first professional Quidditch game. There was a few with him as a kid with Teddy Lupin. Their arms were around each other and Teddy was waving.

Most were of Lily. Some showed her as a kid playing outside with Harry. Then she grew up and the rest of her pictures she was posing with the makeup and the perfect hair. Scorpius thought she looked happier before.

And then there was Albus. He was a wild kid apparently. Albus was grinning in one of them, both his front teeth having been knocked out by the skateboard he was being brandishing in the air triumphantly. As he got older in the pictures he also got taller while his smile seemed to get smaller. The first picture of Albus with red bangs he looked lost. Al was already a part of his life then but he didn't know it yet.

The last picture was taken July before 7th year. Scorpius knew because in the picture the family was at James's charity match against the Canadian Quidditch team which Scorpius had attended as well. Albus was smiling but his eyes showed nothing. He looked skinny and sick like he was wasting away. It would be less than a month before Albus would check into St. Mungo's and come very close to never checking out.

"What are you looking at?" said Albus, walking back to Scorpius. He looked a bit uneasy.

"Nothing," Scorpius said, shaking his head. "I... I don't even think there's a single picture of me up at my house. You'd think my parents had never had a kid."

Albus's hand pinched Scorpius's upper arm.

"Well, they suck and they must be jealous because you are hella good looking." He paused and listened to whatever noise was coming from the room beside them. "Oh god, is my dad playing _Rock Band _again?"

Albus lead them to the living room where Harry Potter was indeed playing _Rock Band_. He had the microphone hooked up around a lamp so that he could sing and play guitar at the same time. Scorpius thought is was rather funny. Albus looked ready to throw up.

"Jesus, alright, we'll say hi later," he said. "Let's go upstairs."

He led the way up the wooden staircase. More pictures lined the walls and Scorpius was amazed that they had so many pictures. On James's graduation picture he was sporting a drawn on handlebar moustache.

Albus's room was the first door on the left. The room itself was relatively small. He had his own bathroom with an antique clawfoot tub of all things. Everything else in the room was sort of cramped together (including the camp bed for Scorpius). The best part was the near floor to ceiling window on the north wall. The view wasn't great because it only showed the street but it let in a lot of light and it was basically the exact opposite of Scorpius's room at home that was pretty much in a state of constant darkness.

Albus sat on his bed and looked at Scor with an easy smile.

"It's... cute," Scorpius said finally. " Small, but cute."

Albus grinned and opened his first bag. "Lily has the biggest room and James has the view of the forest off the backyard. I just wanted the big window."

He started to unpack his things, putting clothes into the drawer and books beside his bed. It was almost ridiculous how much he'd brought back with him.

Scorpius dropped his own small bag beside his bed and sat down on the pristinely white duvet. As Albus busied himself around the room, Scorpius took everything in.

It wasn't at all what he expected. He thought it would look like two people lived in here instead of one, like twins sharing a room. He'd expected Albus to have a stack of _the classics _all in first edition on one side of the room and Al to have a small meth lab on the other side. As far as Scorpius could see there was no drug fabrication going on.

The rack of CD's beside a complicated stereo system looked more like Scorpius had thought. There was a lot of brit pop and movie soundtracks and even one _Taylor Swift _album- that was Albus's. The next dozen or so cases were all black with angry band names and aggressive looking fonts. Beside the stereo there was a record player that said, "_THIS BELONGS TO AL_." Below that it said, "_Fuck off Albus_." With that it seemed like he had every punk vinyl from the 70's and 80's ever made. Other people may not notice these things, but Scorpius did.

Scorpius knew that Albus's mind is constantly at war with himself. Every day Albus doesn't know if he'll still be there are the end of the day or who will wake up the next morning. But for some reason, some strange anomaly, Albus and Al are at peace here in this room.

Scorpius noticed the painting on the wall above the stereo. He looked at the scribbled name in the bottom right corner.

"Who's-" Scorpius peered in closer. "Severus."

"What?" Albus called coming out of the bathroom with his towel and toothbrush in hand.

"Who's Severus?"

"Me," Albus said. "I'm Severus. I painted that."

Scorpius looked back at the painting and was rather impressed by Albus's painting skills. The painting was an astronaut reaching out his hand. The earth was reflected on his helmet. Scorpius looked back at the artist himself.

"I never used to like the name Albus," he said. "I thought it was weird and archaic so I asked people to call me Severus for awhile."

"Why did you switch to Albus? Not that I don't like it or anything I think it's pretty cool," Scorpius added quickly.

Albus shrugged, unfazed by Scorpius's blubbering.

"Grew out of it I suppose." He seemed a bit uncomfortable. Scorpius changed the subject.

"Why the astronaut?"

Albus sat down on his bed and curled his knees into his chest. For someone so tall he could really make himself so tiny.

"Even before Al I always liked the idea of escaping," he said quietly. He didn't look at Scorpius. He kept his eyes on his knees. "I always felt like I was a bit of a fuck up in this family. Lily was perfect in every way. Always reminded me of a dancer. James was the outgoing genius who could charm anyone he needed to. And then... there was me. I preferred to stay alone in my room and read and observe humans rather than be one of them. Lily and James thrived in the spotlight. I was more than alright with living in the shadows."

He pointed at the picture.

"Spaceman," he said. "I just wanted to be a spaceman above the world."

"Isn't that lonely," Scorpius asked quietly.

"That's sort of the point."

~O-O~

Ginny made a homemade pizza for dinner. Lily made a lemonade-cranberry mix that was very bitter but Scorpius drank it anyway. Harry spent the first 20 minutes talking about how he'd pranked Ron at work into thinking that that time was later than it was. He went home 4 hours early then rang Harry at work just to call him a twat before hanging up. Despite his best efforts to _not _Scorpius kept comparing it to the dinners he had with his own family. Mostly his dad would talk quietly to his mum about work or meetings and Scorpius would sit quietly at the other end of the table wishing he was anywhere else.

It was the best dinner he'd ever had.

After desert (the most amazing red velvet cake Scorpius had ever eaten) Scorpius offered to help clear. Lily and Albus ran off somewhere so Harry helped Scorpius.

"Any idea when James is coming home, love?" Harry said to Ginny, lifting plates out of Scorpius's arms. Scorpius froze. He'd forgotten about James. _James who knew a lot more than Scorpius wanted him to know_.

"Sometime tonight," Ginny said, waving her wand and making all the freshly washed cutlery fly back into the drawer. "Late though- time zone difference from wherever country he's training in. He never tells his poor mother anything."

Harry sniffed dramatically. "Well, he's dead to us now. Scorpius can be our new son."

Ginny laughed. Harry laughed. Scorpius knew it was a joke but the rush of gratitude he felt was almost overwhelming.

The next few minutes were a blur. Harry asked if they all wanted to watch a movie together. Lily demanded they watch _Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. _Albus groaned and grumbled something about having watched it half a dozen times over the Christmas break but Lily wouldn't back down.

"It's only because she's weirdly in love with Abraham Lincoln," Albus muttered to Scorpius. "Fine. Scor and I will head up now I guess," he then said to everyone.

He waved goodnight to his family. Scorpius tried to say something, _anything_, but the words seemed to be stuck in his throat.

The moment they were back in Albus's room with the door closed Albus turned and said, "What's wrong."

Scorpius didn't know if Albus was just better at picking up on emotions or if his own issues helped but he always seem to know.

"Sometimes I... forget what a real family is like." Scorpius sat down on his bed. "I don't always remember that there are happy families out there."

Albus sat down on his own bed opposite Scorpius and grimaced in a sympathetic way.

"You know what your dad just said to me downstairs? He made a joke about James being kicked out of the family and having me as his son instead. Do you know what that means for me to hear that? Especially from _Harry Potter_?"

Scorpius was standing now. He strode and forth between the two beds clenching and unclenching his fingers, trying to block out the stinging in his eyes.

"My father was a fucking Death Eater," he spat out. "You can't get that tattoo removed no matter how much you fucking want to. Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater. Everywhere we go everyone is _so_ careful with him and everywhere _I_ go I'm nothing more than a Death Eater's son.

"And now I'm here! At Harry Potter house, best friends with his son and Harry is making jokes about me being a part of his family and it makes me feel... terrible."

Scorpius sat back down on his bed. This time he slipped under the covers.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," he said. "I'm just... whining about stupid shit when you have bigger problems."

Albus gave Scorpius the tiniest of smiles. Then he reached up and flicked off the lamp, sending the room into darkness.

He rolled over to face the wall and said in a small voice, "Just because other people have it worse doesn't mean you still don't have it bad."

Scorpius thought about that for a long time, long after Albus had fallen asleep and all the lights under the door had gone off. Under the covers he managed to slip off his trousers and push them off the end of the bed. He sat up and pulled his t-shirt over his head. He watched Albus, curled up around himself pressed close to the wall. He looked so small.

Scorpius tossed his t-shirt to where his trousers were but missed, hitting the bookshelf. A handful of things tumbled onto Scorpius's bed but it barely made a sound. He put it all back as quietly as he could but one thing caught his eye.

It was a bracelet, cut down the side like Albus didn't have time to figure out the clasp. It was laminated and sterile, written in typewriter print.

It was a hospital bracelet. Using the glow of the alarm clock, Scorpius read it.

_Albus Severus Potter_

_Date of admission: August 17__th__ 11:49pm_

_Spell damage Rm 422_

_Healer: Paul Masterson_

_**Requires constant surveillance**_

Below that were three colored squares: Green, yellow and red. There was a slash through the red square.

It was a long time before Scorpius could sleep.

**Author's note: Massive thank you to everyone who has supported this story for the past year! The end is nigh! (kind of, not really...) Also if everyone leaves a quick review I'll love you forever! xx**


	25. Plastic Hearts

**Chapter 24: Plastic Hearts**

Scorpius woke up to the sound of a door slamming out in the hall. For a moment he thought he was back at Malfoy Manor and that his father was going to barge into his room, yelling about _the early wizard getting the broomstick_. And then Scorpius remembered that he was not at home but rather at a place he wished was home.

He sat up slowly, realizing that Albus's bed was empty and that the hospital bracelet had made a dent in his hand from having held it all night. He stashed the bracelet under his pillow and left Albus's room to find the toilet and almost immediately walked into James Potter. James glared at him, arms crossed over his chest. He seemed tired but still managed to look pissed off.

Scorpius froze, caught in a rather compromising position wearing only his boxers.

"I thought I told you to stay away from him," James said in a low voice. He twirled his wand between his fingers making his intentions clear. Scorpius was intimidated for only a moment before he realized the idiocy of it all. He let out an exasperated laugh and shook his head.

"You still don't get it, do you?" he said. "Up until now it's been done _your _way. You think I'm just another distraction, one more thing to complicate Albus's life? But what if it's the other way? What if I'm the good distraction that Albus needs more than anything?"

James looked poised to interrupt but Scorpius cut him off.

"We're running out of time and options here." He shrugged. "We can only try."

He strode past James in a few quick steps and locked himself in the bathroom. He stayed in there an extra ten minutes just to make sure James had gone.

Back in Albus's room Scorpius found a note on Albus's bed that he hadn't noticed before. It read:

_I'm either out doing 'post-winter stuff in the garden' like a muggle because my dad is crazy or I've been abducted by aliens. –Spaceman_

"Idiot," Scorpius murmured fondly.

He dressed quickly in fresh clothes from his bag and went downstairs. There was no sign of any Potter. He was making himself a piece of toast when Albus came bursting in through the back door covered in dirt and melting snow.

"It's beautiful outside," he panted, ripping half the piece of toast right out of Scorpius's mouth.

"Hey!"

Albus ignored him. He stripped off his muddy t-shirt without warning. Scorpius blushed and averted his eyes.

"I'm gonna go change and then we're going out for the day, okay?" he said, oblivious to Scorpius's discomfort. He left before Scorpius could say anything.

When he was alone Scorpius backed up against the kitchen sink, head bowed. There were many things going through his mind at that moment, all of them leading back to the realization that he was in _way_ too deep. He ran a hand through his hair and suddenly became aware that he wasn't in fact alone. James was standing just off from the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in his hands. His eyes were cast down but when he knew Scorpius was looking he met his gaze evenly. Scorpius stared back before finally shaking his head slightly and brushing out of the kitchen.

~O-O~

The warm breeze and the all around perfect weather distracted Scorpius only for a moment.

"Please dear wizard God tell me we're apparating and not driving. It's too early in the day maniacal navigation and death."

"You are such a buzz kill," Albus said, laughing. He pulled his hoodie on over his head and immediately grabbed Scorpius by the hand and apparated them to a back street in London.

Scorpius stumbled into the side of the building, gasping for breath.

"Jesus! What the fuck!? A little warning next time please!"

Albus laughed. "Oh, shut up. Common."

He lead the way to the shop next door that sold muggle tapes and CD's and records. Albus bought 4 new tapes, 2 records and half a dozen CD's in under 10 minutes. He made his rounds through the aisles in expert precision, owning to the fact that he'd clearly been here many times before. The heavily tattooed man behind the counter even recognized him. But he called him Al.

They left and a few blocks away Albus stopped abruptly in front of a clothes store.

He laughed. "Look, it's us!"

In the display window two mannequins were modeling Gryffindor and Slytherin colored flannel shirts. The mannequin with the grey and emerald shirt was considerably shorter than the other one.

"I am slightly offended," Scorpius said flatly as Albus gleefully ran ahead and ducked into the store. Scorpius eventually found him on the second floor of the shop where all the flannels were. Albus was way more excited than he should have been.

"Scor, look! They have Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff too!"

Scorpius thought it was a bit weird for this place to just _accidentally _have all the Hogwarts house colors.

"Maybe this store is owned by a wizard..." Albus mused, more to himself than to Scorpius.

He pulled a Gryffindor one off the rack and after casting a quick look around them to make sure they were alone he took off his hoodie which was followed quickly by his t-shirt.

Scorpius gaped for a moment, having not had enough time to emotionally prepare himself to see a half naked Albus again.

His heart tugged. His hand itched to reach out and touch him. Since Albus had found out about _everything_ Scorpius hadn't been with Al let alone even be in the same room as him. But seeing him now, like this, he realized he _missed _it. He missed his body- the way he was both skinny and toned at the same time. He missed the way his back muscles flexed and pulled when they-

"Checking me out, Scor?" Albus teased suddenly, breaking Scorpius out of his trance. Scorpius turned red, realizing with embarrassment that he had been openly staring at Albus.

He looked down. "Sorry," he muttered feeling humiliated and frustrated with himself. Albus swore and the Gryffindor-flannel clad boy was abruptly in front of him, one hand lightly gripping his upper arm and the other lifting his chin up.

"Hey," he said gently. "It's okay, don't do that. It was just a joke. I can see now that it was stupid. We're okay though, alright?" He pulled Scorpius into a quick but tight hug. Then (with a lot more subtlety) he put back on his clothes and grabbed both a Slytherin and a Gryffindor shirt. Scorpius was too wrapped up in himself to protest.

As it turns out the store _was _only a muggle store. Albus tried first to pay the cashier with galleons but the woman just looked at him like he'd lost his mind. It also didn't help that Albus treated the whole thing like a drug deal, all secretive like they were in a special club.

As the lady moved about, processing their transaction, Albus noticed that Scorpius was still on edge. His forehead was creased and if he chewed on his lip any more it would bleed.

"Scor, please, I promise we're okay," Albus said, pulling them away from the cash to not be overheard. "I know our, er, situation is a bit... well, different but you're one of my best mates and it will take a lot more than you ,well-" Scorpius held his breath, -"than you and my other identity doing it to make me not like you."

Albus seemed very desperate to prove it because before he paid for the shirts he added two random matching bracelets from the rack beside the register. Outside the store Albus tied on his own and then insisted on trying Scorpius's for him.

"Not to be crude or anything," Scorpius said, red in the face, "but this is the gayest thing we've ever done. And we've shagged."

Albus just laughed, brightly and loudly, leading the way to the Leaky Cauldron. Scorpius tried to think back to a time when Albus had looked more carefree but he came up with nothing.

Inside, the pub was dark, smelling comfortingly of smoke and centuries of use. The bartender gave Albus a warm smile and Scorpius a hard one but Scorpius was used to it and found he didn't care as much as he once did. They were almost at the backdoor and the entrance to Diagon Alley when someone called Scorpius's name.

It was the man from the ministry party, with the surfer hair and perfect teeth. His electric blue eyes should have been spectacular but for some reason they reminded Scorpius of chlorine pools and how much he hates them. The man was also wearing an immaculate red turtleneck.

Scorpius hates turtlenecks.

"Scorpius!" the man greeted with too much familiarity. He shook Scorpius's hand with unwanted enthusiasm. "I don't suppose you remember me. Everett- from the _New Vision _party."

"Hello," said Scorpius automatically, withdrawing his hand. He could feel Albus's eyes on him. Everett pointedly ignored him.

"I'm so glad I ran into you. Will you be at the St. Mungo's charity event in a few weeks? My father's a senior healer so I'll be there."

"No?" Scorpius said rather rudely. Keeping with tradition, Everett didn't notice.

"Oh," he said. "I just thought that since your father donated all that money that'd you be there to support him."

Now _that_ piqued Scorpius's interest. He wasn't surprised at his father for not telling him something important simply because he never tells him anything anymore. Suddenly Scorpius was angry. Angry at his father for ignoring the fact that he has a son and angry at Everett McPerfectface for interrupting his date.

Er, day.

"No, I am definitely not going," Scorpius said viciously. "Draco Malfoy specifically forbade his fucked up, embarrassment of a son from being seen with him in public. Anyways, if you'll excuse us, _Evan_."

He pulled Albus into the back alleyway and held his breath until the bricks had closed behind them.

"Well," started Albus. "He was pushy."

He looked a bit pissed off and if Scorpius wasn't mistaken he looked almost jealous.

"Christ, his flirting was on a whole other level." Albus was seething now. "His starting point was like, stage twelve. Merlin's pants that was painful to watch."

Scorpius wasn't sure where the confidence came from but he turned to Albus and smiled rather deviously.

"Are we gonna talk about boys now, Potter?"

"Shut up. He just seems like an arse. And his fucking teeth- they were scary. He definitely tortured small animals when he was younger. Probably has a torturatorium in his basement..."

He looked cute when he was angry. Scorpius bumped his shoulder with his own.

"Agreed, he's a knob. He's also not my type in the slightest." Scorpius cast a sideways glance at Albus to monitor his reaction. "I prefer dark hair."

Albus's eyes were as wide as galleons and his face was redder than _Evan's _gaudy turtleneck.

~O-O~

They were passing _Quality Quidditch Supplies _when they were startled by a patronus, materializing in front of Albus. The stag spoke in Harry Potter's voice.

_You and Scorpius had better get home, Albus. Lily is getting impatient_.

There was a slight pause and then-

_Uh, love Dad. _

"Get home for what?" Scorpius asked.

Albus looked embarrassed. "We used to go as a family to this muggle rink before- well, before I got ill. We went back for the first time over Christmas. Since then Lily's been a bit obsessed with it. I think she's desperate to pretend we're okay. That it's like the good old days."

"Hey, there are no good old days," Scorpius murmured, remembering what Finn had once told him. "These are the good old days."

Albus smiled and reached for Scorpius's hand. Scorpius didn't even have time to have a heart attack because suddenly he was standing on the Potter's front porch, with the wind knocked out of him and an intense feeling of vertigo.

"ALBUS!"

But Albus just laughed and held onto his hand for a little while longer.


	26. Dancing Queen

**Chapter 25: Dancing Queen**

Albus had been right about Lily being a bit obsessed with this whole "family night" thing. She walked head of the group with Ginny struggling to keep up. Albus walked a little bit behind with James. They seemed to be talking with ease, something Scorpius hadn't seen yet.

Bringing up the rear was Harry and Scorpius. The silence felt uncomfortable for Scorpius but Harry made no indication he minded. After ten minutes or so of walking Harry finally looked over and said, almost too quietly to be heard, "How is he. I mean- _really_. Whenever I ask he always gives the same answer and I get nowhere."

Scorpius didn't know how to respond at first. _How _was _Albus?_ Scorpius felt bad. Sometimes he felt like he focused too much on his separate relationships with Albus/Al and forgot about getting Albus better. Ultimately, that's all he wants.

"He's managing I think," Scorpius said finally. His eyes followed the back of Albus's head. "He's still not very well though. For awhile it seems like he has a handle on it and then he goes off on a bender just like that."

"What is Al like. I've- wondered for awhile now what it would be like to spend a lot of time with him."

"Al is... better. At least better than he was when we first properly met. It's rough when he's here, there's no denying that. The trick I suppose is to just let him ride it out."

Harry was quiet for so long Scorpius thought the topic was dropped. And then-

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm a good father. My son is very ill and yet I still send him away to school where I can't be with him and keep him safe. He's... he's not even on medication anymore. I've sent him blindly out into the world with nothing."

"You didn't send him out with nothing," Scorpius said strongly. "As a father you can fix broken arms but you can't fix a mind. As for medication I don't know if drugs can cure Albus. It has to be him I think, and him alone." Scorpius stopped walking. "Harry, I- I know no parent is equipped for something like this but you've given him your unwavering love and the liberty to find his own cure. That's everything and more you could give him."

As Scorpius politely averted his eyes so Harry could dry his, he looked down the street where Albus was now standing and watching him. Something unspoken passed between them and Scorpius knew then that whatever was to come he would never leave Albus's side.

~O-O~

The first thing Albus realized was that the DJ played only ABBA. What Scorpius quickly realized was that this was a _skating_ rink and therefore one had to know how to _skate_.

"What size are you?" Albus asked over his shoulder, dragging down a ten and a half for himself. He had to ask again because Scorpius was in a petrified, anxiety riddled state where the only thing going through his mind was MAMMA MIA HERE I GO AGAIN! MY MY HOW CAN I RESIST YA!

Finally Scorpius just shook his head and said, "You know, I think I'll just watch."

Albus saw through him in a second.

"No way do you not know how to skate." Scorpius said nothing. "Oh my wizard god this is amazing, thank you."

He grabbed a size ten for Scorpius and despite all of his protests Scorpius was on the ice a minute later.

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever done," Scorpius said flatly, holding tightly onto the boards and deciding he would not let go.

"Debatable," said Albus, skating a small loop around where they were.

"How can Lily possibly like this."

"You haven't even tried it!"

"I think I'm just going to leave."

"No, common. I'll pull you."

"That's a terrible idea."

"I'll push you."

"Even worse."

"I'll hold your hand and we'll take it slow."

Scorpius debated that one for a moment. Albus took his silence as a yes because he skated back and enveloped one of Scorpius's small hands in his own massive one.

Part of Scorpius was humiliated a) for being pulled like a child and b) for being part of such a cliché he wanted to punch his own face.

It also didn't help that the music even seemed to be against him as it was now screaming IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND I'M THE FIRST IN LINE HONEY I'M STILL FREE TAKE A CHANCE ON ME!

Despite all the clichés Scorpius tried to focus on the warmth of Albus's hand and he even permitted himself to pretend, just for a moment, that they were just an average happy couple in love.

Albus noticed him smiling. "Now you're getting into it."

Scorpius immediately replaced his grin with an overdramatic frown. Albus's laugh caused an elderly couple to look around and zero in on their hands. Scorpius's kneejerk reaction was to release Albus's hand but Albus just held on tighter and raised his head proudly.

Scorpius was so fucking head over heels.

~O-O~

Upon Albus's request they had dinner at the Mexican snack bar in the lobby of the rink. The man behind the counter recognized Albus and gave them complimentary drinks that were definitely not supposed to be alcoholic. Albus ordered them tacos and as they left Albus called, "Buenos nachos!"

Scorpius thought about that as they walked away.

"What did you say to him?"

"I said goodnight," Albus said, quite pleased with himself.

"No, I think you meant _buenas noches_. You just said good nachos."

Albus scowled and grumbled, "I didn't know you could speak Spanish..."

"And French and German and a bit of Russian. I had a very boring childhood."

They ate their dinner mostly in silence, other than _Waterloo_ playing loudly in the background. Albus finally snapped, throwing down his napkin dramatically and standing up.

"I cannot FUCKING take this music anymore!"

The moment he finished saying that the DJ booth above the rink opened and a boy a little older than them stepped out. Albus watched him like a hawk as he made his way to the snack bar.

"We need to get him to play something else, _anything _else," Albus whispered conspiratorially. "Go flirt with him."

That was not at all where Scorpius thought that conversation was going to go. Part of his taco that had almost made it to his mouth slipped out of his hand and fell into his lap.

"Wait, _what_? That's- that's absurd. We don't even know if he's-" Scorpius waved his hand around. "You know!"

"Oh common, look at the big pin on the back of his jacket."

Scorpius looked closer.

"A rainbow? That could mean anything!"

"Not that one, you twit. The other one."

Scorpius looked again. The other pin read _I don't even think straight_.

"Ah."

The few minutes that followed were amongst the most awkward minutes Scorpius had ever experienced. For one, the guy must have been 5'3 because he barely came up to Scorpius's chin. He had a neck tattoo of a bear that Scorpius couldn't stop staring at and to cap everything off his employee ID tag said his name was BLAZER.

All of that coupled with the fact that Scorpius was trying to charm him with the sole purpose of impressing the boy he actually liked (who just so happened to be smirking into his taco five feet away) had asked him to made this the worst social interaction of his life.

None the less it worked because not long after Blazer was leading Scorpius to the DJ booth stairs. Albus jogged over to catch up. Blazer's shoulders slumped.

"You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend," he grumbled.

"Not my boyfriend," Scorpius said much too cheerily. He was enjoying this. "This is my brother actually."

"You two look nothing alike."

"Yes, I got all the good genes."

Albus fumed. Scorpius winked at him.

Blazer let them into the booth and told them to play any song from the register on the laptop that was hooked into wires and speakers. He then left to go have a smoke which Scorpius wasn't expecting. Scorpius wasn't sure is he would trust two random strangers up here. The moment Blazer was gone Albus ran to the computer, his fingers flying over the keyboard.

"You got all the good genes, huh?" he said, not looking up from the screen.

"Well, ya."

Albus grinned and with one final click ABBA was silenced and Jimi Hendrix started playing. A few skaters looked confused but no one really seemed to notice. Albus's family however immediately looked up at the booth like they have 'Albus radar'. Scorpius waved.

Albus leaned back against the side of the booth with his arms crossed and regarded Scorpius with a curious expression.

"There's one thing that I've been thinking about for awhile and I have to ask," he said.

"Shoot."

"How did you and Al... start. Hooking up, I mean."

In no way could Scorpius have anticipated that. He measured his next words carefully as the last thing he wanted to do was give the image that he liked Al better.

"I don't really know how to answer that accurately," he began. He stared out the window at the people skating because he couldn't look Albus in the eye.

"Al is quite... suggestive with everyone but he never actually tried anything with me. Our first study date that Al crashed he tried to kiss me but- I pushed him off for obvious reasons." His voice got quieter. "Then came the second time. I don't know what was different. Everything told me to stay away but I just let him."

"Why?" Albus's voice was soft, without hostility.

"I'm not sure." Scorpius dragged a hand through his hair. "Maybe I was lonely. I've been really messed up for a long time before you and Al came into my life and you two showed me that I wasn't alone- that there were others who didn't quite fit into the normal, who lay just outside reality but couldn't quite make it in."

Scorpius passed his fingers over the lines on his wrist.

"There are two main reasons I did what I did to myself. Not feeling good enough, like I wasn't where I should have been so it was punishment. And then there's the disconnection. I didn't feel alive anymore. I was just drowning. I used to think I was just the first reason but what I had with Al disproves that.

"_Had_?" Albus picked up on.

"You didn't really expect me to continue on once everyone found out, did you? I feel so stupid really. It was dumb form the beginning and I regret everything I did with him."

"I once heard you should never regret something you once wanted."

Scorpius thought about that for awhile.

"I don't know if I ever did truly want it. Al was a drug. I knew he was bad for me but I couldn't stop. It was an addiction that was so irrational and still I couldn't kick the habit."

He leaned back against the far wall and slid to the ground, suddenly exhausted from talking so much. Politely, Albus went to the controls to prep the next song. Scorpius watched him do it- watched how focused he got looking at the music and the way his whole person changed when the next song came on. The t-shirt he'd chosen today bore the psychedelic art of the 60's band _LOVE_.

"Why do you like music so much?"

It wasn't an easy question. Albus had to think about it.

"I pity the people who never get into music. Like James for example. He simply doesn't care for it and that to me in unimaginable. Some people listen to music but not me. I _feel _it. It's one of the few beautiful things in this world, one of the things that keeps me going day after day."

"You said it's _one_ of the few beautiful things," Scorpius said in all seriousness. "Am I one of them."

Albus burst out laughing but that was the only response Scorpius got.

A little later as they were getting ready to leave (the rest of Albus's family had already gone ahead) Albus said, "I know you think very little of yourself but I want you to know that I don't. I wish you could see yourself how I see you. I think you're a very good person who just got dealt a rather shitty hand."

Scorpius bowed his head. "I think you're wrong. I- I am a bad person."

"Really?" Albus said, stopping at the exit to the rink. "Because you keep looking back at _Laser _or whatever the hell his stupid name was because you feel guilty. If you were a bad person you wouldn't think twice about him."

"Well, we did kind of use him," Scorpius mumbled.

"Then go to him. Go on. Make his night. Be one of the good ones."

Scorpius stared for a moment, not quite sure what was going on. Then he turned on his heel and marched away with a purpose.

Albus watched him walk up to the boy, who looked surprised and a little flustered but nonetheless pleased. Scorpius was holding himself differently- straighter and confident. They shared a few words until Scorpius's hand was cupping the boy's chin and they were kissing. Albus knew he should look away but he couldn't stop staring.

The kiss wasn't gentle or sweet, really. Soon Scorpius was crowding against the boy leaving no space between them. The boy's hands wound their way around Scorpius's back and they kissed longer than what was probably socially acceptable for the lobby of a public rink.

Albus started to feel uncomfortable. He was sure his face was red and he had to adjust his trousers slightly as Scorpius made his way back. He left the rink without saying a word and Albus had to hurry after him. He cast one last look over his shoulder at the boy who was standing in exactly the same spot as before, staring at the floor with a bewildered expression. He was touching his lips like was holding onto the feeling of Scorpius's mouth on his.

Albus ran after Scorpius who was already halfway across the parking lot. Scorpius didn't look smug or arrogant. Rather he looked like 90's rock star with the black coat and the flyaway hair- he was only missing the cigarette. Albus offered him one. Scorpius lit up and however good-looking he'd been before was nothing compared to now.

Scorpius took a few drags and passed the cigarette to Albus with a raised eyebrow as if to say, _well?_

Albus pulled on the cigarette long enough for his lungs to start protesting. He coughed slightly and after passing the cigarette back he said the first dumb thing that popped into his head.

"Wow. I can definitely see why Al went for you."

Scorpius grinned wickedly and said, "You were wrong though, Albus. I am a bad person."

Albus raised an eyebrow.

"I stole his pins."

He held out his palm and sure enough there they were. Albus burst out laughing and Scorpius joined in after a moment. With some difficulty so that he wouldn't set himself on fire with the cigarette, Scorpius fastened the _I can't even think straight one _to his jacket. Then he leaned over and pinned the rainbow one onto Albus's coat. There was a moment where their faces were very close to each other and Albus found himself unable to look away form Scorpius's eyes.

When Scorpius finally moved back, Albus found himself thinking about the height difference between Scorpius and the boy. He wondered if that's what Scorpius and him looked like when they kissed.

He caught him himself. _Al_. Scorpius and _Al_. Not me.

Al.


	27. Scar Tissue

**Chapter 26: Scar Tissue**

Scorpius gripped the wheel tightly enough for his knuckles to turn white and for Albus to wonder if he'd made a terrible decision.

"Which one's gas and which one's brake again?"

"You've got to be kidding me."

Instead of answering Scorpius put the car in drive and floored it. Albus held on for dear life, thanking Merlin he'd made them start in the countryside where it was less likely for Scorpius to kill somebody. Or many somebody's.

Albus finally had to call it when Scorpius almost clipped a deer and he drove the rest of the way to the lookout. They sat on the hood of the car with semi-cold Butterbeers from Albus's bag and shared the last of his licorice wands. The sun was setting on the water and Scorpius could see why Albus had brought them to this spot.

"Sometimes the world is so frustrating," Albus murmured. He pulled a rock from his shoe, stared at it for a moment and then threw it into the ocean with a surprising amount of anger.

"I realized a long time ago that this world is a shitty, unforgiving place to live. We lash out at the world but it just fights back a lot harder. Accepting this keeps me sane but then every once in a while I'll see something like this view and I'll get lost again. This neutral zone is brutal and I can't fucking get out of it."

Albus looked away. He was still waiting for the day when Scorpius would leave him, finally done with all his whiny, existential crap. Instead, Scorpius softly asked, "Are you okay?"

Such a simple question that Albus had, for the last two years, always answered with the same bullshit answer. Today however, Albus slowly shook his head no.

"Have you, I mean, do you- do you ever think about getting healthy again? Cured, I mean." Scorpius's voice was trembling. Albus looked back at him.

"You mean integrating? No, I don't really think about it anymore. Even if I do integrate it's common to relapse. I'm quite scared to be honest that I'm going to be stuck with a tosser like Al for the rest of my short, chaotic life."

He was quiet for awhile then he said the words Scorpius would never forget for a long time.

"Besides, it's hard to think about being cured when then people who did this to you are still out there."

Scorpius felt sick. The waves stopped, the sun shut off and Scorpius felt the universe itself laughing at it's own cruel joke.

"_What?_" he finally managed to say.

"Did you not know," Albus said quietly. "They only caught a dozen or so Death Eaters that day. More than fifty got away, including their leader."

"What you're saying-" Scorpius couldn't form words properly. "Is that they're out here, somewhere, right now. How is that... _possible_."

"It's been the Auror's primary case since they got me out. At this point they still basically have no leads."

Albus stared out at the sea and the crashing waves. His eyes were hollow, the hard line of his mouth looked too familiar. Scorpius wanted to help him but he hadn't the faintest idea how.

~O-O~

Ginny and James were in the kitchen making pizza for dinner. Harry was beating Lily at _Star Wars Battlefront 2_\- Lily was fuming and Harry was almost in hysterics. Scorpius grinned stupidly at them to the point where he should feel embarrassed but he just couldn't bring himself to feel it.

He was feeling very warm and content sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace in the Potter living room. He was about to get up to see where Albus had run off to when suddenly a quiet, smooth sound filled the room. Lily didn't seem to notice but Harry froze.

Looking over his shoulder at the corner of the room, Albus was playing the piano. He was stumbling a bit, stretching out muscles he hadn't used in awhile. After a few minutes he was softly playing away at something sad and sweet and Scorpius was too taken aback to look away.

There was a triumphant yell as Lily beat Harry at the game. Lily hadn't noticed that Harry was not looking at the TV but rather at his son. His gaze then shifted to Scorpius. His head was tilted to the side and his eyebrows were pinched together as if to say, _How did you do it?_

~O-O~

At 3:12 in the morning Scorpius crept out of Albus's room and walked down the stairs to the kitchen. At 3:15 he had a cup of Chamomile tea in a _WORLD'S BEST DAD _mug. At 3:16 he found Ginny Potter crying alone on the living room couch.

Scorpius stood in the doorway for a long moment. His intense misunderstanding of human emotions compelled him to slink away up the stairs but his overwhelming fondness for this family moved him across the room and into the seat beside Albus's mother.

"Mrs- uh, Ginny. Are you okay?"

It was a stupid question considering it was quite obvious that she was not okay but Scorpius could think of nothing else to say.

Ginny looked at him slowly. She was 41 years old but she showed weariness, like the last few years had really been worse than Scorpius could ever have imagined. She still smiled though- a warm smile that reminded Scorpius of a mother he never quite had.

"You're so good to him, Scorpius," she whispered, taking his hand. Her eyes were shining. "He's been so unwell for so long and seeing him with you it's as if none of it happened."

Scorpius didn't know what to say so he kept silent.

"He's been here for three days and Al hasn't shown up once. And I know it's because of you, Scorpius. Everyday I'm grateful that you are in his life. My brother wasn't very fond of you from the start. Ron is very _anti-Malfoy_ but I knew you were different. I never could have seen just how much you would change him."

Tears chased each other down her cheeks. Scorpius gave her his un-drunk tea and went back to the kitchen for another cup (this one was in a homemade mug from James- one side had his name while the other side said "_Lily and Severus SUCKS_"). Ginny took his hand again when he sat back down.

"Harry told me what you said, on the way to the rink."

"Oh."

"You're so good to him. It hasn't been easy, he hasn't been easy, but with you it's as if a little bit of the old Albus is back." She wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her Holyhead Harpies bathrobe. "You're special to him, Scorpius. It's been two years and he hasn't played the piano for _me_."

She hugged him and slowly went up to bed with her tea. Scorpius remained on that couch until the sun began to peak over the horizon.

~O-O~

Albus was quiet on the way to the station the next morning. Scorpius waited off to the side while he said goodbye to his parents, wondering if his reserved mood was simply due to his impending departure from his parents.

But with Albus nothing is simple.

When they'd finished their goodbyes Ginny called Scorpius over. He hugged both of Albus's parents and realized he was going to miss them too.

Rose, Cale and Finn were already waiting for them in their compartment when they arrived. Cale took one look at them and said, smirking, "Nice bracelets, you tools."

Scorpius flipped him off. Albus said nothing. Scorpius wasn't even sure if he was paying any attention at all. Albus went right over to the window seat, curled up with his head against the glass and closed his eyes. Rose looked to Scorpius who could only shrug his shoulder and shake his head.

Albus was quiet all through dinner as well. Rose tried to get him to eat but he kept saying he wasn't hungry. Every time Rose looked across the hall she was met with Scorpius's steely gaze. It was clear that he wanted to be with Albus but it was a formal dinner and therefore he had to stay at the Slytherin table.

The moment dinner was over Scorpius all but ran over to the Gryffindor table but Professor Juspeczyk beat him to it. Scorpius sat instead beside Rose, deciding to wait for Albus. Rose waited with him for ten minutes before she left for the library. Nearly everyone had left the Great Hall by the time Juspeczyk walked away and Albus dragged himself over to where Scorpius was sitting.

"What was that about?"

Albus chewed on his lip for a moment. "Nothing. She uh- she wanted to see how I was getting on with my assignments."

It was a lie but Scorpius didn't pry. Finally he said, "Common, you look like you could use a drink."

"I don't really fancy getting drunk tonight."

"Not the kind of drink I was talking about."

Five minutes later and the boys were in the kitchens, each holding giant mugs of hot tea. Albus looked a bit more at ease. They were sitting in front of the fireplace with the gentle sound of the house elves moving about behind them.

"My mother didn't teach me much," Scorpius said, peeking sideways at Albus, "but she did teach me the importance of tea and for that I will be forever in her debt."

"That and also giving you, you know, _life_." Albus's smirk was so cute that Scorpius couldn't stop himself from poking his cheek.

They lapsed into silence once more. Albus rubbed his left arm while Scorpius twisted his watch around his wrist. They both knew the other was doing it but neither mentioned it.

As the fire began to dim and Albus's eyelids started to feel heavy, he couldn't help the weird, existential thoughts that invaded his mind.

"Do you ever think about how you will make a mark on this world?" he said. "Either good or bad. Or even worse if you make no mark at all."

Scorpius's eyebrows pinched together and he looked deep in thought for a minute. Then his eyes grew wide and he grinned so widely that Albus was momentarily taken aback.

"I've got a brilliant idea."

Without waiting for an answer Scorpius took Albus's mug from him and put it on the table. He pulled him up from his seat and dragged him to the door. Whether consciously or not, he didn't let go of his hand until they were in the trophy room.

Albus knew what Scorpius was up to the moment he realized where they were going. Scorpius took him to the far side of the room where the hundreds of scrawled messages and confessions littered the wall.

"Not quite what I meant," Albus said, "but close enough."

He pulled out his wand and used a severing charm to cut into the stone. When he was done the wall now read:

_Albus Potter has dissociative identity disorder._

Scorpius read it and if he had been at a loss of what to write before he wasn't anymore. Using the same spell he added his own message beneath Albus's.

_Scorpius Malfoy wants Albus Potter to be happy. _

Albus sat cross-legged on the floor and simply stared. Scorpius slowly sat down beside him, their knees touching slightly. Albus tilted his head to the side, resting it on Scorpius's shoulder.

"I'm sad again," he whispered. The room suddenly seemed too small.

"I know, Albus. I know."

"I'm scared."

Scorpius's hand fell gently onto Albus's knee.

"You don't have to be. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Albus wiped his cheek with his sleeve.

"I know. I used to believe everyone was going to leave me but I know now."

Even though the situation was dark and messed up, Scorpius felt hope.

~O-O~

Two days later Scorpius was in his dorm, reading and listening to a new CD Albus had given him the day before. He was on his third time listening to it and he couldn't shake the feeling that it was a lot more depressing than the last few albums Albus had leant him. He was so fixated on the music that he didn't hear Cale come into the room or call his name. Only when Cale sat on his bed did he notice.

"What's up?" he asked, pulling the headphones down around his neck. Something in Cale's expression made him freeze. "Cale, what's wrong, what's happened."

"It's Albus." Scorpius felt his heart drop. "He's locked himself in his dormitory and won't come out. Rose said that something happened with Al."

Scorpius was already halfway out the door before Cale stopped talking. He ran all the way up to the 7th floor, Cale panting behind him while trying to keep up. A Gryffindor was just coming out of the portrait hole when they reached the tower. They slipped in without her noticing. In the common room Lily, Finn and Albus's cousins were grouped around the couch in front of the fire. Rose, who was biting her nails almost furiously, saw him first. She bolted up and was at Scorpius's side in an instant.

"We've tried everything. You need to go up, maybe he'll listen."

"You don't think there's a chance we're too late, do you?" Scorpius said quickly in a low voice so no one else would hear. Rose's eyes were wide and glassy. She said nothing.

Scorpius took the stairs three at a time. He knocked quietly on the door and waited. Nothing.

"Albus?" he said softly. More nothing. "Albus, please, can you let me in? You don't have to talk or say anything I just need to make sure you're alright, okay?"

There was a small movement in the room but the door remained closed and locked. Scorpius put his back to the door and slid to the floor. After a few minutes he felt a change, as if Albus was sitting on the other side of the door just how he was.

"If you can hear me, Albus, I really want you to come out. You don't need to tell me why I just really need to see you." Scorpius hugged his knees to his chest and fought the stinging in his eyes. "Please, Albus. We can listen to _Champagne Supernova _on repeat and live off the stash of Licorice Wands I know you've been hiding from me."

Scorpius waited another fifteen minutes before he made his way back down the staircase. Rose's head snapped up when he came into view. Her expression fell when she saw his.

"What happened exactly, Rose," he said, pulling her away from the group. "Cale said it had something to do with Al."

Rose nodded. "He was out for awhile and came back like a hurricane. He wasn't making sense. He said something about Al leaving him something out by the lake. I haven't gone out there, I didn't want to leave him..."

"I'll go. Try to talk to him, make sure he doesn't do anything."

He ran out of the common room without waiting for her to say anything, sprinting the entire way to the Entrance Hall. It was too late for him to be going outside but he was headboy and also didn't care about stupid rules anymore.

He crossed the grounds, arms wrapped around his middle, as the wind bit at his exposed skin. He passed by one part of the castle and the lake came into view. He was wondering what the hell he was doing and what exactly he was looking for when he almost fell into it.

Al had dug a pit, right beside the castle. It was narrow but deep and there were several folded up pieces of paper at the bottom. It only took Scorpius a minute to realize what it was. Al hadn't dug a pit for Albus.

Al had dug him a grave.


	28. Human

**Special bonus quick update because all of you readers are amazing!**

**Chapter 27: Human**

Scorpius wasn't sure how long he stood there for. He didn't feel the cold anymore. All he could see in his head was Albus, who had been getting stronger, seeing this. Seeing that Al, a product of his mind, had done this.

There was a flash of light and a lynx patronus stopped in front of Scorpius. It spoke in Cale's voice.

_Rose didn't mean to but she started yelling at Albus to come out. Al is on his way to you now._

Scorpius passed his hand through the mist, dissolving the image. When he turned around, Al was already there. There was a smirk on his face that clashed with the hard look in his eyes.

"Why would you do this," Scorpius whispered. "Albus was doing so well. I thought _you _were doing well. How could you- _possibly _do this?"

Al laughed coldly, the sound vibrating through Scorpius's body like he'd been electrocuted. Al looked nothing like Albus right now. His expression was so poisonous and so unlike Albus's gentle nature that for one moment Scorpius thought that Al had finally succeeded in destroying Albus forever.

Al moved past Scorpius like a whirlwind, hitting his shoulder with such venom that Scorpius started to think that this was all a dream- a horrible, awful nightmare.

"Let's examine this, shall we?" Al said with an almost demented smile. "I can show you why."

Without warning he jumped down into the grave and picked up the papers. Al organized them slowly, drawing it out until Scorpius was ready to scream and cry in frustration.

"You said Albus was doing so well. Didn't you." He looked down almost fondly at the papers and then back up at Scorpius. "I found Albus's snuff letters. Hidden under his books. As if he thought I wouldn't find them."

Scorpius felt the world stop.

"You found... what?"

"His last letters. His _notes_." Al was enjoying this. It was the most sick, twisted thing Scorpius had ever heard.

"You- you're lying," Scorpius growled.

Al started naming them off. "Lily. Mum. Rose. Finn." He tossed them to the ground as he said them. He met Scorpius's gaze and grinned sadistically. "Do you want to know what yours says?"

"STOP IT!" Scorpius screamed. He grabbed at his hair and fell to his knees. "JUST SHUT UP. SHUT UP."

Al was suddenly in front of him, roughly ripping his hands away from his face and forcing their eyes to meet.

"Don't you see!" he shouted. "This is how it's supposed to be- this is how it was destined to be since he got taken. He should have died in that basement. He wished he did-"

"STOP IT!"

Scorpius grabbed Al by his collar and raised his fist. Al didn't look frightened. He looked surprised. Scorpius lowered his fist but his anger didn't subside.

"I want to hurt you so badly," he whispered, "but I can't. I'd be hurting Albus."

He dropped Al from his grip and left. He walked back to the castle, leaving Al alone by the grave. He knew he should do something more for Albus but he thought that if he had to look at Al for another second he would never be able to look at Albus again.

So Scorpius walked away from the tortured boy and didn't look back.

~O-O~

He didn't go to class the next day or the one after that. Cale didn't ask. He brought Scorpius food which Scorpius didn't eat but appreciated the gesture all the same. On the third day Scorpius went to breakfast, not wearing his robes as he had no intention of actually attending class. He was wearing jeans and one of Albus's band shirts because it was basically the only thing that was keeping him from falling apart.

Albus wasn't at the Gryffindor table which Scorpius had expected. He walked over to Rose instead who looked just as terrible as he probably did. Rose saw him coming and her expression crumbled, tears filling up her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to yell at him. I just- lost it and I can't forgive myself for-"

Scorpius held up his hand. He didn't care about apologies right now. All he cared about was whether or not Albus was okay.

"Where is he, Rose," he said, emotionless. "Is Albus back or is it still..."

He couldn't even say his name.

Rose wiped her eyes. "He came back this morning. I think he went outside." Scorpius paled. "To the quidditch pitch I think. He said he wanted to be alone."

Scorpius left without another word, ignoring Rose who called out after him.

Albus was sitting at the highest row of the stands, wrapped in a large black coat that nearly swallowed his skinny frame. His hands were holding the notes. His fingers were turning purple from the cold.

Scorpius sat beside him. Albus made no indication that he knew Scorpius was there.

"What happened, Albus," Scorpius said softly, covering Albus's hands with his own. They felt like pure ice. "You don't have to tell me."

"I woke up in- in the pit." Albus's voice was raspy and hollow. "I saw the papers and I knew what had happened. I'm... so sorry for freaking everybody out."

Scorpius couldn't help but think how typical this was of Albus. Something terrible had happened to him and he was apologizing.

"Don't do that, Albus. _Please_. I can't bear to think that even for one second you blame yourself for anything that he does."

Albus's eyes welled up with tears. "But it was me. I wrote the notes, Scorpius. It was me."

Scorpius rubbed circles on the back of Albus's hand with his thumb. "Would I be right in saying that these notes weren't written back in August? That these were- new ones?"

Albus gave one small nod of his head. Scorpius could picture it now all too vividly in his head. He could see Albus at his desk in the middle of the night, scratching out his last words to all the people in his life. He could see Albus writing his.

It was unbearable to think of.

"I'm going to suggest something that you in no way have to even consider- I just want to get it out there." Albus nodded again. "Have you thought about maybe trying the meds again?"

The look Albus gave him was one of pure alarm.

"You don't have to of course," Scorpius said quickly. "I just- I can't help but think that maybe we should do something more. I know what happened last time but this time would be different. We'll find a better dose. You have more people here for you this time around and we'll be aware now that you could-" Scorpius trailed off.

"Try to kill myself."

Scorpius choked back a sob. "Al has been brutal to you and maybe without him it can be easier to get well. It's just an idea though. I would never _ever _force this on you if you didn't want it."

Albus exhaled heavily and laid his head down on Scorpius's shoulder.

"I think you're right," he said quietly. "This time Al went too far. And I- I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been thinking about going back on the meds these past few weeks."

There was a long pause where only the sounds of the House banners moving in the wind could be heard. And then-

"Yes, okay," Albus said. He stood up abruptly. "I'm going to go see the Headmaster about going home today." Scorpius made to stand up but Albus waved him off.

"No, I think... I think I need to go alone. But will you do something for me?"

_Anything_, Scorpius thought.

"The others, especially Rose, will have trouble understanding and I can't face that. I need you to tell them for me, okay?"

Scorpius nodded. Albus made to leave. Then he stopped and looked down at the papers clutched in his fist. After a moment of hesitation he shoved them into Scorpius's hands.

"I can't look at these anymore. Ever. Please, just- if you read it don't think too badly of me."

He was out of sight before Scorpius's brain could catch up to him. He looked at the top paper, addressed to Rose. He looked through them until he found the one for him. The writing was shaky and his name was nearly illegible. Scorpius wasn't sure what to make of that.

His fingers twitched to unfold the paper and read what Albus had written but he couldn't. He feared that if he did read it it would be the last thing he ever did.

Keeping them in his hands Scorpius took out his wand and pressed it directly over his name.

"_Incendio_."

The papers went up in flames. He held onto them until his fingers started to hurt. He left the burning pile on the stands and walked back to the castle feeling his heart break a little more with each step.

~O-O~

At 7 Scorpius had assembled Lily, the Weasley's, Cale and Finn in the room of requirement. Everyone looked confused and anxious, as they all knew Albus had left but no one knew why.

"There's no easy way to say this so I just have to get it out," Scorpius said, wringing his hands. He had never hated speaking in front of people more that at this moment.

"Al did something _horrendous _yesterday to Albus. I fear that it may have undone all the progress Albus has made. So Albus left this morning to meet with his parents and go to St. Mungo's."

Everyone in the room looked confused now. Cale was looking hard at Scorpius.

"Albus is going to try and go back on the _DID_ meds."

Nobody said a word. Most looked shocked. Rose looked almost angry.

"We know how this ended last time," Scorpius said quietly. "Albus almost did something unimaginable and many of you are probably scared of it happening again but I have hope that it can be different this time. He has more of us here for him now, more of us who know what's happening. And with the right dosage it could help him."

Chatter broke out. Most of the family seemed to deem it okay, agreeing with Scorpius that Albus needed a catalyst on the road to getting better. Rose got up and pushed Scorpius rather roughly into the corner of the room, out of earshot.

"Did you put him up to this?" she asked bluntly. Her hand was still gripping his arm.

"I did bring it up," Scorpius admitted. "Albus told me it'd been on his mind before."

Rose didn't look reassured. She bit her lip and twisted the sleeve of her robes.

"Do you think it's a bad idea?" Scorpius said.

To his surprise Rose shook her head immediately.

"I've been thinking about it too. I didn't want to say anything though. I think this has to be a decision Albus comes to on his own. He has to want it or we'll fail before we even begin. We just need to try I guess." She smiled very briefly and her grip on Scorpius's arm felt more reassuring than intimidating.

~O-O~

That night Scorpius lay awake in bed long after his dorm mates had gone to sleep. He had his bed curtains open and was lying the opposite way on his bed so he could look out the window. It was a warm night. Scorpius felt cold.

There was a noise at the door. Albus stepped quietly into the room, eyes locking with Scorpius. Silently he moved between the beds until he was in front of Scorpius's bed. He took out his wand and for one wild second Scorpius thought Albus was going to hex him. But he just pointed his wand around them and said, "_Muffliato_", and sat down close enough so that their knees were touching.

"How did you get in?" Scorpius asked.

"Two sixth years unknowingly let me in. I didn't even need the cloak, they were very unobservant."

Scorpius gave him a small smile that quickly disappeared. He waited. Albus stared at him before slipping his hand into his coat pocket and pulling out a small bottle that rattled in the silence.

"Even having them," Scorpius started, "you don't have to take them. No one will make you take them. It's your decision and yours alone."

Albus took the cap off the bottle and shook a single white pill out into his hand. It was strange how such a tiny thing could possibly make a huge difference. Albus's eyes, glassy and wide, met Scorpius's.

"Whatever happens... you won't leave me right?"

"Never."

Albus tipped his hand back and swallowed the pill. Scorpius handed him his water glass and he drank. Scorpius thought this moment deserved something monumental like a crack of lightning or something else to distinguish the moment.

But there was nothing.

Albus lay down on Scorpius's bed and Scorpius lay down next to him. There was nothing left to say really.


	29. Dark Days Part 1

**Chapter 28: Dark Days Part 1**

Although it was irrational and impossible Scorpius hoped that by the next day Albus would be completely healthy. It was stupid, he knew that, and yet he couldn't help but entertain the thought. Albus would wake up beside him and breathe deeply like he hadn't breathed fresh air in _years_. They'd go to breakfast and he'd be happy and charming and everything would come easy to him. In lessons the professors would commend his newfound enthusiasm for school work and Scorpius would be Albus's partner for everything and they'd be the dream team. Then that night Albus would celebrate his well being by snogging the pants off Scorpius.

Literally.

Scorpius surprised himself by how vivid his imagination was. In the past few months his creativity hadn't been very active.

When Albus did wake up (in Scorpius's bed) there was nothing much different, other than a terrified yet hopeful feeling in the pit of his stomach. Albus took another pill and they walked to breakfast together in silence. They sat at the Gryffindor table with Albus's family. There was a lot of nodding but no one brought it up which Albus was visibly pleased with. The conversation was a bit stiff and after 20 minutes or so Albus excused himself to go the hospital wing because St. Mungo's had given him some stuff that he had to go over with the nurse. All eyes were on him as he walked out of the Great Hall. When he was out of sight all eyes fell on Scorpius.

"What?" he said, not liking the feeling of people watching him.

"Well?" said Rose impatiently. "How did it go! What did he say?"

"We didn't really talk much. He took one last night and another this morning. It will take some time for the drugs to take affect I suppose."

Rose pulled at her hair, making it even curlier and frizzier than it already was. Scorpius reached out and stilled her hand.

"_Rose_. It's okay. It's nothing permanent. If it doesn't work for him he can just stop taking them."

"What if we don't notice in time?" she said in a panicky voice. "What if- what if it's like last time and he-"

Thankfully Hugo was there to put his arm around her and comfort her. Scorpius was never very good with that.

"It won't be like last time," Hugo murmured, just loud enough that Scorpius could hear him. "We won't let it get bad again. Albus _will _get better. It won't be like last time."

And Scorpius believed him.

~O-O~

It took about a week for the drugs to start having a noticeable effect. If Al showed up at all during that time no one knew and Albus didn't say.

On the fifth day since the first pill, Scorpius was sitting with Albus in the room of requirement drinking ice tea out of scotch tumblers because Albus couldn't drink alcohol anymore while on the meds. They were sitting opposite each other on the couch, their legs tangling together in the middle. Albus looked lost in thought.

"I feel old," Scorpius said, raising his glass and staring into it pensively. "Here we are, seventeen years old, drinking scotch-"

"It's fake."

"-marveling at the future like proper gentlemen-"

"Lily is taller than you."

"-finding our place on this mad, chaotic planet. Eh, old friend?"

Albus blinked at him. "Ice tea makes you weird. Are you high?"

Scorpius sunk down deeper into the cushions, hyperaware of Albus's foot rubbing against his shin.

"It's the scotch," he said. "S'gone right to my head."

"Again, mate- _fake_."

Scorpius laughed but it faded quickly. "Albus, how are you feeling," he asked quickly before he could change his mind.

Albus looked away, the same faraway look crossing his face that he's had the past few days when anyone has asked the same question.

"Albus, _please_," Scorpius went on. "You can't just keep saying 'fine'. We need to know you're doing okay. We need to know that it's not like last time, that you won't-"

"Go mental and try to off myself?"

Albus instantly regretted it seeing the look on Scorpius's face.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. Jesus, that was stupid. I'm sorry. Scor, I'm sorry."

Scorpius downed the rest of his drink, grimaced and said, "Damn, that burns."

"It's ice tea."

They fell into silence. Albus knew Scorpius was waiting for him to talk.

"I feel... lighter." He realized he was still violating Scorpius's shin and he stopped. "Like my lungs have started working again."

"What do you mean." Scorpius's voice was small.

"I don't know how to describe it."

"Try."

"It's going to sound stupid."

"Try."

Albus paused. "If I'm going to try I need more scotch."

"It's fake."

Albus flipped him off but smiled as he poured them both more from the pitcher on the floor. He leaned back against the armrest and resumed moving his foot against Scorpius's leg.

"I feel like I can breathe again, Scor. Like there's been this crushing weight on my chest for so long and every breath _hurt_. I feel weightless. The pressure is gone and it's like coming out of a long, shitty nightmare."

"Did you feel this way the last time?" Scorpius had to be sure before he let the small feeling of hope take shape.

"No," Albus said darkly. "God, no. I felt terrible last time. The drugs made me cloudy and slow like I was trying to walk through smoke. The day the fog lifted everything became terrifyingly clear."

"I don't understand."

"It was August seventeenth."

"Oh."

"I came through on the other side and I became almost manic. My head was clear and my only all-consuming thought was that I absolutely had to die."

Scorpius couldn't stop himself from asking.

"When you woke up in the hospital... did you..."

"Did I regret doing it?"

Scorpius nodded once.

"No, I didn't regret it. What I did regret was not succeeding."

Albus looked over and was horrified to see that Scorpius was crying quietly.

"Aw, fuck. I'm sorry, Scor. I keep fucking up."

Scorpius looked at him quickly. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. It was never your fault and it never will be. Life is brutal and you don't deserve any of this."

Albus crossed the distance between them and settled in beside Scorpius. They didn't say anything.

Because there was nothing left to say.

~O-O~

When Scorpius woke up the next morning he knew there was something different.

For one somebody had already opened the curtains beside his bed, bathing the room in yellow light. For another music was playing softly and if Scorpius wasn't mistaken, the sound was coming from beside his bed.

He rolled over and lying on the floor beside his CD player was Albus. He was already dressed in his robes and was reading the inside cover of the CD that was playing.

"You've been holding out on me, Scorpius," he said playfully. "A good Canadian band and you fail to tell me about it?"

Scorpius rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Six forty-five."

Scorpius groaned and tried to clear his head. "Why are you here? Am I dreaming?"

Albus smirked and stared Scorpius directly in the eyes with a look that could only be described as flirtatious.

"Do you often dream about me? Because I dream about you."

That got Scorpius awake. He sat up and was promptly smacked in the face with his robes.

"Common. Loads to do. And I'm hungry so breakfast first."

Albus made to leave (presumably to give Scorpius privacy to change) but Scorpius grabbed his arm.

"Wait, Albus- what the fuck? Are you... feeling okay?"

Albus beamed. It was the biggest, happiest smile Scorpius had ever seen on Albus.

No. Scratch that. It was the greatest smile ever.

"Remember yesterday when I talked about breathing easier?" Scorpius nodded. "Well that was _nothing_ compared to what I feel today. I feel like I can fucking _fly_. I've never felt this amazing."

He reached out and cupped Scorpius's chin, leaning in close. Scorpius held his breath.

"Smile, babe," he said, tilting his head to the side with an equally crooked grin. "This is good. I feel _amazing_. I'm on _FIRE_. Enjoy it with me."

He left the room in a flash of his cloak.

_Definitely a dream_, Scorpius thought.

~O-O~

Rose burst into tears when she saw Albus at the breakfast table. They didn't even need to exchange two words. Rose could tell from Albus's giant smile and the glint in his eyes that the old Albus, her Albus, was back.

While Scorpius was enormously happy for Albus and the progress he's made it was hard not to notice just how much he himself was benefitting from this new Albus.

Because this Albus was very... hands on.

For as long as Scorpius had really known him Albus had never been affectionate. At all. He hugged his parents at King's Cross every year like everyone else and he hugged his family members on birthdays like everyone else but if someone so much as casually touched his arm he would squirm away as subtly as possible.

Now, however, Albus seemed to crave human contact constantly. As he talked with Rose over breakfast his hand never left her wrist. When Lily came over he held her by the waist for their whole conversation. While Rose's reaction to the new Albus had been to cry Lily looked at Albus like he was the sun himself. When Scorpius and Albus walked to their first lesson of the day Albus's crooked smile and glinting eyes really did make him look like pure, bright light. Seeing him like this Scorpius felt like he could relax for the first time in months.

And then came potions.

Scorpius didn't realize the severity of Albus's newfound touch obsession and the fact that he and Albus were going to be partners for a double lesson at their own private table in a darkened classroom.

Albus heated their cauldron while Scorpius got the ingredients ready- as was their routine. Albus rummaged around in his bag for a moment before swearing colorfully.

"I forgot my book again. What's first?"

He leaned over to check Scorpius's book, bracing himself with a hand on Scorpius's thigh. Scorpius stopped breathing. Albus read through the first line of the instructions, his lips moving silently. His hand moved slowly so that instead of resting on top of Scorpius's leg it now gripped the inside.

"Bugger, we forgot the roots," Albus said. "I'll get them." He stood up but not before giving Scorpius's thigh a squeeze.

Someone could fry an egg on Scorpius's face.

When Albus came back he moved his chair so that their legs were touching from hip to knee. Scorpius's brain went into automatic mode. He started on the potion completely unaware of what was happening because the only thing he could think of was the burning pressure from Albus's leg. He wasn't sure when it happened but somehow Albus's hand came to rest on his hip, so light he could almost not feel it. He kept it there for a few minutes as he read over the instructions and prepared a few ingredients. Then his hand shifted a bit higher until Albus's thumb trailed under Scorpius's untucked shirt and pressed lightly into the soft, fair skin. He rubbed tiny circles with his thumb in a pattern until two hands were required for a step and his warm hand was gone. Scorpius sat there unmoving, praying that Albus couldn't hear the maniacal hammering of his heart.

He thought he was in the clear until Albus looked up and said, "You are really hot."

Scorpius swallowed.

"Like, your face is beat red," Albus went on. "Do you have a fever? Is the fire too hot?"

Scorpius managed to squeak out a terrible excuse before the bell rang. He booked it from the classroom without so much as a goodbye. Albus stared curiously after him.

Scorpius hoped to avoid Albus for the rest of the day but he only made it until dinner before Albus cornered him. He asked if they could study together later which, looking at their track record, hadn't always ended too great. He agreed and was admittedly a little relieved when Rose, Hugo and Louis accidentally crashed their- study date? Albus looked slightly put out by their arrival though Scorpius couldn't figure out why (he knew the answer he _wanted _it to be...).

But all in all Scorpius found it didn't really matter because seeing Albus play chess with Hugo and have an animate discussion about the X-Men franchise with Louis like everything was effortless was an amazing sight.

_The waters had stilled and Albus was no longer drowning._

"Scor, somebody is waving at you," Rose said, bringing Scorpius's attention back to the present.

He followed her gaze and saw Brennan/_Not Jesus_ waving quite enthusiastically from down the aisle. Scorpius waved back, very aware of Albus whipping his head back and forth between them. Scorpius was spared having to try to explain to Brennan why Albus wouldn't recognize him if he came over when his Hufflepuff friend shuffled him away.

"Who was that?" Albus said as casually as his tight jaw could manage.

"Er, that was Brennan."

"And you know him how?"

Rose picked up on Scorpius's discomfort.

"Oh! A close _friend _of yours, Cassanova?" she teased. Then she winked and Louis put it all together.

"Wait, did you-?" he gestured between Scorpius and the spot where Brennan had been. "Are you-?"

Rose, Scorpius and Albus all shared a look. Hugo looked a bit scandalled.

"Wow," said Louis, looking very taken aback. "Good thing Al isn't here anymore. You two would have a _lot _to talk about. Or _not _talk about if you know what I mean."

Rose and Scorpius looked away from each other. Albus looked at the ground.

"We don't know if he's really gone," Albus muttered, almost inaudible. No one had a response to that.

A few minutes later Hugo and Louis left for Charms club. Rose went with them. Without her on the couch Scorpius stretched out, lying down on his stomach with his Transfiguration book open against the armrest. Albus moved over to rest his back against the couch. He leant his head back on Scorpius's ribs.

"So that guy. Who was he actually?"

"No one, really." Scorpius paused. "Al met him."

"Did he now." Albus sounded bitter.

"Yes, we almost had a threesome in the Shrieking Shack."

It was worth it seeing the look on Albus's face.

~O-O~

The next day was Wednesday- a day where the 7th year Slytherin's and Gryffindor's have a free lesson at the end of the day. Albus suggested they all go play a pick-up game of Quidditch. Even though Rose was terrible at Quidditch she was 112% for it. Scorpius guessed that it was all for Albus's new proactive attitude- if he suggested they all shave their heads Rose would probably do it. Even when Lily, Hugo, Louis and Roxanne who didn't have a free lesson joined them Rose didn't protest, probably for the same reason.

Scorpius was lacing up his converse on the side of the pitch when Finn came over, broomstick in hand. A smoking joint was hanging from his lips.

"How do you think he is," Finn asked, nodding towards the tiny speck in the sky that was Albus.

"I think he's doing good, don't you? Also should you be smoking that right before you get on a broom?"

Finn looked at him like he'd just said that Chudley Canons were going to win the cup this year.

"Just don't get you hopes too high, Scor." Finn's eyes were downcast and devoid of their usual impish shine. "I'm an expert on drugs and there's almost always a surge. Where you feel fucking invincible like nothing can touch you and you are God himself. But with that there's almost always a crash of equal intensity."

"But-"

Finn waved his hand. "I'm not saying that that's what's happening here because maybe it's not. I just want to warn you in case it is." He mounted his broom and stared at the smoldering end of his joint before offering it to Scorpius.

"Here. You probably need this more than me."

Scorpius took it and Finn flew off. Despite his previous warning and his vow to not do drugs again, Scorpius finished the joint and mounted his broom, all the while trying to ignore the creeping sense of uneasiness building at the back of his mind.

~O-O~

"Alright, here are the teams!" Albus yelled, tossing the quaffle from hand to hand. "Me, Lily, Finn and Hugo against Scor, Cale, Rose, Louis and Roxanne. You guys get an extra player because Rose is just awful."

"Oi!"

"Just keeping it real, babes. So no snitch, no beaters- just chasers and a keeper if you want." The teams broke up and flew off to their goal posts to strategize. Scorpius and Albus stayed.

"What, you don't want to be on my team- the winning team?" Scorpius teased. The weed had made him foggy and apparently flirty.

"No, because then I couldn't crush you," Albus replied equally as flirty.

He flew off and started the game before Scorpius could process.

~O-O~

The game was fairly matched even with an extra player on Scorpius's team- Rose truly was abysmal at Quidditch. Albus's team had Finn who was monumentally stoned but then again Scorpius was also kind of baked so it evened out.

Scorpius spent the first few minutes actually trying but then decided it would be a lot more fun to sabotage Albus. He followed him closely and never left him alone to a point where Albus could only keep the quaffle for a few seconds before he had to throw it to someone else. Albus thought it was funny and didn't protest- he liked the attention from Scorpius even if he didn't know it himself.

Finally it escalated to Scorpius grabbing onto the tail of Albus's broom which jerked and nearly threw him off. Albus laughed in disbelief and turned to face the wickedly grinning Slytherin.

"Excuse you, that's illegal," Albus said.

"We're playing _street Quidditch_."

"Since when!"

"Since I said so. And I _am _the Magical Grand Emperor."

Albus burst out laughing, nearly falling off his broom again.

"You are so full of shit! It you're the _Grand Emperor _then I'm King Arthur-"

"HEY!" Roxanne shouted from somewhere below them. "If you two are done flirting the rest of us would like to keep playing!"

Keeping his eyes on Scorpius Albus tossed the Quaffle over his shoulder without looking where it was going to land or who it was going to hit.

"King Arthur you say?" Scorpius mused. "He was a strong, muscled warrior and you, well, are a scrawny twig."

The game was then completely abandoned as everyone stopped to watch Albus chase Scorpius around the pitch. Everyone looked happy, even Cale.

The only face that stood out was Finn, standing off to the side with a cigarette in his mouth. His cool eyes followed Albus, his sense of foreboding growing. He hoped he was wrong.

He had to be wrong.

~O-O~

The others had long gone in. Scorpius and Albus only stopped then the clouds rolled in and the rain started. They made it to the Entrance Hall before it started to pour. Scorpius walked towards the steps down to the dungeons, brushing his wet hair out of his face. He turned to say goodbye but realized Albus was still 20 feet behind, unmoving, with an odd expression on his face.

"Albus? Are you alright?"

Albus's head snapped over like he'd forgotten Scorpius was there.

"Yes," he said, sounding somewhat breathless, a near blinding grin on his face. "M'great. Goodnight, Scorpius."

Then he turned and went back outside the way they came.

Scorpius blinked. _What? _He walked back and under the safe cover of the Entrance Hall watched the boy he loved simply dance in the rain without a care in the world.

It was almost therapeutic to watch- in a world of chaos and fear of time and not having enough of it, seeing someone focus so easily on the present, in the moment, was a divine miracle.

Albus ran around like a raving lunatic but his smile was too genuine to fear actual detachment from reality. Albus was simply living like he should have been these past two years and it was a damn sight to see.

~O-O~

The next morning Albus was awake before his dorm mates (before anyone really). He finished all of his homework, ate breakfast, mailed three letters and was being taught how to knit by Roxanne over at the Ravenclaw table when Scorpius entered the Great Hall. He stopped and watched him for a moment. Albus's head was tilted back, mid-laugh. Roxanne was trying to help him fix a dropped stitch.

Rose sidled up beside Scorpius.

"Merlin, is he trying to knit? He surprises me everyday, I swear."

Scorpius turned to her, searching for even he slightest of hesitation but there was none. Rose looked totally and confidently happy for Albus.

"Rose, how do you think he is?" Scorpius asked quietly, terrified at the uncertainty in his own voice.

"He's amazing," Rose said almost impatiently like she couldn't believe Scorpius didn't see what she could see. "He's immeasurably better than I could have ever hoped for him. Why?" she added defensively. "What do you see?"

"Rose, I... Albus is a little bit manic. You said it yourself- he's infinitely better. Almost impossibly so."

"Spit it out, Malfoy. What are you trying to say."

Now Scorpius didn't want to say it. "It could be a cycle, Rose. If there's extreme highs what comes next is extreme lows."

Wrong thing to say apparently.

"Save it, you _fucking _bastard," Rose spat. "He's doing better, why can't you just be happy for him?"

"He's a completely different person, Rose."

He realized his poor choice of words immediately.

"A whole other person, really?" she snarled.

"No, that's not what I meant! Please, let me-"

"Stop. Just stop. He's healthy now. What? Did you only like him when he was fucked up like you?"

Scorpius paled. He felt like all the air in the world had been sucked away.

Rose got right up in his face. "Worried that Albus will forget about you now that you have nothing in common? Maybe you should be."

She stalked off towards the Ravenclaw table, leaving Scorpius feeling more terrible than he'd ever felt.

Finn appeared beside him, offering a sympathetic hand on Scorpius's shoulder.

"Don't blame her," he said. "I believe there's a reason she can't seeas well as you can. You're cynical, Scorpius- in a dark way that she is not. You will always see the possibilities of horror where she can choose not to. You've experienced the darkness. You know better than anyone that the darkness can always come back."

Finn left to join the Gryffindor table rather than joining Albus. Scorpius went the other way, out of the Great Hall, unable to fake it any longer.

At the Ravenclaw table Albus kept on knitting, unaware of the storm raging around him.

~O-O~

Since the war, May 2nd was declared a national wizarding holiday. Shops close, the ministry shuts down and all classes are cancelled. The day is low key, spent mourning the dead. At night there's a celebration and at midnight a special toast for Harry Potter.

Jude Cassady, a popular 7th year prefect from Hufflepuff, organized the student event for this year. The Great Hall was converted into a vintage arcade. The lights in the Hall were extinguished and instead of showing the night sky the ceiling was bewitched with flashing technicolor lights that shone brightly enough to _just _make out who you were talking to but not bright enough that teachers could see the alcohol being consumed.

Scorpius was waiting outside the Great Hall for Albus to meet him and feeling rather stupid. He'd received a note from Albus in class telling him to wear his flannel shirt because "it was going to be hilarious". Now Scorpius was watching Albus skip down the stairs in his matching shirt looking like it was the best idea since tea.

"I can't believe you actually wore it!" he laughed, barreling into Scorpius for a giant hug. He pulled back and held him at arms length. "Merlin's pants. We look fabulous."

"We look ridiculous."

"Yes, you do," Cale said as he walked by with his arm around Rose. Scorpius noticed that Rose was very pointedly not looking at him. Albus was oblivious and gave Cale a double thumbs up. The couple disappeared in the Great Hall.

"Alrighty then!" Albus shouted happily, clapping his hands together. "Ready to get your arse whooped at Skeeball? And air hockey? And arcade basketball?"

"Confident are we?" Scorpius mused, falling in behind Albus as he lead the way into the Hall. Scorpius didn't care if he did end up losing every game. All he wanted was to spend the whole night with Albus.

They went to the first game, whichever one was free. The place was packed and loud and the newly popular band _The Casual Vacancy _was blaring through the stereo system.

Scorpius started his turn. Albus meanwhile pulled out a flask from his pocket and took a long pull. When it was his turn he passed it to Scorpius. The rum burned as it ran down Scorpius's throat. He wiped his mouth and said, "Should you be drinking? On the meds I mean."

Albus didn't look up from the game but he shrugged.

"Probably not," he admitted. "I've lasted awhile without anything, the horror. I think I deserve a night of fun."

Scorpius didn't argue even though a part of him felt like he should have.

Their night progressed. Albus really did beat Scorpius at everything. Scorpius wondered if it was because he was pureblood and didn't get exposed to much (or any) muggle things but in truth he was just really really bad.

They finished the first flask and Albus pulled out another. The games got harder and a lot more fun the drunker they got.

Midway through James Bond pinball (to which a very drunk Scorpius kept saying _Malfoy, Scorpius Malfoy_) Albus suddenly jumped up and cried out so loudly Scorpius thought he'd been hexed.

"I forgot!" Albus yelled. "I have a present for you! I made you something."

From his back pocket he pulled out a badly wrapped lump, held together by haphazard Spello-tape and a piece of _The Daily Prophet_. The butterflies in Scorpius's stomach reached fever pitch and he didn't even care what it was- he loved it.

He tore off the wrapping and out fell-

"It was supposed to be a scarf but I made it too skinny," Albus said, scratching his head while looking somewhat embarrassed. "Now it's more of a tie I suppose."

The tie/scarf was green and silver and was virtually identical to the shirt Scorpius was wearing.

"Wait, was this what you were knitting yesterday?"

Albus grinned.

"How the bloody hell did you finish it so fast!?"

"I knitted a bit maniacally."

_Interesting choice of words._

"Yeah, you can say that again."

"I knitted a bit-"

"Alright, alright, shut up. Thank you, for this."

Scorpius wrapped the thing around his neck. Albus cocked his head to the side, frowning.

"What?"

"You have too much 'Slytherin' going on now. Here, switch shirts with me."

And before Scorpius could process or object Albus had whipped off his shirt and was holding it out expectantly. Scorpius's alcohol fueled brain decided this idea was amazing.

He took off his own shirt and they switched. Scorpius put back on the tie/scarf and they grinned stupidly at each other.

Scorpius wanted to kiss him. Instead he had another swallow from the flask and lead the way to the claw prize game so that he could win Albus a color-changing wizard hat.

~O-O~

Scorpius didn't know how the tie/scarf came to be tied around his head but he didn't care. Louis's hands were clamping down almost painfully on his shoulders but he didn't care about that either.

All he cared about was the game.

He was so drunk he could barely focus let alone stand up but what was more impressive was Albus, who was just as drunk as him, being able to not just shoot baskets but actually make some of them.

Cale and Albus were currently head to head with two 5th year Ravenclaw's. First to make 100 baskets won. The lights on the game flashed and the numbers racked higher and higher. It was tied at 73.

Scorpius watched the concentration on Albus's face. His eyebrows were pulled together, his lips parted slightly and he kept swearing loudly whenever he missed. It would have been intimidating if it wasn't for the purple hat on his head that was slowly fading to pink.

Louis's grip tightened as they pulled away from the other team but they flat lined at 96. Everyone seemed to be watching now. The crowd was loud and chaotic, the entire hall filled with screaming and yelling.

Cale swished his next three shots in a row. Albus made the last one and the crowd lost their minds. Cale shouted something colorful at the other team and then pulled Rose into his arms. Albus ran into the crowd and launched himself right into Scorpius's arms.

The world went silent. All Scorpius could hear was Albus's quiet, musical laugh in his ear. He could feel the way Albus's arms were wrapped tight around his chest and the smell of his strawberry shampoo.

Scorpius was drunk and Albus was drunk and tomorrow they wouldn't remember exactly how it felt to hold each other so Scorpius held on tighter and made a silent promise to Albus that he would never let him go.

~O-O~

At 11:59 Albus and Lily along with Hugo and Rose were brought up to the stage to toast Harry Potter and the rest of the Golden Trio- _the saviors of our world_.

The clock struck 12, glasses were raised. The celebratory mood turned somber for a minute as everyone took a moment to remember the dead. Then, as was custom, everyone downed their drinks and started singing the same song:

_WHOOOO LIVED IN A CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRCASE_

_HA-RRY PO-TTER_

_WITH BRAWN AND WITH GLASSES AND SCAR ON HIS FACE_

_HA-RRY PO-TTER_

_WHO DESTROYED THE DARK LORD WITH SKILL AND WITH LUCK_

_HA-RRY PO-TTER_

_HE'S THE KIND OF PERSON WE'D ALL LIKE TO-_

Then everyone started screaming Harry's name over and over again until it felt like the Great Hall was shaking. At the end Scorpius raised his fist in a _Breakfast Club _sort of way. Albus saw and did it back to him.

At that moment the whole world was perfectly aligned. The technicolor room thundered with the sound of a thousand people screaming but all that mattered was Scorpius in his Gryffindor shirt and Albus in his Slytherin shirt and the way their eyes met across the room.

_We are going to be together, _Scorpius thought. _Al is gone and Albus is happy._

_He is finally better._

**Author's note: In case you were wondering yes, that was a remix of the Spongebob Squarepants theme song.**


	30. Dark Days Part 2

**Chapter 29: Dark Days Part 2**

The next day Scorpius didn't wake up until 3 in the afternoon and even then it took him another hour to get out of bed. In sweatpants and a sweater that was on backwards Scorpius managed to make it to the kitchens where he got the biggest mug of coffee he could manage. Back in the hall he almost walked headlong into Albus who had apparently had the same idea. With a raised eyebrow from Scorpius and a shrug from Albus they ended up on their astronomy balcony, legs dangling off the edge, arms resting on the bar. They passed the coffee back and forth.

"Fuck, I am so hungover," Scorpius said painfully, every word making his brain vibrate.

"Your sweater is on backwards," Albus said. He paused. "And inside out."

"For the love of all that is magical, please stop yelling."

Albus snickered. Scorpius gulped down coffee like it was nectar of the gods.

"I woke up on the floor this morning," Scorpius said, "wearing boxers, the scarf, somebody else's socks and nothing else. It took half an hour before I could muster up enough strength to get into bed. And by muster up enough strength I mean being sure I wasn't going to puke."

"Ha, I would have loved to get a picture of that," Albus said, laughing again. Scorpius felt his face heat up at the thought of Albus having a picture of him in his boxers.

"Finn never came back last night," Albus went on, his smile faltering. "He's always going on these drug benders and one of these day he may not make it back."

"Are you worried?"

"Yes. I- I feel like I've abandoned him."

"How?"

"Because of you." He caught the look on Scorpius's face and backpedaled. "No, no! Good god, no! What I meant was how we've gotten so close and I don't see Finn as much as I once did."

Scorpius didn't know how to answer that. Albus sighed tiredly and rested his head on Scorpius's shoulder.

"We've grown apart, Finn and I. We're both pretty fucked up but I feel like I can't get through to him anymore. I'm scared that one of these days I'll wake up and he won't."

They fell silent. With the coffee long finished and Albus's cheek resting on Scorpius's warm shoulder they watched the beautiful sunset reflecting off the Black lake.

And then, into the void, Albus said, "I love sunsets. It's the perfect time to die."

In his disconnected, hungover state, Scorpius didn't attribute any significance to what he said.

~O-O~

Scorpius and Cale were in the library the next night. What Albus had said about leaving Finn out had struck a chord with Scorpius in his own friendship with Cale. Cale, at least, had Rose now.

After awhile some of the other's began to show. Louis and Hugo stumbled upon them along with Hugo's annoying friend Luke. Scorpius glared at him until, miraculously, Luke got up and left on the pretense that he was tired.

Roxanne even made a surprise visit along with a few of her giggling friends, all of whom waved and giggled some more at Scorpius. Scorpius smiled politely but didn't pay them any more attention.

Somebody, Louis maybe, asked where Rose was. Cale said she was doing "heads stuff" but Scorpius knew it was because she was still angry with him. Scorpius then noticed the other notable absence.

"Where's Albus?" he asked to the group. Most ignored him because they had no idea but Hugo however looked up and thought for a moment.

"I think he's with Juspeczyk."

_Defense? _

"Why?"

"Rose said he was doing some kind of make-up test for extra credit."

That made sense. Al's presence often made it hard for Albus to keep good grades. But now that Albus was better...

"When did it start?"

Hugo checked his watch. "Seven, I think. It's twenty to eight so he should be getting out soon."

Without a word Scorpius packed up his things and left for the defense wing, hoping to catch Albus before he went back to Gryffindor tower.

At quarter to eight he sat down opposite the classroom to wait. Eight o'clock came and went. At twenty after Scorpius knocked on the door and poked his head in. Other than Juspeczyk staring at him from her desk the room was empty.

"Er, I'm looking for Albus," Scorpius said.

"He already left, dear."

Scorpius blinked. "When?"

"Early," said the Professor with a newly hardened expression. "Eight-thirty or so."

"Did he do well?" Scorpius knew it wasn't his place to ask but he thought he'd try anyway.

"It's odd," Juspeczyk said. "A week ago he was so keen to raise his grade and then when he comes in he barely writes anything."

She looked down at the paper on her desk and frowned. Then she said words Scorpius would not easily forget.

"I see no change in him."

Scorpius left. He didn't look where he was going but he ended up on their balcony anyway. He sat down and lit a cigarette from the pack that had been buried at the bottom of his bag. He went through three but even they couldn't stop it.

~O-O~

Scorpius sat beside Albus at the Gryffindor table for lunch the next day.

"Missed you in Charms this morning," Scorpius said as casually as he could, pouring himself water from the jug.

Albus staged a yawn. "I was tired. Stayed up late reading. Overslept."

Scorpius nodded. He had to use everything in him to pretend all was normal.

"How did your test thing go last night? Hugo said that Juspeczyk was letting you earn some extra credit?"

"Oh, really well! Yeah, it was really good!" Albus said. His smile was a little too big and the hand holding his fork was shaking.

"Did you stay the whole time? I came by after eight but I was too late."

"Must have just missed me. I stayed right till the end, all the way till eight."

Scorpius made a noise of acknowledgment and stood up.

"I've got to go to the library," he said, already walking away. "I'll see you later."

He walked off between the tables, forcing himself not to run. He was shattered but most of all frustrated. Angry tears filled his eyes. He blinked them away and turned for the dungeon staircase because the library excuse had been a lie. If Scorpius had stayed any longer with Albus he thought he may have done something stupid like punch him in the face.

Because Albus was lying to him.

_And I'm the one person he can't afford to lie to._

Cale was alone in the dormitory when Scorpius burst in like a hurricane. Cale had to blink a few times to make sure it _was _in fact Scorpius. Because his Scorpius never pulled at his hair as tears ran down his face. His Scorpius never picked up drinking glasses from the table and hurled them at the wall. His Scorpius never needed to be grabbed by the arms and have someone yell, "CHILL THE FUCK OUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU," to get him to calm down. This person was not his Scorpius.

"Stop throwing shit!" Cale shouted, hands still holding Scorpius in place. "For Christ's sake, you've made a fucking mess!"

He cleaned up while Scorpius sunk to the ground and completely broke down. When he finally settled Cale pulled him up and sat him down on his bed. Cale flattened down his hair for him so he didn't look as mental.

"Are you going to tell me what the bloody hell happened? You scared the shit out of me, racing in like that."

Scorpius loosened his tie and slipped it off. He threw it on the ground and let out a tortured moan.

"He's lying, Cale. He's lying to mewhen I may be the one person he absolutely cannot lie to."

"What did he lie about?" He didn't need to ask who they were talking about.

"Everything," Scorpius said. "He's not better like everyone believes. Maybe he was for a bit but if Finn was right and he's crashing he needs to tell someone, he needs to tell ME."

Cale leaned back against the bedpost and finally understood a few things Rose had told him.

"Rose is mad at you," he said. Scorpius nodded. "In all honesty I did feel like she was being a bit too optimistic, having put too much faith in unreliable meds with a lousy track record. She didn't believe your warnings because you're so cynical."

"I'm not cynical, I'm a realist."

"Those are basically synonyms."

Scorpius sent him a look.

"So what are you going to do," Cale asked quietly. "About Albus."

"The only thing I can do- make sure he's never alone and pray like fucking hell I'm wrong."

~O-O~

At dinner Scorpius and Cale sat at the Gryffindor table. Albus laughed and made jokes and put mashed potatoes down Finn's shirt- like nothing was different.

Scorpius was quiet throughout dinner. He watched Albus closely and exchanged looks with Cale who was also more subdued than he usually was. He spoke softly with Rose who was still angry with Scorpius but Scorpius found he didn't care anymore-

All that mattered was Albus's health.

About halfway through dinner Albus stretched and stood up.

"Well, I think I'm going to turn in."

Alarmed, Scorpius checked his watch. "It's 7:30."

Albus didn't appear fazed. "I'll probably read first. I'm just really tired."

"Wanna play a game of chess first?"

"No, I'm too tired. You might even have a chance of winning and I can't have that, can I."

He said goodbye to the others, his hand trailing over Scorpius's shoulder. To anyone else the gesture would appear friendly enough but Scorpius understood the message. _Stay. Do not follow me._

Staying was the last thing Scorpius wanted to do but without a good reason he could only watch as Albus walked out of the Hall. No one seemed to place any importance of his abrupt departure except for the twins. Cale looked disappointed and defeated. Finn looked at Scorpius without emotion. He looked as if Albus's number had already been picked and it was only a matter of time now.

Neither made Scorpius feel any better. He played with his food for another fifteen minutes before escaping. In the Slytherin dormitory he lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling with a creeping feeling that Albus was doing the same thing.

~O-O~

Since January, Albus and Scorpius had fallen into a sort of routine. Albus would buy new albums and he would lend his favorites to Scorpius. When he was done he would give them back and Albus would have a new set ready for him.

Today Scorpius carried the latest half dozen CD's to Gryffindor tower where he slipped in behind a first year. Usually when they would hang out they'd be in the Great Hall or in the library but for the past few days Albus had spent most of his time in the dormitory. Scorpius tried not to dwell on that.

"Brought you something," he said as cheerily as he could manage, walking into the 7th year dorm without knocking. Albus looked up from where he was lying curled up in his bed.

"Really I'm bringing something _back_," Scorpius prattled on. "God forbid I actually buy you a present."

Albus snorted.

"Well no surprises, _Oasis _was the best as usual. I think _Definitely Maybe _may definitely maybe be my favorite album of all time."

Albus smiled but it was small. Lately it's been getting harder and harder for Scorpius to tell which smiles are genuine and which ones are not.

"Got any more for me?" Scorpius placed the CD's with the other 50 or so under Albus's bed.

Albus rolled over slowly and grabbed a single CD from where it lay on top of his open Charms textbook.

"Been listening to this the past few days." His voice sounded raspy like he was sick. "Really different and honest. You'll like it I think."

Scorpius looked at the cover. It was called _Fevers &amp; Mirrors _by a band called _Bright Eyes_ that Scorpius had never heard of.

"Cool, looks great," he said, tucking it safely into his bag. "What are you up to right now?" He had noticed that Albus's bed was littered with random papers filled with haphazard scratchings.

"Just... reading. Some of Al's old things. His writing and poetry, that sort of thing."

"Why?" Scorpius asked before he could stop himself.

The blankets shifted as Albus shrugged.

"He's interesting, I suppose. I can finally get into his head for a change since he's always in mine."

"He writes abstractly, right?" Scorpius said, just for something to say. "Like, there's nothing written about me, right?"

"Now that you mention it..." Albus shuffled through some papers. "There was one describing exactly how you look after being shagged."

Scorpius felt like he'd been shot.

"I'm kidding of course."

Albus snickered for a moment and then fell silent, a shadow crossing his face. He curled back up under his mounds of blankets and kept reading the papers.

"Mind if I stay?" Scorpius asked.

After a moment of hesitation Albus nodded into his pillow. Scorpius sat down with his back leaning against Albus's bed. They didn't speak for a long time. Albus read while Scorpius wrote out his Charms homework. It wasn't much but to both of them moments like these felt oddly significant.

~O-O~

At first Albus's excuses were logical.

When Louis suggested they play Quidditch again Albus said he had too much homework. Later when Rose wanted everyone to study together Albus said that he had to meet up with Professor Healy to discuss class stuff. Everyone else bought it but Scorpius could see through him as easily as if he were glass.

That went on for 4 days.

On the fifth day Albus got a letter from Teddy during breakfast (Albus rarely showed up to breakfast anymore and when he did he only drank his tea and wouldn't touch his food). Albus read the letter with a neutral expression and then tucked it under his books stacked on the table. Scorpius thought about casually asking how Teddy was in an attempt to get a sense of what the letter said. Even though they were second cousins Scorpius had only met Teddy half a dozen times and most of those times they'd barely exchanged two words.

Eventually Albus shifted some of his things with his elbow and Scorpius could read the beginning and end of the letter. It started off with _To my favoritest brother Severus_. Scorpius remembered Albus telling him that Teddy never wanted to make the switch to Albus.

The letter ended with the half covered line that read:

_and don't do anything you can't take back._

Scorpius felt both happy and upset by that. He was happy that Albus was talking about things to somebody. But he was hurt that that somebody was not him.

Albus left shortly after to study. Scorpius had nothing left in him to challenge Albus on that.

After that Albus gave up completely on coming up with excuses. He would disappear for hours on end without anyone knowing where he was and when he came back he would say things like, "I was just out for a minute, no big deal".

Scorpius also noticed that Albus's smoke breaks rose exponentially. He would spend entire evenings out on the Quidditch stands smoking pack after pack with no success in whatever he was running from. Then he would come back inside and sleep like the dead until Finn had to drag him to class the next morning.

Scorpius had seen a great change in Finn since the arcade night. He wasn't stoned out of his mind all day like he'd been before and all his time now seemed to be spent on Albus. Scorpius thanked Merlin that Albus had somebody in his dorm at night that could keep an eye on him.

~O-O~

May was halfway gone, the weather warmer every day. The grounds were filled with students soaking up the long awaited sun.

Scorpius sat in the shadows of the beech tree by the Black Lake. His homework was open beside him but he paid no attention to it.

Across the water Albus sat on the railing of the bridge that spanned a narrower part of the lake. He had a rock the size of a baseball that he would throw into the water and a minute or so later the Giant Squid would toss it back.

He did this for hours. Eventually the Squid must have gotten tired because the rock never came back up. Scorpius stayed, watching. He wanted to go to him but he was afraid of pushing too hard and have Albus withdraw completely.

Scorpius finally went in when the rain started. He skipped dinner and listened to Albus's latest album, curled up in the darkest corner of the Slytherin common room. The music was sad and alluring and it was without doubt the darkest album Albus had ever given him.

At half past 8 Scorpius left the Slytherin Dungeon for Gryffindor Tower. He had no good reason for going up there at this hour. He just needed to see him.

At the top of the main staircase Scorpius found he didn't need to go to the Tower to see him-

Because through the window he could see Albus standing outside in the pouring rain. He wasn't moving, he wasn't doing anything. He was just... standing.

Scorpius jumped down the steps, running back to where he had just been. He ran outside, slipping on the wet grass. His clothes were soaked through in seconds. By the time he got to where Albus had been, Albus was gone.

~O-O~

Scorpius had a free lesson the next morning and slept fitfully until Defense. At lunch he ate at the Slytherin table and waited for the familiar mop of black hair to join the Gryffindor table but it never did. He caught Hugo leaving the Great Hall and asked him where Albus was.

"He's sick," Hugo said. "Didn't go to his classes this morning according to Rose."

He left for class and apparently didn't think any more of it.

Scorpius left for his own class but barely paid any attention. In potions he was partner-less. His potion received a P even though he thought it really deserved a T.

After dinner he accepted Cale's invitation to study in the library with everyone. Getting there he realized he shouldn't have said yes. It was almost painful to watch such careless obliviousness in the people who were supposed to know Albus best. He wanted to stand up and scream at them.

HE IS NOT OKAY. CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?

But he stayed quiet. He stared out the window at the setting sun. Rose was laughing at something Hugo said.

_You're so ignorant_, Scorpius thought.

Roxanne tossed popcorn into her friend's mouth when the librarian looked away.

_So goddamn blind._

Her friend looked over and giggled at Scorpius, waggling her fingers.

_A fool's paradise- that's where you're trapped._

Louis was looking at him.

_Is it better there? Are you happy?_

Now Louis was saying something but Scorpius couldn't hear him. Then everyone was looking at him and Cale's hand was on his shoulder.

But he was looking at the window, watching the fading light reflecting off the glass. _Something is wrong._

"Is everything okay, Scor?" someone asked.

_Wrong. Wrong. WRONG._

He stared at the light, at the shadows from the sunset.

_I love sunsets_, a voice that was not his own said in Scorpius's head. _It's the perfect time to die._

Scorpius shot to his feet.

Now everyone was yelling at him but he heard nothing. Leaving his books and everything behind he ran. The failing light coming in feebly through the windows as he ran to Gryffindor Tower seemed like the numbers of a ticking bomb. The Fat Lady was gone from her painting but he didn't have enough time to panic before the portrait swung open and a girl stepped out. Scorpius barreled past her and didn't apologize when she swore at him.

He took the stairs two at a time and stopped, panting, outside the 7th year dorm. He knocked.

"Albus? Are you in there? Please, are you alright?"

No answer. Scorpius couldn't wait. He opened the door and stepped inside. The room was dark, lit only by a solitary candle at the far side of the room and by the light of Albus's CD player. Even though it was on and making a low hum, no music was playing.

Scorpius noticed the empty boxes of cigarettes strewn all over the ground around Albus's bed. Then he saw the figure standing in the middle of the room with their back to Scorpius.

"Albus?" Scorpius called quietly, fear rising in his throat.

It didn't take long for his eyes to adjust to the dark and for him to see everything.

Albus stood straight with his arm curiously held out like he was offering something. Scorpius looked down at Albus's bare feet and then at the small pieces of broken glass. Amidst the glass were dark drops of red. Scorpius's eyes snapped back up to Albus's outstretched arm. He was holding the base of a broken glass. His hand was torn and bleeding. More blood ran hot and fast down his arm.

"ALBUS, _NO_!"

Scorpius ran forward as Albus finally turned around to look at him with glassy, unseeing eyes. Scorpius knocked the glass away and wrapped him own hand around Albus's ripped one to stop the bleeding.

"Jesus, Albus! There's blood everywhere-"

Albus looked around, almost disoriented.

"Oh," he said. "I-Oh."

Scorpius pulled back his hand to survey the damage. On Albus's palm there were deep gashes and smaller scratches trailing down his arm. Scorpius's own hand and arm were now wet with Albus's blood.

"Why didn't you try to stop the bleeding!" Scorpius shouted, taking Albus's shoulder with his clean hand and shaking him. "What happened!"

"I- I was-" Albus was unable to finish.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY TO STOP THE BLEEDING, ALBUS!"

Albus sucked in a shuddering breath then broke completely.

He collapsed into Scorpius who stumbled backwards and fell hard onto Albus's bed from sheer force. Albus sobbed, his face buried in Scorpius's shoulder. Scorpius held him, hand covering his again to stop the bleeding.

"What happened!?" Scorpius choked out, not having realized that he was also crying. "What- what did you do?"

"It was an accident," Albus managed. "I was- just getting water and I moved too fast into the bed post and- and the glass broke and-"

Scorpius leaned back, forcing Albus to look at him. With his free hand he brushed Albus's hair out of his face and wiped his tears, far more tenderly than he would anyone else.

"Why didn't you try to stop the bleeding, love," he whispered. New tears sprung in Albus's eyes.

"I knew it was bad the moment it happened. It hurt. _Really badly_. I wanted to stop the pain and then I realized there _was _pain." Something forgotten in Scorpius stirred. "I could... feel something, Scor." Hysteria was rising in his voice. "I felt something for the first time in days-"

He broke down again. This time everything that had built up came rushing out.

"I felt so real for the first bit when the pills kicked in. I was free and happy and I could see a future that wasn't infinite darkness. I felt normal for the first time in _years_. I felt like how a seventeen year old should feel. I was _alive_."

Albus looked down, unable to look at Scorpius's shattered face anymore. He looked instead at the empty cigarette boxes and felt pain- a different and worse pain than the one pulsing from his hand.

"Then it just stopped. It all stopped. I felt nothing at all. It wasn't like last time. I didn't want to die. I just wanted to stop existing. I smoked so many cigarettes just to feel the burn in my lungs to remind me that I was still alive. And then my hand was torn open and it was the first real thing I've felt in _so _long."

He covered his face with his good hand and cried. Scorpius let him. With water and a fresh sheet from Albus's trunk Scorpius cleaned his hand and arm. Albus didn't flinch or make a sound. When it was clean Scorpius took out his wand.

"_Vulnera Sanentur_," he murmured. The skin knit together and the bleeding finally stopped. Albus twitched at this point but didn't cry out. When only the smallest scratches remained Scorpius put his wand away and gathered Albus into his arms.

"I'm so sorry," Albus said, crying again.

"Don't apologize."

"Are you mad?"

"Mostly at myself. I should have done something sooner. I guess I fooled myself into thinking nothing was wrong." He didn't mean to but he couldn't stop himself from asking. "If the meds were hurting you why didn't you stop taking them? Why didn't you tell someone they weren't working?"

"I thought that maybe it would just take more time to work and I- felt like telling someone would mean I was a failure."

"The meds have nothing to do with that, alright? You're not a failure. I love you- we love you no matter what happens, okay?"

"Okay."

They held each other for a very long time in the darkness of the dormitory, both covered in blood and the feeling of unsaid things filling the space between them.

"You are never to take those meds again, do you understand me?" Scorpius said.

"Yes."

"And you will never leave me, alright?"

"Yes."

"And you will never keep anything from me again. If you so much as sneeze I want to know about it."

Albus cracked his first tiny smile but it faltered quickly.

"What about Al." He felt Scorpius freeze. "Without the meds he'll be back."

Scorpius shifted and rested his forehead against Albus's.

"I don't care about Al. Not one bit. But I'd rather have to deal with him than lose you forever."

The air changed. Something snapped between them and Scorpius felt that this was their _now or never moment_. He wanted to kiss Albus and he could, _so _easily. Their lips were an inch apart and it was what Scorpius would give anything to do. Albus was a tortured man who'd suffered enough for a lifetime and to know someone really loved him would be a shining beacon of hope.

But Scorpius was scared and Albus was too unprotected now so Scorpius pulled back, promising himself there would be a right time and place and that this just wasn't it.

He touched Albus cheek again and said, "I love you, Albus."

Albus was taken aback for only a moment before he softened.

"I love you too, Scor."

As an afterthought he added, "Do we need to tell the other about this?"

Scorpius nodded slowly. "I think so, yes. They'll want to know why you stopped the meds and I think secrets are toxic." He felt a stab of guilt at his own words. "It's the only way to be free."

Across the room there was a loud bang as Finn burst into the room. Scorpius and Albus both jumped, having momentarily forgotten that the world still existed outside this room. Finn was busy with his trunk and hadn't noticed them yet.

"I'll go," Scorpius said quietly. He'd been worried about leaving Albus alone but felt better now that Finn was here.

Scorpius stood, ignoring the blood on his hand and his ruined shirt.

"Promise me," he said, "Promise me you'll listen to something happy tonight, okay? No more _Fevers and Mirrors _for awhile."

A smile pulled at the corner of Albus's mouth and he picked up _Definitely Maybe_. Scorpius grinned in approval.

"That's what I like see."

Albus picked up something else and tossed it to Scorpius. Scorpius caught it and nodded, tucking the pill bottle into his pocket. He left the dormitory and walked down the stairs in a daze. His feet brought him to the Room of Requirement where he changed it to The Room of Hidden Things. The charred walls and scent of smoke still lingered as did the centuries of lost items. Scorpius threw the bottle as far as he could. It felt good. It felt final.

Freeing.

He walked down the side passages, hoping not to meet anyone. Cale looked up form his bed when Scorpius finally reached his dorm.

"Hey," Cale said. "Where the hell have you-"

Then he saw the blood and the look on Scorpius's face and he jumped to his feet.

"Jesus! You're bleeding!"

Scorpius smirked in spite of everything.

"My name's not Jesus."

Cale did not like that at all. "What happened!? You can't walk in here, covered in blood and offer NO EXPLANATION WHATSOEVER."

"I'm not," Scorpius said, falling down face first onto his bed. "I'm just not offering any explanations tonight. And it's not my blood."

Cale tried to say something else but Scorpius was already asleep.

**Author's note: Uhhh well that's the worst of it!... (sorry). I hope you have a great day**


	31. If So

**Author's note: I tried to make this chapter a bit lighter and fluffier than, you know, that last one**

**Chapter 30: If So**

It took two days for everyone to know. Albus told Finn, Scorpius told Cale who was the one to tell Rose. After she heard she abandoned Cale and ran right to Scorpius, bursting into tears and wrapping him up in a hug. She apologized for being blind and getting angry at him for only trying to help her see. He held her and told her it was okay and even though it hadn't been on purpose Albus was okay and it wasn't like last time.

Rose looked right into his eyes and said, "I'm thankful every day since you came into his life."

Scorpius knew this might be stretching it a bit. He had come at a time when what Albus needed most was someone who understood, someone who had felt and experienced and seen the dark side like Albus had. Then there was the small fact that Scorpius was secretly and hopelessly in love with him and the whole _Al _thing.

Despite having walked into the eye of the storm, Scorpius wouldn't change anything.

~O-O~

Scorpius spent the next few days waiting nervously for... what?

Al?

Albus to go off the rails again?

Albus meanwhile tried to get things back as they were. All the pills were gone and his only protection was his brave face. He smiled for everyone and tried very hard at school and socializing and the like but Scorpius could see it in his eyes. He could see the place where Albus had been and where he was going.

Above all Albus was scared. Scared of the future, scared of the past, and most importantly scared of himself.

~O-O~

Cale was sitting by the lake reading a comic book and drinking bitter coffee, waiting for Rose to finish her tutoring session.

Like a whirlwind Scorpius burst into his line of sight looking crazier than Finn on speed. Scorpius was pulling at his hair and making this weird whining noise that was very confusing. His shirt was unbuttoned halfway down his chest and he looked like an electrocuted runway model.

"Are you high," Cale said.

Scorpius barked out a laugh.

"Seriously, Malfoy. You are completely unhinged."

Scorpius messed his hair up even more. "What if I broke him?"

"What?"

"Albus. The meds. What if I broke him."

Cale always knew Scorpius had a flair for the dramatic.

"First of all, you may have voiced it but Albus wanted to go back on the meds. And second of all if you unbutton your shirt any more Natalie Austin is going to have an aneurysm."

Scorpius didn't even spare a glance at the Ravenclaw who was openly gawking.

"I ruined him," Scorpius said. "He's broken and that's on me-"

Cale held up a hand. "I'm gonna stop you right there. Listen to me. The drugs are going to wear off, nothing irreversible happened and it will all be like it was before. We won't have to worry about leaving him on his own."

Scorpius paled, hands falling limply to his sides.

"It was an accident. Cale, it was an accident."

"Sure. We'll never know for sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Scorpius abruptly turned and left, hexing an innocent Hufflepuff so that his sweater wrapped itself around his head. Cale watched, guilt creeping in. He pushed too hard, _that _one's on him.

Accident or no accident Albus needed Scorpius and Scorpius would be no help if he had his head up his ass.

~O-O~

A few days passed. Scorpius was in study hall thinking about Albus and not about the Goblin Rebellion of 1684 like he was supposed to. He was sitting near the door, basking in the sunlight that poured in from the window outside in the hall. The light was warm but felt the opposite of comforting.

Albus had been doing better. He smiled more and at least half of them were now genuine. He had meals with his family and went to Quidditch practices but other than that he spent most of his time alone. Scorpius had only spoken to him briefly that day in Charms. He ached for a sign- something, _anything_. He needed to know that the meds didn't break him and that everything was going to be-

The light from the hall went out. Scorpius looked up towards the door where someone was blocking the entranceway. Light streamed in around them and they looked like a spectral vision.

Scorpius's eyes adjusted and he took in the ripped skinny jeans and the tattered Rolling Stones t-shirt. _Albus_.

Then he noticed the cigarette tucked behind his ear and the sideways grin and the glint in his electric eyes.

Scorpius stood up so fast his chair flew backwards.

_He hadn't ruined him forever. The drugs were gone and he had lived_.

"Miss me?" Al said.

_Albus was not broken._

Abandoning everything Scorpius leapt at Al, grabbing him by the shirt and dragging him down the hall. Al chuckled lowly and let himself be taken away.

~O-O~

Albus woke up warm and happy.

The headache he'd had for the past few days was gone and it had been replaced by a feeling of blissful weightlessness.

Something shifted under him.

Albus leaned up and looked around at where he was because it definitely wasn't his Gryffindor dorm.

The room was yellow and sunny, two shade-less windows occupying the east wall. There was a sitting area and a desk and it reminded Albus of a hotel.

Looking down Albus found he was in a giant bed with soft, expensive sheets. Then he noticed the extra set of legs and realized he was not alone in the bed and that his head was unmistakably resting on someone's chest. He slowly looked up and was met with the face of an absolutely horrified Scorpius.

It was at that moment he became aware that he was very much naked.

"Oh."

Scorpius buried his face in one hand as the other seemed to be trapped under Albus's shoulder.

"Fuck, I am so sorry. Oh god, Albus, I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me- I'm awful, I'm sorry."

"Oh," Albus said again.

Scorpius wanted to run, to be anywhere but here. _How could you do this? How fucking could you? Are you such a monster that you would do this to Albus?_

He dug his nails into his palm, enough for it to hurt. He needed to. He needed release.

Albus saw and in a second was snapped out of his shock.

"Hey, it's okay," he said. "I'm- we're okay."

Scorpius's hand relaxed. He regarded Albus with wet, shining eyes.

"How? How is this possibly okay? In what world is it okay for me to have done this to you?"

"Just tell me why, Scor. Please."

Scorpius breathed. He rubbed his eyes.

"I thought I broke you. I pushed you to try the meds and then that night happened and it was my fault. And then I thought you'd never come out the same and I thought I'd really hurt you forever."

Albus nodded once. He didn't really know what else to do.

"And then Al showed up. More than anything it was a relief. I didn't ruin you. I'm so sorry, Albus. For everything I've done to you."

Albus softened. "I wanted to try the meds again, don't forget that. It's not your fault. It's not even my fault either. Blame the Death Eater supremacists who really fucked everything up."

And then he settled back down on Scorpius's chest and closed his eyes. Scorpius nearly had a heart attack.

"Uh, Albus. What are you doing?"

"It's morning and I'm exhausted," Albus mumbled, smiling against Scorpius's chest. "No doubt our activities last night were strenuous."

He fell silent, still smiling, his breath ghosting over Scorpius's skin.

_Anyone else would have run. _After a moment of hesitation Scorpius freed his hand from under Albus's shoulder and gently carded it through Albus's wild hair. Scorpius thought maybe that was too far but Albus made a noise of content and Scorpius knew there was no going back now.

They stayed that way for another twenty minutes or so until Albus's hunger told him it was time for breakfast. He shifted away from Scorpius, making sure to keep the blankets around his waist even though it was pointless considering Scorpius has already seen... everything.

He picked up his boxers from the ground and slipped them on before standing. He could hear Scorpius doing the same on the other side of the bed.

He picked up his school shirt and looked around for his trousers, finding them draped on a lamp on the other side of the room.

"Damn, eager were you?" he said, looking over at Scorpius who was blushing.

Albus didn't notice however because he was distracted by Scorpius standing in nothing but tight, black- Albus looked away, mouth dry, face hot.

He put on his shoes and then picked up the tie that had been by his shirt.

"Wait..."

It was a Slytherin tie. Albus looked down at the identical white collared shirt that everyone has and then over at Scorpius who caught on. He picked up Albus's ratty t-shirt.

"My bad," Albus said, moving to unbutton the shirt. But Scorpius was already pulling the t-shirt over his head. He straightened it out and opened his arms.

"How do I look?"

With the sex-messy ice blonde hair contrasting with the black shirt he looked-

"Fucking wow."

What he'd really wanted to say was something along the lines of _like I want to take you back to that bed and wreck you till kingdom come_.

Albus smiled meekly, very glad that Scorpius couldn't read his mind.

Scorpius on the other hand was trying very hard not to lose it. Albus was here with him, right now, after what happened last night.

And he wasn't running.

He wasn't looking at Scorpius with disgust. He wasn't yelling and saying things like _how could you _or better yet _stay away from me_.

He was still here.

Scorpius moved toward the exit, smelling Albus on his skin and on his shirt. It was only when his hand was on the door did Albus suddenly react.

"Wait."

He moved forward and stopped in front of Scorpius, putting his hand over top of Scorpius's to stop him from leaving.

"Wha-"

Albus's other hand rested gently on Scorpius's shoulder. There was less than an inch between them. Scorpius's brain shut down completely. Albus was looking at his lips and then back up into his eyes. When Scorpius didn't pull away Albus closed the distance and kissed him.

It was soft and full of innocence that neither of them had anymore. It ended quickly, too quickly, but when Albus leaned back he stayed pressed up against Scorpius.

"What was- _that _for?" Scorpius managed to say.

"It was for you. So you can pretend you have a normal life and a normal boyfriend. Not one that wakes up as a different person with no memory of anything."

Albus kept staring and Scorpius hoped he would kiss him again.

He didn't.

Albus moved back and opened the door, stepping out into the hall. Scorpius followed. He thought it might be awkward but Albus's smile was easy and relaxed.

"I'll give you your shirt back later," he said, tossing Scorpius his tie. "You, however, should keep that one. Looks too good on you for it to ever come back to me."

He walked off down the hall and out of sight. Scorpius touched his lips and wondered if there was any way that that could have really happened.

~O-O~

The roar from the stands only made Scorpius feel smaller. The team was out in the changeroom, going over last minute plays and adjusting their kits. Scorpius however was hiding in the darkness of the showers, his back against the cool tiles and his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Cale found him a few minutes later. He sat down opposite his friend and waited for Scorpius to look at him.

When he did Cale said, "Are you gonna tell me why you've been so weird these past few days? It's freaking me out."

Scorpius tilted his head back and resumed staring at the ceiling. He was tired.

"Did you kill somebody?" Cale asked.

"No."

"Did you break something of mine and don't want to tell me?"

"No."

"Did you have a sex dream about Rose?"

"Oh _god _no."

"Ha, that one was a joke. Did you-"

"Albus kissed me."

Silence rang out. Cale looked like that was dead last on the things he could have guessed.

"Albus? Not... you know-"

"It wasn't Al but he was uh, involved." Cale raised an eyebrow. "Albus kissed me like a normal boyfriend would because he felt bad that Al can't give me that."

Cale processed that for a moment. "I know Al's back but how exactly did he come up in this?"

Scorpius couldn't admit his shame out loud. From his silence Cale inferred all he needed to know.

"You're an idiot."

"Yeah, I know."

"No, seriously. You're so stupid."

"Alright, take it down a notch."

Cale looked like he wanted to yell some more but he kept it to himself.

"Albus wasn't mad at me, at least he didn't show it," Scorpius said, "and then he kissed me and I don't know what to think anymore. Everything's all fucked up."

"It's kind of a shitty thing for Albus to do, don't you think?"

"Why?"

"He knows you're head over heels, I-would-totally-take-a-curse-for-you in love with him and yet he kissed you. Seems kind of a dick move."

Scorpius groaned and closed his eyes.

"Do you really think he knows? How I feel about him I mean?"

Cale snorted. "He must. If he doesn't then he's a bigger idiot than you."

"Merlin, enough with the insults already. I feel bad enough about myself, I don't need you to-"

Cale cut him off. "Alright, alright, enough with the pity party. We have a Quidditch final to play against Albus right now so you better sort yourself out."

Cale stood and pulled Scorpius to his feet.

"We're going to lose," Scorpius said. "Albus is a better seeker than Cameron."

"I know. Let's just play our hearts out and then get so plastered tonight that we won't even remember we lost."

~O-O~

The sea of green in the stands screamed when the Slytherin team took the pitch. The sky was a sunless, vast screen of white which Scorpius was immensely glad for- overcast is the best weather to play in.

The two teams assembled facing each other. Finn and Scorpius as Captains shook hands, both grinning too widely for opponents. Finn's eyes were clear and he wasn't swaying where he was standing. Scorpius liked this new Finn better than the old one.

As the ball crate was brought out, Scorpius locked eyes with Albus. Albus looked tense but relaxed when he saw Scorpius.

_Good luck_, Scorpius mouthed.

_I'm going to kill you_, was Albus's response.

Scorpius laughed and was distracted enough that he almost missed the whistle. He mounted his broom and was the last to fly off when the match started.

Albus circled the west side of the pitch, keeping an eye on Cameron who was doing the same thing at the other side. The announcer, Jude Cassady, started calling out the players' names. When Scorpius's name was called Albus noticed extra cheering from the Hufflepuff section. He spared a glance at the stands and with a jolt of something strangely like jealousy saw _fucking Brennan _holding up a green banner with Scorpius's last name and jersey number on it.

Albus hoped he would get a rogue bludger to the face.

"TEN – NIL TO SLYTHERIN!" Jude yelled into the microphone. "SCORPIUS MALFOY PUTS SLYTHERIN ON THE SCOREBOARD!"

Albus cursed stupid Brennan for distracting him. He looked around for Cameron and relaxed when he saw that the seeker was still circling the pitch, no snitch in sight.

Scorpius trailed Finn who had the quaffle. He was grinning, riding the feeling of scoring. Cale sent a well-aimed bludger at his brother who dropped the quaffle into Chelsea's waiting hands. Scorpius put on a burst of speed. Chelsea sent the quaffle flying, knowing Scorpius's moves before he did. He caught it and sent it through the middle ring, missing the keeper's fingers by an inch.

"MALFOY SCORES AGAIN! HARRISON RECOVERS THE QUAFFLE! OTHER HARRISON FLIPS OFF HIS BROTHER!"

Albus did another lap, flying over the stands. The Gryffindor's screamed for him when he soared over the mass of red and yellow. He saw a flash of gold by the bottom of Slytherin's goal posts but it was gone too quickly.

Finn shot through Slytherin's defensive formation. Scorpius flew to intercept him but was blocked by Albus.

"Wanker!" Scorpius yelled, grinning.

"Twat!" Albus shouted back.

They flew off in opposite directions but both heard Jude loud and clear.

"POTTER AND MALFOY DISTRACTED BY SEXUAL TENSION AS HARRISON SCORES GRYFFINDOR'S FIRST POINTS OF THE MATCH!"

Scorpius soared as far away from the stands as he could so no one could see how red his face was.

Albus on the other hand smirked, hoping that Brennanhad heard that. He marked Cameron again but there was no sign of the snitch. He turned to the play happening at the other end of the pitch. He saw it happen a second before it did.

Finn had the quaffle but was blocked and had to pass it to Sam. Scorpius led Slytherin's defensive formation on him and didn't see the beater waiting above him. The bludger hit Scorpius in the back. He lurched forward and his broom dropped like a stone. Slytherin's formation scattered and in the confusion Sam lost the quaffle.

Chelsea caught it and escaped the mad scramble of players by a bludger from Cale. Albus paid no attention to her. He completely abandoned the game to watch Scorpius fall. A foot from the ground he pulled up and hovered above the ground, clutching his chest. He seemed to be struggling to breathe.

The flying instructor came onto the pitch, her whistle already on her lips. Impossibly, Scorpius waved her off and soared higher. He held onto his broom with one hand, the other held tight against his chest as if to protect his lungs.

Albus tore his eyes away from him and looked down the pitch as two things happened: Chelsea lost the quaffle in a battle with Sam and Cameron dove at something near the bottom of the Gryffindor stands.

Fear shot through Albus. He tucked into a dive and followed after Cameron, oblivious to everything going on behind him.

Sam dodged a bludger, dropping the quaffle but it was recovered by Finn. Finn tore through the middle of the pitch but was cut off by a wheezing Scorpius.

Albus caught up to Cameron and matched him, the snitch less than ten feet away.

Finn lost the quaffle to Scorpius.

Albus gained speed, arm outstretched. Cameron was trailing him now.

Scorpius faked the keeper and scored Slytherin's last ten points before Albus caught the snitch. The crowd roared and Scorpius knew it was too loud for it to be for him. He hovered in the air and looked back even though he already knew Albus had caught the snitch. He soared back to the centre of the pitch where the rest of the Slytherin team was waiting. They watched as Albus was swarmed by his teammates while the pitch was flooded with Gryffindor's.

Jude Cassady was yelling something into the microphone but Scorpius paid him no attention. He watched Albus, a small smile on his face. Albus looked so happy. Scorpius looked down at his watch. The match had lasted less than 8 minutes.

Finn released Albus from a hug and Albus looked around until he found Scorpius. Scorpius tried to clap but it hurt too much. He groaned and laughed at the same time. Albus flew over to him.

"Great game," he said, hoping that came off as genuine and not like he was rubbing it in.

"Nice catch," Scorpius countered.

"You coming to the celebration party?"

"Wouldn't miss a chance to trash Gryffindor Tower." He winced as his back burned. Concern flashed across Albus's face and he flew closer.

"You should go to the nurse first," he said, peeking down the back of Scorpius's jersey at the bruise that was already forming. "If you die I'd have a terrible time at the party."

They flew down to the ground, Albus's gentle hand never leaving Scorpius's back. When they landed Albus was mobbed by Gryffindor's and Scorpius was targeted by the nurse. She tried to get him on a stretcher but he flatly refused.

Albus craned his neck over the mass of people. "Remember!" he yelled. "Don't die and then come to the party! Don't be fucking late!"

Albus was surrounded by everyone who wanted his attention but he only had eyes for Scorpius.

Scorpius beamed and let the nurse drag him back to the castle.

~O-O~

It took nearly two hours for Scorpius to get to Gryffindor tower. The nurse had taken ages to look him over. He left with pain medicine and bandages wrapped around his chest to protect his back which made showering a terrible ordeal.

Rose let him into the common room when he reached the tower.

"Perfect, you're just in time," she said.

"For what?"

"To witness Albus makes a complete idiot of himself."

The common room came into view. It was packed and hot and the air was half oxygen, half smoke. The stereo system was blasting something loud and fast but it was almost completely drowned out by Albus's horrendously off-key rendition of _We Are The Champions_. If that alone wasn't bad enough he was standing on top of one of the coffee tables, dancing by himself.

"Holy shit," Scorpius said. "I fucking need a drink."

He poured himself a cup of something from the table as Albus screamed, "NOOOOOO TIME FOR LOOOOOSERS CAUSE WEEEE AAAARE THE CHAAAMPIONNNS OF THE WOOOORLD."

Scorpius smirked and sipped his drinking, coughing a bit at how strong it was. Albus noticed him then and his song shut off mid verse. He shouted Scorpius's name and started to make his way over but was cut off by a gaggle of blushing 4th years. Albus looked terrified as they congratulated him on the game and tried to chat him up. He sent Scorpius a _save me _look but Scorpius just raised his drink to him, letting him fend for himself.

Finn sidled up beside him not too long after.

"Don't try the brownies unless you want to hallucinate the Beatles are chasing after you."

"The band or the insects?"

"Try the brownies and found out."

Finn grinned and poured himself a cup of the same thing Scorpius was drinking. He sipped it and looked around the room calmly. Usually at parties Finn would be the one hanging from the ceiling, wearing a dress and belting out the Gettysburg Address.

But today-

"So, are your wild party days behind you now?" he asked. "Who are you and what have you done with Finn Harrison."

Finn looked over and smiled sheepishly.

"New era," he said. "In one month I had no memory of sixteen whole days."

"Bloody hell."

"Yeah. I need to smarten up. I'm needed here."

He looked over at Albus. Scorpius understood.

"He needs us more than he lets on," Finn said faintly. "He needs me, his best friend, to keep his feet firmly on the ground. And he needs you, Scorpius Malfoy, to make him happy."

"And how can I do that," Scorpius asked quite seriously.

"I dunno. You could start by telling him you're in love with him and then snog him senseless." Scorpius gaped at him. "So- is that a... yes?"

Scorpius was spared answering when Albus suddenly managed to break free from his fans and launch himself into Scorpius not-waiting arms. Scorpius stumbled backwards but managed to hold up the drunk, giggling Gryffindor.

"You're late," he scolded.

"Apologies. Crazy nurse wouldn't let me go."

Albus poked his fingers under Scorpius's shirt and pulled it up. He prodded lightly at the bandages.

"Ouch, that looks bad. Does it hurt?"

"Not so much anymore. I'm gonna have a wicked bruise though."

"But you're okay enough, right?"

Scorpius raised an eyebrow. "Yes, why?"

Albus got an evil look in his eyes. "Before you came I had a very nice conversation with Luka Gallagher." He jerked his thumb over at a guy lurking in the shadows of the staircase. He looked like the sketchiest bloke to have ever lived. "Anyways we talked and if you're interested, my beautiful Scorpius, I got two."

From his pocket his took out a tiny plastic case with two gold strips inside.

"I told myself I was done with drugs," Scorpius found himself saying, eyes never leaving the _Gold Infinity_.

Albus look a bit surprised by that but didn't question it. "Okay. I completely and totally respect that but maybe, if you wanted, you could put that vow on hold for just one night? There's no one else I'd rather do this with."

Albus took a strip out and put it on his own tongue. He held up the other one.

"Oh fuck it."

Scorpius leaned forward and took the strip with his mouth right from Albus's finger. The moment it touched his tongue Scorpius's entire memory blacked out-

and he woke up 8 hours later in the Forbidden Forest with Albus asleep underneath him, dried blood on his face, no shirt and absolutely no memory of anything that had happened.


	32. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Chapter 31: The Kids Aren't Alright**

"Albus. Albus, wake up. We have a situation."

Albus moved a bit, his eyes squeezing together.

"Five more minutes," he mumbled, wrapping his arms tighter around Scorpius.

Although being held by Albus was basically all Scorpius ever wanted, right now there were more pressing matters.

"Albus, we're in the Forbidden Forest in some sort of car, I'm ninety four percent sure my foot is broken, it's raining and someone drew a dick on your leg with ink."

Albus's eyes stayed closed but he grinned. "Yes, that was you, you goddamn maniac."

"It was?"

Albus opened one eye and peeked up from where he was nestled against Scorpius's collarbone. "Do you not remember? It was right after you thought you'd discovered broom-less flight and jumped off the Quidditch stands."

Scorpius remembered none of this but it did explain the pain in his leg.

Albus leaned up. "Wait, do you seriously not remember that? Do you not remember anything?"

Scorpius shook his head but winced because it made his ear hurt. He raised his hand up to touch it and felt something wet and warm. His fingers were red when he pulled them away.

"Why the fuck is my ear bleeding."

Albus looked around and his jaw dropped.

"Oh my god. _Oh my god_. I totally forgot. I pierced your ear."

"YOU DID WHAT!"

Albus was giggling now. "Hey, you wanted it! You kept going on and on about how you liked mine so you shoved a paper clip in my hand and gave me your permission."

"AND YOU DID IT?"

"Of course I did. You were very adamant about it."

Scorpius buried his face in his hand, forgetting about the blood and smearing his forehead in crimson.

"Christ. It's probably infected. I should go to the nurse and get her to heal it."

"Yea, and we should also probably find some clothes."

Albus had his shirt on but no trousers. Scorpius smirked.

Albus managed to extract himself from Scorpius before helping him up. He looked at the strange place they'd spent the night- it was the back half of a faded blue car, half buried at the base of a tree. He wondered where the front half had got to.

They started back to the castle. They got about ten feet before Scorpius groaned.

"Good god. Never let me live out my delusions of grandeur again. If I've broken something from doing something so stupid I'll never forgive myself."

Albus chuckled lightly and wrapped his arm around Scorpius's waist for support. Scorpius leaned heavily on him, head resting on his shoulder.

Albus poked Scorpius's bloodied forehead. "_Simba_."

They laughed for a long time after that.

~O-O~

Albus was partner-less for potions that morning as Scorpius was still with the nurse. When Albus had dropped him off that morning in the hospital wing the nurse had not been pleased owing to the fact that Scorpius was hurt again and with the absence of his shirt the bandages on his chest had gotten wet from the rain. Not to mention some idiot had jammed a paper clip through his ear.

_Oops._

Albus got his ingredients ready and heated his cauldron but his mind was elsewhere. He couldn't figure out if Scorpius not remembering last night was good or bad. All he knew was that he needed to tell someone.

He tore out a page from his potions textbook and wrote a note to Rose, asking her if they could meet after class to talk about something important. He threw it at her but apologized profusely when it soared right into her and Cale's potion. She flipped him off, fished the paper out and read it at top speed. She sent the paper back telling him yes and to also stop violating his textbook.

When class was done he dragged her out into the hall and to the nearest private spot that happened to be a supply closest. Rose sat on an overturned bucket while Albus opted to stand.

"What's up?" Rose started. "You were off in your own world the whole class."

Albus nodded, chewing on his lip. "Last night at the party... Scorpius and I tried _Gold Infinity_."

Rose didn't look mad at their drug use. She nodded. "So that's what happened to you. One minute you were there, ruining our eardrums with your singing, and the next both of you had disappeared off the face of the earth."

"Yeah, well..." Albus cleared his throat, trying to think of the best way to say it.

"Scorpius was really fucked up. Like out of your mind, can't even remember your own name kind of fucked up. After he jumped off the Quidditch stands- don't ask- he... he told me something. And the hardest part is that he remembers nothing."

"What did he tell you," Rose said seriously, all trace of humor gone. With Albus all drama has to be kept mild so as not to spook him.

"He... he told me that he liked me, Rose," Albus said quietly. "Actually that's an understatement. He said he _loved _me. Me, not Al. He started going on about... how great I am and how unfair the universe is for what happened to me. He said that I am the best person he's ever met and-"

Albus got lost remembering.

"And?" Rose prompted.

"And he said he wanted to marry me, Rose. He said that for the longest time his future has been black but that with me it's not anymore. He wants to marry me and be together and have a life- the two of us together."

Albus expected Rose to be shocked but she just looked confused.

"Did you honestly not know? Could you not see how much he loves you?"

Even hearing somebody say it out loud Albus couldn't believe it. There's no way anyone, especially Scorpius, could fancy someone so messed up.

Albus ran his hand through his hair. "I guess I just thought he was attracted to me in like a _where's the nearest room with comfy pillows _kind of way. Think about Al. Isn't that what it was always about?"

"With Al, yes. But Scorpius has been in love with _you, _Albus, since before Christmas."

The beat Albus's heart was making was probably not medically safe.

"He- _what_?! No. No way. That's impossible."

"Is it?" Rose said more softly now. "Albus, what is this about? Is it really so hard to believe that someone could love you through it all?"

"Kinda, yea!" Albus said honestly. He regretted saying it, seeing the look on Rose's face.

She let out a long breath and said, "And he remembers none of this?"

"Nothing."

She seemed to think for a minute then she stood up and took him by the arms.

"Albus, I am going to ask you two very important questions right now, okay? Questions that you must know the answers too." Albus nodded unsurely. "How does this, knowing Scorpius loves you, make you feel and how do you feel about him."

Albus fell silent, staring into Rose's well meaning and kind brown eyes. How did he feel right now?

To be honest Albus was terrified. Terrified of the way Scorpius was talking about him like he was his whole world because Albus has spent the last two years drowning in self hate and thus having difficulty accepting and understanding anyone's love for him. And then here's Scorpius, high out of his mind in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, telling him what he'd never thought he'd hear. Scorpius talked about the house they'd have once they graduated. Albus could picture it now. A small place near the ocean, like Shell Cottage. He could picture their kids Scorpius had mentioned.

_Let me make you happy_, Scorpius had said. _Let me love you, let me marry you._

If Albus had been sober then he's not sure what he'd have done. But as he'd also been whacked out of his mind he'd just laughed happily and sang a punk rock love song. Now he wished they could have talked more.

Rose cleared her throat, waiting for answers. Albus had forgotten she was there.

"It's hard for me to- entertain the idea at all. I wouldn't be good for Scorpius. I wouldn't be good for anyone."

Rose seemed to have been expecting this answer. "Don't give me that bullshit, Albus Potter. Don't say you'll never find or accept love because you're 'damaged'".

"Fine, I won't say it."

She growled. "Alright, be a dick. Now answer my second question. How do you feel about Scorpius."

Albus took longer to answer that.

"I don't know really. Maybe I want what he wants. I've known for awhile that guys could be an option for me, as made clear by Al. It's like that thought has been hiding just under the surface forever but I've been having trouble reaching it. We did kiss though, Scorpius and I. A few days ago."

"How did it happen?"

He told her. Saying it out loud it didn't really make sense. He'd kissed him to bring some normalcy to Scorpius's relationship or whatever he had with Al. But thinking back maybe he'd just wanted to kiss him with his messy hair and Rolling Stones t-shirt and bruised collarbone.

"So what do I do, Rose?" he said. "Do I tell him?"

"Do you know what you would say to him if he walked in here right now?" Albus looked like a deer in the headlights. "Sort it out first in your head and then tell him everything you're feeling. He's not going anywhere. And hopefully it will end with you guys making out so that's something to look forward to."

They left the room, Albus's arm slung over Rose's shoulder.

He sighed. "What would I do without you?"

But Rose just smiled because at this moment Albus looked so happy.

~O-O~

When he saw Scorpius again, Albus was worried he would get all weird and awkward and their friendship would take hit. But when Scorpius limped into the Great Hall at lunch Albus felt nothing different.

He waved Scorpius over to the Gryffindor table and made some room for him at the bench.

"Diagnosis?" he asked when Scorpius sat down beside him.

"Sprained ankle but she took care of that pretty quick. Still twinges a bit."

"And the ear?" Albus reached out and took Scorpius's chin in his hand, turning it to the side. "WHAT!"

Scorpius grinned. "She said the piercing was clean through, no infection. She asked if I wanted to keep it."

Albus gawked at the small silver stud in Scorpius's ear.

Rose, who had just sat down opposite them, frowned and said, "So boys- what did we learn from this experience."

"That the nurse doesn't ask any questions?" said Scorpius.

"That I should become a professional ear piercer?" said Albus.

"DON'T DO DRUGS!" she yelled. A few people looked over.

"Keep your fucking voice down, you lunatic!" Albus hissed. "You'll get us expelled!"

"Would serve you goddamn-" She trailed off, looking at someone over Albus's shoulder. The boys whipped around.

"Mr Potter," Professor Juspeczyk said, eyes narrowed. "May I have a word please."

Albus gulped. "Okay!" he squeaked.

When they were out of ear shot Scorpius rounded on Rose. "You don't think she heard right? He's not going to get expelled right? Tell me he won't."

"He won't get expelled," Rose said. She didn't sound convinced.

When she went back to eating her lunch, Scorpius noticed something in her expression.

"What did he tell you," Scorpius asked slowly. "Did something happen between us?"

Rose looked up but said nothing. Scorpius knew in a second what had happened.

"I told him, didn't I," he said.

"Yeah, you told him. Honestly I'm surprised he didn't figure it out sooner. You're basically the worst at hiding it."

The bell rang before Scorpius could say anything else.

Rose packed up her things to leave but Scorpius grabbed her arm.

"Meet me before dinner, in the library. I need to know what he said. Please."

Rose knew that the only way for this whole thing to be resolved would be for _them _to meet and talk but she nodded anyway and left for lessons.

Scorpius watched her go and waited till the last moment before getting up. He was about to leave when he noticed Albus had left a few of his things on the table. Scorpius stuffed them in his bag and looked around for Albus but he was nowhere to be found. He hoped whatever Juspeczyk was telling him was only good news because Scorpius didn't think he could handle Al right now.

~O-O~

Rose was a bit late getting to the library and was worried Scorpius would have already left. He didn't and was waiting in the place everyone usually studies in. He had changed out of his uniform and was wearing a ratty Rolling Stones t-shirt that was definitely not his. She sat down opposite him and waited for him to speak first. He stared out the window for awhile before looking over at her.

"What exactly did I tell him?"

"That you are head over heels in love with him. And then something about a cottage and possibly some children."

Scorpius grimaced. He rubbed his forehead and sunk down lower on the couch in defeat.

"Shit. I was afraid of that."

Rose leaned back in her chair. "I'm surprised you haven't ask the big question yet."

"And which question is that?"

"How Albus feels about you." Scorpius looked over at her, eyes wide and terrified. "He doesn't know how he feels about you or about what you told him. Albus had never been good at knowing or expressing what he feels and with everything that's happened he's exponentially worse."

"But there's a chance?"

Rose smiled. "There's always been a chance. Merlin, both of you are idiots."

Scorpius stared down at his hands, eyebrows pulled together. Rose looked at him and really looked. He looked tired and worn out but she figured it wasn't just from last night. Trying to navigate this reality is exhausting and you never really get used to it.

"I think you should go for it," Rose said quietly. "Tell him yourself when you're not bombed out of your mind. Tell him face to face."

Scorpius thought for a long while, his expression growing more and more grim.

"How can he not know?" he asked, more to himself than to Rose. "It's a fairly simple question- does he like me or not." Something dawned on him. "Oh. _Oh_."

"What?"

"He thinks he's too damaged for me, right? He probably said something like he's too _broken _and he wouldn't want to _bring me down_."

He laughed humorlessly and sat up. Rose wasn't sure if he was going to break something or cry.

"Well, maybe he's right!" he said loudly. "Maybe he is too fucking broken."

Rose stared up at him in shock. "How can you say that? How can you say that when we both know you'd do anything for him? Not to mention you've got enough problems to fill a book, you hypocrite."

Scorpius dug through his bag and pushed a handful of papers into Rose's hands. "Here. Look at these." He shoved a hand through his hair. "Fuck, I need a cigarette..."

Rose looked at the papers. They were Albus's, she could tell by his handwriting.

"Why do you have these?"

"They're old test papers from fourth and fifth year. I don't know why he had them. He forgot them in the Great Hall today. Look at the name in the corner.

Rose looked. _Severus Potter._

"Yeah, he used to go by Severus for awhile. He hated the name Albus."

"When did he stop, Rose? When did he stop being Severus?"

"I don't know, probably about-"

Seeing her realize it was almost unbearable.

"_No_," she whispered. She was shaking. "_No_."

She stared at the papers, tears streaming down her face. "_No_."

"So maybe he is too broken," Scorpius said, standing up, cigarette in hand. "I don't know if Albus is an alter of Severus and maybe we'll never know. All I know is that I really love him. And if he'll let me I will love him for the rest of my life and the rest of his lives."

Rose cried and did not leave that chair long after Scorpius had gone.

~O-O~

It was hours before Louis found Scorpius on the Quidditch stands smoking his way through his entire pack. He sat down beside him and took a cigarette, lighting it up with his wand.

"I saw Rose in the common room," he said softly. "She told me. She asked me not to tell anyone else. I don't think she wanted to even tell me but she looked absolutely mental like she needed to tell _someone _before she went crazy."

He took a drag of his cigarette and coughed. "I'm sorry, Scorpius. I'm sorry you got roped into all of this."

"That's a horrible thing to say."

"Yea, it is, but it doesn't make it any less true."

Scorpius wiped his face on his sleeve and hoped Louis wouldn't see. If he did he didn't say anything.

"Albus is the greatest, bravest guy I've ever met," Louis said, "but he's also the most messed up. You're a really good person Scorpius and I fear that Albus's shattered life has hurt yours."

"Hasn't it hurt yours too?" Scorpius shot back.

"Yes. But I'm family. It's our job to take care of him."

Scorpius was sobbing now, face buried in his hand.

"I don't think I have a choice any more."

Louis gripped his shoulder. "I know. Welcome to the family."

He stood up and stared at his cigarette in disappointment. "I was hoping cigarettes could make me feel better. They suck." He shoved it into Scorpius's hands and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Scorpius called, clearing his throat and wiping his face again. "Where is Albus now."

"Last I saw him he was in the common room."

"Do you think you could... I mean-"

"Give me ten minutes. I'll clear out the common room for you two."

At that moment Louis was Scorpius's favorite Weasley.

"Thanks, Lou," he said. "Really. For everything."

He gave Scorpius a one-armed side hug. "Ten minutes. Oh, and Menno."

He left after one more encouraging hug.

~O-O~

Scorpius couldn't quite wait ten minutes and was gasping at the portrait hole after seven.

"Menno," he panted to the Fat Lady you shot him and his Slytherin tie a very dirty look before letting him in.

Albus looked up from his spot on the couch when he heard him.

"Good timing," he said. "A few minutes earlier and Louis would have screamed in your face and forcibly ejected you from the room like everybody else."

Scorpius didn't answer. He sat down at the other end of the couch keeping as much distance between them as he could.

"Unless," Albus said quietly, "he did it all for us?"

Scorpius looked at him for the first time, so many things swirling through his head as he focused on boy he had fallen in love with. He tried to pick something from his mind to start with.

"At first I thought we could just live through it like it never happened but maybe we should talk about it."

Albus nodded. Scorpius looked away again.

"I like you, Albus. More than a friend. I can't remember for the life of me what I said last night but whatever it was it was probably really all over the place."

"Actually it was about the only part of last night where you made any sense at all," Albus teased. He was trying to ease the tension but Scorpius was still sitting like a statue as far away from him as possible.

"Seeing you this morning I thought everything could be okay but I talked to Rose and I think it's really important that we set some things straight now."

Albus didn't know where this was going so he kept quiet.

"I never liked Al- not even a little bit. I only started seeing him because he looked like you and I thought he was as close to you as I would ever get."

"Scor," Albus started softly but Scorpius cut him off.

"No, wait. Please. If I don't say this now I may never."

Albus wanted Scorpius to look at him but he didn't.

"Rose and Cale both thought that the real reason I was with Al was because I was setting myself up for failure. If you, Albus, rejected me it wouldn't be because you didn't like me it would be because I betrayed you by being with Al."

"Yes, I... I know this," Albus said, suddenly feeling like the room was burning hot.

"I know you know," Scorpius kept going, eyes still anywhere but Albus. "There's one thing that I need you to understand though. I couldn't bear it if you thought that I liked Al better than you because I don't. I never did. I fell in love with _you_, not Al. You told me a long time ago that relationships and accepting love is hard for you because you're unwell. Knowing you think that makes me hate the world for hurting you and thinking that no one could love you when they do." Scorpius finally looked at him. "Because _I _do. You're not too broken. I love you through everything and whether or not you feel the same way I will not leave you. I just need you to know that you deserve happiness and even though you have a lot of problems, happiness will still find you. If you let it."

Scorpius began to cry quietly. Albus stared at him for a moment, his brain not being able to understand what had happened. Then he reached out, hand hovering over Scorpius's shoulder. When they touched Scorpius flinched and stared up at Albus with wide shining eyes.

For one perfect second Scorpius thought Albus was going to kiss him. But Albus smiled soothingly, said something that Scorpius brain couldn't process and hugged him. Scorpius hugged him back, arms holding him like he would never let go, but inside his heart was breaking.

Because if Albus liked him back he would tell him now.

"I'm sorry I put you in a weird position," Scorpius managed to say.

"Never. You're still my best mate, nothing could change that."

"Don't tell that to Finn," Scorpius said with a dry laugh. He sat up, wiping his face.

"Well, I won't tell if you won't."

Albus looked like he wanted to say something else but Scorpius was done thinking about all of this for tonight. He stood up abruptly, forgetting that Albus had been partially leaning on him.

"Sorry," he said, both for making him fall over a bit and for leaving suddenly. "I'm gonna go. It's probably for the best."

"But-"

Scorpius waved a hand almost impatiently. He needed to leave this room- he needed to leave Albus.

"It's okay," he lied. "We're okay. I just need to be... not here."

Albus's hurt face would normally have made him stay but not tonight. He jumped through the portrait hole and was trying to put as much distance between him and Albus as he could when someone called his name. He stopped and whirled around.

"Where's the fire, officer?"

It was Brennan. He had a crooked grin on his face and messy flyaway hair. His tie was slung over his shoulder and Scorpius had no doubt as to what kind of thing he'd been doing.

"Hey," Scorpius said slowly. His brain was still somewhere two floors above.

"What are you up to, Slytherin? Something bad I hope."

"Just reevaluating my life I suppose."

"Need any help with that?"

Scorpius's brain finally caught up with him.

There was a boy in Gryffindor tower who didn't love him and then there was a boy in front of him who could. He walked back up a few steps while Brennan walked down.

"Is that a yes?" Brennan asked lowly.

Scorpius didn't answer. Instead he wrapped both arms around Brennan's neck and kissed him roughly. He could hear a few people walking by them but he didn't care. They kissed for several minutes before Brennan pulled back, breathing hard, and said, "Classroom?"

"Classroom," Scorpius agreed.

They ran off together, hand in hand. Scorpius almost forgot all about the boy he'd left alone in the tower.

Almost.


	33. Cul-de-sac

**Author's note: Longest chapter yet! Yay! Also I'm sorry for this..**

***grimaces***

**Chapter 32: Cul-de-sac**

Rose stared at the two of them.

They weren't being obvious considering they were at the back of the library hidden amidst the Transfiguration shelves but they weren't exactly hiding either. Anyone who walked by could see them holding hands and snogging and presumably flirting with each other like a disgustingly cute couple. Rose was a bit too far away to eavesdrop and was wondering how close she could get while still being subtle when someone snuck up behind her.

"You shouldn't watch. It's impolite."

Albus wasn't looking at Rose when he spoke. He was staring at them, face expressionless.

"Albus, I-"

Albus turned on his heel and left as abruptly as he'd come. Rose hurriedly jammed all of her things into her bag and ran after her cousin.

"Albus, stop!" she whispered. "Fuck, stop- walking so fast!"

She finally caught him in the Herbology section. She clamped a hand down on his shoulder and forced him to look at her.

"What the hell happened!?" she demanded. "What happened to '_sure Rose, I'll talk to him and sort it out_'? It should be you on that couch kissing him, not Brennan fucking dumb face!"

"Keep your voice down, you lunatic!" Albus hissed, casting a quick look at the librarian and then dragging Rose deeper into the walls of books. "Don't go shouting it to the whole castle!"

Rose snorted. "From the looks of it it doesn't look like either of them care about keeping it a secret."

"We don't know exactly what 'it' is yet so don't say anything!"

Rose softened. She placed a gentle hand on Albus's arm.

"Seriously, Albus. What happened? I thought things were going somewhere _good _for you two. Did you realize you don't want it?"

"No! Maybe. I don't know, Rose. I was doing what you said, trying to figure it all out before I did anything. We had a good talk and then he ran out. The next day he ate breakfast at the Hufflepuff table with fuckface and I haven't spoken to him since. And that was yesterday."

Rose's initial instincts about this whole thing had been to punch Scorpius in the face for being such a dumbass but now she could see that it wasn't really anyone's fault- more of a miscommunication than anything.

"Well, it looks like you've got to figure out how you feel pretty damn fast or you're going to lose him to that fuckface."

"It's looks like I've already lost him," Albus answered moodily, looking at his shoes.

"No way. He just thinks there's no hope with you so he's testing the waters elsewhere. Remember who it was he confessed his love to while high out of his mind."

She gave him one last reassuring smile and turned away to find Cale. Despite telling Rose off Albus walked back the way they'd come and peeked at Scorpius and Brennan through a crack in the shelves. His blood boiled and whether or not he wanted to be the one holding Scorpius's hand he knew that he didn't want it to be Brennan.

Scorpius looked up but Albus ducked away before he could be seen.

~O-O~

Scorpius's plan to both forget Albus and move on was going both terribly and amazingly well.

He was still undoubtedly completely in love with Albus, that wouldn't go away soon. But now it was less painful to see him and he thought less and less about what could have been. Brennan was also helping. They weren't dating and Brennan seemed to understand that Scorpius didn't want that. They'd spent most of the last few days together and even though Scorpius wasn't sure if he even fancied him, he liked being with him. Or maybe he just liked being with someone who could like him back.

Either way Scorpius was grinning to himself after Defense as he walked through the halls to dinner. He passed by an open classroom on the first floor then walked back and peeked in.

"Albus?"

Albus looked up, startled, from where he was sorting through mounds of paper.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Albus asked. The normal jumpstart of Scorpius's heart still happened but it wasn't as bad anymore.

"I could ask you the same thing. I'm just going to dinner. You?"

"Detention," Albus grumbled, feeling his face heat up. He pulled out a random paper from the stack and pretended to read it. Scorpius didn't leave.

"What did you get detention for?"

"I uh... accidentally ruined my History of Magic textbook. Juspeczyk saw me and is making me alphabetize these papers for intentionally destroying the book and to make up the cost when she assigns me a new one."

"How did you ruin the book?" Scorpius said with a soft laugh.

Albus just shrugged. He couldn't tell him that he'd ripped the book in half when he'd seen Brennan stick his tongue down Scorpius's throat.

"Do you want any help?"

Albus knew he was just trying to be nice but right now Scorpius was the last person he wanted to see.

"No, it's okay. You go to dinner. You're probably being missed right now."

He tried to keep the hostility out of his voice but he probably failed. He kept his eyes on the papers and after a few moments of hesitating Scorpius left. Albus raised his head at the spot where Scorpius had been.

"_Wait!" I called, racing out after the Slytherin. Scorpius turned. I skidded to a halt in front of him, grabbing his hand and cupping his cheek with my other hand._

"_Don't go," I whispered. "Please. Don't go to him. Stay here with me. I love you too."_

_Scorpius pulled me closer by our clasped hands. "Bloody hell, do you know how long I've been waiting for you to say that?"_

_Scorpius leaned in. I tilted my head. Our lips touched-_

Albus shook his head. The doorway stayed empty. Albus was still at his desk buried under paperwork. Nothing was alright.

_Fuck_, he thought.

~O-O~

Brennan was sitting midway through the Hufflepuff table when Scorpius arrived at the Great Hall. He scanned the table and was hailed over when Brennan spotted him.

"Hey, you," Brennan said with a blinding grin when Scorpius sat down beside him. Scorpius smiled back and leaned over, pecking him lightly on the cheek. He didn't think Brennan's smile could get any bigger but apparently he was very wrong.

"What kept you?" Brennan asked, passing Scorpius the potatoes. "I was about to send out a search party."

"Hmm, a hoard of Hufflepuff's screaming bloody murder- I guarantee that's never happened. Ever." Brennan chuckled. "No, I ran into Albus in detention. He somehow managed to destroy a textbook. Classic."

At the mention of another boy Brennan didn't appear jealous or accusatory. He looked curious.

"What is your relationship with Albus? I know you guys are best friends but then there was that day in Hogsmeade..."

Scorpius froze. He wasn't sure how he could explain this without implicating Albus into things Al's done or expose Al's presence. Brennan was looking at him expectantly and he realized there was really no way around it.

"Albus and I were... kind of in a friends with benefits thing." It was a lie but to Brennan it was all he could see. "I started to like him though and I told him. He said he didn't feel the same way so now we're back to being just friends."

Brennan looked floored. "Jesus, that's brutal. I'm so sorry."

Scorpius shrugged like it was okay when really it wasn't. "It is what it is I suppose. We apparently weren't meant to be."

"Is it awkward now?"

Scorpius thought back to how Albus had been when he'd seen him in detention. He'd seemed a bit off but maybe it would just take time for things to go back to how they were.

"I don't think so. If anything Albus just feels bad that he doesn't like me back. We'll get over it though."

Brennan nodded sympathetically. He was a remarkable listener.

"Let's get out of her," Scorpius said, standing up. "There's this hallway on the seventh floor that nobody uses where we can make out."

Brennan did not need to be told twice.

~O-O~

That night in the Gryffindor common room Albus was sitting in front of the fire with his transfiguration essay open in front of him. He'd been there for nearly two hours and he'd written exactly two words. His name.

He turned around, alarmed, when somebody cleared their throat loudly and obnoxiously. He'd thought he was alone.

"This is getting ridiculous!" Rose said, throwing her bag onto the couch with more rage than Albus thought possible. "We have to come up with a game plan here!"

"A game plan for what?" Albus squeaked lamely.

"For the family's annual summer road trip!" Rose yelled sarcastically. "For Scorpius you fucking idiot!"

"There is no game plan," Albus mumbled, turning back to the fire and pulling his knees to his chest. Rose strode around the couch and kicked him. He feel over because of his unbalanced position.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"

"STOP BEING AN IDIOT!"

They glared at each other for a moment. Rose backed down first, taking a couple calming breaths.

"Here are the facts, you knob. I don't even know why I'm helping you, you're so dense... Okay, Scorpius likes you a lot and even if you're not exactly sure of your feelings, you at least feel _something _for him right."

"Yes," Albus growled.

"Scorpius now is trying to move on from you because he thinks there's no future with you. Enter Brennan fuckface_\- _something, I don't now his last name. Do I have that right?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it."

Rose looked at him like he was missing something obvious but Albus was at a loss.

"What do you want me to say, Rose! It's over! I've lost! Scorpius has moved on from me, we're done."

"Holy Christ, both of you are so stupid!" Rose was laughing now like the whole situation was so dumb it was now comical. "It's been three days! Scorpius is not over you yet, that's impossible! He's trying to get over you with Brennan so you need to do something before it actually works!"

"LIKE WHAT, ROSE! TELL ME. TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO!"

Now they were standing face to face, effectively engaged in a screaming match. Albus wasn't sure how they hadn't woken up everyone in the dorm.

Rose took a couple deep breaths again.

"We have double potions with the Slytherin's tomorrow morning. _Figure it out_."

She grabbed her bag from the couch and stormed off. Albus flung himself back down in front of the fire, preparing to fume, but his anger quickly disappeared.

Rose was right. He needed to stop being a knob.

That and murder Brennan.

~O-O~

Scorpius was exhausted as he walked to potions the next morning. He'd been up with Brennan half the night uh, hanging out and was not crazy about being awake at 7:30 in the morning. Not to mention he had to spend a double lesson with Albus which was a bit... daunting.

Albus was at their table when he sat down. He looked cool and calm with a dopey, crooked smile on his face.

"Why are you so chipper?" Scorpius asked, taking out his textbook from his bag. "It's before noon, that's not allowed."

Albus laughed and said nothing. He heated up their cauldron and took out his potions kit. He didn't miss how tired Scorpius looked or how he had yawned a dozen times in the last two minutes. He tried not to think too much into why that could be.

The Professor came in then and told them there was no lesson plan for today and that they were to pick something on the 7th year curriculum they hadn't done yet and make it. Scorpius flipped through his book, stifling yet another yawn.

"Hiccoughing Solution?" Scorpius suggested. "That one doesn't seem too hard."

"How 'bout Draught of Living Death! That one sounds dangerous!"

"Neither of us are very good at potions, Albus. We'd definitely end up killing everybody in this room."

"Well, at least we'd die together," Albus murmured, low enough that Scorpius would think he hadn't meant for him to hear but loud enough that he actually _did_ hear. Like Albus expected, Scorpius was stunned into silence.

_Phase One: Assert his importance in your life._

Albus leaned over the book, making sure to graze Scorpius's hand. "Okay, what about-"

"If you say Amortentia I will punch you in the eye," Scorpius said. Albus smirked. _Victory_.

"I was going to say the love potion _antidote_ but if you want to go there I'm in."

"No, Albus- that's... just- no, please."

But Albus was having too much of a good time. "I'll get the last few things we need. Check the cauldron, won't you?" On the way to the cupboard he dragged his hand slowly across Scorpius's back.

From her table across the room Rose looked up when Albus passed by her and Cale. She looked back at Scorpius who was sitting frozen in place, eyes wide, staring at his cauldron looking absolutely flustered.

When Albus walked back, his arms filled with different bottles, and their eyes met he winked very obviously which did not go unnoticed by Cale.

"What the hell was that all about?" he asked.

"Looks liked _Phase Two_," she said. "_Sexually frustrate beyond all repair_."

"What? What the hell are you on about?"

But Rose paid him no attention, her thoughts completely focused on the two idiots at the back of the room.

"We all ready to go?" Albus said cheerily, assembling the ingredients on their desk. Scorpius looked both pale and sweaty at the same time which was impressive.

"It's all the same ingredients for the antidote. Why don't we just-"

"Absolutely not. We're doing this one."

Albus threw the first ingredient into the cauldron and there was no turning back now.

"So I thinks it's time," Albus started conversationally. Scorpius looked over curiously. "Time to talk about our kids I mean."

Scorpius sliced open his finger as he was cutting open one of the ingredients. Albus fixed it with a quick wave of his wand and he wasn't even sure if Scorpius had noticed.

"I... why are you- what."

"I think we should talk about it," Albus said as casually as if they were talking about the weather. "Growing up with a million cousins I've always liked the idea of a big family. And you were on only child so you probably want a house full of kids, right?"

"I-"

Albus was worried he was going to break Scorpius's mind but he was having too much fun to stop. "Is four too few? Seems like a good number. Grandma Molly had seven kids but I don't think I could handle that many. I hope we get twins. I've always liked twins."

"A boy and a girl though," Scorpius said, still with a weird look on his face. "They can be the dream team, leaders."

"Hmm, I like that," Albus mused. He could not believe Scorpius was playing along. "Hopefully the girl's a little bit older. She can hold that over him forever."

"Somebody will have to be super into Quidditch of course," Scorpius said, loosening up. "We can't be two Quidditch loving dads and have no Quidditch loving children."

"Agreed. That's unbearable. Maybe one of them will be into looking like a carefree runway model, like you. And someone can play piano, like me."

"And maybe someone will be the writer, like Al."

And just like that Scorpius had control of the game. Albus stared at him in shock.

"Al... what?"

"It may not be forever but Al's a part of your reality so as a family we'll have to deal with it," Scorpius said smoothly. "As your husband I will love you unconditionally."

Albus started stammering. "Even... even though- he... he's-"

"Even though he's a twat? Of course. Someone who doesn't want you at your worst doesn't deserve you at your best. The kids will have a bit of difficulty adjusting, like I did. But at the end of the day we'll fucking love you more than anything."

"_Oh god," I whispered._

_I couldn't help it. The ladle I'd been holding fell out of my hand and clattered to the floor. I lunged for Scorpius, taking his face in my hands and-_

"Oh, I- wow." Albus cleared his throat. "I didn't realize..."

"What loving you means?" Scorpius said easily. "The good, the bad, and the ugly. That's what it means. Me, myself, and Al- no matter what."

Albus was stunned into silence.

"Now as for the house. I know I said a cottage by the ocean but is that the best idea? I don't want our children to grow up in isolation if there's not many other houses around."

"We'll find a nice village," Albus said in a daze. "Mostly muggle. Our children should grow up on good terms with them."

"Agreed. I had a muggle deprived childhood, I'm surprised I turned out halfway decent."

"More than halfway. All the way. Ahead of the game actually." Albus had to look away so Scorpius wouldn't see the fond smile on his face. Scorpius saw it anyway.

"Now as far as Hogwarts houses go..."

They carried on that way until the end of the class. Every time Rose looked back they were either giggling into their potion or staring into each others eyes like they were the only people on earth. It was sickening but undeniably cute.

The bell was set to go off in a few minutes. Albus leaned back.

"Alright, you first. What do you smell?"

Scorpius's lips pressed in a hard line. He knew exactly what he was going to smell- Albus, Albus, and also Albus.

He did it anyway and was met with the most beautiful smell to have ever existed. It smelled like freedom and safety if that was even possible. He could smell fresh air like on early Quidditch mornings and Albus's favorite Earl Grey tea.

But the most overwhelming scent was strawberries. If Scorpius were to lean over and smell Albus's hair right now he would be able to smell the same exact scent of the strawberry shampoo he uses.

"Well?" Albus prompted.

"Uh, there's... fresh morning air and hot tea and..."

He mumbled the last part, too low for Albus to hear.

"Sorry? Didn't quite catch that last part."

"Strawberries. It smells like strawberries. Your turn."

Albus bit the inside of cheek to stop from smiling. He ran a hand through his hair and purposely messed it up a bit so that Scorpius would know without a doubt that he knew.

He leaned forward for his turn when the Professor appeared in front of them, staring down into their cauldron.

"What do we have here, boys?"

"Amortentia," Scorpius said, still pink in the face.

The Professor was quite impressed. "Neither of you have thus far showed any sort of proficiency in this class but this potion is perfect. Very well done."

Albus nodded impatiently. He wanted her to go away so that he could smell the potion. His own shitty luck apparently had other ideas.

"Mind if I keep this? I am to demonstrate this potion to my sixth years this afternoon and I was going to have to make it during my lunch hour. You don't mind, do you?"

That was apparently a rhetorical question. With a flick of her wand their potion disappeared and with it answers Albus desperately wanted.

"That's too bad, Albus," Scorpius said, packing up his things. "But it's okay, you can always smell the person you love- they're always around."

Albus raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure Peeves is around here somewhere."

Albus threw his quill at him. "Peeves is a poltergeist, you asshole! He doesn't smell like anything!"

But he was laughing and so was Scorpius and Albus embraced the fact that his heart was racing a bit faster than it should be and that his face was just a little bit too red to be considered friendly. He was about to ask if Scorpius would join him for lunch when Scorpius looked at his watch and jumped a bit.

"Shit, I've got to go."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm meeting Brennan outside for lunch. See you tonight maybe?"

He was gone before Albus could answer.

He stared after him. Rose eventually sidled up beside him.

"That went awesome, didn't it? You guys were like a hailstorm of flirting. What's wrong?"

She saw the look on Albus's face.

"Nothing," he said. "It's... nothing."

He abandoned her and left the classroom. On the way to Gryffindor Tower he almost knocked over Lily who was hurrying down the stairs.

"Oi! Watch it!" she said.

Albus looked at her and realized she looked a lot fancier than usual. She had on enough makeup to rival a clown (though she still looked very good) and her hair was done up in a fancy bun.

"Where the hell are you going?!"

"Right now? To find Ashley to finish my manicure." She flashed him a hand with only two pink nails. "But tonight is the Ministry-St. Mungo's party. Remember? You didn't want to come."

She left him there, running off to find her friend. Albus stared after her.

~O-O~

Brennan was lounging casually under the beech tree by the lake when Scorpius arrived. Brennan had with him a jug of pumpkin juice, two PB &amp; J's and a bag of Licorice Wands because 'I know how much you like them'. Scorpius felt a bit weird eating them without Albus because it's kind of become _their _thing but they were delicious all the same.

"So what are your plans for when you graduate?" Brennan asked. Scorpius wasn't sure how it happened but suddenly Brennan's arm was around his shoulders and they were basically cuddling.

"I hadn't really thought of it," Scorpius answered honestly. "I just want to survive school and then take some time to figure it all out I suppose."

In truth Scorpius had barely thought of life after Hogwarts. His father had all these grand plans for him and for the longest time he'd been running on autopilot just trying to please him. Now Albus sort of takes up all his time. Not in a bad way of course. It's just a fact that Albus's presence is time consuming.

"What about you?" Scorpius asked even though he didn't really care. He was trying to think of a way to subtly remove himself from under Brennan's arm. "I know you still have one more year but have you thought about it?"

"I think I want to come back and teach," he said. "I love wizarding history and I love kids, I think it would be great."

"That's sounds awesome," Scorpius lied. That basically sounded like the worst job ever. History of Magic was the most boring subject known to wizard kind and trying to control many small, bored children at the same time was the worst nightmare imaginable.

Brennan started to talk about his job the previous summer at the ministry which involved words like _filing _and _preserving history_. Scorpius had to tune him out completely to save his sanity.

When he finally finished his ten minute long monologue on how he scored the internship (spoiler alert, his dad's rich and basically bribed the department to take him) Scorpius realized several important things.

For one Brennan would be the perfect guy for Scorpius. He came from money, his dad was well known and he was a kind and respectable young man. Although Draco Malfoy wouldn't be pleased with Scorpius's _preferences_,if Scorpius was going to bring home a guy anyway he thought that his father would deem Brennan the worthiest.

Another thing was that Brennan was grounded and wasn't awash with mental health problems. Did he recklessly take drugs last Hogsmeade trip when they were with Al? Yes. Have they shagged all over the castle with virtually no regard for other people's property or people's innocence considering they never locked any doors? Yes. But through it all Brennan was great and most of all he was _safe_. Scorpius would live a long, happy, ordinary life with him.

And it sounded horrible.

That life was suffocating. Scorpius had lived his first six years at Hogwarts being the good boy- getting the best grades behind only Rose Weasley and growing into the boy his family wanted and expected from him.

And it had almost killed him.

And then Albus and Al Potter had exploded into his life like lightning and ruptured the whole pattern. They were wild and erratic and most of all they were a risk. They were a risk that Scorpius could never have imagined taking until it happened. Albus Potter was the tiny voice in his head pushing him to his limits. Because of him he'd done a lot of non-Draco Malfoy approved things but he didn't regret it for a second because that wasn't him. If he was like Draco Malfoy in any way he would have told Potter no and they would never have become friends. But Scorpius wasn't his father.

He'd tasted true freedom, true liberty, and there was no going back.

And hearing Brennan talk about his boring, secure life was so painful that Scorpius wanted to run away screaming. _Why the fuck was he here and not with Albus?_

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Brennan suddenly asked, "Hey, do you wanna go to Hogsmeade together this weekend?"

And then Scorpius remembered why he was here. Because Brennan liked him which was more than he could say for Albus. Brennan was safe but at least Brennan was a possibility.

"Sure," Scorpius said. "Yeah, I'll go with you."

~O-O~

At dinner Scorpius looked around for Albus but he was nowhere in sight. Actually, none of the Weasley's/Potter's/Harrison's could be seen. Scorpius frowned and ate a bit of dinner alone before heading off to the library to look for Albus in their spot.

What he found instead were all of Albus's family waiting for him, except for Lily. They all had the same stony expression on their faces and their chairs were all around in a semi-circle facing the one empty chair for Scorpius. Scorpius didn't sit.

"What's happening here? Is this a cult? Are we summoning satan?"

"That's a séance. Cults are the followers of something like a person or an ideal," Hugo said. Everyone glared at him. "Sorry."

"Sit, Scorpius," said Rose. He still didn't sit. Rose sniffed haughtily. "Fine, stand. _Asshole_."

"Rose, calm your face," Finn said turning from Scorpius to Rose and then back to Scorpius. "Scor, mate, this is an intervention."

"An intervention?"

"Yes, about you and Albus," Roxanne said angrily. "Because apparently there's something actually going on there and no one thought to fucking tell me!"

Louis shushed her. "You're gonna get us kicked out! Keep your fucking voice down!" He was even louder than she was.

As overachievers Rose and Scorpius shared a look even though Rose was the prosecutor and Scorpius was the one on trial.

"Shut up all of you," Rose hissed. "We're here because Albus is confused and Scorpius is being an utter twat so-"

"Excuse you!" Scorpius growled. "How the bloody fuck am I being-"

But no one cared what he had to say.

"Albus's doesn't know what he wants but you need to give him time to figure it out." This was Louis talking now. "You need to drop _Brandon Assface_ or whatever his name is before I do it for you."

"What?! That sounds like you're gonna kill him!"

"Nothing you can prove."

Scorpius buried his face in his hands while Rose made a noise that said perfectly clearly THIS NOT GOING THAT RIGHT WAY AT ALL.

"Look, Scorpius," she said gently. "You can't give up on Albus."

"I have to at some point, Rose! It's only fair to me! I laid my goddamn heart out on the line for him!"

"You were both high!" Rose countered.

"I wasn't talking about that time! We had a sober heart to heart and if Albus didn't tell me then he won't ever tell me. That's it, that's all. I can't wait forever."

Scorpius walked away, cigarette already in hand. He felt like shit. He made it to the Entrance Hall, all the while trying to remember if he still had any alcohol anywhere. He stepped out into the cool air and was halfway through his cigarette when Louis found him, just like the other night.

"Save it, Louis. I really can't listen to another meaningless pep talk tonight. I really can't."

Louis crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. He was frowning.

"Do you like him? This Brandon guy I mean."

"Brennan," Scorpius corrected even though he knew Louis knew his real name. "And maybe, I don't know. But I know what you're trying to do. Trying to make me admit that I'm only going for him as like a rebound thing and I am, that's completely what I'm doing. I really just need to forget about Albus, do you understand that?"

Louis just shook his head. "I don't think that's what it is at all. Have you realized this thing you have with Brian will only make Albus jealous? We both know there's something between you and Albus, you'd have to be dead not to see it. We just don't know yet what that thing is. Whether or not you realize it, being with Brayden serves the dual purpose of not only making Albus jealous but hurting him too. This could push him away, don't do that."

"I didn't know I was doing that," Scorpius said quietly.

"I know, Scor, I know. You're a good guy and I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt Albus. If you think there's no hope between you two then go for it- date Brody. But if there's even the slightest chance of hope you need to wait for Albus."

Scorpius realized that Louis was not the person he should be having this conversation with.

"Where... where is Albus now."

"He left." Scorpius felt his heart drop. "There's a function tonight at St Mungo's. Only Lily was going to go to support Harry but at the last second Albus said he would go to."

With a sad, supportive half smile and a hug, Louis left. Scorpius jammed the last bit of his cigarette into the dirt and told himself to _stop being such a dumbass_.

Everything was so fucked. He felt empty. He wasn't even with Albus now but knowing that Albus wasn't here was a lot more painful than he thought it would be.

He twisted his watch around his wrist. He really hated this feeling.

~O-O~

Lily had thought it was a good idea to surprise Harry instead of telling him in advance that Albus had changed his mind. The problem with that is that Albus has a lot of self-loathing and in situations like this he would imagine Harry being disappointed that his mentally ill son had come to a fancy ministry party. But he knew that that was crazy considering Harry had invited him in the first place. Yet he still couldn't help but think it. _Thank you, anxiety disorder. _

"Dad," Lily said, taping Harry on the shoulder after the portkey the headmaster had set up for them dropped them off. "Look who decided to come after all!"

Harry whirled around, choking on his drink. Albus held his breath.

"Albus!" Harry yelled much too loudly, startling several people around them. His smile was almost blinding. "You came!"

He pulled Albus into a hug and wouldn't let go until Albus had to put both hands on his dad's chest and shove him off.

"Jeez, dad. There are people here. We're in public, man, keep it together."

Harry laughed loudly, loudly enough to get Ginny's attention from where she'd been talking with Rose's parents.

"Harry? Why are you making that sound I told you not to make in front of people anymore?"

She spotted her son.

"Albus!"

They hugged and Albus had to forcibly remove her as well or else he feared he would spend the rest of the evening in a vice grip.

"Alright, alright," he said, blushing at his complete misjudgment of the situation. "Let's not freak people out, they're already staring."

They were indeed receiving a lot of looks. It may have been because of Albus's controversial presence considering what happened at the last ministry party he went to but maybe not.

More than likely it was because Harry Potter was wearing glittery navy blue dress robes that shimmered when he moved. He'd always had a weird fashion sense.

"Why don't you two go get a drink and mingle a bit?" Ginny suggested. "Your father has to prepare for the speech he has to give in twenty minutes."

Harry laughed like everything was totally fine but when Ginny looked away Harry leaned down and whispered to Albus, "I have absolutely nothing planned, I am trash."

Albus rolled his eyes. "Just wing it, Dad. You're Harry Potter. You could go up there and rap _The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air _theme song and nobody would think any less of you."

He patted his dad reassuringly on the arm and followed Lily to the drinks table.

"I want something fancy," she said, looking over the wines. "Something expensive."

"I just need something with a high alcohol percentage," Albus said, picking up several bottles of liquor and checking the labels.

While Lily poured herself a dainty glass of red, Albus sloshed a liberal amount of scotch into a tumbler and downed half of it in one go. Lily was staring at him, eyes huge and mouth wide open.

"What?" he said. "It's free."

She was about to say something else when they were interrupted by the worst human being to have ever lived.

"Albus Potter!" Everett McPerfect Face exclaimed like Albus and him were long lost best mates. "I didn't know you would be here tonight!"

"I didn't know either," Albus said flatly.

"What a lovely event, don't you think?" Albus didn't answer so Everett just went right on. "It's really great to see so many people getting together for a good cause, wouldn't you agree? Restores your faith in the world, doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't," Albus said like that statement wasn't possible. "The world is a terrible place and we're all going to die. No matter how much money we donate to the hospital it can't save us."

Everett seemed to think he was joking. He tilted his head back and roared with laughter.

"You are funny tonight, my friend!" Albus resisted the urge to childishly remind him that they were not friends. "Say, is Scorpius here?"

There it is. Now it all made sense. Everett was only talking to him to ask about _Scorpius_.

"No, he's not here tonight," Albus said through gritted teeth, "because he's dead. If you'll excuse me."

He grabbed the bottle of scotch he'd had from before and basically ran off through the crowd. He hated Everett and his dumb unbelievably godlike teeth and basically everything else in the world. He filled up his glass again and shoved the bottle into the hands of some random lady who walked by. Finding a quiet spot at the back Albus sipped his horrible drink and waited for his dad's speech. He could see Everett at the front talking to a man who had his back to Albus. For some reason he remembered that Everett had said that his father was a healer and that's probably who he was talking to.

There was a small bout of cheering as Harry Potter took the stage as the ministry representative for this fundraiser. It was clear to Albus that his dad was 100% going to improvise the whole thing but he was an expert at that.

About halfway through the speech when Albus was feeling good and tipsy he felt a strange chill like a window had been opened or Lord Voldemort was standing beside him. He peeked sideways. It was much worse than Lord Voldemort.

"Everett Masterson is under the impression that my son is dead," Draco Malfoy said in his usual voice that sounded like ice and the screams of small children. He didn't look angry however, more amused. He had a glass of the same thing Albus was drinking in his hand.

"Also," he said, "you shoved this four hundred galleon bottle of scotch into my wife's arms."

Albus should have been mortified. Instead he looked at his glass in bewilderment.

"This costs _four hundred galleons_?"

Draco sent him a look that clearly said that that was not the point.

"I know this is a ridiculous question but I have to ask," he said. "Is my son dead?"

Albus could definitely feel the alcohol now. "Scorpius is just fine. I just wanted to get that _asshat _to stop hitting on him. Through me for god's sake!"

Draco's face was somewhere between disbelief and horror.

"He... my Scorpius... _asshat_?"

"Don't worry," Albus said taking another large sip from his drink. "Scorpius does _not _fancy him."

They went back to watching Harry's presentation. Actually Albus went back to watching it. Draco sort of just stood there staring wide eyed at the back of some guy's coat like he was petrified.

Harry was wrapping up his speech when Draco cleared his throat slightly and said, somewhat gruffly, "Scorpius is too young for dating."

Albus wondered if he was just saying that to prove he wasn't homophobic which, from what he's heard about Draco Malfoy, would actually be pretty cool of him.

"We're too young for a lot of things, Mr Malfoy," Albus sighed mournfully and just a little bit bitterly. "We're too young for debilitating mental disorders and wishing for our lives to be over before they've even begun. We're too young to fall in love with your best friend and be fucking terrified for what that really means."

If Draco's face had been terrified before it was nothing compared to what he looked like now.

"Are _you _in love with my son?"

On stage Harry finished his speech and everyone clapped. Albus joined in.

"Sir, I think everyone is a little bit in love with your son. After myself he is the most flawed, fucked up person I've ever met but somehow he still manages to be perfect."

Albus didn't even have time to process what he'd just admitted out loud because Harry had stepped off the stage and Everett's dad was approaching the microphone. He turned and Albus could finally see his face.

His glass fell out of his hand and shattered. A few people turned around but no one seemed to care except for Draco Malfoy.

"Potter?"

On stage the healer spoke. His voice was exactly the way Albus remembered it.

"Potter? Are you alright?"

Draco put his hand on Albus's shoulder. Albus stared into his eyes- the same exact color of Scorpius's.

"Potter, what do you need?"

"I... I need-" _I need Scorpius._

Suddenly Lily was in front of Albus so fast he thought Draco had summoned her.

"Albus, what's going on?" she said, concern flashing across her face.

Albus could feel his vision narrowing. He could feel himself losing it and it was only moments before _Al_ happened.

Lily started to pull him away through the crowd. The healer was talking about money and greatness but all Albus could hear was a steady heart monitor and his mother crying and the voice saying horrible medical words.

Everett _Masterson_. Dr Paul Masterson.

Everett's father had been the healer the night in August when Albus had been admitted.

~O-O~

Scorpius was caught by the Headmaster on his way back to his dormitory.

"Doing you headboy duties?" the Headmaster asked even though he knew full well Scorpius wasn't.

"Yes, sir."

"Outside?"

"I was just er, checking the grounds for students."

"Checking to make sure no students were breaking school rules by smoking?"

Scorpius blanched.

"Yup!" he squeaked.

"Have a good night, Mr Malfoy."

He left Scorpius to hyperventilate alone.

Except he wasn't alone for long. Of all the people in the castle, Brennan chose that moment to walk into the Entrance Hall.

"Scor?" he said. "Was that the Headmaster? What are you doing here?"

"Dodging getting expelled apparently." Scorpius wasn't really in the mood to see Brennan and the headache he'd had before was now ten times worse.

"You reek of cigarettes," was Brennan's next line which did not make Scorpius feel any better."

"Yeah, I know. Goodnight, Brennan." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" Brennan called. Scorpius stopped but didn't turn around. "I was just gonna go to the kitchens and grab some food. Do you want to come?"

After talking with Louis this was it- this was the moment.

Being with Brennan would be easier. He was healthy and stable and didn't have a sociopathic second identity. Brennan would be good for him and they would be starting off with a clean slate, no family trouble or decade old feuds. Albus was a mess and together they'd be nothing short of scandalous.

Scorpius didn't want to take the easy way out but he wasn't chosen to be a Gryffindor. He had never had and would never have their courage. Because he's a Slytherin through and through.

But Albus was the Gryffindor. He was supposed to be the brave one and never back down from anything. If he liked Scorpius he would tell him.

Wouldn't he?

"Yes," Scorpius said, turning back to Brennan. "I'll come with you."

~O-O~

Lily managed to get Albus into the hall before too many people could notice. She sat him down away from the noise and chaos and tried to keep him still. He was shaking.

"Albus, what happened!" He didn't answer. His face was buried in his hands and Lily wasn't sure anymore _who _exactly was sitting in front of her.

"Don't move," she said. "I'm going to get dad."

Albus's hand shot out and grabbed her by the wrist.

"No! Don't go. Stay with me. Please. Don't freak dad out."

"Albus, you're freaking _me _out."

He shook his head, eyes wet and pleading. Lily sat in front of him and placed a gentle hand on his knee.

"Albus, please just- tell me what happened."

She didn't want to push to hard and cause an Al situation. She was also curious as to why Al wasn't already here.

Albus's face was now buried in buried in his hands. When he spoke his voice was quiet and muffled.

"I'm surprised you didn't recognize him, Lils," he said. "At one point you were holding him by the shoulders and screaming at him."

"Recognize who, Albus? What are you talking about?"

"The man on stage. The healer."

"Who-"

"He was the healer, Lily. My healer. The one in August."

Albus raised his head but wished he hadn't. Lily's hand was over her mouth and tears were tracking down her cheeks.

"I haven't seen him since I got released and when I saw him I felt like I was living it all over again." He dried his own eyes on the sleeve of his dress robes. "Do you really not remember him?"

Lily choked back a sob. "Albus, I- I don't remember anything about that week. When I think back to it there's just _nothing_. I remember you coming home but before that everything is just... black."

As she cried, Albus realized that he was a terrible brother.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I never even asked you once if you were okay. I'm so sorry, Lily."

Lily wiped her cheeks and angrily rounded on him.

"Don't do that. Don't you dare blame yourself for something else."

They both knew that Albus wouldn't stop doing that but there was no point in saying it.

"Albus, where's Al?" Lily said instead. "I'm glad he's not but a few months ago he'd be here right now."

"Yeah, he would be." No sense in denying it.

"What's changed?"

The moment Lily said it her eyes grew wide as she finally realized the truth.

"Oh my god. It's Scorpius. It's him, isn't it?"

Albus nodded. It was too late to care anymore. Lily looked like she was going to explode.

"How the hell did I not know this? Merlin's pants, I'm the last to know everything. Are you two together?"

"No, we're not together," Albus said harshly, hating himself because that was entirely his fault. "I did something stupid and didn't tell him how I felt and now he's with someone else."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And I've lived with James Potter."

She stood up and pulled Albus to his feet. Then she grabbed him by the arms and gave him her best terrifying Weasley face.

"Here's what's going to happen. You are going to apparate back to Hogwarts right now while I tell dad to warn the Headmaster that you're coming back early. You're going to find Malfoy, tell him you're an idiot, confess everything and then SNOG HIS FUCKING FACE OFF!"

"Fuck, don't yell!" Albus hissed, looking back at the reception room to see if anyone was rushing over to kick them out. "I'm on your side just- calm down!"

"Clearly you're not on my side because if you were Scorpius would be here right now holding your hand."

She took him by the back of his shirt and dragged him to the door where she threw him outside into the rain that had apparently started.

"I'll tell dad," she said. "Now go before I change my mind about punching you in your dumb mouth."

She slammed the door in his face.

Albus flipped off the closed door even though he knew she was right.

_Damn_.

~O-O~

The next morning when Albus woke up with a warm body sleeping beside him it was exactly how he'd foreseen.

Except that person wasn't Scorpius.


	34. Passive Me, Aggressive You

**Chapter 33: Passive Me, Aggressive You**

Albus's plan had been to locate Scorpius and tell him everything, throwing caution to the motherfucking wind. He'd pictured the scene on their balcony because it was pretty up there and more importantly, it was _theirs_.

That part of the plan had fallen through almost immediately considering it was raining but the other part still seemed pretty attainable.

Until Albus skidded into the main hall and saw Scorpius walking with Brennan's arm wrapped around his waist.

Albus froze, dripping water onto the floor and letting probable pneumonia seep into his bones. Scorpius laughed at something Brennan said and then Albus had to watch as Brennan leaned over and kissed Scorpius so gently it made Albus want to plant a garden and then set it on fire.

He wanted to run. Run as far away as he possibly could and never look back. He turned to run and barreled right into Nathan the sixth year Ravenclaw.

"Ow, CHRIST!"

Nathan stumbled backwards and clutched at his forehead from where Albus's shoulder had collided with it.

"Watch where you're fucking going, Al!" Nathan hissed.

Albus cringed at the nickname but didn't correct him.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I- was distracted. I'm sorry."

Now Nathan looked awkward.

"It's fine, I didn't meant to scream at you."

They both stared uncomfortably at the ground. Albus hoped it would open and swallow him up.

"I want to-" Albus said

"Look, Al-" Nathan said at the same time. They stared at each other.

"You first," Albus said.

"No, you go."

Albus cleared his throat. "Er, I just wanted to... apologize for everything that happened between us. I know he- _I _wasn't very nice to you at the end and I'm truly sorry for that."

"It's my fault too," Nathan said, bowing his head. "I knew you just wanted to keep it easy but I... I caught feelings and that made me angry. I'm sorry I yelled at you and Finn. I know you too are just friends."

"It's okay. Guess we were both just pretty stupid about it all."

"Yea, guess we were." He smiled looking flustered but relieved. He stuck out his hand.

"Friends?"

Albus grinned cheekily. He felt reckless and knew he was probably about to do something stupid but he didn't care. He took Nathan's hand in his.

"Definitely."

Neither let go for what was much longer than necessary. Nathan eyes were optimistic but narrowed questioningly. Albus was still grinning, waiting for Nathan to make the first move.

"So..." Nathan said. "Room of requirement?"

When Albus woke up the next morning in what looked like a small beach house he knew he'd fucked up. He sat up and dressed, brain spinning, hoping to not wake Nathan but of course it didn't work.

"Hey," Nathan said groggily, the bed creaking as he rolled over. Without even looking at him Albus could hear the smile in his voice. He felt like swearing. He didn't want something like last time to happen again.

As if reading his mind Nathan sat up and reached for Albus's shoulder. "Just so we're on the same page I'm not looking for anything right now. Last night was great but that's all I'd ever expect from you. I know that now. So, friends again?"

Albus wondered if meeting up a couple times in the middle of the night to shag really made them friends. Nonetheless some of the tension in Albus loosened.

"Yeah," he said. "I'd like that."

"Good, I'm glad."

Nathan moved forward on the bed and moved Albus's face closer to his. They kissed. All of Albus's instincts told him to run but instead he turned more towards the Ravenclaw to kiss him better. One hand was on his thigh, the other resting gently on the bare skin of his waist.

Albus realized full well that it was _he_, not Al, who was with a guy right now and he knew that the fact that he liked it was important but for the moment he didn't care. He pushed it aside and let himself waste a few minutes pretending to be in a world that was easier and better than the one he lived in.

Finally he pulled back and said, "I'm going to go back to my dorm."

"Yeah, ok. I have to get dressed so you go on. I'll see you around, Al."

The moment he said the name Albus felt it with certainty this time. He stood and booked it from the room as normally as he could, knowing he only had moments. Out in the hall he fell hard to his knees, eyes shut tight.

Al stood up a few seconds later.

Al laughed quite loudly to himself and thought that, of all the times they've been in this walk of shame situation, he's never been on the _morning after _side.

~O-O~

Scorpius stared at the Gryffindor table with an odd and confused expression on his face. Cale sat down beside him and stared.

"What's wrong with your face?"

Scorpius didn't look away from the Gryffindor's. "You're seeing it too right? The look Lily Potter is sending me?"

Cale looked across the hall. Lily was indeed staring at Scorpius with an expression that was utterly unreadable.

"Ideas?" Cale asked.

"None."

"I know what it's about," said a voice. Cale and Scorpius looked up in alarm.

Al smirked and sat down opposite them, stealing Scorpius's entire plate of food.

"No, you don't," Cale said completely unamused.

Al shrugged. "Well, nobody tells me anything."

"Because you do terrible things with people's secrets," Scorpius said flatly.

Al put a hand on his heart. "You wound me, Malfoy. Besides, what about your secrets."

He made a rude hand gesture. Cale looked horrified.

"Gross, I'm leaving. Good luck, Scor."

He left. Scorpius glared at him as he went. When he turned back Al was looking at him with soft eyes and a teasing smile.

"Haven't seen you around lately," Scorpius said before Al could make any more crass comments.

"Been busy."

Scorpius didn't answer that because he'd just realized why he'd felt déjà vu with Brennan the night before.

Because he'd already done the exact same thing with Al. But then it had been a choice between pining after Albus or getting the next best thing. Now it was a choice between pining after Albus or being with someone who actually liked him.

"Everything is so fucked up," Scorpius said, not having meant to say it out loud.

Al paused while pouring himself coffee. "Uh, what now?"

Scorpius stood up. "I have to leave."

He hurried out of the hall but should have known it wouldn't be that easy to shake off Al.

"Hey, where are you going!" he called, running to catch up. Coffee splashed over the rim of the cup he'd stolen from the Great Hall.

Scorpius didn't slow down. "Don't you have small children to go torture or something?"

"They can wait. What's up?"

"Why do you care?" Scorpius snapped. He stopped walking and rounded on Al.

"You want the truth?" he said. Scorpius nodded. "I don't actually care. I'm just trying to be nice so that I can get into your pants again."

Scorpius stared at him for a long pause and then burst out laughing. Al watched him in disbelief until Scorpius finally calmed down.

"Merlin, that wasn't even funny," he said, trying to regain his breath. "It's just nice to know that some things haven't changed."

"What has changed?"

Scorpius sighed overdramatically. "Never mind. Things are pretty messed up now and I don't know how to fix it."

Al grinned wickedly. "Well, I know how I can fix everything."

Before Scorpius could stop him Al lunged forward, throwing his coffee cup to the ground. He wrapped his arms around Scorpius's shoulders and full on kissed him right in the middle of the hall. Al swung them around a bit too enthusiastically and Scorpius lost his balance.

"Al!" he yelled.

A strange look crossed Al's face and he promptly let go of Scorpius who crashed to the floor.

"OW, what the hell!"

Scorpius looked up from the ground only to see Al fall against the wall and shut his eyes tight like he was in pain.

"Al?!" Scorpius couldn't help the note of panic that crept into his voice.

He scrambled over to him and grabbed Al by the shoulders. Al shook his head, his fringe covering his face. Scorpius lifted his chin and pushed his hair to the side. Albus stared back.

"Scor?" he breathed. Scorpius sighed in relief.

"Jeez, you scared me there."

"Why are we on the floor?"

"You transitioned mid-pirouette and we fell over."

Scorpius rubbed at his sore elbow. Albus looked at the floor. He looked embarrassed and almost ill.

"You okay?" Scorpius asked gently. Albus nodded once.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

Scorpius ran a hand through his hair.

"You know, in all this time I don't think I've ever actually seen you transition back." Albus stared at him. "Sorry. I uh- I don't know why I said that."

He helped Albus to his feet but neither of them backed away. Scorpius's hands were around Albus's biceps and Albus was grasping forearms. There was a very obvious pause before Albus looked over Scorpius shoulder and frowned.

"What's _he _doing here?" The amount of hostility in his voice surprised Scorpius.

Somebody cleared their throat. Scorpius turned his head. Brennan was standing back a few feet watching them with a shocked expression. Scorpius immediately dropped Albus's arms and stepped away.

"Hey," he said, with no idea what to follow that up with.

Brennan didn't look mad. He just looked confused.

"I can... leave if you want me to?"

To Scorpius's surprise it was Albus who spoke up.

"No, it's okay," he said in a hard voice. "Malfoy and I are done here."

He snatched up his bag from where it had fallen on the floor and stalked away, kicking the broken shards of the coffee cup as he went. Scorpius stared after him in disbelief.

"Are you guys okay?" Brennan asked.

"I don't know," Scorpius answered honestly, still watching Albus's retreating figure. "I don't know."

~O-O~

"I know that face," Finn said when Albus stormed into the otherwise empty Gryffindor common room.

"What face?" Albus snapped, throwing his bag onto the floor and sitting down on the couch, arms folded.

"It's your '_nobody get in my way unless you want a good swift kick to the face_' look. You're pouting."

"I'm not pouting," Albus pouted.

"Uh huh."

Albus flipped him off but realized he may as well tell the truth.

"Just saw Scorpius," he said bitterly, nails tearing at a rip in the sofa cushion. "He jumped away from me like he'd been electrocuted when Brennan found us."

"What were you two doing?"

"Nothing! Actually I don't know that for sure. I came to about halfway through our conversation."

"Al?"

"Al."

Finn bit his lip. "What do you think they were doing?"

"Bloody hell, I have no idea. I don't know what's worse- Scorpius with Al or Scorpius with Brennan."

"And how do you feel about Scorpius with Albus?"

Albus groaned. "Not you too. I miss the old drugged out Finn that never asked questions or knew what day of the freaking week it was."

Finn didn't say anything. Albus lay down on the couch and closed his eyes, trying very hard not to think of anything. Unfortunately the image of Scorpius and Brennan snogging seemed to be imprinted on the inside of his eyelids.

He was pulled of out the horrible images when he was promptly smacked in the face with a throw pillow.

"Goddamn it, Finn!" he yelled, sitting up. "What the hell was that-"

Finn hit him again, harder this time. Albus clutched the right side of his face that was now red and stinging.

"What's the matter with you!"

Finn looked livid. "What's the matter with ME? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, ALBUS FUCKING POTTER!"

He hit him again. This time Albus actually fell to the floor.

"YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT!" Finn yelled, whipping the pillow across the room where it took out someone's carefully laid out chess set. "I'VE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT UP UNTIL THIS POINT BUT THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS."

"Get on with it! What are you trying to say?!"

"WHY WON'T YOU LET YOURSELF BE FUCKING HAPPY?"

Silence rang out. Finn stood towering over Albus who lay on the ground. Then his anger subsided and he looked down at his friend with nothing but sadness.

"You always do this to yourself," he said, voice breaking. "You get something good and you fuck it up. Time after time you do this and I can't watch you do it again. Not with Scorpius."

He knelt down in front of his friend.

"Albus, tell me the truth. Do you love him?"

"I don't know," Albus whispered. Finn looked furious. Albus held up his hands.

"No, don't be mad! I really don't know how I feel, okay? That's it, that's the truth!"

Finn's hands balled into fists and for one terrifying moment Albus thought Finn was going to punch him.

"That's so bullshit, Albus!" he yelled. "You love him! But you keep saying that you don't know and I want to know why!"

"It's the truth, Finn!"

"Is it about Brennan? Does it have something to do with him?"

"No!" Albus shouted.

"You're lying!"

In one second Finn was back in front of Albus, hauling him to his feet and slamming him against the wall. Albus's head cracked against the stone and stars danced in front of his eyes but he still stared at Finn in wide-eyed disbelief.

"Why Albus!" Finn was shouting. "Scorpius loves _you_! Brennan means nothing to him!"

Albus tried to get out from under Finn's hold but he held on tight.

"Scorpius doesn't like me anymore," Albus said. "He's moved on. Him and Brennan, they're together now-"

"THAT'S NOT THE REAL REASON!" Finn screamed. "TELL ME WHAT IT REALLY IS!"

"Finn, I- please, I don't-"

"ALBUS!"

Albus finally broke. He shoved Finn away.

"BRENNAN IS BETTER FOR HIM. HE'S MUCH BETTER FOR HIM THAN I'LL EVER BE. ARE YOU HAPPY, FINN?"

Finn sunk down on the couch, defeated.

"No, Albus," he said. "That does not make me happy."

Albus slid down the wall and hugged his knees into his chest. He couldn't bear to look at Finn's pitying face so he looked instead into the fire.

"I saw them walking together last night. I should have gone to him anyways but I didn't and I couldn't figure out why. Then I saw them together and it all made sense."

"What did?" Finn asked quietly.

"Everything. Brennan found us on the floor. Scorpius was helping me up because I'd lost my balance when I transitioned. When we finally noticed Brennan, Scorpius jumped away from me like I was cursed. Brennan would be good for him because _he's _good. I'm not."

"I'm not following."

"It doesn't really matter anyway. The matter's done. We won't ever be together."

"Albus-"

"No, Finn. It is what it is." Finn looked ready to argue so Albus cut him off.

"That night we got high and then later in class we talked about our future. Our future _together_. Scorpius brought up Al and I realized our future would never just be the two of us. I can't put anybody through that Finn, not even Scorpius. I can't subject Al onto anyone else."

"It's Scorpius's choice if he wants to take on a challenge like Al."

"Maybe," Albus said just to satisfy Finn, "but for his health I feel I have to make it for him."

With one look at Finn, Albus could see what he was doing to him. He wished he hadn't said anything at all.

"Albus..." Finn's voice was so quiet Albus barely heard it. "Albus one day... one day you'll have to let yourself accept it. Let yourself find happiness."

"That's the problem with depression, Finn," Albus said. "It doesn't let you do that."

~O-O~

On the way to Transfiguration later that day the last thing Albus expected to see was Brennan waiting for him in the courtyard. Brennan raced over when he saw him and they fell into step.

"Hey, Albus," Brennan said uncomfortably, running a hand through his hair. He had to actually jog to keep up with Albus's long legs. "I think we've only uh, properly met once-"

"Ah yes, our near Shrieking Shack threesome," Albus said flatly.

Brennan blanched. "Umm, yeah. Actually that's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about."

Albus stopped walking. "What?"

"It was clear to me that day that you and Scor had something going on between you," Brennan said. Albus had to refrain from punching him in the face for using Scorpius's nickname. "He said you guys were just keeping it casual but then I saw you two together yesterday and I have to ask."

"Ask what," Albus said through gritted teeth.

"I'm not coming in between anything right? I don't want to be that guy. I just... need to know that you don't like Scorpius that way because if you do I'll back off, I promise. It's not my intention to be an asshole."

Albus was rather taken aback. He thought that if the situation were different he might actually think Brennan was pretty decent. But as such...

"No," Albus said firmly. "There's nothing going on between us. What happened is in the past now. We want different things. We deserve different things."

Brennan nodded. "So, it's cool if I go for it, yea?"

"Sure," Albus said blankly. "Go for it."

Brennan shot him a million dollar smile. They shook hands like gentlemen and Brennan ran off to class. Albus stared at the ground long enough to be late. He walked away from the Transfiguration wing, taking out his last cigarette- the empty box reflecting basically what he felt like.

~O-O~

Two days pass. Scorpius and Albus don't talk at all, mainly due to the fact that Albus only left his dorm room for meals and lessons. In class they don't sit beside each other anymore. In potions they talk only about ingredients or stirring patterns or how hot the fire should be. Rose watches from across the room. She doesn't say anything.

The day after Albus spent his lunch hour sitting up in the beech tree by the lake. The weather was nice and where he was sitting provided just enough shade. He was making good progress on his charms homework when he heard a laugh he would recognize anywhere. He looked up. Scorpius and Brennan were standing about 30 yards away, joking and being disgustingly cute together. Brennan's hand was on Scorpius's arm and Albus bristled that Scorpius wasn't shaking him off.

As if hearing his loud, angry projections, Scorpius looked over. Albus thought the tree would disguise him but no such luck. Scorpius said something to Brennan and then jogged over to the tree.

As Scorpius got closer Albus noticed that he looked angry. No, scratch that. The closer he got the more furious Scorpius looked until he was standing under the tree, arms crossed and fuming.

"Get out of the tree."

The hardness in his voice was unlike Albus had ever heard before.

"What?"

"You heard me. Get the fuck out of the tree."

Albus threw down his bag and his charms textbook. He jumped and had barely hit the ground when Scorpius pulled back his fist and punched him in the jaw. Albus cried out. Scorpius closed the distance and slammed him against the tree with so much force Albus's vision went fuzzy.

"Why did you tell him that?!" Scorpius yelled. "Why did you say those things to Brennan?!"

Albus clutched his sore jaw. With his thumb he swiped blood off lower lip and spat out more.

"I thought it was the truth," he answered slowly. "You're with him now. There's nothing more to it."

Scorpius swore. "You are so frustrating!" Something changed in Scorpius's eyes. He no longer looked angry. He was looked at Albus with hate. "You are a fucking coward! Your family kept telling me to wait for you, to wait until you figured it out- whatever that meant. But you already knew your answer and you didn't tell me! I had to hear it through _Brennan_!"

"Scor, I-" Albus tried but Scorpius didn't want to listen.

"I get it, okay!" he shouted. "I get it. You don't like me, you're straight. What I don't get is why you kept up this fucked up game! Talking about a future together in potions, flirting with me, giving me hope. How could you be such so horrible to me?"

He looked so defeated that Albus almost told him everything. But then he saw Brennan hovering at the edge of the lake, unsure whether or not to come over, and Albus kept quiet. It was easier this way. Even if it meant Scorpius hating him this way Scorpius could move on and be with Brennan. Be with somebody better.

"You deserve him, Scorpius," Albus said. "You'll be happy with him, I know it."

Scorpius's eyes narrowed, perplexed.

"Go," Albus said before Scorpius could think too much about what he said. "Your boyfriend's waiting."

Part of Albus hoped he wouldn't go. Part of him thought he actually wouldn't. But Scorpius did go and Albus didn't try to stop him.

~O-O~

Albus spent the rest of the day hiding in the Room of Requirement. He made it look like his bedroom at home and it was comforting to cry in his own bed. He left during dinner in an attempt to avoid people but he's never been that lucky. He just wished it wasn't Rose who found him. He stopped walking when she spotted him. As she stormed over to him he blindly wished apparating was allowed inside Hogwarts.

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT, ALBUS POTTER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" She was on him in a second, two-handing him in the chest. He stumbled backwards but managed to stay standing.

Albus tried to say something but didn't know what he could possibly say that would make any sense.

"I just talked to Finn," Rose went on, teeth grinding together. "He told me some very sad things that you said about yourself. Then I was passing by the Great Hall and I see Scorpius and Brennan all cuddled up to each other at the Hufflepuff table. So I ask again, WHAT DID YOU DO."

Albus never got a chance to even try to defend himself because the next moment he was gone.

Rose took a step back in shock. "_Oh_."

"Aw, Rosie, don't be like that," Al said. "It hurts my feelings."

Rose took another step back and then full on ran off in the opposite direction.

"That's not very nice either, cuz!" Al called out after her.

Rose didn't stop running until she reached the portrait hole. On the way she sent patronus's to everyone in the family to meet her there and even one to Scorpius to meet her after. She didn't want him to be there when she said what she had to say to the family.

Within 8 minutes she had everyone assembled in the corner of the common room with an anti-eavesdropping spell over them and Chocolate Cauldrons courtesy of Finn.

"Okay, we have a problem," Rose started.

"Don't we always?" Roxanne muttered.

Rose ignored her. "We need to stop trying to get Albus and Scorpius together."

No one looked like they saw that coming. Finn, who knew more than most, even looked stunned. Rose took a Cauldron Cake but didn't eat it.

"Look, we all thought that getting them together would help Albus-"

"And Scorpius," Cale said truthfully.

"-but we need to stop pushing Albus until he's ready."

"Why?" Louis asked.

"Because I just tried to talk to Albus and even just thinking about it caused Al."

Silence.

"Look, I know this is hard," Rose went on softly, "but maybe we've been going about it the wrong way. Albus is clearly struggling with the whole thing and I think we owe it to him not to push too hard."

"If we don't push they may never get their heads out of their asses," Lily said flippantly.

"I know," said Rose, "but for now we need to back off."

There was a murmur of assent. Then Louis said, "Finn, what's with the Cauldron Cakes?"

Finn shrugged. "There's always snacks at AA meetings."

"Alcoholics Anonymous?" said Hugo.

"_Albus Anonymous_."

Not one person could deny that.

~O-O~

Scorpius checked all the usual Al places but couldn't find him anywhere. His mind was still reeling from his conversation with Rose and he needed to find Potter, whichever one.

He eventually found him in the dungeons, leaving heavily against the wall, looking sweaty and breathing hard like he'd just run a mile.

Scorpius ran forward, pulling him away from the wall and holding him up. From one look in his eyes Scorpius knew it was Albus.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," Albus answered honestly.

"What are you doing down here?"

"I don't know."

He helped Albus sit down and then sat beside him. From his pocket he fished out the Cauldron Cake Rose had given him when they'd talked. He gave it to Albus who ate it in one bite.

"Where did you get this?"

"Rose gave it to me. Said it was from an AA meeting." Albus raised an eyebrow. "I don't know, I didn't ask."

There was silence for awhile. Scorpius remembered the letter.

"Got something weird in the mail today," he said, smirking. "My dad wrote me to ask if _you _were okay. Care to explain?"

Albus laughed. "Oops, forgot about that. At the ministry party he uh, he almost witnessed an _Al _sighting. He didn't in the end. Actually no one did. Lily got me out into the hall and I was able to calm down enough."

"Why didn't you tell me this?!"

Albus frowned. "You were busy."

There was a strange hardness in his voice that shocked Scorpius. He dropped the subject and started a new one.

"He also told me not to be rude and lead boys on and that if I was interested I should set it straight with Everett Masterson. He really used the word straight. I'm still not sure if that was a pun or not."

Albus snorted. "Eugh, let's never mention Everett McDumbface again. If I ever have to see him again I'm going to kick his stupid teeth in."

Scorpius laughed. He was picturing Albus talking civilly to his father and he found the image quite pleasant. He then pictured his father meeting Albus his _boyfriend _and remembered the mess they were in.

"Look, I'm sorry for what happened," Scorpius said genuinely. "I'm sorry I punched you and said the things I said. I was just... pissed at myself and I took it out on you when nothing is your fault. It is what it is and I wish it wasn't but I have to accept it. I know that now."

Albus finally relaxed, leaning his head contently on Scorpius's shoulder.

"I'm sorry too," he said. "I've done some stupid things but the stupidest thing I could do is push you away. You're too important to me." He got an idea. "Let me make it up to you this weekend! I'll buy you tons of candy when we're in Hogsmeade."

Scorpius shifted uncomfortably. "Oh, um. Sorry, Albus. I'm actually going to Hogsmeade with Brennan."

Albus leaned away and stared at him. "But we always go to Hogsmeade together."

Scorpius scratched his head awkwardly. "I'm sorry. Brennan asked me and we hadn't talked about it so I, well, I said yes."

Despite all the lies Albus has managed to convince himself of, he was mad. He was angry at himself for being a coward and furious at Scorpius for agreeing to go out with a loser like Brennan. He was being petty, he knew it, but that couldn't stop him.

And if he'd been mad before it was nothing compared to how he felt after picturing them together at Madam Puddifoot's, doing couple things and saying, "Albus _who_?"

So Albus rolled his eyes and scoffed rudely which he shouldn't have done. Scorpius shoved him away.

"What the hell is your problem!" he shouted. "I'm trying to figure you out and every time I get close you do something like this! Albus, I don't know what you want! I don't know what you want from _me_! This hot and cold crap? It's getting really fucking old."

He stood up, took a few steps away, stopped and then turned around.

"I have to get over you, Albus," he said. "This unrequited love shit can't go on forever. But you have to let me move on."

Albus let him walk away. Scorpius thought about what Rose had said, if there was any hope left for them. Scorpius had said he didn't think so. Now he was sure of it.

~O-O~

It was a shitty next few days. Scorpius spent all his time with Brennan, holding hands between classes and kissing at dinner. People saw but Scorpius didn't care anymore.

Albus left his dorm for classes only. He hated seeing them together and being alone provided a small amount of comfort.

Albus's family kept their promises and no one tried to intervene. During potions they said nothing to each other and whenever someone would ask one of them if they wanted to hang out their responses would always be the same.

_Is Albus going to be there?_

_Will Scorpius be there?_

On Friday night, the day before Hogsmeade, Albus was in the library. He was trying to do research for his potions essay but found it was impossible. Scorpius and him had planned to do it together but now...

He was in the potions section grabbing a book that would probably still not help him when a girls voice he didn't recognize said, "Hey, Al."

He froze. This happened a lot. People would talk to him about things he didn't remember and he would know it was because of Al. The worst part was inevitably hurting people because he didn't remember what happened let alone their names sometimes.

He turned and found himself staring at the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. She was a Slytherin, he could see that by her tie, and she must have been younger than him because they didn't have classes together. Her heels made them the same height and her vivid red lipstick was striking against pale skin.

"Hi, Elle," he said. Her name rolled off his tongue easily but he had no idea how he knew it.

"It's nice to see you again," she said, smiling kindly. A calmness rushed over Albus that was surprising but not unwelcome.

"Looking for a book?" he asked, just for something to say.

"Yeah," she said, looking at the scribbled writing on the piece of paper in her hands. Albus read the call number over her shoulder and grabbed the book from the top shelf. He handed it to her. She stared at him with an odd expression.

"You're so nice to me," she said softly. "You were so nice to me last time too."

Now _that_ Albus was not expecting.

"He was- I mean, I was?"

"Nobody wants to date me," she said. "Guys just want to fuck me. Even you didn't want to date me but you were nice." Her expression became sad. "You told me I was beautiful. You kissed me after and didn't say _thanks_ like some of the others do. You were different."

She stared at him for a long time, her eyes looking right into his soul. Then she moved, her body lithe like a dancer, until there was no space between them. She kissed him. She tasted like honey as her lips moved expertly around his. Albus liked it. It was different from the last kiss he had. His hands rested lightly on her waist, his tongue teasing her bottom lip. It was a good kiss but it wasn't the one he wanted.

He felt someone watching them. He opened his eyes, lips still on Elle's. At the end of the aisle, white knuckled clutching a book, was Scorpius. His eyes were wide and his mouth had fallen open slightly. Albus knew he should stop but he didn't. He tightened his grip on Elle, hands digging into her shirt. She made a sound that would have anybody begging for her. Yet all the while Albus locked eyes with Scorpius. It was a challenge. It was cruel.

And Albus couldn't stop.

Scorpius's face changed from shock to showing nothing at all. He stared at Albus with dead eyes until he simply left. Albus's grip on Elle loosened as he shut his eyes tight, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall.

~O-O~

Scorpius lay sideways on the couch, his head in Brennan's lap. He hadn't moved in ten minutes since he got back from finding a book and Brennan knew that something must have happened.

"You okay?" Brennan asked lightly. Sometimes Scorpius was like a tiny blond bird- if you move to fast you'll scare him off.

Scorpius made an impatient noise. "It's nothing. Everything's fine."

But the way he was glaring at the wall said otherwise.

"You know you can tell me stuff right?"

"Ya, I know."

"Like now for instance."

Scorpius said nothing. A few minutes later he started whispering things under his breath. Brennan missed most of it but the things he did catch were swear words and _Albus_.

It was always about Albus.

When the library was closing and Brennan was packing up his things (Scorpius had gotten absolutely no work done), Scorpius said, "Where should we meet tomorrow for Hogsmeade? Just the Entrance Hall or do you want meet up before?"

"Scorpius, we're not going to Hogsmeade together."

Scorpius froze, his bag slipping off his shoulder. "Wait, what? What do you mean? Do you have homework or something? We can stay back and study if you like?"

"No, I don't have homework," Brennan said. "Scorpius, we can't go to Hogsmeade together because you're in love with Albus."

Scorpius gaped at him. He wanted to deny it but all he said instead was, "_What_?"

Brennan smiled sadly at the boy he loved, the boy who would never love him back.

"Scor, we both know that why you're here with me now is to get over him. But to get over him you have to want to get over him and I don't think you do."

"Brennan, I- I'm not... we're not-"

Brennan held up a hand. "Please, it's okay. I'm not angry or anything. I think you have some stuff you need to figure out. If after that time you find that all roads don't lead to Albus, maybe I'll still be around."

He leaned forward and kissed Scorpius gently on the cheek before leaving. Ten minutes later the librarian had to forcibly remove Scorpius from his spot for he had not been able to move.

~O-O~

The next morning Rose was sitting at the Gryffindor table eating breakfast and waiting for Cale to show up. Another Slytherin sat down beside her.

"Morning, Scorpius," she said. She eyed his messy hair, the dark circles under his eyes and his tie that was so improperly knotted it was practically a noose.

"Morning," he said in a raspy voice like he'd just smoked thirty cigarettes. "Umm, have you seen Albus?"

"You're not going to yell at him are you?"

"No."

"Are you going to say anything possibly Al triggering?"

"I hope not."

Rose pursed her lips. "What happened?"

Scorpius shook his head.

"Fine," Rose said. "Fine. He's in the Owlery. If he transitions because of your little talk I will drown you in the lake."

"Noted."

He left Rose. Cale filled his empty seat, giving him an encouraging smile because of course he'd eavesdropped on the whole thing. Scorpius stuck his tongue out at him like a child.

On the way to the Owlery (it seemed to take twice as long to get there) Scorpius prayed to Wizard God that nobody else would be in there. He didn't want to have an audience for what he was about to say. He crept up the last few steps silently so that if there were other people in there he could sneak away unseen. It was all for nothing however because Wizard God had seemingly heard Scorpius's prayer.

Albus was alone in the room, standing by the west wall, a beautiful black owl perched on his arm. He hadn't heard his visitor yet so Scorpius permitted himself a few moments to watch him.

Albus looked peaceful up here. There was no one watching his every move making sure he was alright (Rose). There was no one to scare him with their newfound soul-seeing gaze of terror (Finn).

There was, however, someone there who could fuck up absolutely everything.

_Guilty_, Scorpius thought.

He cleared his throat. Albus whirled around, his bird accidentally slapping him with her wing as she hopped around on his arm in panic.

"Jesus, you scared me!" Albus said, trying to calm the owl.

"Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you. And you can just call me Scorpius."

Albus smirked. "Ha ha, very funny, you loser."

They grinned stupidly at each other for a moment. Scorpius missed this. He missed their easy banter until he went and screwed it all up by telling Albus everything.

_Well, what's a little more truth?_

"Look, Albus, I'm really sorry," he said, wringing his hands together. "I've been an idiot. I told you how I felt and then I just ran off like the little scared dumbass I am. I convinced myself that I liked Brennan which all three of us know is bullshit. I told myself I was over you but that's not how it works. I just... I'm really sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for everything I did."

Albus's owl took off abruptly with his letter, startling both of them. When the shock wore off Albus took a few steps towards Scorpius.

"I'm sorry too. About everything. I didn't like seeing you with him and it made me do weird, stupid things. Especially yesterday with Elle, that's inexcusable."

Scorpius had already blocked that memory.

"I guess we've both done some pretty stupid things," he said, smiling sheepishly.

"You can say that again."

"I guess we've both-"

Albus burst out laughing and threw his pen at Scorpius. "Shut up!"

Scorpius grinned, all the weight in the world having left his shoulders.

"So," he started.

"Want to go to Hogsmeade together?" Albus finished hopefully.

"Yeah," Scorpius said. "Yeah, I'd love to."

.

**Author's note: There are only a handful of chapters left now! I'm gonna try and upload every Friday until it's done**


	35. Don't Think

**Chapter 34: Don't Think**

It was Saturday, the weather was perfect and Honeydukes was in sight.

But Scorpius didn't care about any of that. All he cared about was Albus who was back at his side rambling on about Quidditch without any cares at all. It was _bliss_. Pure fucking bliss. Scorpius didn't think about a future for them together anymore. All that mattered was their friendship and nothing would come between that again.

Scorpius promised himself he would never lose Albus again.

~O-O~

As they'd walked to the village Scorpius had told Albus that he didn't care where they went that day. After Honeydukes Albus dragged him to _Gladrags_ like he always does. Albus liked to try on the hats and force ridiculous outfits onto Scorpius. Today Albus threw a fur coat at him.

"I'm not wearing this," Scorpius said flatly.

"Of course you are. It'll match the shoes."

"Okay, I am _definitely_ not putting those on."

At that point was when Cale and Rose walked into the sore. Scorpius could see Rose's mind running at top speed as she evaluated the scene and how Scorpius and Albus were speaking again. Scorpius hoped she wouldn't ask about it and break the fragile tightrope they were walking on but Rose was too smart for that.

"That hat looks terrible on you," Rose said to Albus, eyeing the shockingly yellow abomination on Albus's head.

"Well, _I _think it looks great," Scorpius said supportively. Albus beamed at him. "It's like there's a giant lemon trying to eat you."

Albus aimed a kick at him but Scorpius dodged it easily, laughing to himself. Rose watched, feeling like it was Christmas in June.

"Well, I guess we'll leave you two," she said. "Cale needs to buy a birthday present for Finn."

"I'm getting him socks," Cale said, deadpan. "But don't tell him. It's a surprise."

The couple moved off through the racks of clothes. Scorpius waved goodbye and Albus used his momentary distraction to force a red, feathered hat onto his head.

"Bloody hell. I forgot that it's the twins' birthday this week," Scorpius said, taking off the hat and shoving it down the back of Albus's shirt. Albus squealed.

"Yeah," he said, fishing the hat out. "Are we going to have a party?"

"I suppose so. Though we all know how their party ended last year."

They fell silent thinking about Finn standing stark naked on the astronomy balcony at three in the morning, belting out the lyrics to every _Queen_ song. To this day no one knew if he was going to do anything like jump or if it was just the drugs coursing through his veins but either way it was the scariest night of Scorpius's life and back then he hadn't even really known Finn that well.

He shook his head of the memories. "Finn is better now. No repeats of last year, I promise."

"I'll go to the party," Albus said, eyes glinting mischievously. "If you wear this scarf."

He lunged forward and wrapped a large, frilly satin thing around Scorpius's neck. Scorpius shrieked and tried to swerve away but Albus held fast. After a few seconds of struggling Scorpius ended up with his back against a clothing rack with Albus's arms around his neck. They stared at each other. There was so much tension Scorpius's whole body felt _electric_. Involuntarily Scorpius licked his lips and didn't miss how Albus's eyes flicked down and back up so fast it was almost like it didn't happen.

Albus backed up but left the scarf hanging crookedly around Scorpius's shoulders.

"You should get it, it suits you," he said, somewhat breathlessly.

"Really? You think _frilly satin _is my style?"

Albus snorted and just like that they were back to their easy banter.

But Scorpius had a tiny smile on his face as they left the store. He would always remember that moment.

"Where to now?" Albus asked, tipping back the five sickle hat he'd bought that Scorpius had said was a waste of money (secretly though he thought that Albus looked goddamn great in it).

"Three Broomsticks maybe?" Scorpius said. "I could go for a nice cold Butterbeer right now."

Albus agreed and they walked in comfortable silence to the pub. Inside Scorpius got a table while Albus got drinks. Scorpius looked around while he waited. The bar was full of students and locals alike. Back at the bar Albus was chatting with the barmaid who seemed overly flirty and Scorpius would have been jealous if not for the hilariously uncomfortable expression on Albus's face as he made his way to the table with their drinks.

"Having fun I see?" Scorpius teased as Albus sat down beside him.

"Shut up. She's like... my mom's age."

"Your mom's really young Albus," Scorpius said, rolling his eyes. "Not to mention _fit_."

"Gross," Albus said flatly. "Also I hope you weren't planning on flying a broomstick tonight because she put a shot of Firewhisky in our drinks, _on the house_."

Scorpius laughed. "My god, if you'd kept talking to her you probably could have gotten us a free lunch too!"

Albus punched him in the arm. Scorpius punched him back.

"So," Scorpius started, aiming for an easy topic.

"Can we talk about us?" Albus interjected.

_So much for easy_.

"Umm, okay?"

"I- I don't want you to think I'm an asshole, Scor."

"I don't think that."

"That came out wrong. What I meant is that I really care for you and I don't want anything to come between us ever again."

Scorpius took a giant gulp of his drink just for something to do with his hands. The Firewhisky burned his throat and made him cough.

"Scor, I-" Albus took a deep breath. "I don't want you to think I'm heartless. There are some things that are... hard for me to handle. The last thing I want to do is hurt you."

Scorpius stared at him, trying to break through his walls and see inside. The boy was a riddle.

"That's all I want too, Albus," Scorpius said. He wanted to reach for Albus's hand that lay only a few inches from his own but he didn't. "I don't want to hurt you or add more complications to your life. I just want you to be happy."

Albus leaned forward so slightly than nobody else could have noticed. Scorpius waited, heart in his throat. He watched as Albus's eyes slipped past him and looked off at something behind Scorpius.

His whole body froze. All the blood drained from his face and he looked unlike Scorpius had ever seen.

Terror. Pure terror.

He looked back, their eyes locking again.

"Scorpius," he whispered. "Scorpius."

The way he said it brought fear to Scorpius's own heart. He said it like a man's last words. Like he was about to die.

Scorpius turned. Half a dozen men had entered the pub. They were at the bar, backs to where Scorpius and Albus were sitting. They were big, cloaked all in black. Something sliver was stitched into the back of their jackets but Scorpius couldn't see what it was. The biggest of the men was talking to the barmaid. She was not flirting or sneaking them drinks. She looked terrified.

Scorpius could feel Albus still looking at him. He met his gaze.

"I'm sorry," Albus said. "I promised I wouldn't hurt you. I'm so sorry. I should never have let you get involved. I'm so sorry."

Albus took his hand and Scorpius knew then that they were about to die. He slipped his wand from his pocket. Silver mist erupted from the end before disappearing. He hoped it would make it.

At the other side of the room the leader finished his drink and smashed the glass onto the floor. If that didn't get everyone's attention sending a flare hex at the ceiling certainly did. There were screams and a mad scramble for the door but the people on Albus's and Scorpius's side of the bar were trapped.

Scorpius held onto the tiny shred of hope that they were not here for Albus. That hope was destroyed when the leader looked right at Albus and said, "The beginning is the end is the beginning."

A man at a nearby table stood up and faced the men. The leader flicked his wand and a flash of green light lit up the room. The man fell to the ground, dead. Albus's hand went limp in Scorpius's.

The leader moved forward, kicking a chair out of his way and staring down at the body.

"I haven't been here in a long time," he said. "I believe they need to be more selective with their customers."

He looked back at Albus, eyes cold and dark. He had a great scar that ran the length of his cheek.

"I never went to Hogwarts, you know," he said to Albus. "My father was murdered by your side when I was nine. My mother trained me herself."

"She trained you to be a killer, did she?" Albus said bravely.

"You dare say that to me, Potter?" he said, anger flashing in his black eyes. "You good guys are all the same. Persecuting us for our crimes when all we're trying to do is level with what you've done to _us_."

Albus stood up, his hand slipping out of Scorpius's.

"There is no good side or bad side," he said. "That's subjective. It's only about the greater good and what helps people."

"But isn't that an opinion as well?"

Out of the corner of his eye Scorpius could see the rest of the men in black shift. They moved into a formation, stances ready. Scorpius gripped his wand.

"Do you know what the average response time is for the ministry?" the leader said, taunting. "Twelve minutes. It only takes seconds for someone to bleed out."

He walked forward. Albus didn't move back.

"The beginning is the end is the beginning," he said again. "You, Albus Potter, were our beginning and your end will be here where our new beginning starts. You shouldn't have lived then. That was my mistake."

He pointed his wand above Albus's head. The ceiling exploded in a giant flash of light. Without thinking Scorpius leapt up and tackled Albus to the ground as wood and metal rained from the sky. Pain shot through Scorpius's body. Ignoring it he wrapped his arms around Albus and pulled him to his feet through the debris. One of the men sent a hex at them which Scorpius deflected deftly.

It was chaos. People ran screaming in every direction. The room was full of flashing colors as hexes were thrown every which way. The leader fired curse after curse at Albus. Scorpius battled two of the men beside him. Other people in the pub who rose to fight distracted the rest of the Death Eaters. Scorpius watched a fifth year girl get blasted in the chest by a curse. She disappeared into a pile of rubble and didn't return.

Scorpius stunned one of the men but his strength was quickly failing. He wasn't sure how hurt he was but his wand arm felt broken and his forehead was dripping blood down his face. He blocked a hex and fired his own. Another curse sent a man flying right into Scorpius who barely managed to hold him up.

"Get everyone out!" Scorpius yelled at him. "Get the students to safety!"

The man dislodged himself from Scorpius. He looked down at his hand that had been around Scorpius's back. It was bright red with blood.

"Your back-" he started.

"GO!"

Another curse shot their way. Scorpius threw up a shield but the force blasted him off his feet. His head cracked against the floor and he knew then he would not make it out of this alive. For one moment he thought about not getting up but then he saw Albus fighting three at once and he surged to his feet. He sprinted forward disarming one of them. He used his momentum to send the man sprawling. Albus sent a well aimed stunner at him and he didn't move again. Scorpius raced back to Albus's side and then they were fighting back to back. It was the end, they both knew it.

But if it was to end this way they both knew that together was the way it should be.

The leader shouted a curse Scorpius had never heard of and Albus's arm burst into red as the flesh was torn. Scorpius didn't know what spell he sent back but the leader flew backward and crashed into the bar. Scorpius rushed to Albus's side who had crumpled to the ground and didn't see one of the men point his wand and him and shout, "CRUCIO!"

It was pain beyond pain. Scorpius had never felt anything like it and he finally knew what it was like to truly want to die. He fell to the floor and screamed as what felt like a thousand knives stabbed him all over his body. Albus's consciousness came back to him when he heard Scorpius screaming. He forgot about what was left of his arm. He faced the man and forgetting everything except for saving Scorpius he yelled, "CRUCIO."

Scorpius stopped screaming. The man fell to the ground, thrashing and yelling. Albus watched him, hate in his eyes. He stopped when Scorpius feebly whispered his name from the ground. Albus leaned down, arm outstretched. Scorpius reached out for him. Their fingertips touched.

Another explosion rocked the building. The spot where Scorpius had been burst into flames and Scorpius was thrown through the air where he crashed into the far wall and lay still. A line of fire now separated Albus from the leader. The leader watched him with dead eyes, wand outstretched. Albus cradled his ruined arm, tears streaming down his face.

"WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT!" Albus screamed at him. He looked at the innocent bodies lying dead on the floor because of him. "IS THIS IT? THIS CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION? IS THIS WHY?"

"Redemption," was the only word he said.

"You fucking-"

Albus never got to finish. There was commotion outside and a magnified voice warned them that the building was surrounded by aurors.

Albus became almost hysterical. Despite the situation he barked out a laugh.

"Eight minutes!" he shouted, checking the mostly shattered wall clock. "Guess they've been practicing!"

He didn't know why he did it. He'd known minutes ago that he would never leave here alive. Scorpius was probably dead and even if he managed to get out of here mostly in one piece he knew he would be beyond help this time.

"So is this your beginning?!" Albus goaded, throwing his wand to the side. It was too late now. "Well I'm still waiting for my end!"

The black eyes watched him.

"Common!" Albus shouted.

The eyes narrowed.

"COMMON!"

There was another explosion but it didn't come from the leader. The whole building started to shake and Albus heard someone outside yelling, "NO! MY SON IS STILL IN THERE!"

Rubble started to fall from the ceiling again. Something hit Albus's mangled arm but he barely felt it. There was another explosion. This time the whole room filled with swirling white smoke that burned Albus's lungs before it even touched him. He didn't know what it did but he didn't want to be standing alone when he found out.

He stumbled over to where Scorpius was and collapsed next to him. With whatever strength he had left he pressed himself up against the boy he had killed. He placed his good arm at the base of Scorpius's neck, fingers tangling in his bloody hair. Against all odds Scorpius leaned into Albus's touched and he turned his head. Grey eyes met green. Scorpius's face was drenched in blood and what little light left in his eyes was going out.

_If it had to happen_, Albus thought, _this is the way I'd want it_.

"I love you," Scorpius said as the white smoke reached him. His eyes slid out of focus and he didn't move again.

"I know." Albus let the smoke envelop him. His vision blurred. Everything went black.


	36. Acquiesce

**Chapter 35: Acquiesce **

The first thing Albus was aware of was that he was alive. The second thing he was aware of was how despite being under a mountain of blankets he was freezing.

He tried to sit up. Pain shot through every part of his body. He tested out his legs. They seemed alright, sore but intact. With his right hand he felt his chest and face and only found small scratches and bruises that hadn't yet healed.

He saved his other arm for last, fearing the worst. The skin was swollen and pink but it was whole. Scar tissue crisscrossed from shoulder to wrist but even as he watched the lines were fading millimeter by millimeter. Relief washed over him and he promptly passed out again.

When he came around the second time he was aware of the nightmares. The first time he'd thought it was just a feeling of aftershock but now he knew it was worse than that. He'd dreamed of what happened but of worse things too.

There was a noise at the other end of the room which he realized was the hospital wing. A nurse came striding forward. She wasn't the usual nurse and when she got closer Albus could read the St. Mungo's badge on her white hospital coat.

"I'm glad you're awake," she said.

"Me too," Albus said weakly. He coughed and she handed him a glass of water which he gulped down. "Why are you here? Shouldn't I have gone to St. Mungo's?"

"The others went there. It was decided that it was too dangerous to transport you that far," she said. "Both of you."

Albus felt a horrible jolt of fear. "How is he? Is he okay?"

"He's fine, Mr Potter. Please, try to calm down."

She took his drinking glass and filled it not with water but with a silvery liquid from a bottle on his bedside table.

"Drink," she said. "You'll feel better after you sleep."

She walked off, checking beds behind screens. Albus downed whatever the drink was and put the glass on the table. Exhaustion washed over him and before he lost consciousness he read the label on the bottle.

_May cause chills, headaches and severe nightmares._

~O-O~

When Albus woke up again the screen shielding him from the bed next to him had been removed and he could see Scorpius- asleep but very much alive. He tried to get up but a hand pressed lightly on his chest.

"Easy," a voice said.

Albus looked the other way and found his dad sitting on a hard backed plastic chair that couldn't have been comfortable. He looked battered and weary but his eyes were warm and Albus instantly felt safe.

"Did you get him?" Albus asked quietly which was apparently the wrong thing to say because Harry Potter began to cry.

"That doesn't matter right now, Albus," he said. "What matters is that you're okay."

In Albus's head he translated that to _you need to value your own life_.

"But yes," Harry went on. "We got him."

Albus had dreamed of this moment for so long. This man and what he'd done had ruined two years of his life and now it was finally over. So many emotions were running through Albus and he couldn't figure out which one to focus on so he cried. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands, tears pouring down his cheeks.

After several long minutes he finally took a shuddering breath and said, "What happened. I... I don't remember much."

"That's understandable," Harry said gently. "You've been asleep for nearly two days. It could take time for it all to come back."

So Harry told him all that he knew.

If the aurors hadn't heard about it until the Death Eaters had started many more people would have died. But Scorpius Malfoy had sent Harry a patronus before it had even begun which had effectively saved them.

"Scorpius didn't have time to send it with a message. I received it and knew something was wrong. We traced it back to Hogsmeade."

When Harry had arrived the building was wrecked and the village was a war zone. It was chaos. Using thermal scanning spells the aurors were able to determine who was left inside which Harry knew included his son. Several aurors had wanted to curse the whole building to make sure no one got away but Harry refused. There were innocents inside as well as Albus. Instead they used targeting chloroform gas to neutralize the site. When Harry had found his son he was buried underneath two feet of rubble, clinging to Scorpius, both covered in blood and left for dead.

As his father told the story, Albus had never hated himself more than he did then. Harry Potter, the great hero of the world, was broken because of him.

The first time he'd seen his father like this was when Harry had carried him out of the basement he'd been held in all those months ago. The second time was when Albus had woken up in the hospital after he'd tried to kill himself.

Albus started to laugh. Harry leaned back, shocked.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Albus chuckled. "I shouldn't be laughing. It's just... it's always me, isn't it? There's one in every family. I'm the black Hippogriff."

In spite of himself, Harry's mouth quirked up in a small smile. Then something buzzed in his pocket and he pulled out a small red thing that flashed and blinked. Harry stared at it for awhile before standing up.

"I am needed," he said. "And you need to sleep. I'll be back later if I can with your mother. No visitors are supposed to be in here right now so we'll keep this between us."

He made to leave but Albus called out for him.

"Wait! Please, just... tell me. What happened to him. Is he dead?"

Harry shook his head. "No, he's not dead. He tried to apparate out of the village but our wards stopped him. He used dark magic to break through but got himself splinched. We caught half of him in the pub and the other half in a forest near Norfolk."

His mouth formed a funny smile and then Harry Potter was gone in a flash of his cloak.

Albus leaned back against his pillows feeling weightless and exhausted but knowing at the same time he would not be able to sleep. He looked over at the bed next to him. Scorpius was still unconscious. He had a bright red line on his forehead that was healing quickly and his wrist had been set and wrapped in a bind. In both arms he had a needle going into his veins. Blue liquid pumped into one side while something silver was removed with the other tube. Albus wondered why he wasn't hooked up like that too.

As he watched him Scorpius's eyes suddenly flew open and he lurched up in bed, hands flying up to clutch his head.

"Scor?!" Albus yelled.

But Scorpius couldn't hear him. He gritted his teeth as his face screwed up in pain. Albus remembered the bottle.

_May cause nightmares_.

Albus threw off his blankets and jumped onto Scorpius's bed, ignoring the pain that flared everywhere. He put his hands over Scorpius's and tried to tear them away from his face but Scorpius wouldn't let him.

"Scorpius! Please, it's me. It's Albus. It's not real. I'm here."

Scorpius choked out a sob and Albus was sure he was dying. He looked around the room for help but it was empty. He tried to talk to Scorpius again but Scorpius had apparently decided that he needed to leave. He tried to get up, arm flying out and knocking over the water jug. Albus threw his leg over Scorpius's so he had one on each side, holding him down. He took his hands again.

"Scor, please! It's okay, you're okay! I'm here, love. It's just a nightmare, calm down!"

But it seemed like Scorpius couldn't calm down. He tried to shove Albus off again but Albus held fast. Finally Albus did the only thing he could think of.

He forced Scorpius's chin up and kissed him.

Scorpius stopped moving. His hands lost their strength. Albus held onto them and lowered them gently to the bed, lips never leaving his. When he pulled back, Scorpius was staring at him with wide, wet eyes.

"You're okay," Albus whispered. "You're okay, we're alive."

Scorpius just blinked at him.

"Better now?"

"This is real?" Scorpius rasped.

"Yes. Are you okay?"

Very slowly, Scorpius nodded.

Albus careful climbed off of him and sat down at the edge of his bed. Their eyes never left each other. They both jumped when the doors at the end of the hall burst open and the nurse came back in.

"Good, you're awake," she said to Scorpius. "How do you feel?"

He looked from Albus to her and then back to Albus. He nodded.

She waved her wand at him and did some kind of medical scan. She did the same for Albus and decided that he should get the double intravenous too. She hooked him up, letting him stay on Scorpius's bed. Ten minutes later and she had gone, leaving Albus and Scorpius alone once more on the same bed, both attached to wires with heads full of every emotion under the sun. Not knowing what to say Albus picked up the stack of cards from the table between their beds.

"Get well cards," he said, reading the first one from a bunch of Lily's friends.

Half were addressed to Scorpius. Scorpius took them when Albus offered but didn't read them. He stared at the first one for a long time.

"I'm sorry," Albus said quietly, "if that was too much. We said we wouldn't hurt each other anymore. So I'm sorry for the... kiss."

Without missing a beat Scorpius said, "You can do it again if you want to."

Albus stared. Scorpius stared back.

Albus laid the cards behind him on the bed and moved closer. Scorpius stayed still, waiting. Albus placed one hand on Scorpius's cheek and the other around his shoulder. He leaned in, head tilted to the side. Their lips touched but not for long. Albus pulled back as if waiting for Scorpius to run. Instead Scorpius licked his lips and curled his hands around Albus's shirt, pulling him back in. Albus didn't know what exactly he was doing but he didn't care. Scorpius kissed him hard, not sure if this was going to be their true first and last time. This was Albus, _his _Albus, kissing him and whatever happened after would happen.

For now he would take anything.

Albus moved forward, straddling Scorpius like he'd done before, trying to get a better angle. Their wires got tangled and they broke apart before one of them got strangled. Scorpius smiled sheepishly while Albus laughed somewhat awkwardly.

When the wires were untangled it was Albus that kissed Scorpius again, a lot less gently this time. Scorpius shifted down so he was lying rather than sitting up. Albus moved with him, body hovering just over him incase he was still hurt. Albus's newly repaired arm screamed in protest but he ignored it- Scorpius was worth it.

There was a bang at the other end of the room and Albus shot backwards in alarm until they were on opposite ends of the bed. He looked towards the door but a dividing screen shielded it. Many voices called their names and Albus jumped back to his bed just as the Potter, Weasley, Harrison's came into view.

There was a lot of shouting and crying, mostly from Rose who was an absolute mess. Cale sat beside Scorpius and hugged him, trying not to dislodge the wires. Scorpius hugged him back but looked over his shoulder at Albus who was already looking back at him. Unspoken words flowed between them. Scorpius didn't know if they would have been said if they hadn't been interrupted.

Cale leaned back and noticed the look on Scorpius's face. He looked over at Albus and in a second he knew. Cale always knew. Scorpius waited for the questions and the swearing but it never came.

"Thank god you're not dead."

Cale smiled weakly, tears tracking his cheeks. Scorpius had never seen him cry. They hugged again. This time Scorpius just held his best friend and didn't look over at the other bed.

~O-O~

The nurse came back twenty minutes later and kicked everyone out because visitors were still not allowed and she had no idea how they even got into the locked ward (Rose blushed hard at that).

When they were alone Scorpius knew they should talk about it. A bigger part of him hoped that Albus would just kiss him again and they'd save that conversation for another time.

"What were you dreaming about?" Albus said suddenly, breaking the silence of the room. "Before, I mean. The nightmare."

"You dying mostly," Scorpius said truthfully, his voice rough from disuse.

"Oh." Albus chewed harshly on his lip, his eyes stinging uncomfortably. And then-

"I'm not good for you, Scorpius. I never would be."

"You're not bad for me either."

"You would be better with Brennan."

"Maybe."

"It would be easier with Brennan."

"Definitely."

The way he said it, so sure, completely confused Albus.

"And you don't _care_?" he asked.

Scorpius had known his answer to that one for months.

"Not one bit."

The room became quiet again. Scorpius knew Albus was crying but he didn't go to him. He lay shivering in his bed wondering why he was so cold until Albus's small, shaky voice said, "It's the potion. Causes chills."

And then Albus stood up and dragged his blankets over to Scorpius's bed. He threw them overtop of Scorpius's own blankets and then crawled under them, lying beside a very surprised Slytherin.

"Your feet are cold," Scorpius murmured, just for something to say. Albus rested his head on Scorpius's shoulder.

"So are yours," he said.

Scorpius wound his arm around Albus's back to get comfortable and hoped this wouldn't be the last time he got to hold him like this.

~O-O~

When Scorpius woke up the next morning Albus was gone. For one moment he felt like everything was over. Albus had left him and everything that happened yesterday would be forgotten.

But then he noticed the folded up note where Albus had slept. His name was printed on the front in Albus's messy scrawl. He unfolded it.

_Scorpius, _it read,

_I didn't want you to think I ran out in the morning and left you. Harry came by and asked me if I was alright enough to give a statement to the ministry. I didn't want to but it would help send the men to Azkaban faster so I said yes. I'll be back tonight. _

Below that he stuck the label from the medicine bottle onto the parchment. He'd added some side effects.

_Snoring_

_Cuddling_

_Sleep talking that involves excessive talk of "Pygmy Puffs"?_

_Undeniable attractiveness _

Scorpius laughed. It felt so good to do that after what had happened.

~O-O~

Albus left courtroom 1 in a daze. There was a water fountain on the opposite wall and he drank form it like it was an oasis in the desert.

Harry ran out of the courtroom and found him a few minutes later.

"Sorry!" he panted, resting his hand on Albus's shoulder. "The minister held me up. How are you feeling?"

Albus shrugged. Harry pulled him into a hug.

"I am so proud of you Albus. For everything you've done. You've been through so much and you've been _so_ strong, stronger than I could have ever been."

Albus snorted. "Dad, you know you're Harry Potter, right?"

Harry pulled back and grabbed Albus by the shoulders. "I'm WHAT! I'm Harry Potter?!"

"Damn it, Dad! Shut up, people are staring!"

But Harry didn't care because when has he ever.

"Common," Harry said, leading him off down the hall. "James and your mother are waiting."

Ginny was sitting on the bench outside Harry's office when they reached the 2nd level. James was pacing nearby. Neither of them had been allowed in the trial. When Ginny saw him she burst into tears and would have collapsed to the ground if Albus hadn't caught her.

"It's okay, mom," he murmured, holding her up. "I'm okay."

Ginny cried, her whole person shaking. Albus didn't know what to do. He stared over her shoulder at James who was watching him with a small relieved smile. He was also crying.

When Ginny finally let him go Albus crossed the distance to his brother and crushed him in a hug. They'd never been the closest of brothers, especially since James left Hogwarts, but right now it was as if they were kids again.

"Thank god," James kept saying. "You're the strongest person I know. Thank god."

Albus pulled back. James wiped his face.

"How's Malfoy," he asked genuinely.

"Scorpius is okay." Albus felt his heart speed up just thinking of Scorpius waking up alone back at Hogwarts.

"That boy is in love with you," James said. "He was willing to die for you."

"I know," Albus said.

"And you? How do you feel about him?"

"It's mutual."

"So... you're together now?"

Albus looked away, his shoulders sagging. James chuckled.

"God, you're an idiot. You take on six Death Eaters and you can't even freaking tell-!"

Luckily for Albus, Harry and Ginny chose that moment to join them. Albus punched James in the shoulder, effectively shutting him up. James didn't look like he would drop it though.

"So, Albus, how are you feeling then?" Harry asked, arm around his wife who was still a right mess.

"I'm feeling... alright," Albus said. It seemed like everything was finally sinking in.

"I've talked to the Headmaster," Harry went on. "If you like you can come home for as long as you need until you feel ready to go back. They'll even defer your exams."

Albus shook his head. "No, I'm okay. It's done now. It's over for good. I think I just need things to go back to normal."

"Yes," said James, grinning madly. "Albus has some unfinished business to attend to back at school. In fact I think he has to go back right now."

Albus hit him and James put him in a mostly gentle headlock. Ginny yelled at James, horrified, but Albus felt grateful. The worst part of everything that had happened these past two years was the tiptoeing everyone did around him. Albus was the sleeping monster that no one wanted to wake. All Albus wanted was some normalcy in his very not normal life.

Harry brought them all to his office where, after a quick floo conversation with the headmaster, set up the fires to send Albus back to school.

Ginny started crying again. James put his arm around her but it didn't offer much comfort.

"It's okay, mom," Albus said, kissing her on the cheek. "School's over in a few weeks anyway. I'll be home soon."

"Not soon enough."

Albus hugged his dad who told him once again how proud he was. Albus stepped into the fireplace, feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders.

"Tell him, you loser!" James yelled, ruining the moment. Albus got out of there before James could say anything else.

He slid ungracefully out of the fireplace in the Headmaster's office, knocking over a vase filled with withering flowers.

"Er, sorry, Professor," Albus said, righting the vase.

"No matter," the Headmaster said. "They were dead anyway."

Albus laughed awkwardly and ran out of the room before he could embarrass himself further.

Instead of heading up the stairs to Gryffindor tower, he went down. His plan was to wait outside the Slytherin common room all night if he had to until someone came out because James was right- he had to talk to Scorpius. Tonight.

He ran down the stairs taking them two at a time but skidded to a halt on the main stairs because Scorpius was already waiting for him.

He was leaning against the west wall, almost completely hidden in the shadows. He was staring at the ground and his hands were stuffed deep in his pockets. He looked lost.

As if he had sensed Albus his head snapped up and their eyes met. He shoved himself off the wall and walked to the bottom of the staircase as Albus moved down to meet him.

"Are you alright?" Scorpius asked softly, hands twitching out to touch Albus but thinking better of it and stopping.

Albus shrugged and then nodded which wasn't really an answer but he didn't know quite what to say.

"How does it feel?" Scorpius said. "They released the verdict on the wireless."

"I don't know. It felt really good at first. Now I just feel kind of numb. This has haunted me for two years and now it's... over."

Scorpius asked the question that Albus had tried very hard not to think about.

"And Al?"

"I don't know. I don't know what will happen with him."

Scorpius reached forward and hooked one of his fingers with Albus's. It was a simple gesture but Scorpius tried to convey everything he felt for the boy through it.

Albus adjusted so that they were now holding hands. With his other hand he cupped Scorpius's cheek and leaned in, kissing him.

As they kissed in the deserted staircase Albus remembered what James had said and knew that one of these days he would have to talk about it with Scorpius. But for right now he didn't care about that. For right now all he wanted to do was show Scorpius just how much he meant to him.

.

Author's Note: This story will have 39 chapters. Almost doooone


	37. Better Man Than I

**Chapter 36: Better Man Than I**

When Scorpius got back to the Slytherin dorm after he left Albus, the room was dark and quiet. He flopped down on his bed, physically exhausted from the nurse's very thorough final exam and emotionally exhausted from all that happened in the last few days.

He closed his eyes, waiting for blissful sleep to take him away. It was silent for all of five seconds before there was a dip in his bed and Cale said, "Where have you been?"

"Murdering first years," Scorpius muttered tiredly into his pillow. He hoped Cale would get the message and leave him alone but of course he didn't or if he did he was ignoring it.

"You left the common room after the woman said the stuff about the trial. And that was _hours _ago."

"Hmm," Scorpius said keeping his eyes closed.

"Where have you been," Cale growled. "Tell me."

"Fine," Scorpius said knowing he would not be getting out of this easily. "Fine. I was waiting for Albus alright? Happy?"

"And did you find him?"

"I did. We talked. I asked him how he was and then-"

"And then?"

"And then we made out."

There was a moment of silence before-

"I FUCKING KNEW IT! OH, SCORPIUS YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD! I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!"

There were shouts from around the room as their four other dorm mates were startled awake.

"Stop goddamn yelling!" Cameron shouted from the other side of the room.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Max said from the bed beside Scorpius. Quinn, in his haste to get out of bed, got tangled in his sheets and Sid had to help him out.

"What's happened?" Max asked again, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. Scorpius started to tell him to just forget it and go back to sleep but Cale beat him to it.

"Scorpius finally properly snogged Albus Potter."

There was a moment of silence before Quinn swore.

"Fuck," he said, turning to Sid. "How much do I owe you."

"Five galleons, please," Sid said, a smug grin on his face. Quinn forked over the money. Scorpius gaped at them.

"Wait, what? You were betting on- on Albus and I?"

Quinn shrugged. "It was only a matter of time. I thought it would happen at graduation though."

Scorpius sputtered something unintelligible. Cale patted him gently on the shoulder.

"Wait, hold up," Max said. "I thought Scor was dating that Hufflepuff. Brandon?"

"No, it was Brennan," Cameron said like he was teaching a lesson. "Scorpius has been in love with Albus for months now but didn't know where Albus stood on the whole _gay thing_ even after they kissed in front of the school so he started seeing some guy named Al whom I've still never met by the way and when that ended Scor and Albus had some sort of fight and Scor forced himself to date Brennan to get over Albus and make him jealous which apparently worked! Nice one, mate."

Scorpius's mouth fell open. Cale coughed uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I hope you don't mind, Scor. Whenever you pissed me off I bitched about everything to Cameron."

Scorpius rounded on him, fist raised.

"Hey, calm down," Quinn said calmly like he didn't care if Scorpius really did hit Cale. "Just think about your snog fest with Albus."

Scorpius groaned and fell back on his bed while everyone else laughed. Cale tried to squeeze his foot reassuringly but stopped when Scorpius kicked him in the face.

"All of you suck," Scorpius mumbled, throwing his arm over his eyes dramatically.

"Hopefully Albus does too," Sid whispered from across the room.

More laughter. Scorpius lamented the fact that the Slytherin dormitory was underground and therefore there were no nearby windows he could throw himself out of.

~O-O~

Several floors above the Slytherins Albus made the trek back to Gryffindor tower slowly, mind too full with Scorpius and the trial and also, specifically, Scorpius's mouth. He mumbled the password to the Fat Lady and clambered through the portrait hole but froze when he saw that his entire family was waiting up for him in the common room. To somebody else it could have been a surprise party, waiting to celebrate something maybe. But no one was smiling and no one shouted surprise.

Rose came forward first.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

Albus looked around the room instead of answering. There was a warm fire going but it provided little comfort. The wireless in the corner was still on and Albus knew that everyone would already know what had happened.

"I'm..." _Fine _didn't seem like the right word because it what world could everything be considered okay right now. So he went another way. "I'm alive."

There was a muffled sob from the crowd and Lily burst forward, throwing herself into her brother's arms. He held her as she cried onto his shoulder. She smelled like home, like his childhood when everything used to be easy. She also wasn't dolled up like she usually is. She was wearing a giant _Radiohead _hoodie that he realized was his.

"Oh Lils, I love you," Albus breathed, holding her close.

"Love you, Albus," she cried. "Please. Never scare me like that again."

"I promise. I swear."

Lily pulled back but Albus kept his arm around her. He felt a whole lot calmer with her than he had before.

"We heard the sentencing," Louis said, nodding at the wireless. "How was it."

"Terrible," Albus said. "Hundreds of people were there, staring down at me. They wouldn't even let my dad stay beside me. The way they asked their questions made me feel like I was the one on trial."

Rose made an impatient, frustrated sound. Everyone turned to her.

"I still can't believe Harry made you do that," she said. "After what you'd just been through. You'd only been cleared this morning!"

"It's okay," Albus assured her. "I wanted to do it. I wanted it to be over."

And then everything that happened finally caught up to him. He let go of Lily.

"It's over," he said. "It's finally over."

Sitting down hard on the couch, Albus felt like crying but not because of the shit he'd just gone through. He wanted to cry out of relief.

_After two years of torture, I've finally reached the end... _

_I've finally reached the end alive._

Maybe just to break the tension or because he doesn't like people displaying emotions, Finn cleared his throat and said, "So why are you so late? Harry sent us a patronus when you left the ministry."

"Oh," said Albus. "I made out with Scorpius."

Every jaw in the room dropped. Albus realized what he'd said.

"Shit! No! I meant met up! I met up with Scorpius!"

Not a single person looked like they believed him.

Albus scratched his head awkwardly. "Well, I mean, I did make out with him too but that's beside the point."

More silence. And then, as if he'd put a sonorous charm on himself, Finn let out a giant scream of, "YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

In one giant surge every single person jumped Albus. It was a tangle of limbs as everyone piled onto the too small couch at the same time, hugging Albus not just for this but for everything.

It took Albus a whole minute to extract his head enough to gasp out, "Bloody hell that's enough already! It's not like we fucking got married!"

"Not yet!" someone shouted, probably Finn.

It was a stupid situation but one that Albus was incredibly grateful for.

~O-O~

Scorpius hated his friends. Hated them.

Once they'd finally shut up and had all gone to bed they started teasing him all over again the moment they woke up. Their steady commentary carried right from their dorm room all the way to the Entrance Hall.

"Can you guys shut up for one second please?" Scorpius finally snapped.

"Ooh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," said Sid. Max cackled.

"Yeah, cause the other side of the bed was empty-"

Scorpius hit him in the face. Max went to him back but faltered, eyes fixed on something ahead of them. Scorpius whirled around. Albus was standing in the middle of the Entrance Hall staring at the group of Slytherins. His hair was messy and his tie wasn't knotted right. His expression showed tiredness but also a sense of serenity. He looked-

"Utterly adorable," Scorpius accidentally said out loud. His friends howled with laughter and Albus looked bashfully at the ground, a massive grin on his face. He walked over slowly, ignoring the other boys with eyes only for Scorpius. Cameron held up his hands.

"Oh, that looks like our cue to leave. The two heroes of Hogwarts who take on Death Eaters like it's no big deal still make freaking _heart eyes_..."

He led the others away, all of them throwing very unsubtle looks over their shoulders. Scorpius looked at the ground, embarrassed. Albus looked completely at ease.

"Good lord, the audacity of some people!" he said dramatically. Scorpius smiled sheepishly. "Common, have breakfast with me today," Albus went on. "I think your mates need time to compose themselves."

They walked to the Gryffindor table together like they've always done except today everything was different, and it wasn't just from the looks everyone was giving them because of Hogsmeade. They sat with Albus's family, shoulders brushing. All of Albus's family had now stopped eating and were looking at them. It was the Slytherins all over again but this time Scorpius just laughed and Albus swooped in to save the day by saying, "Alright, that's enough. One more weird look and I'm going to have to stab all of you in the face."

"Why would you stab us?" Louis asked. "You know you have a wand right?"

"Hmm, good point," Albus mused like he was thinking of why he wouldn't use a wand.

"Not enough blood?" Scorpius supplied.

Now everyone was looking at him in horror.

"What?" he asked innocently. Next to him Albus snickered into his tea.

After that breakfast passed normally. Finn and Rose argued over stupid things. Louis near violently debated the age old Star Trek versus Star Wars debate. The only difference was Albus and Scorpius's hands under the table, not quite tight enough to be considered hand holding but enough. A fancy black owl delivered an equally fancy letter to Scorpius but he shoved it into his robes without reading it. It was probably from his father and he didn't want anything to ruin his mood.

When the first bell rang Albus jumped a little in surprise and turned quickly to Scorpius.

"Do you think we could talk a little? Before class?"

"Yeah, of course."

They got up to leave, saying goodbye to the Gryffindors. Scorpius cast a quick glance over at the Slytherin table. All of his friends were already looking at him. Max was making a very obscene hand gesture that would certainly land him detention is someone saw. Scorpius scowled at him and hoped Albus didn't see.

Out in the hall, Albus turned with a speech all ready on his tongue. He was interrupted when Professor Healy appeared out of nowhere and asked Albus for a quick word. Albus cursed, low enough that only Scorpius heard him.

"Alright," Albus growled, running a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "I'll find you later, yeah?"

"Okay."

Scorpius watched them walk off. Albus's shoulders were hunched over and Scorpius really hoped that whatever Healy had to say would not bring Albus down.

Scorpius left for class, following the tide of students up the main staircase. As he went he pulled the letter out from his pocket and ripped it open. If it wouldn't have caused a human traffic collision Scorpius would have stopped walking in shock. The bottom half of the page had the where and when details but all Scorpius cared about was the giant header:

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO CELEBRATE THE UNION OF

THEODORE REMUS LUPIN

VICTOIRE GABRIELLE WEASLEY

It shouldn't be a surprise- after all Scorpius and Teddy are related. It was just... strange. Scorpius lived his life as the Malfoy heir; no matter how nice you are you can't escape history.

Nonetheless Scorpius was visibly pleased throughout Defense. Cale tried to comment on it but Scorpius guessed he would base it on something to do with Albus and say something most likely inappropriate so he shut him up with a quick silencing charm. The rest of the lesson was absolutely wonderful.

His mood was quickly ruined when he left the classroom an hour later. Out in the hall Albus was waiting for him which normally would have been thrilling. Except Albus looked upset and withdrawn and something was very wrong.

"Albus, what-?"

Albus shook his head and dragged him down the hall. He didn't let go until they were in an empty classroom.

"Albus, what's going on?"

"Shut up," Albus muttered, eyes shut tight. "Just... shut up and kiss me."

So Scorpius did but didn't forget why.

Half an hour later the boys were on their balcony, Scorpius watching and waiting while Albus smoked a cigarette with shaking hands. When it finally looked like Albus wasn't going to say anything, Scorpius stepped in.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

He didn't mean for it to sound like he was angry. He just wished Albus would trust him better than he did.

"It was Professor Healy," Albus said bitterly. "He just... doesn't get it, doesn't get people let alone screwed up teenagers. He told me now that I've _conquered my demons _by getting rid of them I can now fully focus on my studies."

"He said that?"

Albus imitated Healy's deep, cutting voice. "You're a smart man, Potter. I expect great things from you now." Albus laughed coldly. "Fuck you. Just- fuck you."

He stared up at the bleak overcast sky.

"They're gone," he said, "and I still can't escape it."

He closed his eyes, waiting for Al.

Al never came.

~O-O~

The next day they don't speak at all. Albus doesn't go to meals and doesn't show up for potions- the only lesson they have together that day. Scorpius saw him once in the third floor corridor. They stared, eyes locked. It was like a long, clichéd scene in a movie.

_The lovers stare at each other from different ends of a busy hallway. They want to go to each other but can't, something stops them. One turns away first. The spell is broken._

Scorpius had stared at Albus retreating figure. His name had been on his tongue, ready to be shouted. But Albus was long gone and Scorpius realized he was always just a little too late.

~O-O~

Hours later in the Slytherin common room Scorpius was staring at meaningless words on a page. Ancient Runes never made any sense but tonight he might was well have been trying to read the wind.

By now it was 1:30 in the morning. Everyone had long since gone to bed but Scorpius knew he wouldn't be able to sleep despite being quite tired and opted to stay up and stare blankly at his textbook to convince himself he was studying.

He flipped another page, absorbing even more nothing. There was a sudden noise at the door but Scorpius ignored it, guessing it was some idiot breaking curfew. At least _he _was headboy.

When there was no more sound or movement Scorpius looked up. Leaning against the far wall staring intently at his shoes like they were the most interesting things in the world was Albus. Scorpius raised an eyebrow.

"How did you get in?"

"I bribed Cale earlier for the password." He didn't look up as he spoke.

"What did you give him in return?"

"I promised him we wouldn't throw him and Finn a surprise party for their birthday."

Scorpius smirked and put down his book. "But we are of course?"

"Obviously."

Albus finally looked up and there was one wonderful moment where they beamed at each other before Albus became sad again.

"I'm sorry I didn't see you today," he said quietly. "There's just... a lot going on with me right now."

"I know, it's okay. I'll never ask you for anything, Albus."

After that there was a lot of hand wringing and hair pulling as Albus fidgeted trying to figure out the words to say.

"You're so good to me," he finally said, eyes driving right through Scorpius's soul. "I don't know if I deserve it."

"You do. More than anyone." Scorpius tried to convey everything he felt in that one phrase but he knew it wasn't nearly enough.

"Albus, you deserve everything," he said, even stronger this time. "I know you probably can't believe me but it's the truth."

Albus stared at him a moment longer before he moved silently across the room towards the couch where Scorpius lay. Albus sat carefully on his lap, one leg on either side. Scorpius rested one hand on Albus's thigh and the other just under his jaw. Albus dipped his head. They kissed, soft and slow.

"The things you do to me," Albus whispered when they broke apart.

He lay down beside Scorpius, limbs tangling together. Scorpius could smell Albus's strawberry shampoo, the same exact scent of his Amortentia. The couch was small and not quite comfortable enough for two people but Scorpius swore it was the best sleep he ever had.

~O-O~

Exam time falls on the castle before anyone is truly ready- even Rose seems more panicky than usual. Scorpius takes the whole thing in stride, very unlike the previous six years. He knows he'll do well enough for himself and though it took awhile he knows now more than ever that what his father wants doesn't matter.

During revision week everyone is too busy to do much more than say hello at meals. Scorpius barely sees Albus. When they're alone they speak quietly in the shadows or kiss in deserted halls. Scorpius doesn't know what exactly they are but he doesn't ask. Albus has never been good with stress but at the moment he seemed more disconnected than ever.

Three days before the start of exams everyone was in the library, a last supper so to speak for the ones graduating. As the clocked ticked on (the library stays open all night because of exams) people began to leave one by one. By 12:30 only Scorpius and Albus remained. Albus scratched out his practice exam with feverish abandon while Scorpius watched him, fighting off sleep. At 2 Scorpius asked if they should leave but Albus shook his head.

"Can't, I've got to keep going," he said. "I still don't get it."

Scorpius could see the hysteria rising in his eyes. He gently touched Albus's shoulder which was apparently the wrong thing to do because Albus jerked his whole body away like he'd been electrocuted.

"Don't," he said. "Please. I can't."

"Albus-"

That was all it took. Albus snapped, spinning around to face Scorpius directly, eyes red rimmed and shining.

"Don't you get it?" he spat. "I _have _to do well now. I can't- I can't be a disappointment anymore-"

Albus seemed to realize what he'd admitted because he turned away completely so Scorpius couldn't see his face anymore. Scorpius didn't reach out to touch him this time.

"Albus, it's not a switch," he said softly. "They're in Azkaban now and they can't hurt you anymore but it's going to be a long road. Them being gone doesn't cure you. Getting better has nothing to do with grades and it sure as hell doesn't start with you running yourself into the ground over some stupid tests."

Albus looked back. Scorpius reached out, pulling him into his arms.

"Let's call it a night, yeah?" he said gently. Albus nodded and they packed up their things in silence.

They left the library, Scorpius's arm wrapped around Albus's waist. He let go when they reached Gryffindor Tower.

"Don't you dare try to study in your room," Scorpius warned only half serious.

"Maybe you should come up with me to make sure I don't," Albus said, looking up at Scorpius from under his lashes.

Scorpius laughed high and clear.

"Get some sleep, Potter."

Albus flashed Scorpius's favorite crooked grin.

"You too, Malfoy. And I'm calling a raincheck on that one."

He waved and disappeared beyond the portrait hole. Five minutes later Scorpius stumbled in the 7th year Slytherin dorm nearly blind with exhaustion. Cale rolled over as Scorpius collapsed into bed.

"Everything okay?"

"I think so," Scorpius mumbled, eyes already closed. "Or it will be."


	38. Alone Together

**Chapter 37: Alone Together**

The prosecution of the Death Eaters officially ended four days after the trial. All of them were given the maximum sentence with no chance of parole. The story was released to the Prophet the day after and took up the whole front page. A section in the bottom corner spoke of the two Hogwarts students who bravely stood up to them and it included a small photo of Albus and Scorpius, taken sometime around February. Below the picture there was a paragraph on Albus's past with them along with the transcript of what Al had said at the ministry party. It was the first time that story had made the press. Now everyone knew the whole truth.

The same day the Prophet article came out Albus received a letter from the department of magical law enforcement pardoning him of all discretions. Minutes before the trial Albus had confessed to Harry that he'd used the Cruciatus Curse on one of the men. He'd almost cried forcing himself to say it out loud but he thought it would be worse to send his dad into the trial to defend him without knowing what he'd done. Albus wasn't even sure if Scorpius knew what he'd done.

Harry's face when Albus had told him was blank, completely void of emotion. All he said before entering the courtroom was, "I'll sort it."

In the letter the ministry said his actions had been labeled as self-defense which Albus and them knew was a lie. Albus figured they'd excused him not because of his famous father or for his "heroic actions" but rather because one person can only take so much. Being arrested is not something a mentally tortured boy could handle.

The whole thing ended for Albus the same way he finishes everything- on his own, isolated from the rest of the world. His feet carried him to the balcony. He placed the letter on the ground and with a jab of his wand the parchment went up in flames. He sat down and stared at it for a long time, feeling as if the past itself was going up in smoke.

~O-O~

Several days later on June 11th the twins celebrated their eighteenth birthday. Albus and Rose organized a picnic outside with all the Weasley's and the Potter's and a few choice Slytherins. It was nice. Low key. There were crisps and contraband muggle beer and a special dessert from the twins's hometown. Finn seemed indifferent to not having a giant shit show of a party like the other years. Cale seemed relieved.

"I really appreciate this," he told Albus as the group made their way to Gryffindor Tower for presents. "Big parties are exhausting, you know?"

"Absolutely." Albus winked at Scorpius over his shoulder.

They reached the portrait hole.

"So what did you get me this year, Scor?" Cale asked as they walked into the deserted common room.

"An apology," Scorpius answered.

There was a giant roar of noise as the fifty or so people hiding in the room took off their disillusionment charms. Finn laughed and looked around in awe and disbelief. Cale swore loudly and put Albus in a very aggressive chokehold that no one tried to stop until Albus's face turned red and Rose had to step in. But once the first of many Firewhiskys was thrust into Cale's hand he lightened up.

Music started, the lights were dimmed and Albus lost Scorpius almost instantly. He drank the dregs of a bottle of something from a table and grabbed the nearest person he was related to and dragged them to the dance floor. It was Roxanne.

"Hey Rox, I just wanted to thank you," Albus said over the pounding music.

"For what?" Roxanne said, swaying her hips to the music. "For telling you earlier not to wear that tie dye shirt? It made you look like a scruffy hippie. You're welcome."

"No, not about that. I wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me these past two years. I know it hasn't been easy but I'm so grateful you stayed with me."

She stopped dancing, her arms falling limply to her sides.

"Albus, we'd never leave you no matter what. We're a family, we stick together. If something happens to one of us it happens to all of us. That's what family means."

She pulled him into a hug and they rocked side to side to the music.

"What about Al?" she whispered into his ear.

"No one's seen him," he replied simply. "I don't know."

After Roxanne had left Albus talked to all of his family individually, thanking them for all they'd done. It was a weird time to do it but it felt necessary. Their reactions were about the same as Roxanne's and all of them asked the same question-

_Where is Al_.

Albus gave them the same answer.

When Louis had left, the last of his relatives, his spot was taken by Nathan the sixth year Ravenclaw of all people.

"Er, hi," Nathan began tentatively, smiling sheepishly. He looked good, Albus thought.

"I dunno if this is weird," Nathan went on, scratching his head. "Talking to you, I mean."

"No, it's cool," Albus said genuinely. He caught sight of Scorpius over Nathan's shoulder and was momentarily distracted. "Uh, sorry. Er, no I'm glad you're here. I wanted to clear the air between us."

"No need," Nathan rushed. "We're good."

"Just the first time I was kind of an asshole to you and I didn't want anything like that to happen again.

Nathan laughed lightly. "You know, a few months ago I wouldn't have believed you. Looking back now I know that I was a bit of a tosser but you we're-"

He waved his hand, trying to come up with the right word.

"An asshat?" Albus supplied. "Complete and utter wanker? Voldemort reincarnate?"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far but yeah, a bit."

Albus chuckled, catching Scorpius's eye across the room.

"I'm truly sorry for what happened," he said, tearing his eyes away from the Slytherin. "I was at a really bad place back then and I used you knowing full well we weren't on the same page. I don't know how I could ever make it up to you."

"Water under the bridge," Nathan said easily. "I knew you didn't want to date me but I still tried. I knew you were going through some stuff back then and I'm truly happy you've gotten better. Does he have anything to do with it?"

He grinned and nodded towards Scorpius. Albus paled.

"Ah, don't feel bad, Al. Clearly we just weren't meant to be. I'm glad somebody makes you happy though."

He clapped Albus reassuringly on the shoulder and moved past, making his way towards the drinks table. Feeling much better than before Albus traipsed his way over to Scorpius. He froze realizing that Scorpius was in mid conversation with Brennan.

Brennan noticed him and called him over. Albus walked slowly, a funeral march. This was a conversation he definitely didn't want to have.

"Hey, Albus," Brennan said cheerily, beaming at him. "We were just talking about you."

Albus looked quickly from Brennan to Scorpius. Scorpius looked sheepish and mildly uncomfortable.

"I really hope I didn't cause any trouble," Brennan said casually as if they were talking about traffic delays. "The last thing I wanted to do was come between you two."

Albus blinked having completely misjudged the situation. Brennan was actually pretty cool. Albus told him that.

Brennan laughed. "You're pretty cool too, mate. Scorpius is a great guy and if it can't be me I'm glad it's you. I mean that."

Albus was touched. Scorpius was looking at Brennan in awe.

"I'm really sorry you got caught in the crossfire of all this, Brennan," Albus said almost breathlessly. "You're awesome and I basically fucked everything up."

"Well, three's an odd number!" Brennan said good-naturedly. Albus was struck with sudden inspiration and was appalled at himself for having taken so long to think of it.

"You know, Brennan," he mused, "if you make your way over to the drinks table right now you may find something you like."

Scorpius whipped his head around to look at the table and realized in a second what was going on. Brennan smiled curiously, said goodbye to Scorpius and wandered off in the direction Albus had suggested.

"You're playing Cupid now?" Scorpius said.

"Hey, they can bond over how we screwed them both. In all senses of the word."

Scorpius glared at him disapprovingly but not for long because Albus grabbed his arm and dragged him into the very middle of the group of people dancing. He took both of his hands in his and they danced off time to the music.

"This is absolutely not the right song to slow dance to," Scorpius said, smirking.

"I thought everyone slow danced to techno."

"Just us babe. We are unique."

"Yes. We really are, aren't we?"

There was a moment where nothing was said and they simply stared at each other like loud music wasn't playing and they weren't surrounded by people. A girl walked by them and whispered something that Albus immediately thought was negative. He bristled and was ready to explode at her but Scorpius just snickered.

"She called us _Scorbus_," he supplied.

"What is that, a new insult?"

"It's our couple name. Scorpius and Albus. _Scorbus_. I've also heard _Albius_."

"Oh."

For a second Scorpius thought he was going to withdraw again but he just laughed lightly.

"Now _everyone_ knows the Chosen One's son has fallen for the Slytherin. My family, most of Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy-"

"WHAT!"

Albus burst out laughing.

"At the charity-St. Mungo's thing. I got drunk and sad and told him everything because he was there beside me and I was feeling mopey and I just wanted to rant I suppose."

"What did he say back to you?!"

"Didn't have time. That's about when I almost had an Al attack and Lily had to whisk me out into the hall."

Scorpius looked a bit floored by all of this so Albus suggested they go get some air. They snuck out of the party and ended up on their balcony like they always do. Scorpius leaned against the rail, looking at the inky black sky. No stars tonight. He turned back. Albus was watching him from the other side of the small landing.

"Thank you," he said quietly, his eyes dark and piercing.

"For what?"

"Well, for everything first of all. But... more for being patient with me. I'm really grateful you didn't assume we were dating and just jump into it. You let me figure it out and didn't pressure me to hurry up. I- thanks. Scor, thank you."

Scorpius took a step closer.

"Everything in your life," he said, "has been going so fast for so long. I just didn't want to be another thing that ran by you."

Albus started wringing his hands together which was always a bad sign.

"I said before that we needed to talk. I'm just not very good with words." He looked down.

"There it is again," Scorpius said sadly.

"There what is?"

"That look on your face whenever we get close like this. We try to talk about important things and you freeze. It's like you're ashamed."

"Ashamed of you?"

"Ashamed of yourself. Like letting yourself love me is a bad thing."

Albus trapped his lip between his teeth to stop it from trembling. _You will not cry_.

"It is a bad thing though. Scorpius, I can- I can only hurt you. Don't you see that?"

Scorpius took a step backwards this time.

"Do you really think so little of yourself?"

Albus looked down again, unable to meet Scorpius's gaze.

"Don't do that," Scorpius murmured. "Don't push me away. You keep trying to do it but it's too late now. It would only hurt both of us. I'm here, Albus. I'm not going to leave."

Albus retreated in on himself, arms wrapping around his middle to keep himself from falling apart.

"You should."

Albus wanted to walk away but his legs wouldn't move. Scorpius stared at him, feet rooted to the floor.

Neither of them had any more words to say.


	39. We Are Electric

_Author's Note: Bonus chapter because today's my birthday!_

**Chapter 38: We Are Electric**

For the most part Scorpius managed to blame exams for how little he saw Albus anymore. They don't talk in shadows anymore or kiss in deserted hallways. It's been days and Albus barely looks at Scorpius.

The night before their first exam (Potions) Rose suggested the 7th years study together. Albus didn't show. At breakfast the next morning Rose and Finn sat at the Slytherin table but Albus stayed with the Gryffindors, eating in silence while Lily and her friends gossiped around him. It was only when Albus booked it out of the potions exam when it was over did Scorpius finally realize that Albus was avoiding him.

At dinner Scorpius waited until the meal was half over before joining to give the illusion that he wasn't coming. As expected, everyone was at the Gryffindor table together- including Albus.

Scorpius squeezed himself into the space between Albus and Louis and acted as casually as he could until Albus finished his conversation with Hugo. When he finally looked over his whole body froze and although he smiled and said hello like everything was fine Scorpius could see right through him.

"Haven't seen you a lot," Scorpius said with fake cheeriness.

"Yeah, I've been uh- I've been pretty busy with um-"

"Exams?" Scorpius offered.

"Ya. Yes. Just... a lot of studying you know."

"Hmm, of course."

Albus was quiet after that. Feeling quite smug Scorpius turned to Rose.

"So this is it Rosie, eh? The deciding year."

"What are you on about?"

"We're tied at the moment," Scorpius said matter-of-factly. "You got better marks than me in first, fourth and sixth year while I beat you in second, third and fifth. Three and three. This year decides all."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Are you really making this a competition?"

"Why, do you wanna give up now?"

She became instantly serious. "No way in hell."

Scorpius laughed and turned back to Albus-

but he was gone, leaving behind an untouched plate of food.

Scorpius scrambled out of his seat, eyes landing on Albus's quickly retreating figure as he made for the Entrance Hall. Scorpius ran forward, stopped and then shouted his name. Albus half turned but didn't stop walking. He shook his head once and disappeared around the corner. Scorpius stared, stuck frozen between the benches. He turned back to the table. Everyone was watching him.

"What the bloody hell was that about?" said Louis.

Scorpius didn't answer. He looked back but Albus was long gone.

~O-O~

The History of Magic exam began at 9am and was to be finished in three hours. Scorpius sped through the entire thing and finished in two so that he was sure he would be done before Albus. Albus finished at the 2:45 mark and handed in his paper. Scorpius waited until Albus was safely out in the hall before handing in his own exam and racing after him.

He caught Albus on the second floor going such a way that wouldn't get him to Gryffindor Tower. It looked as if he were simply walking aimlessly, hands stuffed deep in his pockets, head bowed. He looked over his shoulder when he heard footsteps and halted abruptly when he saw who it was.

"Don't you dare try to slip away," Scorpius growled, still moving forward.

Albus tried to back away, his expression visibly distressed.

"Scor, please," he pleaded. "Don't. I can't-"

"No, Albus. Stop. Just stop."

Scorpius crowded him against the wall until Albus had nowhere to go. He slouched down against the stone. Scorpius towered over him.

"I know what you're doing," Scorpius said. "You're trying to push me away in some stupid, misguided attempt to protect me. That's it, isn't it?"

Albus said nothing.

"I thought so. But I'll tell you something, Potter. It's not going to work. I'm not mad at you, you can't help it. I'm made at me. It's my fault that I haven't been able to show you just how good you are. Just how good you make _me_. What was your plan here, Albus? You spend the rest of your life alone and miserable but hey, at least you didn't hurt anybody."

Albus looked like he was going to protest. Scorpius silenced him.

"No, Albus. That's not how it works. To get better you have to find happiness." He closed all space between them. "And you have to fucking accept it."

He grabbed Albus by the shirt and kissed him hard, confidently. Albus didn't push him off but didn't kiss him back either until Scorpius stuck his tongue in his mouth. He let out an obscene noise as his arms found their place around Scorpius's waist. Scorpius's hands roamed all over him until all Albus could think was _Scorpius Scorpius Scorpius_. He leaned forward into Scorpius's body and just like that Scorpius was gone. He backed up down the hall, staring at Albus with an unreadable expression. He kept walking backwards until finally he crossed his arms, shrugged imperceptibly and disappeared down the end of the corridor.

Albus wanted to call out to him. His name filled his brain but it was the one thing he couldn't bring himself to say.

~O-O~

When his last exam let out five days later Scorpius was greeted in the hall by the Malfoy owl. The bird waited patiently on the railing of the first floor staircase, her leg extended patiently. When Scorpius took the letter she ruffled her feathers importantly and zoomed off into the air, disappearing through an impossibly tiny window.

"Showoff," Scorpius muttered.

He looked at the side that bore his name and was surprised to see that it was written in his father's handwriting. Usually it was his mother who sent letters or if it were just some goods from home the house elves would deliver it.

He broke the Malfoy seal on the back and slipped out a rather lengthy letter for his father's standards. He held his breath, his pulse quickening as he read the first line. Usually it would say _my son _or bear no name at all because that's formal Draco Malfoy way.

Today it read _Scorpius_.

He crumpled the letter in his fist and ran to the nearest side passage away from the main stairs. Once he was alone he unfolded the letter, smoothed it out and started to read.

_Scorpius,_

_We have never been a close family. That was my father's way and although I swore I would never be like him I don't know any other way. _

_It was never my wish to push you away to a point where I don't know you as a father should. I was asked yesterday what your plans are for when school is done. I couldn't answer as I don't know what it is that you want. I am sorry and the blame falls solely on me. _

_Your mother and I will be at graduation on Saturday. We are so proud of you and all you have accomplished. I am honored to call you my son but as a father I don't believe I've earned the right to call you that. I have canceled all my events this summer so that I may stay home. It is my hope that we could spend more time together._

_I do love you, Scorpius. I've never been one to show it but maybe it's not too late yet. You are my son and whatever you choose, wherever you go in life, I will love and support you. _

His signature at the bottom was shaky.

Scorpius held the letter to his chest. He was the kind of person who planned for everything, prepared for every possible scenario. But this was one he could never have imagined.

He reread the last part. Before he hadn't thought that Draco would think too much into what Albus had said at the St. Mungo's event. Reading that part he thought maybe he had.

He wiped the wetness from his eyes and was thinking of what he could write back when out of nowhere Finn ran by, slapped his ass and shouted, "HURRY UP, MOPY, IT'S ALREADY STARTED!"

He disappeared before Scorpius could ask what had started or where. Thankfully Cale had followed Finn and walked up to Scorpius much more calmly.

"I was just coming to find you," he said. "Everybody's down by the lake, we're doing fireworks. Are you okay?"

He noticed the look on Scorpius's face. Scorpius smiled and tucked the letter into his pocket.

"Yeah, I'm good." He threw his arm around Cale's shoulders. "Let's go."

They walked the way Finn had gone, heading for the main doors. Cale whistled to himself while Scorpius kept quiet to his own thoughts. In his pocket he played with the corner of the letter.

"So how do you feel about graduation?" Cale asked suddenly. Scorpius stopped playing with the letter.

"It's funny," he said feeling quite small. "If this year hadn't happened the way it did I think I would feel very different. I've changed. _A lot_."

"Yeah, you have," Cale said with a smirk. He poked Scorpius's earring.

"I think I've changed for the better though," Scorpius said simply. "I don't care about things out of my control as much. I've learned to let things go. I think I've finally become somebody I can be proud of."

"I think you're better too and I'm really happy for you," Cale said with a small smile that clashed with the sadness in his eyes. "I'm not going to lie, mate. For awhile I thought I was going to graduate alone."

He stopped walking and moved out from under Scorpius's arm. He moved in front of him.

"Scorpius, I don't think you realize just how bad you were. At one point you just stopped caring, stopped feeling. I watched as my best friend slowly died and I couldn't do anything about it."

"Cale-"

"You don't have to say anything. It's okay now. Whatever happens between you two just never forget that you saved him just as much as he saved you."

Scorpius let out a watery chuckle. "Since when did you get so sappy?"

"It comes with age," he said, pulling Scorpius into a hug.

They walked the rest of the way in silence until they reached outside. The sun was setting, casting the lake and the grounds in a warm glow, and everything was truly perfect.

By the edge of the lake there was a crowd of people Scorpius recognized as their group. Finn was holding something large and on fire while Rose tried to wrestle it out of his hands.

"And what about you, huh?" Scorpius said, leading the way to the lake. "After seven years Cale Harrison finally gets to call Rose Weasley his! What a fucking fairy tale ending."

Cale smiled slyly. "And what about you, Malfoy? Looks like your fairy tale is waiting over there."

He nodded over to where Albus was standing alone a bit away from the group watching the sky.

"Yeah," Scorpius said quietly. "_Fairy tale_." He felt nervous all of a sudden.

They joined the group. Everyone said hi and they were congratulated on the end of exams. Scorpius smiled and answered as normally as he could but it was all fake. He left when Cale started yelling at everyone because apparently they were letting Finn set off the fireworks.

He walked over slowly to Albus, standing beside him in silence. Albus didn't look over at him. He stared at the water and at the quickly fading light.

"A year ago I never could have imagined this, you know," he said. "I'm about to graduate and here I am with _Gryffindors_, celebrating the end of exams. And not just any Gryffindors mind you. Oh no, I'm friends with the Potter's and the Weasley's."

"Family," Albus said softly.

"What?"

"You're family now. After everything we went through this year you're not just a friend anymore. You're part of the family."

Albus looked over, locking eyes with Scorpius. The moment was shattered when Finn accidentally set off a firework nearly lighting himself on fire. His sleeve was smoking slightly and whether or not Cale was actually concerned about his safety or if he just wanted to punish him for being an idiot Cale shoved him into the lake.

Albus laughed, shaking his head at the twins. Scorpius kept watching him. After a moment he reached into his pocket and passed Albus his father's letter. Albus read it slowly, a small smile on his face. When he was done he gave it back to Scorpius. He was beaming.

"I'm so happy for you," he said. "I know he wasn't always the nicest to you and that he was forever too hard on you but this is huge. He's not at all who I thought he was."

Scorpius took a step closer.

"I've come really far from how I used to be. I'm nowhere near perfect or even healthy but I'm better. I'm happier now."

"I think we make each other better, Scor."

"I think we do too."

And as cliché as it comes they kissed as lights exploded in the sky.

.

Author's note: One more chapter!


	40. Live in the Sky

**Chapter 39: Live In the Sky**

On Saturday June 22nd 2024 Scorpius and all of his friends were graduating- even Finn who'd suffered only minor burns from the fireworks incident.

Ten minutes before the start of the ceremony Scorpius was definitely not hiding out in the boys' toilets on the first floor. From the small window he could see parents and students and faculty congregating on the grounds where hundreds of white chairs dotted the lawn. Someone was on the stage yelling at a group of graduating Hufflepuffs who had set their exams papers on fire.

Turning away from the chaos Scorpius stared at himself in the cracked, smudged mirror. He barely recognized the boy he saw anymore. He used to see what he thought he wanted to see- the perfect boy, the model child. That boy had had a hard expression, focused dead set on what he wanted. He'd had the perfect gelled hair and the immaculate outfits and was the pipe dream for parents everywhere.

But that boy wasn't perfect. What gave him away were the eyes. They were cold and dead and matched the frown on his tight lips.

The boy Scorpius saw today could not have been the same person as before. This Scorpius has messy hair and a tie that he seemed to have forgotten how to make straight (pun intended). This Scorpius still has a hard smile. For someone to have gone through so much hurt that would probably not change easily. The difference now however were the eyes. They weren't veiled anymore by fear and insecurity. Scorpius had found freedom and the libertine inside him. He tested out a small smile in the mirror. It wasn't much but it was a start.

He became aware of someone standing behind him in the reflection of the mirror. Despite the dirtiness of the glass Scorpius would recognize the red hair and the impressive posture anywhere.

"You are aware this is the boys' toilets, right?" Scorpius said, still trying to knot his tie right.

"At least I know how to tie a tie," Rose scoffed, moving forward and slapping Scorpius's hands out of the way. Scorpius let her do it. He found it funny.

"You ready?" she asked. "Everyone's out there. I saw your father and your mother talking to Healy."

"Yeah, I'm ready. It's weird actually. After all the shit we've gone through here I'm sad that it's over. I fear things will change on the outside."

Rose stared at him flatly. "If you're talking about you and Albus then you're a bigger idiot than I thought. Don't you dare back out on me now. You're strong, Scorpius. Remember that."

She finished with his tie but didn't back away. Instead she whimpered slightly and crushed Scorpius into a hug.

"Thank you," she said. "All those months ago I was worried that you'd make him worse. Clearly you've done the opposite. Scorpius, you saved him."

Scorpius pulled back, but still held her in his arms. "He saved me too, Rose. I think we'd both be very different people if we hadn't become friends the way we did."

She gave him a watery smile and kissed his cheek. He fondly messed up her hair which caused her to spend the next few minutes fixing it in the mirror. When she deemed herself presentable again they walked arm in arm down to the grounds.

Cale saw them first and ran over.

"Hey! You trying to pick up my girl, Malfoy?"

Scorpius and Rose both burst out laughing.

"Ya, that's me Cale- a real lady killer, I am."

Cale took Rose's arm from him and Scorpius tried to walk away to leave them alone but Rose grabbed him with her other arm. They walked all together towards the mass people in a strange frog march that made people looking at them funny. Scorpius stopped abruptly when he found himself in front of Draco Malfoy.

"O-oh," he stuttered. "Hi, father."

"Hello, Scorpius," Draco said, caught mid laugh. "I was wondering where you were."

All of this was so wrong. For one Draco Malfoy never called Scorpius by his name, it was always _son_. For another Draco never laughed. Never. He was constantly in a state of distant observation.

But now Draco was laughing and Scorpius turned to see who was making him laugh-

And it was Harry Potter.

"Howdy, Scorpius," Harry said, also laughing. "Just reminiscing with your dad about the good old days!"

This brought on another peal of laughter from Draco and Scorpius was certain this was all some weird delusion brought on by a stroke. It had to be.

After clapping Harry on the shoulder (_what?!_) Draco excused them and pulled Scorpius off to the side.

"Did you get my letter?" he asked gently.

"I did, yes."

"Are you aware that I really meant it?"

"Uh- yes?"

"And how are you from... what happened in Hogsmeade."

Scorpius stretched his joints. The newly stitched skin on his back flexed.

"Still a bit sore," he said finally. "A bit shook up but it'll get easier."

"It will. You're strong, Scorpius."

"Rose said the same thing."

"Rose Weasley I presume?"

"Yes."

Draco's expression grew a little tighter but it relaxed quickly.

"You're... friends with the Weasleys?" Scorpius nodded proudly. "And- and Albus Potter?"

Scorpius actually laughed at the embarrassed look on his father's face.

"Oh god, Dad," he said. "Are we really going to have this conversation?"

"I just- need you to know that I... that your mother and I are-"

"That you're good, nonjudgemental people, I get it. Let's just please not talk about it again!"

Draco's mouth twitched upwards and they walked back together to where Harry was now standing with Ginny and Astoria who were talking very animatedly about something Scorpius didn't know or particularly care. They were getting along.

Everything was awesome.

"Ceremony's about to start," Harry said, checking a battered gold watch. "We'd better find out seats."

Scorpius jumped, realizing that as a graduate he probably had somewhere he needed to be. He made to run off but Harry stopped him. He placed a gentle hand on Scorpius's shoulder and leaned in close. Scorpius stared into eyes the same exact shade as Albus's.

"Thank you, Scorpius," Harry Potter said. "For taking care of him and for being there for him. There's no way to express just how grateful I am."

Scorpius turned bright red. He could see his parents and Ginny Potter all making the same happy face. Scorpius flushed even more red.

"I'll always be there for him," he muttered and then ran off before he could embarrass himself further.

He made his way through the crowd of students and nearly walked right into Teddy and Victoire who were holding hands and talking quietly to each other. Teddy smiled politely at Scorpius when he noticed him but his expression changed to confusion when Scorpius beamed at them.

"Congratulations, you two," he said, surprising all of them when he pulled them both into a hug. "You guys are so great together, I'm really happy for you."

Victoire laughed lightly, her beautiful almost angelic face breaking into a breathtaking smile.

"Thank you, Scorpius," she said. "I hope you can make it to the wedding."

"Definitely," he said. He turned to Teddy. "I know we're not that close but I hope we can change that?"

Teddy looked stunned. "Y-yeah, okay," he stuttered. "Sounds good?"

Scorpius gave them one more hug and left before he could make himself look even crazier. He was almost at his seat when he came across Brennan who was standing with none other than Nathan the sixth year Ravenclaw.

"H-hey!" Scorpius stammered. "What are you guys doing here?" Most younger students didn't go to the ceremony.

"My sister's graduating," Nathan said, pointing at a tall blonde girl Scorpius recognized but never knew they were related. He was about to comment on that when he suddenly noticed they were holding hands.

"HOLY SHIT," he shouted, abandoning all subtlety and pointing at their clasped hands. Nathan grinned bashfully. Brennan blushed.

"I hope this isn't... weird," he said. "At the Harrison's party we got to talking and we uh-"

"Bonded over your mutual betrayal by Albus and I?" Scorpius supplied.

"Well, I wouldn't quite put it that way..."

Scorpius waved him off and chuckled before pulling them both into a hug.

"We're okay, yeah?" Scorpius asked, meaning it.

"Yeah, we're good," Brennan said.

"You're crushing my windpipe," Nathan squeaked.

Scorpius let them go and moved on to find where he was supposed to be. He found the seat marked _Malfoy, S_. He was second in from the centre aisle and was just looking around for _Menderson, C_ when Albus appeared out of nowhere and flung himself down into the seat.

"What are you doing?!" Scorpius hissed. "The ceremony is about to start! _Menderson C _needs their seat!"

"Relax," Albus said easily. "I switched with Carla. Besides, it's better that I have an aisle seat."

"What? What the hell are you on about? What are you two going to do when you have to line up to get your diplomas?!"

Albus paused only for a second. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Don't worry, I always have a plan."

"Yeah, that's what scares me."

Albus grinned wickedly and was about to say something else when the Headmaster suddenly stepped up onstage and called the crowd to silence. Scorpius settled back in his seat comfortably, feeling very relaxed knowing that Albus was only half a foot away from him. Onstage the Headmaster began talking about the graduating class and things they'd achieved. He thanked Rose and Scorpius for upholding the honor of Head Girl and Boy. The crowd clapped and cheered for them. Someone wolf whistled and Scorpius guessed it was probably Finn.

As the headmaster spoke of what Rose and Scorpius had done for the school, Scorpius felt like he didn't deserve the praise. Looking back he'd been a truly awful Head Boy. He'd barely done anything and he'd spent most of the year intoxicated or pining after a certain boy. He must have looked pretty pathetic because Albus reached out, fingertips brushing the back of Scorpius's hand. Scorpius jumped, eyes flying up to catch Albus's. But Albus was looking pointedly away trying to stop himself from smiling. He looked-

"So fucking cute," Scorpius accidentally said out loud.

Albus snorted loudly. Several people looked around in alarm. Scorpius blushed a deep red and Albus had to cover his mouth with his hand to stop from laughing.

At the front the Headmaster began talking about the year they'd had. He started by mentioning the events in Hogsmeade. Scorpius didn't think he'd bring it up but then he thought that if he didn't it would look like he was hiding it. He didn't mention any names but everyone already knew who'd been involved.

Scorpius looked away, unable to listen or watch anymore. He caught sight of Brennan and Nathan sitting near the Harrison parents. Nathan saw him and sent him a tiny wave. Scorpius nodded back but jumped like he'd been electrocuted when Albus suddenly took hold of his hand completely.

Scorpius went rigid. Albus leaned in closer, smirking slightly.

"So, Mr Malfoy," he said in a voice like he was hosting an interview. "Your seven years at Hogwarts are finally coming to a close. Do you regret anything?"

"Well," Scorpius began conversationally, "I made it to graduation in one piece and I'm currently holding hands with an unbelievably amazing boy so I'd say no. No regrets."

He bit his lip, feeling suddenly shy. Albus was positively beaming. Despite where they were Albus leaned in, eyes fixed on Scorpius's lips. Scorpius closed his eyes.

On stage the Headmaster finished his speech and called for the valedictorian to take the stage. Albus pulled back abruptly.

"Guess that's my cue," he said.

"You're joking."

Albus grinned and kissed Scorpius on the cheek before standing up and striding importantly up towards the stage. He made it to the podium and pointed his wand at his throat. His magnified throat carried all the way to the back of the crowd. Scorpius held his breath.

"I sat down a few days ago to write a very normal, PG rated speech," Albus said easily, nothing nervous about him. "Then I remembered I'm Harry Potter's son and that was never going to happen."

The crowd laughed. Scorpius noticed that Harry Potter himself was laughing the hardest.

"Many of you are probably wondering why I'm up here right now," Albus went on. "The past two years of my life have been a horrorshow, one most people couldn't even imagine. I went through set back after set back and honestly I'm surprised I'm even here today." He laughed to himself. This time the crowd was quiet.

"Two years ago I got tangled up in something beyond anyone's capacity of acceptance. Because of what happened I can now see through the world. I can see what it's really like and to tell you the truth it's terrifying. It's awful and every day I have to work myself up just to get out of bed. When bad things happen we all deal with it differently. I developed something called Dissociative Identity Disorder which came very close to killing me more than once."

From where they were sitting both Brennan and Nathan whipped around in their seats to gape at Scorpius. Scorpius stared back.

"But with that I also gained a gift," Albus went on. "I appreciate the smaller things better than anyone. That's what life's all about. It's about early quidditch mornings and discovering new bands and enjoying how good Scorpius Malfoy looks in dress robes. Life isn't about greatness. It's about what drives you out of bed in the morning. It took a bit of a detour for me to realize that but I know now that I am a better person who followed the right path when I could have very easily chosen a worse path."

Albus became quiet, looking at the ground like he was just realizing where he was. When he looked back up Scorpius's blood ran cold when he realized Albus was no longer up there.

"When the Headmaster asked me if I wanted to make the end of year speech I thought he'd gone mad," Al said, smirking over in the direction of the faculty. "Who in their right mind would want me up here to _inspire_ and to end this year on a good note? We need a role model. We need a hero. I thought about it for awhile and I realized I don't define heroes as people with capes or scars on their foreheads."

He winked at Harry.

"Heroes help others. I've met a lot of people this year that made a difference in other people's lives. That difference can save a life. I know that. Of all the shit that's happened the one good thing to come out of it is I know now what's important."

"So to the fallen," he said looking at the ground, "to new friends." He looked directly at Scorpius. "And to new beginnings."

In typical Al fashion he finished with a quote from some poet no one knew. It was long and layered and Scorpius didn't even bother trying to understand it.

The crowd didn't really know what to do after that. Al disappeared off the left side of the stage and the Headmaster took his place. Scorpius waited for Al to sit back down beside him but he never came back.

The Headmaster began reading off names and the graduates began lining up beside the stage to receive their diplomas. When Scorpius's name was called there was an uproar from not just the Slytherins but all houses. He blushed, taking his diploma and stuffing it deep into his robes. Louis was leading some sort of cheer with the Slytherins while Finn was basically just screaming. It was horrifying but touching all the same.

When Albus Potter was called Scorpius held his breath. No one showed up at first and the Headmaster had to call his name twice more. Finally Al jumped up on stage, arms spread wide like he was the main attraction for the ceremony. He had shed his dress robes and was now wearing his favorite _Ramones_ t-shirt that made him stand out.

But then that's how he was. Albus and Al Potter stood out for very different reasons but they stood out all the same.

Rose was the last one to be called. There was a lot of noise and commotion for her. When she jumped off the stage she kissed Cale first and then ran over to Scorpius where she pulled him into a tight hug. It took six years but Scorpius felt like he'd finally found his family.

The next twenty minutes or so were filled with hugs from his parents and praise from faculty and other students. Scorpius breezed through it all. It felt surreal. He stared up at the castle as people ran around him, hugging family and seeing friends.

It was over. It was really over. His seven years at Hogwarts were done. He'd grown up on these grounds and had experienced the best days and the worst days of his life here. Hogwarts was where he'd met Cale seven years ago, sitting alone at the Slytherin table crying because he'd been separated from his twin. He'd tried Quidditch here for the first time and didn't make the team the first year but now he was Captain. He'd had his first kiss in the library with an older girl named Veronica. It was terrible and they never spoke again after that. Here, in an empty storage room in the dungeons, was where he'd found out who he really was, what was really in his heart. He'd spent hours in that dark unforgiving room. He'd cried and screamed and swore at his father and at himself with hands stained in his own blood.

And then there was Albus Potter.

Scorpius could remember the first time they'd met like it happened yesterday. He'd been running late for class because he hadn't been able to find his tie. He sprinted through the halls, furiously trying to knot the thing around his neck and when he rounded a corner he almost ran over Albus. An apology was ready on his lips but once he realized who it was he held it in. This was Potter- one of the spawn of the savior of the world. He was everything Scorpius could have been. He glared at the boy. Glared at his stupid face and his stupid haircut and especially his stupid giant Rolling Stones t-shirt that Scorpius now realized was packed away in his own trunk. Albus had looked at him with apprehension, unsure of how the Malfoy boy would react. Scorpius had squared his shoulders and stood up straighter for back then he'd been taller than Albus.

"Watch it, Potter," he'd snarled.

And that was the only time they spoke their whole first year.

From then it progressed to insults being thrown back and forth in the halls. Neither of them were particularly mean people but they'd always had a blind spot for each other in that way. The only problem was that their best friends were twins. Finn didn't notice anything, always off in his own mind. Cale tried to real Scorpius in but it didn't help much.

Looking back now if someone were to have told Scorpius he would end up falling in love with Albus Potter he would have punched them in the face. If someone would have told him Albus Potter would fall in love with him he would never have believed them.

Not just because it's a Potter and a Malfoy but because who in their right mind could ever love someone like him?

Scorpius didn't notice he had walked away from the party until he was very much alone on the bridge over the lake. The roar of the crowd could still be heard but it was quieter now, just background noise. He felt suddenly lonely, like how he used to feel. His fingers ran over the box of cigarettes in his pocket but he didn't light one for fear of his mother seeing him.

He pulled himself up onto the railing and sat with his legs dangling over the lake. The water was perfectly still and he could see himself in the reflection. He still didn't recognize the person he saw.

As if he sensed him Scorpius looked up to see Al making his way towards him. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and he had a weird expression on his face. He had a cigarette tucked behind his ear which he lit once he'd taken the spot beside Scorpius on the railing.

"Well, here we are," Al said, tilting his head back and looking at the sky.

Scorpius did the same. "Here we are."

"What's changed do you think?"

"Everything," Scorpius said honestly. "You. Me. Our world."

"Do you wish it hadn't happened?"

Scorpius looked down. His hands were trembling.

"Al, I don't think I'd be here today if our story never happened."

Al met his gaze. His eyes were lifeless, his expression dead. He reached up a hand, his fingertips brushing Scorpius's cheek.

"I'm leaving," he said.

"Where?"

"I don't know if I'll see you again. There are a lot of people I have to say goodbye to."

"Was I the first?"

"Always were. Always will be."

Al kissed him. He tasted like cigarettes like he always did. At least some things never change.

Al pulled away and slid off the rail. He walked away backwards, eyes never leaving Scorpius's until he reached the end of the bridge. He walked off, disappearing into the crowd. Scorpius went back to looking at the sky, blinking tears out of his eyes. He wondered if his parents would notice he was missing but then realized he didn't care. He watched the crowd begin to thin as people went inside the castle for the feast. The sun was setting across the water and Scorpius found it funny that everyone was going inside and missing the beautiful sunset.

The ground finally emptied and for awhile Scorpius was alone. He was thinking about joining his parents in the castle when he saw someone making their way towards the lake. It was strange. Despite being dressed the same and wearing the same disconnected expression Scorpius knew that it was Albus coming for him this time. He got up on the railing just like Al had. The difference was he slipped his hand into Scorpius's, tangling their fingers together.

"Al came out here one night in November," Albus said, staring into the water. "Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to go for a swim. The shock of the freezing water caused him to transition. I almost drowned."

He chuckled like it was a fond memory. Scorpius gaped at him.

"That's horrifying!"

"Eh, it could have been December."

"You could have died."

"Like _that _hasn't happened before."

Scorpius fell silent. Albus shut his mouth, hating himself for always saying the stupidest things. The silence now was worse so he tried again.

"Woke up in the trophy room a few minutes ago. I hope the rest of my speech was alright."

"It was. Why the trophy room?"

"Remember that night after break when we wrote out legacy on the wall?"

"I remember."

"Well, Al changed them."

Scorpius's brow furrowed. He looked at Albus curiously but his expression showed nothing.

"Yours was _Scorpius Malfoy wants Albus Potter to be happy_. Remember that?" Scorpius nodded. "Al blasted off the end. Now it just read _Scorpius Malfoy wants Albus Potter_."

It was funny in a sad sort of way. After everything Scorpius felt bad for Al. He had no one. That could only have been lonely.

"What did he change yours to?" Scorpius asked softly, thinking of Albus's cramped handwriting- _Albus Potter has dissociative identity disorder._

Albus took his hand back from Scorpius. He looked upset.

"He made it past tense."

The silence that followed was deafening. Scorpius didn't know how to think or feel. He wanted to say something, anything, but he had nothing to say.

After awhile Albus said, "What are you going to do now that school is over?"

"I don't have a plan," Scorpius admitted. He'd spent so many years trying to do good for his father and forgot along the way where that would lead him.

"How stupid is that?" he said, abruptly angry. "After what I went through for grades I don't even know what I want!"

"I know what I want," Albus said quietly. He was looking at Scorpius. A sense of calm washed over the Slytherin.

"And your plans, Potter?" he asked.

"None. I don't want to do anything. After everything that's happened I just need to breathe. I just want to live."

Scorpius nodded his head towards the sky. "Do you still want to live up there, away from the world? It's still not too late."

Albus smiled at Scorpius, eyes bright and finally unguarded. He shook his head. Breeze ruffled his hair and tugged at his shirt. To Scorpius he already looked so alive.

"Do you want to go to Teddy and Victoire's wedding with me?" Albus said.

"I'm already going. Teddy is my second cousin remember?"

Albus smirked. "That's not what I meant."

Scorpius blinked. "Oh. _Oh_."

Albus laughed and leaned over. They kissed. This time everything was different because from now on everything would be easy. Enough bad had happened for a lifetime and there was no more reason to be afraid. Albus didn't need to escape anymore. He didn't need to live in the sky. Up there was lonely and Albus was never going to be alone again.

_End_

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Author's note: Holy crap we're done. Huge thank you to everyone who read this and stayed with me for the two years it took to write and publish. Your views and comments did not go unnoticed and I'm so incredibly grateful.

Two Spaceman's helped this story. The first part of the story goes with the song by the Killers. The last little bit where things start to get better is thanks to Oasis's song _D'yer Wanna Be a Spaceman_. Two really different and awesome songs.

I hope you, beautiful reader, enjoyed this story. Thank you for making it 39 chapters, good lord! I don't know if I'll write another long one like this but there will be more Al/Scor stuff.

Thanks again, I love you!


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